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Original poster

How to say goodbye

65 replies

FluffyMcFlufferson · 09/04/2025 14:46

Trigger warning pet euthanasia

Hi I could really do with advice /experience on dealing with how to let DS6 know our dog will be going to heaven and also how to help him say goodbye on the day.

it’s a few weeks away yet but getting stressed on how do deal with this, he absolutely will not be coming to the vets but do we tell him the morning of the day so he has most of the day with her or would a few hours warning be better?
if anyone has experienced this recently could share their experience on what they did I would be very grateful.

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Eggsboxedandmelting · 09/04/2025 14:50

So sorry you are approaching the awful time... We had our pts a month ago. At 10 ds was very on board and understood she was going to die.. ..
Unfortunately 5 years ago I did an absolutely crap job explaining when ddog 1 was off in her journey.. 3 months post pts he asked if we could go collect ddog from the vet yet... Ask school or library if they have any books directed at your dc's age. Getting it right is crucial.

Dm guilt at its best here..
Being with ddog to the very end is the final gift also..

Original poster
FluffyMcFlufferson · 09/04/2025 16:01

@Eggsboxedandmelting thank you for your reply, sorry you have also had to experience ddog loss.

Will have a look for age appropriate book to read him, he does understand about heaven because my grandpa passed away in October and we told him he went to heaven but it just seems so much harder with ddog given he has spent his whole life with her.

We want to give her the kindest and peaceful send off possible and it not be in an emergency situation hence why we have scheduled it for a few weeks away.

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Peanut91 · 09/04/2025 17:50

We said goodbye to our old dog last summer when my two were 5yrs and 3yrs. They were aware of the concept of death and we had spoken openly and honestly to them about how our dog was very sick and it was unlikely she would recover. We then explained that the kindest thing would be to PTS so she wasn't in any pain. We gave them the opportunity to ask any questions and answered them honestly and then they both said goodbye to her on the morning before we took her to the vet. It was very emotional for all of us but 9 months on and they talk about her fondly

Original poster
FluffyMcFlufferson · 09/04/2025 20:27

@Peanut91Thank you for your reply.
how were they when you got home without your dog?

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Eggsboxedandmelting · 09/04/2025 21:37

May I suggest you request sedation when you make the appointment? It's a bit extra (£50) here but your ddog has a quick injection to have her oblivious when they put the cannula and the pts meds in. In my head I didn't want ddog to see that bit... Possibly daft but still! We had both cremated and ashes back. Scattered in ddogs favourite places... Maybe your dc could choose a ddoggy ornament for the garden?

Sprig1 · 09/04/2025 21:48

I don't think I would tell my child in advance. I would just have the dog PTS and then tell them in a matter of fact way that the dog has died (don't say put to sleep. That can be confusing/scary). Don't make a huge deal about it.

PlanetOtter · 09/04/2025 21:50

One tip I was given - don’t use the phrase ‘put to sleep’, or anything about how death is like a long sleep. You don’t want them getting worried about their own bedtimes.

Peanut91 · 09/04/2025 22:41

FluffyMcFlufferson · 09/04/2025 20:27

@Peanut91Thank you for your reply.
how were they when you got home without your dog?

They were upset but understood. My eldest had more of an understanding and seemed more upset whereas my youngest, who had just turned 3, went round parroting "DDog is dead".

I agree with the previous poster who said not to refer to it as putting to sleep or that the dog is going to sleep etc. kids seem to process it all better when given the facts and given time to take it in, ask questions etc.

TheSandgroper · 10/04/2025 09:45

Not the SandyDig but my DM. Dd was 3. I explained that bodies have a life span, they can get broken, sick or just wear out from old age. DM was sick with cancer so we could see her getting weaker and weaker. I explained death as not breathing and no heart beating etc.

So you could point out FluffyDog is getting weaker, bits aren’t working anymore and she has little time left. Say the vet will be helping the comfort level. Tell dc once FluffyDog dies she will be all floppy. Tell dc what you plan to do after and if they will have a part. I didn’t advertise the getting upset but didn’t hide it at the time. Dd and I agreed that me being upset at random times didn’t mean she had to be upset, too.

You will have a few weird moments and a few that will amuse you because you can’t always see what their litte mind sees. Once dm had died, she was no longer the centre of everyone’s universe (funerals take less mind space) and Miss3 noticed that we stopped talking about her. … I had forgotten that …

Original poster
FluffyMcFlufferson · 10/04/2025 20:02

@TheSandgroperso sorry for your loss I can’t imagine how hard that has been for you sounds like you DD was very brave too.

DS can see ddog is very lame and he helps her up the stairs etc so I like the idea of saying she stopped working I do think that will help him understand a bit better. He won’t be at the vets when she goes but will be at home with my parents when we leave so trying to prepare myself and him on how best to navigate that is very difficult. We will bring her ashes home so he can help scatter them

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Original poster
FluffyMcFlufferson · 10/04/2025 20:04

@Peanut91DS is definitely a ‘talker’ so I can imagine similar here with him telling everyone fluffy mcflufferson went to heaven on a fairly regularly basis.

