Puppy blues or have I made an enormous mistake

[CharlieBoff]

Please be gentle with your replies here cos I feel bad enough as it is.

Got a puppy just over two months ago and I am regretting it every day. It’s just too much. I am constantly exhausted and bad tempered from trying to remind the kids and DH to put their shit away so the dog doesn’t eat it, and they never do then complain that the dog has eaten the Wii controller/magazine/trousers. The dog is constantly in the face of our youngest growling and jumping up, it only goes for a walk for ten minutes then pulls to come home where it then tears around the house for hours. It won’t eat its food then eats its own shit, and I’ve tried everything to get the dog to toilet outside but no joy. I’ve tried Will Atherton, that American one that I can’t remember the name of, and easy peasy puppy squeaky and all the online courses I can think of, and I still want to just hide and cry.

I have in person puppy training coming up next week (9week course), but I honestly don’t know how much of a difference it’ll make. What do I do? Do I stick this out as it’s unfair to the kids who love this dog, yet spend no time with them because they’re constantly being growled at, or bite the bullet and look at rehoming? Is this going to get better?

What breed is the puppy?

it gets better, so much better! I cried so much, to be completely honest I hated the little fucker. Biting, chewing furniture, non stop barking, I could go on. For me it was never an option to get rid of him which showed that I did love him but fucking hell puppy blues are real!

I posted on here on a particularly bad night and was ripped a new one “I feel sorry for your dog” “give him up, you’re obviously not a dog person” “are you my neighbour because I fucking hate you having a dog too” good times!

Try and find little ways to bond with him, it could be good, teaching him tricks, walks. Mine will be 2 in November and he is my best friend, when everyone in the house is being awful he looks up at me as if to say “I’m here”. I love him beyond words and would be lost without him. As I said, it gets so so much better.

It depends how much you actually want to keep the dog.
If you really wanted a dog you’d do everything you need to do to make it work, and so would the others in the house. It sounds like you wanted a well behaved dog, to fit in with the family, from the off and that’s not happened.
It sounds like the dog isn’t very happy either.

Just a tip as well, when ours was biting and overly jumpy it meant he was over tired and it was time for the crate. That was a big turning point once I learned that

It sounds like the dog isn’t very happy either.

or, hear me out, it sounds like she has a puppy 🥴

It is very normal to feel this way.

I raise guide dog puppies, and with every single one I wanted to send it back for the first few weeks 😂 I don't even have young kids to deal with.

They do get better, but it's a lot of bloody hard work. I may be stating the obvious here, but with the toileting, do you supervise the puppy going to the loo and use a key word/lots of praise every time?

With guide dogs we use "busy busy" and "BIG busy" for a poo. We also fence off a specific area of the garden to use, so they know what they're out for. If we get one that eats it's own, we let it do it's business and have a treat ready to lure them back into the house before going out to clean up. Never let them out unattended.

You might benefit from having a puppy pen, so you can separate it from the kids when it's getting a bit stressful. Have you crate trained?

Also, you can tire the puppy out using brain training /puzzles. If it doesn't eat its own food maybe try a different one?

You can get puzzles to hide the food in, like snuffle mats, or even roll up an old towel to hide it in. Soak kibble in hot water and stuff a rubber kong or hollow calcium bone with it then freeze. Can have that as part of their food allowance and it's relaxing for them. Good to use when they need time out. I've also hidden their food in their toy box.

This all sounds fairly normal. I'll be honest I found the first couple years hard. Because after naughty pup stage came obstinate teen stage. But now he's fab.

How old is pup? I think for first year you walk 5 mins per month of age twice a day so if he's 4 months he needs two twenty min walks. Get a harness if he's pulling.

You need to be doing training several times a day but the puppy sessions should help with that.

Buy some Chewy toys, a kong to put food in, a lick mat and a snuffle mat. He needs stuff to entertain him when you are busy.

Do you have a crate? Crate training really helps.

How long is he left alone for? If it's more than a couple hours you might be best to get a dog walker in.

https://www.wob.com/en-gb/books/steve-mann/easy-peasy-puppy-squeezy/9781788701600?gadsource=1&gbraid=0AAAAADZzAIB2bqPD2gg7eUWG3DGnj878i&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIjv7jqqeeiAMVhIBQBh39rB4EAQYASABEgI8SPDDBwE#GOR010677778

I found this book helped

Please don’t feel bad or guilty! It happens to all of us! I’ve had dogs my entire life (50 now!!) and my most recent I used to fantasise about taking back to the breeder as he was giant tit.

Remember at this age the puppy isn’t growling out of aggression - it’s how they communicate with their litter mates to start games! It’s just playing, but I appreciate it won’t sound like that.

How old are your children? I’ve found very young children tend to wind puppies up a lot - often without realising it and make them far worse in terms of biting etc.

You also need to try different food - puppies eat their own poo because they’re lacking nutrients.

That being said, if your DH isn’t going to pitch in, you need to find additional support. Kids and a useless DH will make this so much harder than it needs to be

Sorry just re read and saw you have that book.

Eat shit is gross but they usually grow out of it. We put down wee mats but just took our out side like 4-6 times a hour till he got it.

What breed is the dog?

Whether you made a mistake or not pretty much depends on why you got the dog. I know I was pretty stressed for ages when I got my lovely little companion!

