First time dog ownership- should we do it?

[Gault642]

My kids (12 and 7) have been begging for a dog for the past 2 years. We are now seriously considering it, but do have some strong reservations.

Firstly, neither DH nor I have ever owned a dog before so the idea is a quite daunting. We have done plenty of research and are well aware that it is not something to be undertaken lightly, but the reality is that we have very little experience and don’t have a clue where to start with training, grooming, nutrition, exercise etc. It would be a steep learning curve.

Secondly, I am quite allergic to dogs. Even those that are described as hypoallergenic still make me sneeze and trigger my asthma. I know that I do become desensitised to particular dogs over time, but it won’t be particularly pleasant in the interim.

Thirdly, while there are some elements of our lifestyle that would be compatible with a dog, other elements really aren’t. The good points - I work mostly from home so would generally be in the house during the day and would have time to walk a dog at lunch and after dinner. We have a large garden that could be made safe and contained, the kids are fairly responsible and would do their bit to help. The bad points are that my husband works offshore so is away for long periods of time, which puts a lot of pressure on me to keep on top of the kids, the housework and my own work. My job is flexible and as I mentioned mostly home based, but it is stressful, involves lots of meetings during the day and requires occasional travel to other parts of the country for several days at a time. My kids also do a lot of extra curricular activities so we tend to be out of the house a lot at weekends, sometimes having to stay away overnight. It is also highly likely that my youngest DD has autism (being formally assessed in a few weeks). She can be quite high maintenance so it already feels like we have a lot on our plate.

I’m looking for some wise words and guidance from you experienced dog owners. Is it all too much for clueless newbies like us, or does you think adding a dog to the mix would be manageable?

I don't think your lifestyle is well suited to getting a dog. Who will look after it during your weekend stays and work trips?

My husband will be around some of the time - the flip side of being away for long stretches is that he is also then home for long stretches too. When he is not around, my mum or sister could come to our house and dog sit, but it isn’t something I would want to have to ask of them too often.

Absolutely do not get a dog just because your kids want one. In a few short years they’ll both be off to uni, leading their own lives whilst you and DH are stuck at home with said dog. I can guarantee you that your DCs will have romanticised the idea of getting a dog. In reality do they really want to be out in lashing rain + wind walking it during winter? Will they commit to months/years worth of daily, consistent training if you get a puppy? It has to be a whole family decision - not just a case of the kids convincing you that it’s somehow a good idea (in your situation, it really isn’t). DD is having sinus surgery next week as living with our adolescent golden retriever has severely triggered her dog allergy which we all thought she’d grown out of. No, exposure over time does not improve things. They simply worsen. Take this as your sign not to do it, OP!!

The cons outweigh the pros I’m afraid and who is going to look after it when you’re out of the house for long periods of time / holidays ? I really think it will stress you out with your DD and also your allergy

Don't jump in. We thought we were ready. When puppy was 6 months old, DP needed a hip replacement and we (I) spent the next 6 months working, looking after DC, arranging and ferrying puppy to doggy day care and generally juggling all the balls. It was manic. Things are better now- and I wouldn’t be without my four legged friend, but it pushed our relationship to the limit when I worked 12 hours and came home to an under stimulated dog and had to put on waterproofs to walk her. You need to look at the worst case scenario and see if you think you can cope with that x

Interesting @PeanutButter55the allergies is the thing that worries me most, but everyone I speak to in real life is quite dismissive and thinks it’ll be fine if I just get a hypoallergenic breed. From experience I know that none are truly hypoallergenic as I have had reactions to friend’s toy poodles and greyhounds. But I can now deal with being around my parents’ dog and my brother’s dog but it has taken time.

DH is also very keen, I am the main naysayer in the house, mainly because I suspect that it will be me doing the bulk of the work!

No, it sounds like a dog isn't for you (sorry, kids!) It will be overwhelming, mentally exhausting, plus you will be sneezing all the time. Really don't do it.

Based on everything you have going on if feel a dog will add to your stress levels. OP it’s lots of take on as you’ll be the main person with the puppy/dog.

