Adolescent Dog Survival Thread - for teenage dirtbags

[Bupster]

I've buckled again, I can't take the pressure of being on page 40 😄

Oh, so very envious. I would love to be between Aberdeen & Inverness, my idea of heaven. I have connections to Orkney and Norway on my mum's side of the family, and I think maybe that's why I'm always drawn north.

@SpanielsGalore Ahh you’re in my dream location up there! Have spent a lot of time fishing in Moray, and have written about a lot of the estates up there too.

We’ve got this lovely spot a five minute walk from our house

And this is where we are after a 10 minute walk from home.

Good morning everyone, hope you all slept ok despite the hot weather.

Very jealous of your cloud cover @SpanielsGalore ☺️

But I am loving all of your gorgeous pictures of walking spots! What beautiful places 😍

@CoubousAndTourmalet That looks like a still from a shampoo advert!
I hope you have that photo on the wall. Beautiful

Thank you, that's very sweet.
(We probably look fine, until I turn around and people scream...😉I'm way more scary than Brie these days)

Not seen you here for a bit - how is Midge getting on? I hope all is good.

That's what I thought. Although I went for the Harmony hairspray adverts, because I'm old.
It's a beautiful photo @CoubousAndTourmalet

Thank you @SpanielsGalore yes, my era too! I'm 61, but stuck in a long hair, long frock, big boots timewarp.

I was aiming to show how beautiful and underrated the countryside of East Lancashire is, not audition for a Timotei ad 😳😆😬

@CoubousAndTourmalet we’re fine thanks. I’ve been working as an invigilator for the GCSEs and A levels, so the last few weeks have been a blur. Only a few more days left thank goodness! All my earnings will be going on Midge’s ‘holiday’ when we’re on our France holiday.

@SpanielsGalore my husband’s family used to live near Inverurie so we have spent a lot of time in your part of the world. I remember the need to pack for all eventualities with the weather!

I'm not too far from Inverurie - in terms of Scottish travel. It's probably a long way for people in England.
The weather wouldn't be so bad if it made up its mind one way or the other. I can start a dog walk wearing a hat and coat and by the end of it be sweltering in a t-shirt.
I love it up here though. Last night when we went into the garden for bedtime wees, we were serenaded by the seals.

@VanGoSunflowers how are you finding nights with the pup (I forgot his name - sorry!) in this weather? I always find puppies are a nightmare for getting over-excited and then ending up a panty wreck when it's hot! Older dogs are far more intelligent (I say, watching twatdog run around the back garden with his sex duck [which is a long story])

Gorgeous views @MooseBeTimeForSnow @CoubousAndTourmalet 😍

I walked V round the village at 9.30am and it was getting too hot by the time we got home. It’s going to be 20 degrees at 9am tomorrow so I think we will either drive down to the woods or I’ll have to take him out super early. Usually have to wait for dd to get off to school first though…

Also he has FINALLY learnt to jump into the boot of the car! I have been trying since we ditched the crate in the back. He is 16kg and I am a weakling so always struggle to lift him in, and its always worse when he’s piss wet through and muddy 😄

@YorkshireFelix
Well done to Vinny, on getting himself in the car! We're not there yet, our car (Octavia 4x4) has a sill, so we have to do a two stage lift. Front end in, back end up. It's a bit of a pantomime tbh 🙄

Too bloody hot here! It's horrible.

SEX DUCK STORY

@Bupster Short versions: used to be an elephant, but it got him a bit too excited (he ripped off the trunk and started hitting people with it). Ducks have less easily destroyed bodies, I have learnt.

Sex duck/elephant was the culmination of months of watching him zoom around the garden, knocking over DDs and winding up the girls. When he’s being particularly wanky, he is given sex duck - he humps it for 10/15 minutes and then goes to sleep.

I could have taught him to settle, but sometimes when a dog wants to zoomie the best thing to do is give him a sex toy and have at it! Probably makes me a lazy owner…but he’s happy. (My bank balance is not - he get’s through about 2 a month).

Two photos: one pre-sex duck (on in that photos case elephant) and one post. He gets this mad evil glint when he’s about to zoomie, so I know to release the duck! I think it might actually be his best friend (or at least every iteration of it has been…given the don’t last long)

Mine both use the sofa cushions!

The smarter option! I must say I am glad it's not just me who let's them go for it.

Oddly, he is the only one with any interest in any sort of toy. The others just take blankets and knickers (the amount of times I've had to chase them around the garden trying to get my underwear back is just faintly embarrassing). The other night I was extracting things from the rose bushes 😫

They both had to be banned from the lounge when they were in heat as the cushions were just too irresistible, younger one especially would be panting and dripping saliva and just wouldn't stop! Now it's just a few minutes whilst I tell them how ridiculous they look 😂

Let this be a lesson to anyone that wants a girl so they don't hump!

I have to know about the sex duck story 😂😂

Nights are still going pretty well. I’m still sleeping next to him in the crate in the living room which is the coolest room in the house by far. It faces north and a massive tree blocks a decent amount of sunlight. I’m probably sleeping better down here than I would in my bedroom which is south facing!

He seems to be doing well in the heat, I’ve definitely noticed he doesn’t zoom around as much and when he goes in to the garden to toilet he heads straight for the shade ☺️

EDIT: just realised that you have posed the sex duck story so I will have a read now 😂

Our four girls have all been manic humpers @tizwozliz . The five boys haven't been humpy at all, but no doubt I'm tempting fate and the next one will end up being the humpiest humper that ever existed.
Anyone know where I can get a Blue Whale sex toy...?

This is brilliant 😂😂
I am obviously yet to experience the behaviour of a horny dog so I will take note of needing to potentially buy him a sex duck 😂😂

@VanGoSunflowers Glad he's sleeping well! Smart puppy if he's heading straight for the shade...

Twatdog just sits in the middle of the lawn all day baking like some sort of panty-wanker (which can probably be taken in many ways given my previous comments about him).

@CoubousAndTourmalet I get the Ikasa giant children toys (off Amazon) for twatdog - I think they do actually do a whale one...assuming you were not speaking in euphemisms that have gone straight over my head! 😄

Hahahah @LandSharksAnonymous 'I know to release the duck' cracked me up. Outstanding.

Pupsy humped her donut bed, dragged out in the middle of the kitchen from her old plastic puppy bed, every day for about ten minutes during the week before her first season, and hasn't done so since. Sounds like I've got off lightly, fnar fnar.

Got the paddling pool out for her earlier. Will she go in it? She will not. As predicted I have spent more time in it than she has. Probably going to use it to put my house plants in later for a nice drink.