First time dog ownership- should we do it?

[Gault642]

My kids (12 and 7) have been begging for a dog for the past 2 years. We are now seriously considering it, but do have some strong reservations.

Firstly, neither DH nor I have ever owned a dog before so the idea is a quite daunting. We have done plenty of research and are well aware that it is not something to be undertaken lightly, but the reality is that we have very little experience and don’t have a clue where to start with training, grooming, nutrition, exercise etc. It would be a steep learning curve.

Secondly, I am quite allergic to dogs. Even those that are described as hypoallergenic still make me sneeze and trigger my asthma. I know that I do become desensitised to particular dogs over time, but it won’t be particularly pleasant in the interim.

Thirdly, while there are some elements of our lifestyle that would be compatible with a dog, other elements really aren’t. The good points - I work mostly from home so would generally be in the house during the day and would have time to walk a dog at lunch and after dinner. We have a large garden that could be made safe and contained, the kids are fairly responsible and would do their bit to help. The bad points are that my husband works offshore so is away for long periods of time, which puts a lot of pressure on me to keep on top of the kids, the housework and my own work. My job is flexible and as I mentioned mostly home based, but it is stressful, involves lots of meetings during the day and requires occasional travel to other parts of the country for several days at a time. My kids also do a lot of extra curricular activities so we tend to be out of the house a lot at weekends, sometimes having to stay away overnight. It is also highly likely that my youngest DD has autism (being formally assessed in a few weeks). She can be quite high maintenance so it already feels like we have a lot on our plate.

I’m looking for some wise words and guidance from you experienced dog owners. Is it all too much for clueless newbies like us, or does you think adding a dog to the mix would be manageable?

Neighbours of ours got rid of their dog because they realised their daughter was allergic to it. They only realised when they went away for a week, without the dog, and realised her symptoms cleared up.

I don’t think your lifestyle is compatible either. Our life revolves around the dog. Dogs aren’t inanimate objects that will just sit there, but are people in their own right, with their own personalities, needs and wants. Also, the asthma is of concern.

I echo this. Getting a dog requires a lot of time energy and hard work, your lifestyle isn't at all compatible with taking a dog into your family.

I think I'd consider a cat - kids will love it, it will play and cuddle up BUT far less maintenance and time! We aired until our youngest was 12 to give in. We really had no idea - the first few months were like having a baby again! DD didn't like it when dog went through the bitey stage either! You have to have lots of time for toilet training, obedience training, walks, wearing them out! All that besides, she is my little shadow now and I can't imagine being without her! Someone said to me that if you can keep her for two years you'll have a lovely family dog - they were right as that's about the age she settled down!

I think if the DM does the bulk of running the home then she will also look after the dog. I’ve never known DCs to keep up an interest. DH might do the morning walk but consider that his work done.
And will DCs pick up poo?

A dog disrupts your life massively. If you have 100% commitment then it's doable, but a huge number of first time owners underestimate the amount of work involved in rearing a puppy or getting an unsettled rescue dog to integrate into the household. It doesn't happen overnight. If you want a calm, sociable family dog it takes months of hard work training them. You can never really switch off or get a break.
In agreement with others - please don't fall for the hypoallergenic dog claims, there is no such thing. I'm asthmatic and allergic to dogs and cats. I've lived with a large naturally shedding dog breed for most of my life and I'm okay with them 90% of the time, although the summer moult can be a struggle. But I react very badly to short coated dogs and even the curly, so-called allergy friendly breeds affect me more than my own natural moulter does.

You can’t get a dog if you are allergic to them OP. That will be awful. Think about how rough you have felt after a few hours with one, and then realise that will be your home and you won’t be able to escape! Seriously you will make yourself feel really poorly.

But are people in their own right,

Well they’re not people are they?! 🤣

But they are living things with a certain amount of free will so you are right that they can’t be expected to be treated as an animated plushie.

Just to add a bit of a counterbalance... people who have busy lives can and do have dogs. You just need to be reasonable with the breed and plan things a. It more. I am single with a small breed and getting her was the best thing I ever did.
This weekend I was away one day (at a wake so couldn't take her). My friend had her for me. This week I'm working away in Scotland for a couple of nights... Her daycare do boarding so they will have her. She also goes to daycare twice a week as I'm in the office for 2 days each week.
She's not a dog that needs hours of walks every day as that would be too much just being me, but she's walked about 1.5 hours a day over 2 walks and I love those walks and just love having her. They really do bring a lot of joy to a house

Mumsnet make a big deal of dog ownership. Of course you need to think hard about it but it's a lot easier thsn I feared as a first time dog owner. They do fit into the family.

No way would I get a dog in your shoes. At allergies it was already off the table. Can you have your parents dog to stay for your DC for a few days during school holidays maybe.

You shouldn’t get a dog to appease other people. They are hard work and need love and commitment so if you’re not fully invested it’s a recipe for disaster and not fair on the dog.

That said dogs are wonderful and add so much to life that I wouldn’t want to be without one.

It’s important to consider the type of dog you get if you do decide to. So many people choose a breed of dog on what they look like without considering their energy levels and breed temperaments. Lots of people over dog themselves with their first dog and it can be a throughly miserable experience for everyone.

Sadly a cat isn’t an option, I am even more allergic to cats than I am to dogs. In fact I seem to be allergic to all things cute and fluffy so my options are severely limited!

Just bring your kids on more days out spend more time with family etc. that’s what we’ve lost since having a dog and I miss the freedom we had. I adore him but he’s my biggest regret in life too

I'm another no I'm afraid.

