Puppy blues or have I made an enormous mistake

[CharlieBoff]

Please be gentle with your replies here cos I feel bad enough as it is.

Got a puppy just over two months ago and I am regretting it every day. It’s just too much. I am constantly exhausted and bad tempered from trying to remind the kids and DH to put their shit away so the dog doesn’t eat it, and they never do then complain that the dog has eaten the Wii controller/magazine/trousers. The dog is constantly in the face of our youngest growling and jumping up, it only goes for a walk for ten minutes then pulls to come home where it then tears around the house for hours. It won’t eat its food then eats its own shit, and I’ve tried everything to get the dog to toilet outside but no joy. I’ve tried Will Atherton, that American one that I can’t remember the name of, and easy peasy puppy squeaky and all the online courses I can think of, and I still want to just hide and cry.

I have in person puppy training coming up next week (9week course), but I honestly don’t know how much of a difference it’ll make. What do I do? Do I stick this out as it’s unfair to the kids who love this dog, yet spend no time with them because they’re constantly being growled at, or bite the bullet and look at rehoming? Is this going to get better?

It doesn't matter really. All puppies are REALLY hard work! I am a dog trainer and found mine REALLY hard work. Now at 2 she is pretty much great but it took a long time to get there.

Puppies are horrible. There is very little joy there for quite some time IME but it does come. Dogs are always a way of life - you have to plan things around them more than you would for children in some ways so that is never going to change. But with the right management then the biting, toileting and general energy does change (as long as their needs are met) although in some breeds they do stay puppyish for some time.

In the nicest possible way, training isn't a one off thing, so when you say you've tried Will Atherton etc, what do you mean? Depending on the breed, you should be expecting to work on having a healthy relationship with your dog for somewhere between 10 to 15 years.

With a puppy, patience, time and consistency are pretty crucial.

I think many owners have some sort of ideal that they hold up that their dog should be, and then think either they, or their dog has failed if they don't achieve it. Look for progress over perfection, and be patient.

Yep been there , around 2 months in is the hardest time I think because they're getting bigger and have loads of energy!

I think the puppy training classes will really help you, even if just to talk to other puppy owners going through the same thing.

The poo eating is also normal , but totally gross.

Do you have a crate for the dog? Ours didn't have a crate but had a doggy playpen thing for the first few months. We also keep him in the kitchen diner until he had stopped chewing and was house trained. We also have him "time out" in the utility room when he was being too boisterous.

Our dog is now two, so we’re through the puppy stage. Are you crate training? I absolutely recommend it. Initially you have to make house training your number one priority. It’s a full time job but pays dividends if you put the work in. Your puppy needs supervision constantly at this stage. If you can’t supervise it, they go into the crate. The rest of the time you take it outside frequently. Inside you watch it, all the time. Any sign that they need to go, you whip them outside. Watch it,so it can’t eat poo, watch it so it can’t chew stuff. When everyone needs a break, use the crate.

We are in the thick of it too with a young family. What has helped us is the more practical things. Dog gates everywhere.

More storage for the dc's things which have now gone upstairs in bedrooms.

What was most stressful was that dog eating and then the resulting poos and wees seemed to coincide with school runs and making dinner. so we moved his eating times 15 mins. So for breakfast he eats 15 mins before the DC are down. He's taken out into the garden for a poo and then I can focus on them getting ready for school rather than stepping over wee puddles while trying to heat up milk for weetabix.

Consistency is the key!
When our pup was a baby pup we put a list on the fridge that reminded everyone of words we were using for different actions.

There's nothing worse than everyone pulling in different directions.

I used to get so resentful of DH and DC, I'd be at home with him all day everyday and the rest would just swan in full of energy and love for the dog. Me not so much!!

I used to spend what felt like most of my day either saying 'no' or spending big chunks of the day 'teaching' my dog to sleep.
Really not dissimilar to a toddler.

It helped me to remember that that time passed with DC so this stage too will pass

We have 2 dogs one of whom is a hyper 1 year old that we took as a rescue even though we didn’t actually want a second dog. It’s been an interesting 6 months and we’re just hoping very much that he calms down as he gets older. The toileting thing just clicked one day for no apparent reason and he’s been ok since then. We have crates and use them regularly when he, the other dog, or we need a break. Our older dog lives their crate and happily goes to it for a rest from choice. If your puppy is reluctant to eat then try a different food. We tried dry, pouches, raw and cooked frozen and have settled with butternut box for them both with added kibble. They wolf it down instantly and poops are firm so we know it’s a good choice for them. That said the puppy will probably eat poo if it finds it on a walk, grim but there we are unfortunately.

By the time my little monster was 4 mths old I would have happily given her back to the breeder. Teeth like razors and as her main 'playmate' I could do nothing without her. It did nearly drive me to tears and that was with puppy socialisation & training classes. What saved me was dog day care and getting time apart. Also making sure all the other people in the house spend proper time with her and looking after her. A dog's part of the family and everyone needs one on one time with the dog in my view, kids can't avoid dog related chores too. It's took us 5 remotes, several credit cards and pairs of shoes to learn to puppy proof the downstairs. She's now nearly 2 and in my view almost perfect - if only she'd remember to come back when called....

Absolute hell on earth, like having a hairy, pooping, peeing, bitey newborn.

Is it worth it? Of course. But expect a few months of sheer, unadulterated hell (depending on breed/individual dog). You must train the dog in this time though, be firm but loving, establish boundaries etc. Mine was the hound from hell. He turned into the best boy/ loved by everyone not a trained therapy dog but he has been into hospitals and care homes (per consultants and managers, I didn’t just turn up with him).

If you really cannot cope, please return to the breeder whilst the pup is young so someone else can have the puppy. It is hard and if you don’t make time it may end badly.

