First time dog ownership- should we do it?

[Gault642]

My kids (12 and 7) have been begging for a dog for the past 2 years. We are now seriously considering it, but do have some strong reservations.

Firstly, neither DH nor I have ever owned a dog before so the idea is a quite daunting. We have done plenty of research and are well aware that it is not something to be undertaken lightly, but the reality is that we have very little experience and don’t have a clue where to start with training, grooming, nutrition, exercise etc. It would be a steep learning curve.

Secondly, I am quite allergic to dogs. Even those that are described as hypoallergenic still make me sneeze and trigger my asthma. I know that I do become desensitised to particular dogs over time, but it won’t be particularly pleasant in the interim.

Thirdly, while there are some elements of our lifestyle that would be compatible with a dog, other elements really aren’t. The good points - I work mostly from home so would generally be in the house during the day and would have time to walk a dog at lunch and after dinner. We have a large garden that could be made safe and contained, the kids are fairly responsible and would do their bit to help. The bad points are that my husband works offshore so is away for long periods of time, which puts a lot of pressure on me to keep on top of the kids, the housework and my own work. My job is flexible and as I mentioned mostly home based, but it is stressful, involves lots of meetings during the day and requires occasional travel to other parts of the country for several days at a time. My kids also do a lot of extra curricular activities so we tend to be out of the house a lot at weekends, sometimes having to stay away overnight. It is also highly likely that my youngest DD has autism (being formally assessed in a few weeks). She can be quite high maintenance so it already feels like we have a lot on our plate.

I’m looking for some wise words and guidance from you experienced dog owners. Is it all too much for clueless newbies like us, or does you think adding a dog to the mix would be manageable?

You do realise that each dog is different? What that poster described is certainly very accurate in our house.

Our golden retriever is 2 - she’s a bloody nightmare to be frank and I’ve found her more difficult to cope with than my own DD as a baby/toddler! Before people say I’m an inexperienced owner.. she is my 4th GR in over 30 years. I know the breed inside out. All of my previous retrievers were calm, eager to please, easy to train and generally just a pleasure to be around. DDog is unfortunately none of these things.

Believe me, I’ve asked myself that question before!

Well yes, of course! That’s why I said that isn’t what MY dog owning life is like.

Some dogs are harder work than others, same as kids!

Dogs are as much of a commitment as children, except one day children go off to school for 6 hours.
and one day said children probably leave home, the dog doesn't.

The dog is your responsibility 24 hours a day / 7 days a week for x years, and you can't go on holiday without making arrangements for the dog i.e. dog sitter / kennels or taking the dog with you !
It's been 14 years since I went abroad ( my choice ! ) as I won't use kennels and I have 4 dogs which will cost a fortune to use a dog sitter.

So the dogs come with me, and that's hard too - yes travel lodges and other brands of hotels accept dogs but 2 in a room so I would have to book 2 hotel rooms.
Airb&b allow dogs, but there is a huge difference between allowing dogs and being dog friendly, and of course not every Airb&b allows 4 dogs ! even tho they may be small dogs.

I have had dogs for 30+ years now, my choice. Singe initially, then married, then with children to now having adult children,
I guess my current pack will be my last as if they live to a decent age I will be 70+ when I could be dog less and I think at 70+ it may be too much of a commitment to be doing 2 decent dog walks a day...

I have had cats for 40 years +

Honestly you could say the same about kids 🙈

so many drawbacks and compromises and massive life shifts to be made and yet...people have a burning desire for them and seem all those changes worth it in order to have their children. It's kind of the same. You weigh up the challenges and decide if it's worth it.

I agree, allergies and lifestyle mean that a dog won't work for you.

Dogs are absolutely wonderful but an enormous commitment. In my case, I wanted and needed a dog for myself, I don't have any allergies, and my lifestyle is completely suited to him (I'm devoted to him).

But, for me, the biggest downsides have been the damage to my home and car. This isn't him being naughty as he's an assistance dog but the shaking when wet, the paws on the way in, the moulting, the occasional throwing up (overnight so not immediately cleaned) - it all takes a toll.

You can’t get a dog if you are allergic! What if your allergies don’t settle down and you have to rehome the dog?

Why don’t you sign up for borrow my doggy?

I have a dog. I love her to bits. But it’s incredibly hard work and I will not replace her when she passes.

Just to add to all the naysayers, OP - we had a thread recently in which the poster had got a puppy and her autistic child could not cope with its natural 'nippyness' (which goes on for ages with puppies). Children (we read this on MN a LOT) whinge for a dog and then lose interest very rapidly in the grind of caring for the dog.

We have a dog, but always have rescue dogs - I couldn't do a puppy!

So your DH who is away from home a lot of the time, but not working when he is home is keen to get a dog. Wow, unless he is planning to change his job to be at home all of the time, he doesn’t get a vote.
We got a dog in far less stressful circumstances than yourselves because DH and DS wanted one.DS now off at uni and can’t be relied upon to dog sit when we are on holiday. Rookiedog is lovely but gawd it’s a tie.

What about rats? Very entertaining and fun, can be trained like dogs and they only live a few years so if the kids lose interest they don't need to be replaced. Also can be left a day or two as long as their cage is big enough. You need a group of 3 at least.

A cat? Not sure how that may or may not work with the allergy situation. But a very friendly, boisterous, cuddly cat is joyous and SO much less work than a dog.

The allergy thing is a major problem surely? You can’t get a dog is you’re allergic to them.

A bit like having kids, you think yours will be alright 🙈😂

You can. Having dog and cat allergy doesn't always mean no pets. But the problem is it can go either way - you can become more allergic with a dog in the house, or you can build up a tolerance to your own pets but still be affected by other people's. The problem is it's hard to predict.

I'd lived with dogs and cats for over 30 years before I was allergy tested and I was told I'm allergic to both. I'm asthmatic, but live with a long coated cat and an extremely hairy dog. So no, it's not as simple as "if you're allergic don't get a dog" because it can be manageable, but it really depends on whether you feel the positives are enough to want to make you take that risk.

Dog Ownership is the most rewarding thing they love you unconditionally absolutely love mine but you have to be 💯 certain you can commit 24/7. OP’s circumstances do not concur with owning a dog at the moment.

I really don’t think your current life style is suited to the demands of having a dog. The load will all fall at your door and your life sounds more than busy already. Who will have the dog when you are away either with work or at the extra curricular activities ? Having to rely on others to help out will be a recipe for disaster, no matter how well intentioned. I’m afraid from what you have said the cons far outweigh the pros ( even if your children are desperate for one and your DH is away a lot likes the idea ) the fact you are allergic to dogs should be sufficient grounds to say no ! What would happen if you didn’t desensitise - it could happen.

Do your parents and/or brother live close by? If so can you ask if they will allow your children to assist with the care of their dog. Taking it out for walks, maybe attending training classes with it, looking after it during the holidays. They would get the experience of having a dog without the commitment. It doesn’t sound to me as though your lifestyle is exactly conducive to owning a dog yourself.