But...do I want a dog?!

[Barezvizar]

2 weeks ago I brought home a rescue doggie on a foster to adopt scheme. The charity give you 4 weeks to see if it is a good match.

I've not owned a dog before, I have looked after many for friends/family though.

I work from home, I walk every day come rain or shine and I have other animals (chickens, ducks, goats) so I already have responsibility and a dog suits my lifestyle. I'm in the countryside.

I love this dog! He's awesome with the livestock, friendly, confident, just a gem. He has mild seperate anxiety and potty training is ongoing but I'm not put off, this is just time & patience.

BUT I find myself worrying I've made an awful choice!

I suddenly feel so limited, is this normal or have I made a mistake?

Dog ownership is limiting in a way. It doesn’t have to be, but dogs have a way (for better or worse) of taking over your life. They become completely devoted to you and, really, why would you not want to spend time with something that loves you unconditionally like that? So yes, it limits you.

It’s also normal to get ‘rescue blues’ and worry you made a mistake. I foster and every time I take a new one in, I regret it for about two weeks. Then something clicks and I never want to give them up.

What do you feel limited by? The SA, if it’s minor, could easily resolve in time (if youre worried about being chained to him!)

Not sure we can comment without a picture......

Probably the seperation anxiety is the toughest limit wise. I've read that small steps is needed.

I can't pop to the shops, had to cancel a few plans as he can't be left (rescue centre said he was fine for up to 4 hrs but this isn't true!) So I missed my usual catch up coffee with friends, a hairdresser appointment etc which has probably affected how I feel.

He's lovely but I'm thinking I've made a mistake, I thought I could offer a dog a lovely relaxed home but I admit I don't want a dog to entirely take over my life...

Then send him back. Your dog/your responsibility will always take over your life - notwithstanding doggy daycare/kennels/house sitters - you are his world.

I've looked after many dogs (had my sister's dog for 4 months last year as she was very poorly) and didn't feel this way at all, so I'm really surprised feeling like this.

I was hoping for reassurance that others felt the same when they rescued a dog?

But yes maybe dog ownership isn't for me!

Speaking as someone whose dog has separation anxiety - there is no way I would take on an adult rescue with the same problem. Sorry.

SA is pretty normal in both pups (up to and beyond adolescence) and also rescues. It probably will get better but you need to be with him for weeks yet and minimise absences. Julie Naismith is the gold standard trainer for SA and has a lot of resources.

Dogs are a way of life. They are like children as they are limiting. They also change as they age and you do have to adapt. Are they worth it? I think so. But it depends on your lifestyle. I love being outside, training and doing. So most of what I do is dog compatible. So for me it’s no major hardship. There are things I can’t do that I’d like to and no spontaneity on going away or dats out without taking her. But again it’s a compromise. The most stressful bit is if my DH has to go into the office when I’m at work as ours isn’t ready to be left quite long enough for me not to have to juggle things. He WFH most of the time. She’s getting there though.

Buyers remorse so to speak is real and I’ve felt it with every dog and cat (for over a year with the puppy but now I adore her 🤣). But it’s unlikely to lift by the time you have to decide.

Rescue dogs are a very different kettle of fish to a puppy or an adult dog - particularly one you know. It can take 3 months for them to settle and really only then can you start to make concrete progress on training for things like SA. Training SA or managing it requires trust with your dog...and that doesn't happen overnight.

FWIW I've never regretted fostering or rescuing, but it is hard.

Many thanks for the replies.

I wouldn't have chosen a dog with SA by choice...and I was told he was fine up to 4hrs (which was perfect) so maybe I'm not the right fit for him.

He would do better with someone more experienced!

I haven’t rescued a dog but I have gone through a version of this with each new pet/ livestock class. I remember getting my first cat aged 23 and driving away with the kitten in the basket thinking ‘what have I done? I’ll never be able to go away for the weekend again!’. And then again when we got goats ten years ago. And then again when we got the puppy last November. It takes some adjusting but I don’t now feel limited by any of the animals and want be without them - you get your people who will look after them when you can’t or places they can go, you naturally start to make plans factoring them in, they worm their way into your life. My OH was away last night and took the dog and honestly I missed the dog almost constantly! You’ve got another two weeks so why not just give it a bit longer for the decision to settle. If it’s not right then don’t beat yourself up but I do think the feelings are normal.

The thing is he was fine up to 4hrs in his previous life and in their experience .but he’s had a major upheaval coming to you! It’s irresponsible of the rescue home to mislead you like that. No matter how loving you are,and what a fabulous home you can provide, right now he’s feeling the distress of being moved yet again. This should have been on your radar.

It doesn’t mean its not fixable though so please think it through.Are you in it for the long haul or if not, can you be okay with distressing him again by returning him ( no judgement - Im just saying you need to consider this).

It’s really early days to leave a rescue. Our last dog was a rescue and I remember she screamed the place down for weeks when she was separated. In time she went on to be absolutely fine for 4 hours.

It is a gamble though as it will be too early to tell for some time. SA is trainable and I’ve seen terrible cases turned around but it’s a hard slog. Or it may be fine.

That decision only you can make.

Exactly this - with his seperation anxiety, he could be fine in a few months, or it could be really really tough for years.

How do you make a decision when you just don't know?

You have to decide if you can cope with the worst case scenario (that he never improves).

Sadly then it would be a no - if he can't ever be left for a short while then I'm not the right home for him 😞

I think a dog is as tying as a child. I would absolutely love one but I'm just not in a position to give one a life it would deserve at the moment. I already have two kids and a clingy house cat. It's a difficult decision but there are a huge commitment.

I don't have children so I don't have it to compare to but I can imagine!

Sorry but I feel the same especially when you now know and have an out .
It's really really hard to deal with

I think my doubts are well founded in that case, I'll call the rescue centre tomorrow 😟

Can you ask the rescue more about how and when he was left? If they can’t give details then it’s risky but a dog that has been genuinely ok more than likely will be again IME as long as you support them now.

Can you ask the rescue centre whether your trial can be extended to see if he settles better in time?

They just said he was left for up to 4 hrs and was happy to be, but I suspect this isn't true...

The moment I got him he was velcro to me and barked/whined if I was out of sight.

I have read loads of training materials and have managed to build up to him being 'alone' (I'm in another room) for 30 mins; after 30 mins he will then bark (lying down!) Then settle again for 10 mins. Then more whining/barking, then settles etc etc.

I haven't tested him past this as I didn't want him getting too upset, I want him to be confident/happy in his own company.

That's a great idea, I'll ask them.

Just be aware that separation anxiety is often a lifelong condition - you never cure it, only learn to manage it and work around your dogs' boundaries.

Mine is almost seven now and still hates being left - there's no way I could leave him for four hours. He can do an hour, maybe two, at the absolute limit but even then I need to make sure he's walked and settled properly beforehand - I can't just pop out spontaneously.

I wouldn't swap him or trade him for the world, but I'd never, ever choose a dog with anxiety again.

They may not be lying. It’s absolutely 100% normal for an adopted dog to behave in this way. It’s normal for a dog without SA to behave in this way in a different place.

Don’t do any separation work yet. Just be with him. Extending the trial is worth a shot.

SA goes hand in hand with general anxiety. Is he ok otherwise? If so than it’s likely just settling in.