Your family need to be on board or suffer the consequences of chewed things. They need to help.

@thoroughlypickled That is my absolute dream job!

Though I thought they only picked the calm ones 😳 and mine must have been an unfortunate reject 😆 bless him.

Very normal. You seem to be expecting a lot of (what i assume is) a 4/5 month old pup. You say youve tried training and its not working after 2 months but its not going to work that quick. The toilet training should be sorted by say 6 months old. The rest is a 1 to 2 year job at least depending on breed.

Hi @CharlieBoff although Spence isn’t a puppy, I found that this helped; I kept calling him ‘Spencer’ he was never ‘the dog’.
Now we might not have got on some times but I tried so hard not to ‘de-dogalise’ 😂 him, I found that it helped a lot.
Also, I agree with others, you need to sit your family down and get them all singing off the same hymn sheet regarding how your pup is treated and made to feel part of the family. You can’t be doing all the work while they do fun stuff.
Spencer is our third dog, and I had to do ‘the dog chat’ with my husband because of his reactivity (Spencer’s not my husband’s 🙄). The previous two drove me utterly nuts and had me in tears at times. Bill ate three sofas and Daisy couldn’t walk past water without charging into it, and then you couldn’t get her out.
At some point with all three I felt like you do, usually coming home to a mauled sofa…again, standing crying by our local canal with other dog walkers pitying me, calling for Daiz, or when Spence’s ‘other dog’ radar kicks in and we need to get out treats… but I still end up on my arse hanging on. But they are and were the best dogs in the whole world, and in time your pup very likely will be too.

@CharlieBoff …of course this isn’t to say your dog is going to do bonkers stuff like ours when he is older. We just specialise in adopting bonkers dogs.

Hang in there. First things first you need proper walks, with off or long lead time that will make a massive difference. Second games at home? Third can you contain the puppy to several rooms which you keep clear? It will get better and the training is a great shout.

Hang in there! I got a young rescue this time last year & whilst not a teenie puppy, he came as a totally untrained 8 month old so much of what you say sounds very familiar. The first 3-4 months were a killer, then I had some tough days but some good and now we're 90% there with only a few niggles we're still working on but he's very much one of the family now. Once the toileting is sorted and you are sleeping at night, everything else feels a bit more manageable. What saved me (& some I wish I'd implemented sooner) were:

Teaching him to settle. OMFG he was on the go non-stop wanting to play, walk, barking, jumping everywhere and I kept feeding that with more play/walks etc. He was overstimulated and over-tired and just needed to learn to settle. He will now go to his bed on command & it really helps knowing we can eat a meal without interruption, I can open the door without worrying he'll bolt out and sometimes I just need to get some work done and calm gim down.

Have a break from him. I wfh full time and mine is a real velcro dog so I was literally with him 24/7 and felt a bit claustrophobic after a few months. A bit like small children, sometimes you need a break!

Find a decent sitter/walker even if just for emergencies. I don't need a regular walker or sitter but having a dog does restrict you sometimes and if you don't have friends or family who can help out, make sure you find yourself a sitter or walker BEFORE you need one. My dad taken to hospital and rushing around sorting dog care was the last thing I needed when my mum needed me with her.

Try and get your dog used to being alone slowly & age appropriate. Our dog came with separation anxiety & it's taken best part of the year to be able to leave him for 2 hours. He's never going to be a dog we can leave all day (not that I would anyway) so we have a number of people we can call on to help or send him to if needed.

Work hard on recall. Being able to let them off the lead and have a really good run around the woods or in the park is far more interesting for them & less time consuming for you than walking on a lead for hours on end.

Stick with it. We've all been there and it is worth it. My pooch is my salvation in a house of hormonal and moody teenagers!

This has genuinely made me cry! Thank you so much for being so kind with your advice.

Thank you so so much. Yes, I am probably the worst when it comes to over stimulating her, cos I’m so worried she’ll be bored, so my upcoming plan to focus on is to set her some chill out times and get the rest of the fam to help implement it

I really can’t thank you all enough for being so thoughtful and giving such good advice. I was a wreck this morning cos I thought I couldn’t cope and now I’m a wreck from total strangers being so supportive. I’ve spoken to the family, and had a bit of a cry at the table, but at least I’ve been heard and they know that they either have to help or we don’t get to enjoy the lovely dog that we all want and that she will (hopefully) turn out to be.

I think I also need to manage my expectations a bit, and maybe give the dog a bit of a break cos she is still little.

Really, I’m so grateful. Thank you all x

I praise her like crazy when she does a wee outside, it’s more getting her to poo. But she did her first EVER poo outside earlier today, and I’m surprised you didn’t hear me screaming with joy 😂

Thank you for taking the time to reply x

I’m sorry that people responded like that, but it’s things like that that made me so worried to post.

im so happy you have a gorgeous pal now, thank you for taking time to reply x

That King tip is brilliant, thank you so much. I’ll soak some food now ready to whack in the freezer, thank you x

Thank you so much. I’ve had a chat with the family tonight (along with a little cry) and I think my husband realised that he was leaving everything to me and it was taking a toll x

Puppy blues. Perfectly normal. You think you’re getting an Andrew puppy, and you’re get a Duracell bunny /land shark/ bites little monster.

it is hard work but it does get better. I hated the puppy stage .

Yes, I think this is a massive part of our problem cos when she kicks off we’re all around telling her no, and then it’s normally just me squealing away with the “GOOD GIRL, oh, you’re SO GOOD!” when she’s being lovely. I’ve mentioned it tonight to everyone, thank you for taking the time to reply x

Thank you so much. Yeah, I do feel like I’m just the family cook, maid and grumpy fishwife at the moment, but that’s another thread. I appreciate you taking the time to reply, and feel very seen! Thank you x