But...do I want a dog?!

[Barezvizar]

2 weeks ago I brought home a rescue doggie on a foster to adopt scheme. The charity give you 4 weeks to see if it is a good match.

I've not owned a dog before, I have looked after many for friends/family though.

I work from home, I walk every day come rain or shine and I have other animals (chickens, ducks, goats) so I already have responsibility and a dog suits my lifestyle. I'm in the countryside.

I love this dog! He's awesome with the livestock, friendly, confident, just a gem. He has mild seperate anxiety and potty training is ongoing but I'm not put off, this is just time & patience.

BUT I find myself worrying I've made an awful choice!

I suddenly feel so limited, is this normal or have I made a mistake?

Is there a way to tell if it's just settling in or true SA?

He's very laid back in every other way - noises, people, dogs, bikes, kids, not reactive at all.

He’s bound to take a little while to adapt got you, so he may be fine after a while.

You’ve only had him two weeks! Most puppies you buy will still be yowling at night after two weeks. I’ve adopted a lot of dogs with SA, they’ve all settled, usual within 3 months. I do have multiple dogs though, so they are never truly alone…..

Only with time but IME as a trainer SA and GA are usually one and the same.

Bottom line - do you want a dog? Do you like this dog? Are you willing to work at his pace to let him settle in? If so then keep going. If not the there is no harm speaking to the rescue.

Is there a way to tell if it's just settling in or true SA?

In a word, no. Only time will tell - what he's like now is no reflection on what he'll be like in a week or a month or a year.

As PP said, you need to decide if you can commit to all aspects of dog ownership - both good and bad, but I'll be honest, if you're already struggling with the idea that you can't leave a brand new rescue dog for four hours, then it may not be for you.

Yes you're right!

Out of interest have you actually tried leaving the house? Ours never settles well with us in a room nearby that she can hear us but totally relaxed if we go out.

Only to sort the animals outside - I can hear him barking when I'm outside!

But I've not left-left...

The past 3 nights he has slept downstairs on his own, he barks/whines for a few minutes then settles for the whole night.

Is this a sign the seperation anxiety in the day might improve??

No.

Is he choosing to be alone or are you forcing him? If he’s choosing that’s a great sign. If not then it will only be making things worse. Let him be with you if he wants to. It creates a more secure dog in the future trust me!

He's barking for a few mins then settles the whole night in his crate, (he's not locked in, he has a utility room)

When I come downstairs in the morning he looks up, then goes back to sleep again 😴

That's definitely progress

I'm not by any means an expert, but I think this is showing promising signs.

If he is great in most other ways, I think you owe it to him to give him a chance and see if things settle over the next few weeks.

I really hope things work out for you both.

We couldn't leave our rescue at all for several months after we got him. He would just come everywhere with us and then stay in the car if we had to go in somewhere - I know that sounds odd but he was fine in the car for up to an hour but not ok left at home (he would bark and chew at home, but go to sleep in the car!) have you tried that?

Bottom line is now he's fine to he left for 4 hours or so, and much more confident. Hopefully yours will get more confident too.

The problem is that with rescue dogs you don't love them straight away so their problems grate on you. I had huge "what have I done?" moments in the first six months, but I knew it would pass as I grew to love him more. It's coming up to a year now and all of that has faded.

Dogs are tying. We won't be having any holidays abroad for a few years (together at least, we've gone away separately) as he's tricksy, but I am working hard on his training and behaviour so he can be looked after by family when we are away without causing them too much trouble.

Good luck OP.

I do think a new place etc can really set a dog back. Ours was a nightmare to stay in new places for a while just really worried and didn't want to be by herself but totally fine at home. So think it's likely the rescue were being honest. It's hard to say but I think given the progress over night that sounds promising.

Thank you so much for the more positive replies, that's much more helpful than others who have just made me feel inadequate and pessimistic!

I'm going to take each day as it comes, I do think the settling overnight is a huge step for him. I have a camera and he looks super comfy every time I check throughout the night.

He doesn't bark/winge immediately now the second I'm out of sight.

To answer - he's the same if in the car, winges/barks unfortunately!

