Honesty please - getting a puppy

[Wiggleyfingers]

We've been desperate for a dog for a long time but never done it due to two reasons and would love some thoughts on these from people who have been through it.

Issue 1:
Family set up is 2 adults working full time and 2 children.
The dog would be left home alone for 2 days per week between hours of 7:30-4:30 (Mondays and Fridays if that makes a difference?!) On these days, I can pop back on my lunch break for around 45 minutes. Is this going to be an issue with a puppy? If so, for how long? We may be able to get a dog walker in the morning on those days to break the day up further.

Issue 2:
How much time off did you have when getting a puppy? I'm a teacher, so limited to school holidays. Would a week off in October be too short of time? Do we need to wait until Christmas? Is getting a puppy with toilet training during winter a bad idea?! Am I overthinking everything now?

Any advice welcome!

Don't do it, OP, you don't have the right household circumstances at the moment.

When I got my previous dog I was WFH as a freelancer. As he began to get near to the end of his life I worked in an office four days a week (with other family members in and out during the day), but I reconciled myself to the fact that I would not be able to get a puppy after he died.

Then covid came along and my employer shifted to all-home working, so I was able to get a puppy. Without that I would have been dogless.

Most household set-ups aren't right for dog ownership, and yet it is more and more seen as something for everyone.

You need a second home for your work days. Someone that also will work with you on training and will puppy proof their house.

It means no going away on holiday. Mine was an unreliable chewer and ate a shoe at someone else’s house when he visited.

And yes, it will take the whole summer holiday.

It will be tiring and stressful.

Dog’s are pack animals. My dog has chosen never to be alone- he follows me about the house and has a bed in every room. We can leave him- never longer than 6 hours- but while we are home he stays with us. He also doesn’t settle in the evening if we’ve been out- he restarts his evening routine from when we get back in from theatre/cinema/dinner, so we get a very late night indeed!

You can’t leave a baby pack animal alone.

Too long to leave a puppy on the work days. Big problem

Sorry but I on the no team. I think you need to wait until your circumstances change.
As people have said - puppies are like babies. Do not underestimate the hard work to have a happy family dog. Toilet training, sleeping, learning to walk well on a lead, learning recall etc.. takes ages.

You can't bond with them.if you aren't there.

Any charities you can become a volunteer and walk a dog at a weekend near you?

You need someone at home with a puppy, OP. You can't leave them. You have to be with them. Toilet training requires watching them like a hawk and putting them out every time they look suspiciously like they're sniffing/looking to go.

We had a 3 adult household when I got my pup and it was still tough!

You could rescue a dog who's used to longer periods alone but you'd still need some time off while they settled or you'd risk having a total nightmare on your hands.

My advice is don’t do it. Having a puppy is like a full time job, they need constant supervision unless you intend to leave them in a crate for hours on end ( I hope not as that would be cruel at their age and for so long).

You would return home to devastation re wees and poos and furniture chewed up etc. Your relationship with the puppy would quickly sour. You are honestly setting yourself and the puppy up to fail.

If you feel like you need a dog you would be better to rehome an older dog already house trained and even that is a risk that they are able to settle for hours on their own in the daytime. The time to do it would be at the beginning of the 6 week summer holidays not over a 1 week October half term.

I got a puppy when I was taking a career break for a few years and by the time I returned to work part time, he was about 5 & secure and happy being left alone 8.30- 3. Even then I walked him before work and paid a dog walker to give him a walk at lunchtimes so it’s time consuming & expensive to do it right.

Your plan is completely unrealistic, sorry. You need to do a lot more research into the realities of raising a puppy.

Sorry OP, it won’t work. Either rescue a grown dog who’d be cool with being left, or wait until next summer (but still I have reservations on that).

Out of interest, if you’re two adults working FT (and two kids), how come the dog would only be left on Monday and Friday? You’re a teacher so can’t WFH… does your DH WFH? If that’s it, can you be sure that will continue indefinitely ?

I think this depends on the dog. I agree it’s too long for a puppy but my dog would have no issue with this.

I know because I work from home in a different room from the dog 9-5 most days. I don’t see her, she doesn’t come to see me, she’s not bothered by me if I walk through her room and sleeps most of the time. Her routine is that I’m working so she’s having down time (and this isn’t trained, sometimes I try and play with her and she’s just not interested in the day).

5pm onwards she is playful energetic happy dog who gets long walks and played with. The days I leave her for the office I have absolutely no concerns as her day is as it would be if I was home. She could easily do two days a week at home, particularly Monday and Friday as Saturdays and Sundays are quite full on for her, so she likes the down time.

Sorry op, but when I read posts like this I understand why there are so many dysfunctional dogs out there. Im sure you mean well but please take on board what people are saying. When I was growing up very few people had dogs except farmers, sahm (& they were often too busy) & retired people. People understood that dogs were a commitment & needed attention.

TBH it’s not about you, OP. It’s about the dog. Dog ownership is a responsibility not a right and there are lots of people out there who have better sets ups than you and who know they cannot adequately care for a dog.

You’re away from the dog 2/7 days a week, and weekends aren’t going to revolve around the dog, not with kids, so realistically it’s 4/7 days a week. And you really can’t WFH, if that’s what’s planned Tues-Thurs, with a puppy - it’s worse than trying with a toddler. Dogs that don’t get enough attention, stimulation and exercise turn aggressive or are prone to SA - which is awful to witness and hear - and are miserable. Getting a dog and particularly a puppy wouldn’t be responsible or fair.

