Honesty please - getting a puppy

[Wiggleyfingers]

We've been desperate for a dog for a long time but never done it due to two reasons and would love some thoughts on these from people who have been through it.

Issue 1:
Family set up is 2 adults working full time and 2 children.
The dog would be left home alone for 2 days per week between hours of 7:30-4:30 (Mondays and Fridays if that makes a difference?!) On these days, I can pop back on my lunch break for around 45 minutes. Is this going to be an issue with a puppy? If so, for how long? We may be able to get a dog walker in the morning on those days to break the day up further.

Issue 2:
How much time off did you have when getting a puppy? I'm a teacher, so limited to school holidays. Would a week off in October be too short of time? Do we need to wait until Christmas? Is getting a puppy with toilet training during winter a bad idea?! Am I overthinking everything now?

Any advice welcome!

You’re welcome and I’m glad you have accepted the very honest advice people have given on here.

It is disheartening! But if you really want to spend more time with dogs, if you have any friends or family with dogs they will likely be more than willing to let you walk the dogs with them etc.

And look at it like this; once circumstances allow, you can go bonkers and do what I did and within 5 years find yourself with four dogs! 😁

@Wiggleyfingers you could look at retired greyhounds and a dog walker for the two days . They are generally easier to toilet train if they need any and are very good generally with children so the dedicated rescues are more likely to approve families .

The timing that has worked for some friends involved late-teens/early 20s student children with long, overlapping school/uni holidays (and in one case an unscheduled gap year), so you may not quite have to wait for retirement. But most have a WFH family member or nearby retired dog fan to take them during the day.

A pup needs to be an adult really to be ok with being left more than an hour or so. Mine is 2 and only just getting alone time (we've been building her up slowly). It will be a while yet before we can do 4 hours.

My last dog was left 8 - 12 then 2 - 3 ish weekdays and had no problems with this. She was much older when it started.

Most dogs can be taught to be ok alone for a few hours but it takes a lot of time and an awful lot of maturity! If it's two days a week and you are desperate is there a way you can make it work? I know people who have had temporary hour changes, employed sitters, skewed hours with partners in flexible jobs (that's what we do) until dog is ok alone.

If you are planning on leaving them alone for that amount of time please DO NOT get a puppy. I wouldn't even leave my adult dog alone for that long. A puppy is a baby and needs to be treated like one and a week off after getting one is not long enough. They will need to be toilet trained and they cannot hold their bladders for long at that age. They wee all the time so need to be let out every hour. Leaving one alone for that long you will come home to mess and pee and possibly a distressed dog who has caused damage to your home.

Dogs are a huge commitment and are really, really hard work, especially in those early days.

When our children were growing up they begged and begged us for a puppy but because we both worked full time we always said no. Its not fair on the puppy. We only got one when my husband changed jobs and worked from home and I went part time, also from home. The kids were also older and helped to take them out, play with them, feed them and walk them. But there is NO WAY we would have considered one before then.

Please think twice about this. Unfortunately people doing this without thinking about it and realising the commitment it takes is why many dogs end up in rescue centres.

Just to add that my OH works mostly from home, flexibly with very understanding fellow dog owning colleagues. He often had to work well into the evenings to catch up after I got home when our pup was under a year old. It was exhausting. You literally have to be on top of them unless they are asleep even in a dog proof area. They find something to eat, chew and that's when they are not hanging off you for play or just for fun!

At this point (our last dog was a rescue adult) neither of us are sure we'd do it again but hopefully we will have forgotten by the time ours dies.

We have a puppy at the moment and we can’t leave him alone for 5 mins at the moment!!!! Always one of us at home or he is crying and barking the house down! It will get easier as he gets older but it is what it is for now.

We have never left an adult dog for more than 6 hours, and that was only once in an emergency, and a friend visited. You cannot possibly contemplate that routine for a puppy. It would be cruel. The only way it would work would be to get day care in place and on board and that isn't easy, with such an early drop off. I really don't think you can do it.

Bucking the trend I think you are fine to get a puppy as long as you have more than one week at home in the beginning. Summer holidays would be best - but hard to plan for as based on pregnancy times for mum dog!

Dogs are fine to be left at home for a few hours (4 hours max I think you said?) with someone popping back at lunchtime - and still can lead a happy thriving life with many walks and good family times. People have ridiculous standards for dogs these days.