I run a business from home and have 4 dogs my youngest is now 6 months and having meetings, I had to shift them around as sometimes they would clash with him being a frantic playful mood, or I’d have to pop him in a pen etc.

it’s really like having a newborn baby for at least 3-6 months you’ll be on alert, and then they have the teenager phase.

i can’t even begin to explain that, you’ve done all the training have the best dog and then whoooosh it goes out of their heads.

Im also worried about your allergies, im also allergic to animals and can tolerate my large breed dogs but do you know what kind of fur sets you off? Weirdly i have double and triple coat breeds that shed lots and I’m fine, but when i stoke my friends short hair pug i sneeze for hours. Its not going to be any fun for you if you are allergic, there isnt really such a thing as a hypoallergenic dog.

Look at the best dogs for beginners, like a golden retriever, etc easy to train goofy family dogs, the smaller breeds are often more demanding and need more working as they are busy breeds, the larger breeds can be more lazy as they age.

based on everything you’ve said could you do borrow my doggy or loan a friends dog for a day+ see how it feels having a dog around? See how your allergy goes.

Don't get me wrong it’s massively rewarding but I feel from what you’ve said your life is super busy why add in a whole ton of stress right now?

if you in the south east you can borrow my teenager puppy, in fact you can have him. He’s just dug up a tree today.

All the practical problems that you mention such as cover during business trips can be overcome and there are plenty of books on training etc. but if your heart isn’t in it you may end up resenting the extra pressure that having a dog will inevitably bring to your already busy life. I assume you are talking about getting a puppy and they are extremely time consuming for the first few months. A puppy won’t fit neatly into a lunchtime and between meetings slot. They can be very demanding and also bitey to start with. We know the children say they will help but it’s going to be you doing the hard work mainly, isn’t it, and you don’t sound like you really want a dog?

You are correct, in reality no breed is completely hypoallergenic. A close friend’s DH and DS are both allergic to dogs but after extensive research found an unusual breed that is pretty much as ‘hypoallergenic’ as they come. All was well but years down the line her DS started reacting to the dog. It began with eczema but over a period of months things escalated to him having breathing problems any time he was in the house so the dog had to be rehomed. They were all devastated.

Superficially I think no as well because of, specifically, your allergy and the overnights away. Conversely, I have now got a dog after really wanting one my whole life, and it is far, far better than I could have dreamed and he has made us all so happy. We got him at a later life stage to you, once kids were 6th form and beyond. A difficult choice but probably not yet in your case. Also, as your kids are too young to be left home alone you'd always have to take them when you walked the dog and they were home, which might work less well than for someone with older kids or a partner at home.

Thanks everyone. In the face of constantly having photos of cute puppies thrust in my face, and regular bedtime tears from both kids because EVERYONE ELSE has a dog, I was starting to think I was being a bit unreasonable to keep saying no. You have all validated my concerns. I’ll just have to continue to break their little hearts. Maybe I’ll try and convince then that goldfish ownership is just as rewarding…

No matter how much your kids want a dog, only get one if you're 100% happy to do everything for this dog. Kids quickly lose interest. Its raining and cold. Dog needs walked, poo to pick up. Been there and that how it is.

My kids are now all up and away. We got another dog. Went to classes, and had 121's with a dog trainer. Dog is our world tbh. But no holiday abroad this year. Dog friendly hotel UK. There are plenty. Dog friendly pubs to. But kids clubs classes and working away. Dogs can't just be left. They do restrict what you can do.

They give so much love. Therapy dog for your maybe autistic child. So many pros and cons. ❤️

No.
Do not get a dog because the children want one.

1. You are allergic.
2. You are far too busy - evenings/weekends, you will struggle to keep a routine for a dog and commit to puppy training classes at i.e. 7.30pm every single Tuesday evening.
3. Never mind the overnights you will be away, do your Mum / sister actually want to dog sit frequently.

Honestly it does sounds like it wouldn’t be a great idea for you. My DH works 7 days a week (don’t ask!!) so ALL the dog stuff comes down to me. I also have an autistic DD and it is a lot. In hindsight we shouldn’t have got a puppy because life is stressful as it is, and it’s just made it 10 times worse (as much as I do like him sometimes!!).