And in your set up, a good breeder would never sell to you on these circumstances and nor would a rescue

Tuesday to Thursday will whoever is home be working? A pup is not going to quietly snooze whilst you work

Actually, this is the one bit that might work. My pup has always settled down (often under the desk) as soon as she sees me sit at my computer. I didn't teach her, she picked up on the idea herself.

But I don't have Teams calls or urgent clients, so I can leap to open the door the minute she needs a pee.

We got a pup at the start of the summer holidays this year. It's now back to school time next week and I couldn't imagine being able to leave him! He will happily sleep in his crate but I can't put him in there when it's not nap time and expect him to be happy being left yet. He will whinge if I do this and go into the next room, never mind being left for hours on his own.

Me and DH WFH full-time between us so someone is always in, and it's still really hard. Pup needs watching like a hawk when he's awake so you can't get much work done. I've been working to catch up in the evenings as half my time in the day is spent making sure he's not peeing, pooing and causing chaos in the house.

The summer holidays has been rubbish for dd this year. She's 10 so old enough to entertain herself to a degree but we've not been able to go out and do stuff this holidays. She's not bothered because she has her lifelong dream of a dog but I feel guilty! We've barely even been able to get out of the house as puppy will only tolerate being in his sling for a short time (he's not fully vaccinated yet).

If you’re adamant about getting a puppy then don’t let mumsnet put you off. It’s standard practice on here to shoot down ANY situation where a person wants a pup and isn’t going to take months off work and be with it 24/7 forever. It’s laughable how the ‘dog experts’ here go on.

I’ll try to be totally honest. Puppies are extremely difficult typically. They are relentless with their peeing everywhere, chewing things that can’t be repaired, sometimes barking incessantly, nipping children and then chasing them when they are crying, jumping up everywhere and if big, stealing food constantly. They need a lot of time and training to get past that stage which can last a year (or more!). It can genuinely make you depressed and regret getting them. But dogs are worth it and some are easier than others so people still do it!

I was aware of the above and went with rehoming an older dog. Shelters wouldn’t respond to me (I’ve 4 kids and cats) so I gave up and kept an eye on gumtree for anything that wasn’t a pup. It was a risk because people will rehome a troublesome dog but I got very lucky with the dog I got and I am so so glad not to have to do the puppy months with him.

I think your plan coming home at lunch would work for an older dog. For a pup, they’d learn the routine most likely but you would likely come home to pee everywhere and plenty of destruction.

You can’t know how easy, calm, flexible your pup is going to be in personality so you might need to change your plan once you see how they are but honestly, your pup/dog will get on with fitting into the family/work situation you have which sounds better than what many dogs have (though not the perfect gold standard mumsnet demands).

YorkshireFelix -- it'll get easier once he can start to have a good sniff round on walks, go to puppy training etc, and you do sound like you have a good setup with two of you at home.

Though I still feel like a trip to the dentist is a major planning operation, and my pup is nearly a year old...

Don’t do it. That’s not said in a judgey, ‘I know everything’ tone it’s said in the kindest possible way.

Puppies and dogs are such a huge amount of work and I know you have children, but this is not like having another child, it’s an entire NEW set of tasks, that have to be done every day.

In ADDITION to your tasks already.

Except the dog doesn’t grow up, it won’t be making their own food in the air-fryer in a few years. They will stay like they are and will need you for 10 or 15 years. Imagine having a baby in the house for 15 years.
And you will love them and not want to leave them alone for 8 hours either.

I know you really want a puppy but you asked for the truth. If you do go ahead, good luck though x

Second teacher I’ve seen on these boards wanting a puppy but going to be leaving it alone for long stretches of time.

why would you do that to a puppy?
it’s just selfish and irresponsible.

“neighbours complaining about the noise”

This is often overlooked by those getting a puppy / dog and leaving it alone at home.

My neighbour a few doors down got a dog. It was great while she was there- and she was happy- but while she was at work the howling and crying was unbearable to listen to. But of course she never heard it. 🤷🏼‍♀️

We got ddog 7 years ago at the start of 8 weeks summer holidays. So I was at home the whole summer. I rememver naively having things in my diary planned (farm visits/ play dates ) and cancelling them all for at least a month as couldn't/ wouldn't leave dog. We had to work up leaving him in small increments. 8 weeks wasn't enough and when I look back I think how mad we were. I wfh 3 days a week and on other days dh and I staggered start and work finish times. We got a dog walker but there were still times when ddog was left for 3 hours and it was too much. I certainly wouldn't do it again.

Dogs are amazing and I adore him but they are a huge commitment.

Christmas is a bad time to get a puppy, too much excitement and it'll be harder to get it in a routine.

You can't leave a puppy 2 days a week for the time you stated even with a 45 minute visit. Look for an older dog.

Its a regular topic on our local facebook & very hard to deal with but incredibly stressful for people (& obviously the dog).

Thank you all for the responses. For those asking, I grew up with dogs (often from puppy age) so I understand what is involved but perhaps have underestimated the level of care needed in the early years.

I can't see any time in the future when our working hours will change, so it's not something we could consider until retirement...

Maybe you should wait until retirement in that case or rehome an older dog as suggested.

It’s so different growing up with dogs to being the primary caregiver & having all the responsibility of a puppy’s happiness.

I hope you will take the advice in good spirit. We’re not trying to be negative it’s just very very hard to raise a puppy. Perhaps take a look at some of the puppy threads on Mumsnet to see we are not exaggerating how terrible we feel if it starts going wrong.

I feel disheartened, as I was hoping responses would be less unanimous. However, I would much prefer to go into this with my eyes open and knowing what to expect. It has to be right for our family and the dog, and it is clear now is not the right time. Thanks again for the reality check!

Get a pair of cats.