Puppy Survival Thread for New and Old Pups - here comes winter 2024

[Bupster]

I thought I might as well be the one to start the new thread! Nothing to report but a sleepy puppy over here.

Really hope you're doing okay tonight @peachgreen

@peachgreen you are absolutely not pathetic. Puppies are fucking awful but they must be worth it otherwise no one would do it (or that's what I keep telling myself). Sending you lots of love, it's so hard. Make sure you keep posting here for support.

@peachgreen I was constantly crippled by anxiety with Bill for weeks and months. Yes, I cried - I think everyone does. For me the change began at around four months old - he was more or less toilet trained and the sharpest of his shark teeth began to fall out. And I got over my anxiety enough to get him started at daycare so I could have two days a week in the office, which was transformational for my mental health (never mind my capacity to work!).

See what's near you and if there are recommendations from friends. My daycare is astonishing. Most weeks he's at someone's house with just the carer and her own older dog. When that carer is away he goes to HQ with more dogs but also more carers, and he has a marvellous time, and has developed such good social skills with other dogs. They send photos all day and a report if he's been at HQ about who he's played with. They even have a taxi service which is handy when you have an extremely elderly, rattly old banger that falls apart on a regular basis (and getting the pup picked up so you can work is the absolute height of luxury). And it's £27 a day (plus a tenner each way if they collect/drop off).

Somehow you need to carve a little bit of time out to be yourself again - even if it's not right now, you'll need it at some point, and before he's fully grown. Doesn't have to be daycare but if you don't have friends or family who can regularly take the pup off your hands you need something, and it might be a while before you can leave some puppies alone - Bill's seven months and has still not managed more than eight minutes in a different room from me 🙄

You’re not pathetic @peachgreen or if you are so are we all because I think we’ve all admitted now to crying at times over our puppies behaviour and our response to it.

Do you need to wake the puppy up for the school run if she’s asleep in her crate? I probably wouldn’t tbh. I didn’t crate mine but thought that was one of the advantages of crating, that you can safely leave them in the house for short amounts of time without the fear of what they might do to the house.

it’s so normal to wee in the house after just spending time in the garden. Roman used to do it all the time, the little sod. I think they can’t understand it at all what they are expected to do, until one day the penny drops. As hard as it is, you have to just keep repeating the good things you are doing with regard to taking the puppy outside every half hour or so and heaping praise when they DO wee or poo outside, with a treat too if they are food oriented. And ignoring the accidents inside, beyond cleaning them up.

Tbh I used to feel jealous of my husband for being able to go out to work daytimes and get respite from the puppy. And he admitted to me recently that he used to go to the office more than he actually needed to because it was easier there than working from home! He loves Roman but he found him hard to be around in the first few weeks & months too. Funnily enough he has been able to work from home 3 days this week - now the 6 month old version of Roman will lie quietly in his bed in the living room or in my husband’s study and will always toilet outside.

Morning all. Sorry for disappearing last night. To be honest it was a very hard afternoon, and as soon as DP came in I went and had a bath then cried myself to sleep!

Unfortunately today hasn't been much better. She peed in her crate overnight (no whining to be let out, just the pee) but was then an angel for DP this morning while we were working, but as soon as he left to go and get a shower (just after he'd taken her out) she pooed on the floor in her pen (which I cleared up immediately obviously) and whined and barked at me for the whole time he was gone. Then he came back down and she settled, then he left the room again to make coffee and she instantly weed on the floor (which I again cleared up immediately) and then she again started barking at me the entire time. It feels like she's developed separation anxiety, specifically for him. If anyone has any tips on that it would be hugely appreciated.

Honestly I'm ready to give up. It feels like all I've done for the past 24 hours is cry. I do hear what you're all saying, that you all felt similarly and it was all worth it in the end but I just can't see past this and I miss our old life so much. DP and I did talk about finding an in-home style puppy daycare for her for the days he's in the office, and he is open to it, but a) we would struggle to afford it (even though it is very reasonable) and b) it obviously isn't an option for a little while yet. I don't really know what to do.

@twiglets1 Unfortunately even when she's sound asleep, as soon as we move she wakes up, and there's no way I could leave her in the house alone – she would 100% anxiety poo in her crate! I wish I could. The school run is only 15 minutes, but she wouldn't cope.