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Original poster
FluffyMcFlufferson · 10/04/2025 20:09

@Eggsboxedandmeltingthank you i will speak to the vet about sedation, ddog hates the vet and has always (what seems like) made a miraculous recovery when we arrive, walking around the waiting room like she hasn’t been on the brink multiple times! So sedation might actually stop us from questioning if it’s the right time.

how quick does the injection work do you know? If it’s quite quick then might be ok. Thank you for your replies they have been very helpful

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Original poster
FluffyMcFlufferson · 10/04/2025 20:10

@PlanetOtterthats a very good tip thank you will do my best to remember that, DS has SEN and likes to know every single detail of everything so might have to come up with a slightly inventive story of how they did it

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Original poster
FluffyMcFlufferson · 10/04/2025 20:12

@Sprig1DS will be home when we leave to take her, it feels cruel not giving him a chance to say a proper goodbye? Although having never been through this before as an adult or child I don’t know if him saying goodbye will traumatise him, so many unknowns are making this very difficult.

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GrannyGoggles · 10/04/2025 20:28

@FluffyMcFlufferson Kindly, I think you may be overthinking this. Your son will take his lead from you. It’s sad and hard when a loved pet dies. However, it’s part of having a dog. And it’s part of parenting, managing your own feelings in order to support your child. Our grandchildren, aged 3-5, at time of dearly loved dog having to be euthanised were ABSOLUTELY FINE because all the adults were kind, open and compassionate, answering only the questions asked honestly and in age appropriate manner.

Dog poorly. Vet kind. Dog dead. Bit sad. The End

Eggsboxedandmelting · 10/04/2025 20:29

The sedation took less than 10 mins to have ddog about asleep. Then ddog had no idea the pts meds went in... Was quick there after... Vet was very very supportive. She was gutted she had no answers except neurological.. And could do nothing but be a kind ear... The cremation service we used collected her that evening.. Ashes back at midday next day.

Original poster
FluffyMcFlufferson · 10/04/2025 20:33

@GrannyGogglesyou’re right I probably am overthinking it, the unknown will always throw up so many questions.
We would always be honest with him as age appropriate as possible wouldn’t say she ran away to live on a a farm or anything. In my mind if i have as many answers as possible at the ready it’s one less thing to think about.

Although I can be sure DS won’t be absolutely fine (I’m pleased to hear yours were, genuinely). He will be devastated.

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Original poster
FluffyMcFlufferson · 10/04/2025 20:38

@Eggsboxedandmeltingthank you. Will speak to them tomorrow, I want to go down there anyway and pay for it because we won’t want to do it on the day.

how old was ddog when she was pts? I’m glad to hear the vet was supportive, we actually recently changed vets because the previous ones were just trying to make as much money as possible from us. Have only been to the new vets twice but the care and compassion they have already shown is a world away from what we had.

we will be taking her straight to the crematorium from the vets ourselves as my OH doesn’t want to leave her at the vets. Should get her ashes back 3/4 days later (there is a bank holiday after we do it so will be a bit delayed)

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noctilucentcloud · 10/04/2025 20:51

I would start the conversation before hand so that your son knows that she is getting very old and her body is beginning to hurt and she can't do all of the fun things she used to. And that the vet can't make her better so there will be a point where the kindest thing you can do is for the vet to give her some medecine so her heart stops and she won't be in pain anymore. But it won't hurt her and she will be with you and your husband so she won't be scared. I'd explain that there's lots of feelings like sadness and worry but whatever you feel is OK.

I think it's best to be honest with kids (in an age appropriate way). Finding a good book is a great idea, as is making sure you use dead/dying etc rather than put to sleep, passing away etc. As adults we can start getting our heads around life without her and there may be things we'd like to do with the dog first (eg photos, paw prints, a favourite treat, new toy etc), I think it's fair to give that opportunity to your son too. Afterwards, I would also involve him in where he thinks he'd like the ashes to go, and if he'd like go be involved in scattering them. Or how he'd like to remember her. It might also help him to think about her and his (great-?) grandpa being in heaven together.

Letsnotargue · 10/04/2025 20:54

We always take our dogs to the crematorium ourselves (we’ve had three over the years) and I really find that it helps give me some peace of mind and a bit of closure. I feel like I’m driving in a very important state occasion with DDog wrapped up safely in the back of the car. It’s making me well up thinking about it, but it really feels like the right thing to me.

No advice on explaining it to kids, but in my experience the injection takes effect very quickly, like they suddenly fall asleep. Sending you sympathies for when the time comes, it is a kindness but it is still very sad ❤️

Eggsboxedandmelting · 10/04/2025 20:57

I didn't pay on the day but a few days later... Ddog was 11. Neurological though we had thought initially a vestibular episode...absolutely broke us..

How to say goodbye
PenguinChops · 10/04/2025 21:03

Would you consider having her PTS at home? The vet do charge extra of course but if she hates going there as you say, it’s a real kindness if you can stretch to it

Original poster
FluffyMcFlufferson · 10/04/2025 21:39

@noctilucentcloud great tips thank you very much!

taking him to the shop to get her a new toy is a great idea (she won’t play with it but he loves giving presents).
He did actually say a while ago would she see Great grandad in heaven when she goes so will remind him he will be waiting for her x

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Original poster
FluffyMcFlufferson · 10/04/2025 21:42

@Letsnotargueyes that is exactly what OH said that it’s a respect thing to take her on her final journey and make sure she gets there safely wrapped up in her favourite blanket.
thank you for your kind words, she has been with us for over 16 years, it’s going to feel very empty at home x

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Original poster
FluffyMcFlufferson · 10/04/2025 21:46

@Eggsboxedandmelting ohh look at ddog what a beauty! I’ll be sure to tell Maisey to say hi to him up there when she goes x
did your vet mention anything about paying before or that’s just how it happened?

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