I work from from home too but it’s constantly a pain in the arse logistically working around DD’s needs and the dogs needs etc. Especially when they are a puppy and absolutely cannot be left alone. Just stupid things you’d never even think of like needing to nip out for a pint of milk but you can’t because of the puppy, so then dd has a meltdown because she can’t have her supper which is part of her routine 😖 You have to be insanely organised when there’s not another adult to help out.

I have never struggled with allergies previously, and have spent time with dogs for a few days at a time, but being with one 24/7 is a different ball game. I have to hoover religiously and take antihistamines daily now. My best friend has asthma and is allergic to animals and can’t spend more than 30 minutes here now without it being a big issue for her. I think this is the main thing that would put me off in your situation. I don’t think it’s worth the risk!

Yes I agree that the children wanting one isn't enough. In our case it has worked because it was me that wanted him so much and me that has made it work. I think I would be resentful if it hadn't been me who really wanted him though of course would have looked after him very well anyway (like I did with the guinea pigs - do not get guinea pigs!!)

Absolutely do not get a dog based on your kids wanting one. 4 years my daughter begged for a dog, her sister wanted one too.

I caved and got the dog for them, I now have a dog that I love to bits & spoil but didn’t buy for me. My kids are now late teens & we’ve had the dog 5 years and it is a battle to get them to walk the dog or look after it.

A dog is such a huge tie, I’d honestly say only get a dog if it’s you yourself who wants one not the kids.

I always tell people who ask should they get a dog, that it is like having a two year old toddler who can’t be left alone for more than four hours for the next 15 years.

We have a dog and she has been such an amazing addition to our family.
I initially came on the thread to encourage you- but having read your concerns and in respect of your acute allergy, I would recommend for everyone’s sake that you don’t go ahead.

Don't get a dog for the kids. Only fet one if you really want one. We got a dog at 50 after the kids left home and it only works because in laws are happy to have her lots....love her and wouldn't be without her. But unlikely to get another one.

But she has been a joy.

@Gault642 I think you’ve absolutely reached the right conclusion- just jumping on to say Dog allergies are specific to you and in reality there is no such thing as a ‘hypoallergenic’ dog breed. I’m allergic to most dogs except my own which is a double coated breed (Leonberger) so it’s highly possible I’m specifically allergic to dog dander (which doesn’t really reach the surface on double coated breeds) rather than dog hair (Leo’s shed constantly). Leo’s aren’t ‘licky’ or drooly dogs but on the rare occasions mine does lick my hand, I will have a reaction to that. My neighbour has poodles which are definitely not hypoallergenic to me and I have to take an antihistamine if I go for a glass of wine/coffee and they don’t shed much. My parents owned labs and I couldn’t really be around them for any length of time as the sneezing got too much. An asthmatic reaction however IMO is more serious than sneezing so I think it would be very risky to get a dog with that in mind.

I also did the goldfish thing for DD, and trust me the cleaning out of the tank is a PITA. The fish lasted 7 years. So we got gerbils and they seemed to be in the running for the longest living gerbils in history also 😂 and most people don’t want to look after rodents when you want to go on holiday…

Your children are no different to anyone else's children. They will do everything for two weeks and then be unbothered and indifferent to the dog. You might think your kids are different but they're not.

you are allergic to dogs. What happens if you don't become acclimatised?

you describe your autistic child as high maintenance. This does not sound compatible with a dog in terms of your time. Be sensible.

I wanted a dog as a child. I never got one. I now have my first as an adult and I'm not scarred for life for waiting 🤣 if your kids want a dog they can get one as adults.

more parents should make their kids volunteer for a year at a dog shelter before getting a family dog. If the kids really love dogs then they would have no trouble demonstrating that commitment for a year. If that's even possible at shelters....? Anyway, you get my point.

Just echoing what others have said and if you really do get one, don’t get a puppy it will break you!

how are you with cats? Could you consider something like a rag doll? Slightly more dog like than moggy cats like in their personalities. So are vaguely trainable, more home based and a little more affectionate.

Yes.

In agree with pp who have said no, the allergy issue alone is enough, but the busy family life and working away etc just doesn’t work well with a dog.
I have dogs, love them but they are a huge commitment and I work part time with older kids.
It should be a definite no from any reputable breeder too.

edited to add - there is no such thing as a hypoallergenic dog