But...do I want a dog?!

[Barezvizar]

2 weeks ago I brought home a rescue doggie on a foster to adopt scheme. The charity give you 4 weeks to see if it is a good match.

I've not owned a dog before, I have looked after many for friends/family though.

I work from home, I walk every day come rain or shine and I have other animals (chickens, ducks, goats) so I already have responsibility and a dog suits my lifestyle. I'm in the countryside.

I love this dog! He's awesome with the livestock, friendly, confident, just a gem. He has mild seperate anxiety and potty training is ongoing but I'm not put off, this is just time & patience.

BUT I find myself worrying I've made an awful choice!

I suddenly feel so limited, is this normal or have I made a mistake?

Thank you! I've also moved his bed further 'along' the sofa, and I've been calling his name and making sure his head lifts before I move at all.

He's not snapped whatsoever before so I'm hoping it's just that he was in a very deep sleep + very startled and disorientated. He definitely looked very confused for a minute.

I know not to disturb a sleeping dog but will be doubly careful.

He's had a great day today. :)

It's so lovely to read your updates on DDog and how he's settling etc. His bedtime snack routine sounds great. Thanks for updating us!

He gave me such a loving look earlier today, my heart just melted and the hard work of the past few weeks just sort of lifted away!

Lots of things to train but going slowly...

Update: the past few days have been really rough, his seperation anxiety has rocketed suddenly and he's become very possessive of me; he snarled and snapped at a friend who sat down next to me, I thought it was a one off but then as we were out walking he lunged, snarling, toward a passing person.

He's huge so it was hard to hold him back.

I've lost trust in him and I can't unfortunately deal with such severe behaviour issues, so I'll be returning him next week 😢

I’m sorry. That all sounds quite normal for a lot of rehomed dogs. They can be like pressure cookers and it takes a while for them to vent, so to speak. It’s not who they are - it’s just a response to a situation.

Virtually everything is ‘fixable’ with time and space and just decompression but it does take time and space and sometimes further help if you are not experienced.

If you can’t do it then it’s the right thing to do to hand back to rescue.

I think you're doing the right thing.

It's hard because I mention seperation anxiety and most people were saying it's very hard to help them improve, that they'd never chose a dog with it, then you're saying all those things are normal and expected?

I'm genuinely taking the advice on board; if you really think his behaviour has been just normal and it's not really "him" then I'd love to keep him and keep working on things

I hope so. I hope this is the best thing for him, and I'm not letting him down.

The "problem" with rescue dogs is that, in the early days at least, it's impossible to know whether their problems are because they're just scared and adjusting to a new environment, or whether it's a permanent behaviour.

So yes, a lot of what you describe is totally normal for a nervous rescue, but there's also no guarantee that it will stop once the dog has settled.

Don't get another dog ever. You're not committed and clearly didn't think it through. They're not a tie. Come for me all you like but I stand by this.

I couldn't leave my rescue dog for 5 minutes never mind 4 hours, for months. Now I can. She might not love it but unless I don't go anywhere for the next 5-8 years that's tough.

Sorry I didn't RTFT.

Ok so facts based on my years of training a variety of dogs. Most rehomed dogs show SA in the first few weeks or months. Most rehomed dogs get over this but only if you can do it at their pace. No forced separation. Let them choose. It may look like they are learning it’s ok but they generally are not. They just stop asking. There are lots of independence games you can play to make choosing to be away from you rewarding. Have you done any of these? If a dog chooses not to follow then that’s more powerful than enforcing not following. I made following me VERY boring to my dog. She soon learnt that I was doing nothing exciting unless I invited her with putting on her harness or calling her for a treat.

I have had much more trouble training my very well bred and trained pup to be ok alone than my adult rescue! With her it was just time and decompression. With the pup I had to work to make myself boring.

Most adult dogs can cope with occasional absences of up to a few hours. Most actually can do this regularly. Some are ok with daily and some not.

A rehomed dogs stress levels are through the roof for weeks and months. This requires just letting them be. Maybe a low key walk daily. But keep things very quiet. You’ll know whey they can handle more.

It may be ok but it may not be but for this to work you need to take your foot off the pedal and just let him be with you as much as you can. That’s at night too. Sleep is really important to dogs and a dog that doesn’t sleep is a dog that doesn’t handle stress well.

If your dog was coming with a life time of SA history I’d say it was a huge risk although people do it. But he was ok before and I’d wager he’ll be ok again but it is very very early days and you need to slow the heck down and let him be with you 24/7 if you can. SA is a manifest of general stress.

Have you had a look at the FB groups I posted? DTAS and Julie Naismith both have a book too if you don’t do Facebook. I’d thourally recommend the DTAS as they have experts on SA on their staff.

I don't think he will be limiting given you have other animals . Dog lovers work around their needs .

I’m not playing it down btw. But a dog like any creature is living and their needs change throughout life. They can go through wobbles and rough patches like people and you do have to be sensitive to that. They can have accidents, develop medical conditions and your circumstances can change. You have to be prepared for that.

I wasn’t expecting my current dog to be the handful she has been. She’s much more than I was expecting given her breed and breedline. But that happens (seen it many times) and you just go with it IF you want a dog. It almost always comes good in the end.

But if you don’t want to take that risk then that’s fine too.

I'm sorry to hear about him snapping at you and others, when they get their strength on to defend themselves it can be really hard to hold them and get them to listen. It sounds as though you don't feel you can control him sufficiently in that circumstance and I do wonder if he should have been placed for rehoming. I think you're doing the right thing to return him. The alternative is that you're permanently on edge waiting for the next time he snaps, and that's not fair to you or him.

Yes I did, they were very helpful.

The issue is that he can't be with me 24/7 at first, it's just not possible with my other animals and I live alone - so any progress I make is undone the minute I need to go and sort something outside (and he can't come with me).

I live rurally so there's no local help and no family to pop in.

If I had some support that would have helped. I reached out to nearby dog sitters and due to my location they were not interested.

You are very clearly dedicated and experienced, I feel inadequate to truly help him, and feel he would be better with someone who is more confident?

Especially with physically restraining him when needed, for safety.

I have the best intentions but feel ill equipped.

Thank you for being so kind and understanding.

It's not fair on him is it 😞

Ultimately if you feel insecure and uncertain, he'll pick up on that and it will show in his behaviour. It's one of those unfortunate "catch 22's" of dog behaviour.

They're nervous so that makes you nervous, which makes them even more nervous and on and on it goes!

Agree completely with @coffeesaveslives about the cyclical fear factor.
@Barezvizar it's heartbreaking even when you know it's the right thing for the dog and you. Take good care and be kind to yourself.

How long do you need to be outside? Would a long lasting chew be an option just for distraction? You say he’s ok with the other animals. Can you take him and pen or tether him nearby? Can you move your car or vehicle and him sit in it?

No judgement if you feel you can’t do it; we’ve returned a dog after a few weeks when it became very clear our home wasn’t the right one (he was a stray with no history). But sometimes you can get creative!

Update: I'm adopting him!

Despite him taking a step backwards with seperation anxiety and showing aggression, I'm reassured with those saying it's likely just him settling in and so I'm going to give him his forever home.

I just couldn't take him back to kennels when it came to it!!

Congratulations!

That's a bit of a turnaround.

Please don't take this the wrong way, but I really think you need to enlist the help of an accredited behaviourist. You have a large dog who has lunged and snapped multiple times and who you admit has scared you.

Please be very careful.

That's absurd. OP isn't sure about keeping a large, reactive, dog that can't be left, so she shouldn't have a dog?