A really stupid thing I'm sad about today is that tonight, my daughter has a Christmas party at her school which all three of us were due to go to. It's only an hour and it's just up the road so when we got Betty we sort of (naively!) thought that it would be a good test case to see how she handled being left in her crate for a more extended period of time, assuming that we would have built up to it in 5 minute increments by now. Of course that's not happened, so DP can't come. Which means I'm back to doing school events with DD alone. Her dad died suddenly when she was 2 and one of the things I found hardest (partly for me, partly for her) was that at school things it was always just me and her, whereas almost everyone else would be there as a family (we live in a very middle class area, in DD's class she's the only one who doesn't live at home with both parents and one of only half a dozen whose mum works!). It was so lovely once DD and DP had bonded and we started going to things as a three. I know it's a tiny, stupid thing, but it is part of why I'm struggling so much today, I think. I guess it's probably also triggering my grief for DH.

God, I'm so sorry, I'm just taking over this thread with my moaning!

@peachgreen

Hiya,

Sorry it's so hard. And really, really sorry to hear about the loss of your husband. You and your little girl have clearly been through a lot of heartache.

As for the puppy weeks. If I'm brutally honest, you are realistically likely to have a few more weeks of mopping up puddles and picking up poo before she is fully housetrained. It does slowly improve; you start to read the signs easier and pup starts to learn to ask, but really, with most puppies, it takes until they're about 4 months old before you get any reliable toilet routine.

Separation anxiety; yes, it is inconvenient when one of you has to stay at home but again, it's a gradual process. You start off with 'flitting' then spending a few minutes out of the room and build on it. Brie was probably 5 or 6 months before we really left her. We still don't leave her for long. It is a pity about your daughter's event - I hope you manage to go, but unless you can arrange a puppy sitter it may indeed be best for your partner to stay with pup. It is probably too soon to leave her.

With the bonding, it may be a case of her picking up on your anxiety a bit, so if your partner is a bit more relaxed around her, that could be why she is bonding more to him. Don't worry. Not all of us (myself included) are natural dog people. The bond will come when you are feeling less anxious. Don't pressure yourself.

As the others here have said, Puppies are horrible. They really are evil little critters. It is exhausting. But if you can get through it, the rewards are huge. Honestly, in 6 months time you'll look back at all this and she'll feel like a different dog; by then, you won't be able to imagine life without her.

Try to enjoy your evening. Have some quiet time whenever you can. It will get easier. xxx

Oh @peachgreen, I’m so sorry you’re not feeling any better. I remember your threads from before, and I’m sorry that this has triggered your past sadnesses. It’s not a small or stupid thing for you to need your team to be together; I completely understand that.

Have you got anyone else (physically) close to you who could sit with Betty this evening so you can all go out? If I could teleport to NI I would, gladly.

I agree with @PyreneanAubrie that she might be picking up on your (very reasonable) anxiety. Don’t beat yourself up further, but if you can, try and relax a bit more with her. Make her your person, just as she wants you to be hers.

Whining and barking at you sounds like over-tiredness. The second she starts that – provided she’s got everything else she needs and it isn’t a bark to say ‘I need a wee/poo’, she needs a nap. I didn’t crate train but when I had silly whiny behaviour, pupsy went straight in her bed. She didn't like it but tough. She was tired and she needed to sleep. Betty should be sleeping the vast majority of the day – she doesn’t know how to do that by herself yet so you need to show her and tell her.

Does your job allow you to work on the sofa or do you need a desk? Ie, can you sit with her on the sofa while she sleeps? If you can then she might just nod off and that way you get some bonding in too, which is what you want (even if you can’t see it now!)

No need to apologise for moaning – that’s what this is for. Don’t give up! With (lots of) love you have been through worse and you're here to tell the tale of begging a puppy to poo in the garden looking stylish in your crocs. You CAN do this. Sending a huge hug from us both here <3

(Re tonight, maybe I am a cold-hearted witch but I was leaving pupsy for an hour at 12 weeks. If I hadn’t I would have had a nervous breakdown.)

I understand you’re feeling at the end of your tether @peachgreen Don’t worry about hijacking the thread, it’s for support and different people need support at different times.

