Puppy blues or have I made an enormous mistake

[CharlieBoff]

Please be gentle with your replies here cos I feel bad enough as it is.

Got a puppy just over two months ago and I am regretting it every day. It’s just too much. I am constantly exhausted and bad tempered from trying to remind the kids and DH to put their shit away so the dog doesn’t eat it, and they never do then complain that the dog has eaten the Wii controller/magazine/trousers. The dog is constantly in the face of our youngest growling and jumping up, it only goes for a walk for ten minutes then pulls to come home where it then tears around the house for hours. It won’t eat its food then eats its own shit, and I’ve tried everything to get the dog to toilet outside but no joy. I’ve tried Will Atherton, that American one that I can’t remember the name of, and easy peasy puppy squeaky and all the online courses I can think of, and I still want to just hide and cry.

I have in person puppy training coming up next week (9week course), but I honestly don’t know how much of a difference it’ll make. What do I do? Do I stick this out as it’s unfair to the kids who love this dog, yet spend no time with them because they’re constantly being growled at, or bite the bullet and look at rehoming? Is this going to get better?

Puppy training is to train US not the dogs. 😆 And it’s a godsend. Do it. Commit to it. Stick with it. It is essential.

And yes, puppy blues are real. I’ll never forget my pup taking a ginormous shit on the kitchen floor, my 20 month old following suit, and my 12 year old coming into kitchen, getting sick to his stomach at the sight of so much 💩and throwing up all over both sets of turds. I just sat on the kitchen floor sobbing. It was quite a moment.

My pup is 9 years old now. My ride or die who’s made life for us all so much sweeter. Full on, but sweeter for sure.

Seriously though… you’ll really benefit from pup school. Not online training though. In person, where the teacher can really teach you about recall, walking to heel, rewarding, eliminating nibbling and biting, but also it’s the perfect start to socialising with other dogs if it’s in a group setting.

Yep, really normal. I massively regretted getting our dog after the first couple of weeks. It was such hard work. I also felt I couldn't admit it because I was the one who wanted the dog and DH really really didn't.

But it did get better. And whilst consistency is important, I found dropping some elements of training for a bit saved my sanity.

Oh yeah completely normal! I hated every second of the puppy days with my boy, constantly on alert to take him out, stop him jumping, read his cues etc etc he was a bitey arsehole for what felt like forever. Then one day I realised he wasn’t so bad… but it took a long time! Consistency was key for me, having a routine and focus.
He’s 10 now and the most lovely boy who everyone loves, gentle and obedient and obsessed with me 🤣 but man…. Those early months/first couple of years - horrific. I will never get another puppy!

In the original post the OP has referred to their puppy as "it" I cannot tell you how much this annoys me. The puppy is a sentient being, not an "it", FFS

What breed is she OP, just interested. We get our pup tomorrow! Thanks tor a very interesting thread.

Jesus Christ, that sounds horrific 😂

but yes, I’m hoping we get there, and there are moments when she looks up at me and my heart breaks a little cos she is a sweetie pie really (sometimes!). In person puppy club starts next week and cannot come quick enough!

I know that, I put “it” because I didn’t want to be outing as I’ve complained loudly and a lot to my friends who I know are on here. But half way through I gave up, and didn’t care anymore. But yeah, thanks for your incredibly useful comment 🙄

Completely normal puppy behaviour, and completely normal and understandable to be at breaking point! Having a cry in front of the family was probably a good thing as it shows them how much strain you were under and how they need to buck up - even if it's just not leaving things where they can get eaten (and not complaining to you when they do). Balanced Dog UK on Instagram (maybe other platforms?) is very good and puppy training will help -not least in showing you you're not alone. It will get better - and in the meantime, taking a leaf out of the puppy training book and rewarding yourself whenever things get horrific (a little treat after cleaning up a horrific poonami, etc) can take the edge off a bit. Good luck!

I help run a volunteer dog training club and can really recommend ongoing classes after the initial course. Training is lifelong and it is true that a trained dog is a happy dog.

A "she" or "he" would have given it away?! Really?

My point is that you aren't seeing this living, breathing being as a part of the family. Calling them an "it" is really revealing & incredibly disrespectful.

Thanks so much for this! We are two weeks in to a new puppy (ten years since we last did the puppy thing) and I have forgotten so much. I read this yesterday and since then have popped him in his crate whenever he starts a mad biting rampage and he does go right off to sleep. Definitely an over tired thing.

There's no need to kick someone whilst they are reaching out for help.

There was a poster here ages ago who called her dog 'piss-pot' (because it used to pee in it's water bowl then roll in it) - next you'll be saying that she was being incredibly disrespectful to that dog...

Honestly, there is so much worse posted on Doghouse ATM that someone could call out and this is what you leap on...

Of course I see her as a part of this family! It’s a bit rich to assume you know exactly how I feel from one statement on an anonymous internet forum.

And I came on here looking for help, not condescending comments, so please stop commenting now

Thank you for this x

Just saying my truth and I would absolutely say it to your face. I have not though said I know exactly what you feel, I am expressing how I feel about what you have said. Calling a family member (your words) an 'it' is not a good look

Why is it so hard to understand? She doesn't call her dog "it" at home or in real life conversation. People post on MN about their kids all the time and refer to them as DC because they don't want to give the gender and I don't see people having a go at them. It's just the same. It makes people feel more anonymous and the poster has clearly explained that.

But one day, on a family walk, you may stop to get a stone out of your shoe like I did the other day. The humans were deep in conversation, but my gorgeous dog realised I'd got left behind and came back to find me.

The work will pay off.

Buy a belt treat bag and wear it all day. Give her a piece of kibble for everything good she does (sitting, not jumping up, lying down). They will automatically do the things that bring them treats (or a ball etc, if that's their thing).

You don’t give up, do you?

Pretty certain I mentioned trying not to ‘de-dogify’ the OP’s pup. Having said that, at some point I have fallen from grace and called all of our much loved family members a helluva sight worse than ‘it’. I may actually have stood sobbing and thrown empty threats at him ‘If you don’t fecking move I’ll just fecking leave you here!’ Then burbled down the phone to my husband that Spence sat down and won’t move again, could he come and get us. ‘It’ is pretty mild and a pronoun isn’t the sort of thing you can follow with ‘……, you little (insert as appropriate)’.
The name calling includes my husband who claims the family members in question behave this way due to me and don’t with him, despite some evidence to the contrary. Occasionally he has come in for far worse than the dogs, depending on the magnitude of the walk disaster and his reaction to my coping skills.
Spencer likes to watch TV especially dog programs, but I’m pretty sure neither he nor the OP @CharlieBoff ‘s pup have made it onto MumsNet, however smart they are. He won’t feel insulted. It will simply help OP to think of the pup by name. What is the pup called btw?
I don’t honestly think a couple of posts here calling the pup ‘it’ will hurt, especially when OP was upset about the situation.

You’re right. I absolutely don’t see my dog as a sentient being and call her it all the time. It’s exactly as you describe and in no way to protect anonymity. Thanks so much for sharing “your truth”. Now please stop commenting and find yourself another high horse, cos you are not helping and I have no clue what you’re trying to accomplish other than make me feel more shit than I already do.

(And by the way, my dog thinks you’re a knob)

This is lovely, thank you so much x

OP I had a serious case of the puppy blues for about two months but it all settled and he’s currently curled up beside me aged 12. It gets better I promise x

Thank you so much. If anyone wanted an update, everything does seem to be (slightly) settling, and me and my girl have had a very lush day just the two of us, so I am feeling slightly more positive! I can’t tell you how much I appreciate everyone taking the time to comment and be so kind x

No