Your first point, not worried everyone has to start somewhere and you do learn. But two (allergies) and three (lifestyle) are not at all compatible. There's no such thing as a allergy free dog, if you do acclimatise it'll be miserable until you do, and what will you do if you don't? I currently have my first dog, they take up a huge amount of time, energy and money. If you don't put the time in they get bored, miserable and find their own entertainment. If you don't put the time and effort in socialising and training them, there's a whole world of difficulties. If you get a pup, they're not ok with being left alone initially and until you've taught them. If you get a rescue, they might have separation issues so can't be left until you've sorted that which can take months. Your whole life needs to revolve around the dog so they're not left too long or regularly - I work part time out the house, but that means it's not fair to leave my dog in the evenings or weekends. Dog walkers, sitters, groomers etc all cost. As do the vets, they're extortionate at the moment.

I'm usually quite pragmatic, but I 100% would not in your situation, sorry.

Agree with the above
Most kids want the idea of a dog but the novelty will wear off.
Could you do ‘borrow my doggy’ - do walks (in all weathers!) and they can have the fun of playing with a dog for short periods.

I agree with everyone else, OP, and think you've made the right decision. Just to touch on the working from home aspect, the one thing my dog has taught me is that he's his own being with opinions and needs - and what might work for my schedule might not work for him. I WFH and honestly, as much as I love him, it's been a challenge.

Have you considered getting a cat? Much lower maintenance than a dog and they can be a really lovely addition to a household. A cat sounds like it would be perfect for you, tbh.

Edit -- sorry, I just saw you're allergic to cats!

we have a lovely 2 year old whippet but I wish we didn’t. So much work, you can’t go where you want without thinking about the dog. Ive always had a dog but I think I’ve made a mistake this time.
And the kids will not do a thing for the dog, please don’t think otherwise.

100% !!! i've been there

I have been brought up with dogs all my life so for me having one is a default mode. I have never not had one. I also wanted my children brought up with dogs but I was under no illusion that the dog was for me really. We had a whippet and the kids want another one but I am saying no as they are not London dogs really.

Dont believe your kids. They will do nothing because they cannot. You will feed the dog and the dog will be yours. This is how it works. It will all fall on you. So only get a dog if you want one.

I would also add as a first time dog owner don’t do it with the stress of young children. I only did it because I am so conditioned to it. But I am enjoying having only one dog at the moment and after weeks of uncovering the horrors of dog buying, I am now thinking life is easier without them.

I got a puppy three months ago. I live alone apart from when DS (nearly 8) is here for half of the week. Getting a puppy was my decision- DS hadn’t asked for a dog.
Just wanted to echo what everyone else is saying - I can make it work as I don’t need to go away and work from home 100% of the time. My DS is a fairly calm kid etc but it is still so full on at times! My work schedule is pretty flexible which helps (as long as I am hitting my deadlines I’m all good and I can manage my own meeting schedules)
It’s the small things like as a PP mentioned, you forgot to buy milk or whatever and you can’t just pop out to the shops for a good while to get what you need. Showering was difficult as I couldn’t leave him alone downstairs so had to tether him to the sink in the bathroom with something to amuse him (my shower is open and he would try and join me in there 😂) a good friend of mine would pop over after she finished work so I could get some bits done and I have a cleaner but it has still been full on!
I have a fairly well behaved puppy but the biting when he doesn’t sleep enough isn’t great, it’s hard to get him to sleep when DS is here because he gets disturbed easily, I have to be in the same room as him still while he naps or he won’t sleep enough (which turns him in to a little terror) I slept downstairs with him for 7 weeks at the start to get him used to his crate which wasn’t ideal (which I have subsequently ditched and he now sleeps with me!) I’ve had to stop him jumping up at DS or biting him when he gets too excited (mostly by telling DS to stop winding him up and to leave him alone) it feels like I now have two kids 😂

And on top of all this is the training, the toilet training, the walking (which I do enjoy actually) and a million other things that I never thought about before I got him.

If I could go back in time, I wouldn’t change it because I am totally smitten with him (plus I am a weirdo that thrives under pressure) but it’s been (and continues to be) very hard work.

If you add allergies in to the mix, I really wouldn’t go for it. Well, certainly not a puppy anyway! You may be able to make it work with an older dog but that means finding a rescue and I don’t think that’s particularly easy - especially if the dog had issues.

This isn’t what my dog owning life is like tbh. My dog is more like 85% little old man who just wants to sleep and 15% crazy teenager when he’s on a walk or having a funny 5 minutes. He’s happy to be left on his own, isn’t destructive, is incredibly obedient and generally no trouble at all.

Everything you've said here suggests that a dog is not a good idea for you.

Allergies will never get better so the consideration should have stopped there.

Maybe consider a different pet type? Guinea pig or something similar?

Mine is pretty good also. But looking around at friends dogs, this is not the reality for most people - far from it. Throw a first time owner with allergies into the equation and it further complicates matters.

Reading these stories is making me wonder why anyone even bothers owning a dog. It sounds like an absolute nightmare 😂

I think people who have dogs are brought up with them. It’s almost like you don’t know any different. It also means that you have family support when you need it (my in laws when we are away). It is a lifestyle. My own family also had several, they went on sofas, slept in our beds. But there was always someone available to take the dog when needed. Usually other dogs around and that helps with training.

It’s the same with kids. Sometimes I wonder why the bother. I have 2… 😂