Your puppy seems to have no qualms about doing wees/poos in their crate. Roman was exactly the same which was one reason we quickly gave up on it. Though if the crate is useful to you in other ways you may want to keep yours. I’m just making the point that you’re not alone & some puppies are quite happy to do business in their crates despite what you read about crate training being great for house training them quicker.

Sorry about all the very understandable things that are upsetting you. I know you are feeling trapped but you aren’t, really. My suggestion would be for you & your partner to set a time limit on it, so for example you could decide to give it up until Betty is 6 months old and if things are no better, consider rehoming at that stage. She will be past the tiny puppy stage by then & will probably be choosing not to wee or poo in the house and maybe you will have felt able to leave her alone for short amounts of time. Things could suddenly feel a lot easier but if you still feel as unhappy then I certainly wouldn’t judge you for looking into rehoming. The main thing is to give it a good try so that if it doesn’t work out you know you did your best.

Thank you so much, you lovely people. I will reply properly tomorrow when I have more time but I’m so grateful to you for the advice and support.

Sorry I don't have much to add on top of what everyone else has said but sending you lots of love @peachgreen. I hope things start to improve for you soon 🩷

Just to add, @peachgreen , puppy-sitters were my lifeline when Bill was tiny. I am on my own with him and at seven months he still can't be left alone. For £15 I got an hour to myself for a piano lesson (I'm terrible and a beginner but I love it) or for a bit more I got to go to the gym. Just time without him, remembering who I was. Daycare later let me go into work for whole days but at the beginning when they're tiny you still need to be able to leave the house without her sometimes x

Also agree with @brushingboots re tiredness. Bill would only sleep at my feet while I was eating/working at the dining table, or on the sofa next to me. He is expanding his range but still likes to be in physical contact. Even now I make sure he gets at least three hours asleep between 10am and 6pm and usually a bit more, largely by sitting down, sticking brown noise on the Alexa, and getting him to settle next to me. It's the only way I get any work done.

Morning everyone. It's been another tough morning here – DP has to go out to get new tires on the car and get his haircut and I'm dreading it as she again peed on the floor and barked the whole time he was in the shower. He's doing some training with her now and then I'm going to go in and sit with her in the lounge (the only place she'll do an enforced nap, apparently!) while she (hopefully) naps. Not ideal as I really need to work (and sadly the nature of my jobs means I need two large monitors so can't work on a laptop) but the best solution in the circumstances. We've put some strategies in place to hopefully help her feel more bonded to me – I'm going to be the one who feeds her from now on, and I am making really sure to do my best to spend quality time with her in the evenings – we're trying to teach her the difference between "Mum and Dad in work mode" and "Mum and Dad in play mode".

I still feel pretty hopeless but rereading your messages is definitely helping, so thank you so much.

I wanted to ask about puppy sitters and puppy day care. How did you go about finding those? We have a trip to see Santa coming up and I'm determined all three of us will go as DD is so excited. And DP has agreed that puppy daycare one day a week would be good for us all so we're going to look at that after Christmas.

Bless you @peachgreen. You are really putting such effort in despite how much of a tough time you're having, and you should be so proud of that.

Great news re looking into daycare after Christmas. Are you on Facebook and part of any local community groups where you can ask for recommendations? I don't really know anyone with dogs so have found our village one invaluable asking about different things such as vets etc.

Feeling disappointed today 😢 we were due to go to Chatsworth for the day but puppy started coughing last night, continued all through the night… managed to see the vet this morning who confirmed kennel cough. So instead of a lovely day out I’m cleaning up dog phlegm and trying to comfort him. Need to go out for more supplies (kitchen roll) but don’t want to leave him.

Hi fellow dog lovers 👋🐶

So sorry to hijack this chat but desperately looking for some help and thought I might get more response here than starting my own thread!

Basically our dog sitter has let us down in having our 2 dogs whilst we go on our honeymoon in a couple of months. I have rung every single dog boarder in our local area (and beyond!) and either nobody has availability, won't be able to take both of them, or don't look after "large breeds".

There was one that said they'd be able to have them which was a huge kennel type place. I took them there for a look around and to meet the owner and it was really not good - lots of dogs locked up, barking and pacing around their kennels🙁DP agreed we couldn't have left the dogs there as we'd be worried sick our whole holiday which would completely ruin it...