@Barezvizar I was thinking of you yesterday when I started listening to the audiobook ‘How to Train Your Dog’. It’s a very positive and practical book from what I can see so far so might be reassuring? He specifically talks about rescue dogs.

I think that sounds really positive with the overnight in the crate. And I think the one day at a time approach sounds very sensible. I’m sure the rescue centre would rather you took your time rather than be hard and fast about the 4 week time period too.

Thanks very much, I'll download that book! The more info the better, I want to do the right thing by him and help.

It's exhausting when you second guess everything you're doing!

Does he know you're just outside? One of the dogs I look after will bark and whinge if they know I'm just outside thinking I've 'forgotten' to take them out with me. She doesn't do that if left properly though.

Also when you leave him and go in another room and he does end up barking do you go back in when he's barking? You want to try to avoid that as it will let him know that barking brings you back. If he's fine on his own for 30 minutes then for now i would always go back after 25 minutes max so he doesn't get to the point of being stressed. But when you go back don't make a fuss of him, act as if nothing has happened, don't make you coming back an exciting thing. Give it a few weeks and then up it gradually.

Also when you leave him sometimes you could leave him with a kong so you leaving is a treat, otherwise I sometimes hide treats around the room for them to find. I have one dog that as soon as she arrives sniffs all round all the downstairs rooms just to check if there happen to be any treats hidden there for her. You could also try leaving a radio or tv on.

The crate settling over night is really positive but dogs are limiting and a huge commitment so it is a big decision! It took one of mine a good three months to settle so it is still early days.

Two very good resources regarding SA are The Dog Training Advice and Support Facebook group and also Julie Naismith. They explain the science behind why forcing separation is detrimental long term and how to slowly build confidence and have resources and games to play to encourage the dog not to want to be with you by building reward in independence. It works. I and others have used the methods with great results. Often people with last chance dogs have really quick results once the dogs stress levels come down.

Thank you so much for the more positive replies, that's much more helpful than others who have just made me feel inadequate and pessimistic!

I don't think anyone is trying to make you feel like that - people are just trying to be realistic based on their own experiences. The month-long trial you're talking about is a great starting point, but your dog won't truly start to settle until they've been with you about three months, so it's important to go into this with your eyes wide open.

As PP said, if you've not properly left her yet, she could just have FOMO because she can see/hear you but can't be with you. Mine will howl up a storm i I'm in the garden without him but if I go "out out" he will settle fine.

All our dogs needed time to adjust when they moved house. We got one from another home, the other two as puppies. I can only imagine that a rescue dog experiences much more disruption and being unsettled etc.
Give it some more time, as others have said. For going to the shops, out for coffee, your hair done, could you give your wee pup a try with going for coffee? Start to gradually introduce him to going out and about with you socially. When you need to go out, leave him treats in a kong or a lick mat, it'll keep him occupied and busy.
Getting a dog does turn your life upside down, as much as having a baby does. Give it some more time and you'll settle yourselves into a routine.

I felt like this with the wrong dog, with the right dog it felt completely different.

Update: he's awesome at night, sleeps from 10pm -7am downstairs.

He trots into his room and awaits a treat before settling down for the night.

I can now leave the house for 30 mins without any barking (I go and sit in the car 😂 ) He's still asleep when I come back so I could leave longer but don't want to push it.

He's much worse if I'm in the house and he can hear me - he will get really wound up and just want to be where I am. So I just let him!

More advice needed - I got up from the sofa (he was on the floor right by my feet) and I guess he was in a deep sleep and my movement frightened him, as he snapped around and snarled, snapped at me several times, it was very scary. Went on for 10-15 seconds, not just a quick snap.

As soon as he 'came to' he stopped and looked very apologetic.

That's great progress.

What you describe sounds like sleep startle which is very common - the safest way to deal with it is to just not wake them up with a start, easier said than done I know! So instead of just standing up, try waking him up by calling his name etc. first so he's fully awake before you move.

This sounds very positive overall.

Regarding the sleep startle, I would hope this lessens the more secure he feels in your home. He's dealt with so much change in the last few weeks.

www.battersea.org.uk/pet-advice/dog-advice/sleep-startle-dogs