To ease two of your biggest problems, baby gates and crate training will give you all time out, use a Halti so that the pulling isn’t a problem.

if you only work on one thing make it recall, that way you can let the dog off the lead for a good run round in a local park to use up energy so it will be more likely to settle at home.

Firstly you need to speak to all the family together and tell them if they want to keep the puppy then they all have to be onboard with training and looking after puppy. The first few months are horrendous, I remember being the only one left in the room with the puppy of an evening, DH and DC would go to their rooms and leave me with the puppy, although I’d been alone with him all day. We crate trained him and he did go to bed at 9 each night, just to get a bit of peace. We also had a stair gate so he couldn’t go upstairs. Toilet training wasn’t too bad for me, whenever he went outside he got rewarded by stupidly over the top praise from me plus a high value treat like chicken or sausage every single time and he soon got used to knowing if he went outside he’d get a treat. Regarding putting things away, we had to do this, our lounge was so bare, no rugs, cushions, throws, tv remotes and anything electrical up high. Re the biting, I found by chance that my puppy didn’t like the smell of body spray, so wouldn’t bite if we sprayed ourselves. Yes, I did wonder if we did the right thing getting a puppy, but he’s 6 years old now and we love him to bits.

Please prioritise your children. What is more important than their health and general welfare. Having a clean germ free home is the MOST important factor in their life.
Prioritise yourself so that you can pay full attention to your family.
You know what makes sense.

It's very early days.
It would help if the family were on board with the effort though, maybe call a family meeting to discuss the fact that this puppy is essentially a project which could have a good pricing or a bad outcome... and unless you all want to share your home with an annoying adult dog for some years puppy needs consistency and a united approach because you can't do it all alone.
Puppy needs attention when doing desirable things and nothing interesting rewarding it fun when doing the wrong things. Trouble with bad behaviour is that it often creates a really interesting reaction, so bites and growls create a commotion and that's fun when you're a puppy with no sense of right and wrong.
So all the good stuff, games, attention, interesting things to do, need to happen before puppy is annoying and stops when he starts.
Everyone needs to help with this. If it's not consistent the mixed messages will scupper the effort.

There's a brilliant Facebook group called Dog Trainjng Advice and Support with lots of free guides. I felt the same about my dog as a puppy. Didn't think I'd ever be able to get anything done in the house. He was a little land shark and I thought I'd got the most aggressive dog. He got the zoomies and went bonkers. Yep that's being a puppy and I realised they all go through it. Make sure he's not getting over tired as that's when they're at their worst. I promise you it gets better. Mine is now 2.5. He still steals shoes and socks but is my gorgeous, calm boy.

@CharlieBoff

There are SO many threads like this. There is/was an ongoing thread for new puppy owners.

i had my last puppy years ago. I don't remember any of this, except her being a baby land shark, which drove me MAD, but I've learnt so much since then. I think I'd cope so much better now

I can't have a puppy/dog at the moment, I can't wait until I can, but I expect I'll feel the same as you but I'd be more traumatised to have kids as well!! (56!!)

you'll get through this & one day wonder how it could possibly have been so bad you'd have let the dog catcher have him/her!!

swap out a toy everytime it's using your hand as a teether. Keep some in your pocket.

if he/she on dry food keep lots back so you can treat her for everything!! Without turning him.her without turning him/her into a barrel on legs!

its only tiny, plan for the walks they enjoy it'll increase as you go. Use brain games to tire him.her out.

now play the game...puppy tax!

🙄🙄🙄

Tell me you’ve never had a puppy without saying ‘I’ve never had a puppy.’

same also applies for cats.

6-18 months is the hard slog but so worth it if you stick it out. Think of it as ages 2-18 for humans condensed into 12 months.

Consistency is key so have a chat with everyone and say if we are doing this you need to be on side. Training the people around dogs is as much of an issue :)

Good luck OP I am sure you can stick it out and the reward will be a loyal and loving family pet/icon

😂😂😂

If your priority as a parent is a “germ free home” then you’re pretty screwed from the off. Kids are grubby little creatures

Phoebe is having too many feelings!

@CharlieBoff this is normal but there are things you can do to make life easier. Crate train your puppy and attach a puppy pen around it, so he has a safe area to mooch in. Only take puppy outside on a lead so that you can supervise pees/poos.

10 minutes walk time is absolutely fine. Make it 10 minutes of sniffing and fun. Practice loose lead walking in the garden.

It gets better!

One of mine was a monster when he was a pup he would steal socks then bite you hard if you tried to get them off him and jump up all the time there’s more but I’d be here all day! Now he’s 2 and much better behaved but still has his moments but I nipped it in the bud and trained as hard and as much as could because he’s a rotty can’t have him misbehaving. He’s my best friend ever tho he looks at me with such love and the cuddles are the best 😁 hang on in there and do train as much as possible even if that means a proper trainer to help. Good luck

Get in a good 121 dog trainer to come to your house to help support you. When you are tired and knackered it is hard to make decisions let them tell you what to do and how to make it work in your household.

This too will pass

I think the class will help. Take the kids (maybe one at a time) along too so they learn how to react to the dog.

How old are kids? Is DH in house more than you?

Tbh I think the puppy thing is part of your problem but feeling unsupported and alone with the stress is also a major part. Puppy is going to puppy but I'd lose my shit at the family and explain how you feel.

Sit them down (depending on kids' ages) and explain you're at your wits' end, you need them to step up. Make it a learning experience about how women don't always have to do the care and cleaning. It's not fair and right now you're just sucking it up.