One option is that my in laws have them at their house which would be fine if they didn't need quite a bit of exercise. I can't realistically expect ILs to take them out twice a day for an hour at a time during winter!

I have tried to find a dog walker just to take them out once a day whilst they stay at ILs but that is proving impossible too as they all have "regulars" so won't fit ours in for 2 weeks only (fair enough).

Does anybody have any ideas as I'm getting desperate now? Is there anything I haven't thought of??

Thank you so much in advance 🙏

Have you tried asking your vets @Starlight1979 sometimes they know of people offering dog boarding

Oh hell, so sorry to hear this @JohnNutLips
I hope your little chap makes a speedy recovery.

No I haven't! I didn't even think of that! Will ring them now - thank you. And fingers crossed!

Fingers crossed for you

@Starlight1979 Would some of your friends rally round to come and take them for walks while they stayed at your parents'? If you set up a rota you could get away with each friend doing it once or twice, that's really not a big ask. I know I would do it for a friend so they could go on their honeymoon! I hope you get sorted, how worrying.

@JohnNutLips So sorry you're missing your trip, and that pup has kennel cough. Betty came to us with kennel cough and it was horrid to hear BUT it didn't seem to bother her that much and cleared up within a few days, and there was only one day where she was actually coughing stuff up that needed cleared. Hopefully he's on the mend quickly.

Significant win here! She peed on the floor AGAIN when DP left to go and get dressed and I was saying to him that I don't know what to do because I can't take her out every time she whines when he's gone because she basically whines the whole time (unless I'm treating her for being quiet!), but equally I don't want her peeing on the floor multiple times a day! He said we needed to decide which behaviour we most wanted to tackle first, and we agreed that it's better for me and for her if she learns to settle when he's not here, so we decided to put down a puppy pad so I can focus on her self-soothing. Well, we put one down and she INSTANTLY lay down on it and went to sleep (despite having a very cosy bed in there with her...!). DP left to go and get the tires and his haircut and she woke up, whined a bit when he left so I settled her and treated her for being quiet and... she lay back down on the puppy pad and slept there for a good half hour, and is now resting happily in her crate. I don't know what this witchcraft is but I'll take it! It means I can get some solid work done and then take her out to play for a bit over my lunch break. PHEW. Let's pray this continues! Also I bought a mirror for my desk which mean I can see her without turning round and disturbing her, and she seems to be able to see my face in it which seems to have also helped?!

Have also asked on our local Facebook/neighbourhood groups about puppy daycare AND DP's parents have agreed to have her when we're visiting Santa so I can stop worrying about that. Feeling a lot more positive and I haven't cried yet today... another win!

@peachgreen Hooray for some wins this morning! Very glad to hear you won't have to break your date with Santa.

I found my daycare through word of mouth on dog walks so when you can get her out and about it's worth asking every friendly walker you meet (if you are likely to see lots of people around). She must be able to go out fairly soon now?

Ah well, that's sounding good @peachgreen It's all tiny baby steps and small victories and that's the way to go.

So now, maybe you're starting to believe us a little bit when we say that it does get easier. There will still be bumps in the road but they gradually flatten out.
Having puppy sitters while you visit Santa sounds like an excellent plan. Don't forget to remind Betty that if she's a good girl, Santa will bring gifts for her on Christmas morning too...😉

You know we're here when you need to vent (and you will) but a day without tears will be progress. Be kind to yourself.

Her second injections are next week so about three more weeks. I can't wait, I think it will make such a difference to my mental health. We're away for two weeks over Christmas – staying with my parents so Betty is coming with us – so it will be lovely to be able to get her out and about around my home town. (The less said about the 3 hour ferry and 5 hour drive the better... thank goodness we booked the dog-friendly cabin!)

Thank you @PyreneanAubrie. Today I sort of believe I can do this. If she will settle when she's with me, I can handle pees and poos!

Once they can get out for tiny walks it gets so much easier. They start sleeping better for one thing.

Two of our pups did that long trip in reverse; a girl at 11 weeks from Newry, via Dun Laoghaire to Holyhead as a foot passenger in a small crate. A boy from County Clare to Belfast-Stanraer car ferry in the big crate at 9 weeks. Both were absolutely fine and Betty will be too.