My dog is an absolutely useless protector

[Shuttupmeg]

Lighthearted!

Back door was open as it’s a lovely day so she can come and go into the garden.

I was sat in the living room, all of a sudden she comes in barking and looking panicked, obviously wanting me to follow her. She keeps looking down to the bottom of the garden, barking at me, I follow her and see it.

A black poo bag flapping around on a bush.

She is still scared and gets behind me and literally pushes me with her head towards it.

Yeah, thanks love! You see it as a threat and so you push your human towards it while you hide behind them 🤣

Utterly useless! She eventually worked out it was okay when I laughed and told to stop being a twat, she very gingerly walked up to it and gave it a prod and then was fine.

But now I have confirmation that my dog would chuck me under a bus at the slightest hint of danger!

18 month old golden retriever, cute, but would be no help in a crisis.

😂 we have a boxer and at times we know there are zero thoughts going on in her head

What a daft ole scaredy cat 🤦‍♀️

Sorry op, you're going to have to protect you both from all of life's horrors, bags included. At least you know where you stand.

I love goldies, give her a little ear scratch from me.

Mine have barked at both carrots and strawberries

Mine is terrified of empty drinking glasses. Full glasses are fine.

The dog we had when I was a teenager was completely bananas. Bold and brave like the huge dog she was (mini schnauzer....) sometimes. Scared of her own shadow other times. She used to tremble with her eyes out on stalks if she ever had to get in the car. Once you lifted her in she was fine, happy car journeys etc. Then she would tremble with her eyes on stalks when it was time to get out of the car. I swear she could make herself 5 times the weight and size and add extra legs as we inevitably had to wrestle her out of the car, because just getting out or allowing herself to be lifted out was out of the question. Once out, she would strut around like she owned the park. She was not a normal person 🤦‍♀️

A friend of mine had a cocker spaniel - originally bred as gun dogs. This one had to be taken into the kitchen when University Challenge was on because she didn't like the buzzer.

Yep, she is also terrified of potatoes. She barks at them while backing away to hide. Just potatoes. Nothing else.

Yet on bonfire night, she was watching fireworks out the window and loving them.

My dog would be excellent at protecting us from Jackdaws and squirrels and the neighbours security light, but she would be delighted to see a burglar.

My staffy watched a mouse run across the room towards us and then closed her eyes and snored.

I have a boxer, a black lab and a black mini-schnauzer! The schnauzer suffers from little man syndrome and believes he is the hardest and bravest dog that has ever lived. He bullies the boxer and the lab. Until that is, he happens upon a fly. Flies frighten him and so he hides behind the boxer, who is a bit thick and tries to eat the flies!

Ours completely ignores anyone entering the house. Doesn’t even lift his head for the postman. It’s a blessing and a curse!

DDog bless him is nervous/avoidant of bananas. Also nail varnish bottles. The squeaky noise when you undo them in particular- he starts shivering (small terrier) and has to leave the room.

He has never had a negative experience with either as far as I am aware!

Mine barks when someone knocks on the front door, then he runs over and waits for me to pick him up to take him to the front door. We must go together to investigate, mum.

He's only 2.75kg.

My friend adopted a year old sheepdog as he was afraid of sheep

He was actually afraid of everything and it took three months to get home to walk further than the drive

Lovely dog now thougj

I think goldies are a bit like this. My parents had a goldie who ran home as a plastic bag blew in the wind, walked around puddles (I think he heard and understood he was a show dog lol) and many other things. But don't always assume. My old lab chased a potential burglar back up the garden and grabbed his trainer. Before and all his life after he was the sweetest most affectionate dog.

Sadly DDog is easily intimidated by next door's cat, let alone anything larger...

She does manage to chase pigeons out of the garden, but when it comes to Canadian geese, swans etc by the canal she knows her limits

I thought my whippet was a chicken (she's scared of lots of things, the most recent being a random van parked on the lane we always walk down where there's usually no vehicles, she was NOT impressed at the guy sitting in it, maybe he was a creep?!)

Actually she is surprisingly ferocious, for a small slim animal, when she detects a threat, from man or beast. I read her reactions to assess situations, and I trust her judgement of people.

A man I know met her, and stroked her and tried to play with her (and even said how much she "loved " him..)but she was just really indifferent to him, which is not like her. So I made sure not to see him again. I believe whatever she thought of him! Ie. Not impressed at all lol.

Mine would cheerfully let anyone murder me, as long as they brought cocktail sausages 🤣🤣🤣

My male Labrador is all Billy big bollocks when someone knocks the door or he sees a cat in the garden but this morning he wouldn’t walk past some traffic cones. Recently he got spooked by a spider and went into full panic wiggle bum mode.

My husband’s work colleague was dropping something off for him and assumed I’d be out so came through the gate and into the back garden to leave it there.
I was home and the kitchen door was open into the garden. I walked into the kitchen to see our dog, who hadn’t previously met this man, lying on his back on the patio having his tummy tickled.

My neighbours have a cute, but crap, dog. I dropped off a hosepipe for them to borrow once. They said back gate was open (they'd popped out) and it was fine for me to open it and leave it.
Their cute dog was in the garden and he just looked at me, stranger in the garden who, in theory, he should have been protecting his home from. He didn't bark, get aggressive or super friendly. Just shrugged his shoulders and looked on. Never known a dog like it.

We have Dobermans. I always have.

When I was single, living alone with my one large, male Dobe, he was a good guard dog in the sense that he'd let me know if there was anyone/thing around outside. However I would then carefully shut him in the house and go outside to investigate on my own because I didn't want to risk anyone hurting my dog.

Awww. She sounds sweet ❤

I have a massive livestock guarding dog of a breed that is notorious for barking. My girl literally never makes a sound. Our neighbours that back onto us say they've never heard her!

I call her my silent guard dog 😆
I really have no idea if she would protect me from danger or turn and run.

I'm loving all the stories of batshit dogs - the hiding from the University Challenge buzzer ... 😂

@namechangeGOT I didn't know at the time but have since concluded that pretty much all mini schnauzers are neurotic pains in the arse with little man/big dog syndrome! Mine also grew up with bigger dogs, but that didn't affect her sense of self and size.