My dogs are old now, but for the first few years realistically we couldn't leave them for more than an hour or so at a time, and the first 6 months not really at all. It's very restrictive. We got ours way before we had kids, but young dogs and kids isn't a great mix. Every family day out, a dog sitter has to be factored in, unless you always plan around dog friendly places. Holidays again, extra costs and logistics, kennels and dog sitters book up months in advance. We have family that help alot, my mum comes and stays at ours when we're away, and when ours were young my dh was able to take them to work with him for the first 6 months to a year until he began remote working and then it wasn't an issue. I'd look into getting a laid back, adult dog that can do short stints at home from the get go, although that's never guaranteed too, as dogs can develop separation anxiety later in life too. Ours are good as gold now and are used to doing a good few hours alone, and just tend to sleep. I love them dearly, but I'd never get another dog again after these have gone, as the past 15 years have been restrictive in so many ways, and I will enjoy not having to factor having a dog into every single arrangement or plan. Even going out for a meal, or shopping, unless you've prearranged for someone to stop by and let them out, you're conscious of not staying out too long. It definitely takes away alot of the spontaneity of life you take for granted when you don't have a dog.

Terrible advice.

I’m going to be completely honest even though it makes me look bad but I wish that more people had been honest with us prior to getting a puppy.

We got swept up in the excitement.

The reality is that she was a new born baby. At 2 she’s still a lot to handle. She goes to doggy day care and I have mum guilt that she’s there all day. We couldn’t commit to training her properly ourselves so again had to get someone else in which is never the same, we need training as much as they do. As with a child we make up for it by spoiling her which really doesn’t help her or ourselves. She goes on extended walks before and after day care, longer ones at the weekend.

I adore her but wouldn’t do this again. I’ve often questioned whether it’s more cruel to keep her than it is to rehome her but selfishly my heart would break. I’ve honestly also questioned my sanity and marriage due to the puppy.

What makes it worse is that we have an older rescue, he’s a really chilled out old boy. We had no business going for a puppy.

You do know all dogs are different right? Different personalities, temperaments, needs etc? And do you understand that young animals require more input, attention and supervision than an older dog that might be happy snoozing all day? It's just not a case of one size fits all.

House-training a puppy can take a few weeks of hard work. They need taking outside every couple of hours during the day, or when they look like they might be about to do something. This takes time. The regular trips outside shouldn't stop overnight. We would have a puppy sleep alongside us and take it outside every time it wakes up - possibly every 2-4 hours. Of course you can just shut your puppy in a cage overnight/while you're at work/asleep. Lots of people do that as they can't be arsed to put the effort in and think the pup will soon learn to avoid making a mess where it lives/sleeps. Not likely to make for a very happy puppy.

People seem to think they have a right to own a dog whatever their circumstances - it just needs to fit in. But nobody should have a dog if they can't give it the care and attention it needs.

I grew up in a very poor neighbourhood where many of us owned dogs, who were loved, happy and thrived - despite us living ordinary, challenging, working class lives juggling jobs and kids and all else.

It was fine. The dogs were happy. They brought joy.

Nowadays the standards seem impossible for people to access that happiness a pet dog can bring.

ps I’ve never used a cage / crate for a dog and never would. They didn’t exist when I was growing up either.

I work in HE - I got a puppy at the beginning of the long summer so I could have around ten weeks mostly at home with him. He goes to daycare when teaching starts for two days a week. You could do this if you could plan it really carefully - get the pup at the beginning of your summer, and get your OH to book some leave at the end of the summer, then have him go to daycare on the days you're working. But it isn't cheap. To give you an idea of how needy they are in the early days, I can currently leave him happily alone for one minute and 30 seconds...

Would you consider a rescue? We have an overseas rescue from a reputable charity and he's a dream and a darling. After 6 months or so he was fine to be left for a couple of hours and doesn't take much entertaining during the day. He's never left for a whole day though and if DH has to work away and can't take him with him he goes to daycare.

Have you ever raised a puppy?

Yes. Four.

2 days on its own - absolutely not. Cruel in fact. Dogs are sociable animals.

I think most rescues will not give a dog out if the dog is going to be left for significant periods of time twice a week and if there are kids in the house.

Great suggestion @JoanCollected - get a dog off Gumtree, what could possibly go wrong?

That's sarcasm by the way.

If they commit to daycare on days nobody is at home then they won't be on their own and the kids is why I suggested an overseas rescue as they are more pragmatic

The problem with "committing to daycare" is that it's not a suitable environment for many dogs, particularly overseas rescues who have often never even lived in homes before.

What happens if the dog can't attend daycare?

I really wouldn't get a puppy with such a full life and so much going on. It will cause you so much stress and the puppy/doggo will need a lot of attention.