Regret - does it improve

[Jasiseva]

First time poster.

we got our puppy 10 days ago after my cousins pup had babies. We have DD 10 and DS 7 and a cat and felt it was a good time to add to the mix.

fast forward and my husband has had an accident and broken his leg. He is now completely incapacitated and in a lot of pain.

I am so overwhelmed right now. Puppy will sleep in his crate from 10 to 4 and then whines and I have to try and keep him quiet so the children can sleep and husband can rest. I’m also working full time (but from home thankfully) but obviously have to help husband, work, take children to clubs, cook, clean and also look after pup.

hes wonderful and very sweet but obviously an absolute mischief and I worry I’m not addressing things fast enough so will end up with a naughty badly trained dog. Like I say, he sleeps for a long time in the crate but as he’s my first pup I don’t know if I’m doing things right.

this all feels like a massive mistake right now, just after reassurance that it will get better really!!

Everyone has the puppy blues.

My mums had dogs her entire life (60 now) and she's due to collect her new puppy soon and she's already experiencing blues! I got puppy blues when I got my Golden. My grandad even used to get puppy blues. It's totally normal and does go away.

I think the main thing I'd advise on sleeping in the crate is when you go down to let puppy out (if he is crying) then you cannot just stay up with them - it ingrains the behaviour that crying = attention and mum wakes up. It needs to be a quick pop out to do a wee and then back into the crate. The pup will cry at first (particularly if he is used to you staying up with him) but they learn quickly.

You couldn't have known about your DH accident and it is terrible timing but, tbh, getting a puppy is never good timing! There is always something. There are things your DH can do from the sofa if he's not out of the house - such as teaching the dog to learn sit/down/recall. That will help occupy the pups mind and tire him out so you don't carry too much of the burden.

Is there anything in particular you really are struggling with? Other posters (once they wake up!) and I might be able to help.

Just to reiterate - it absolutely does get better. Once you're over the piddling in the house stage and being a mouthy little git, it 100% improves.

Did you not think about the work involved before you got the puppy?

This has nothing to do with your husband's broken leg. That puppy needs input from you, training, cuddles and games.

Posts like this make me sad.

That’s shocking timing, I get it.

Of course it will get better. What breed is the pup and how old?

What do you do at 4am when he wakes? Mine had a quick wee and then back to sleep. I wouldn’t even engage with him, no fuss etc. Just out and back.

It absolutely does get better. And it's like having a new born as when they get older and they are your little side kicks you forget everything! Enrol in some puppy classes, watch videos online, once he can go out and about more see if there are any local dog walking groups you can meet up with. It will pass and it's just a stage. Firm and lots of little treats on hand. Reward good behavior and start in the basic commands

Puppies need a lot of input in a short time window. Yours doesn't sound as if he's getting much. He needs playing with, training and socialising every single day at this stage. You should be getting him used to the car, carrying him out and about to see different things before his injections are finished. I feel very sad for your puppy.

It's not like OP planned for her husband to break his leg 🙈

It's very easy to plan things based on the idea that there will be two physically capable adults in the house - but when one suddenly finds themselves incapacitated, it tips everything into disarray.

I wouldn't want to be looking after two children, a cat and a puppy on my own either. But that's not what OP planned so I'm not sure it's fair to berate her or talk about how sad you are for the puppy.

OP - I would have a good think about whether it would be better to return the puppy to your cousin and wait a while. While it's not your fault DH has a broken leg, I think you're going to hugely struggle with toilet training, vet visits and socialising on your own while you work full time and have two small children.

It wouldn't make you a bad person, it's just a shit ton of bad luck.

As an aside, I'm a dog walker and doing visits at the moment for regular clients of mine who normally both work. However one was knocked off his bike last week and has a fractured wrist and is on crutches - the dogs need to be taken out to toilet (no garden) and obviously he can't manage it while his wife is working so I'm popping in and doing it.

It's amazing how injuries can change your entire set-up and make you totally reliant on other people for a while.

Nothing the OP has said suggests she hadn’t thought about what is involved

feelings of overwhelm are totally normal when introducing a puppy to your life. let alone when someone has had a bad accident, which is stressful and upsetting in itself.

The OP is reaching out for support. You are anything but supportive and should be ashamed of replying like this.

A few weeks after we got our puppy my OH's usually under control medical condition worsened and culminated in a major op and then 4 months of recovery. He is the one that WFH! It was a tough few months but we got there, unscathed and the pup didn't seem to lack anything developmentally. Make life easier by having it sleep in your room. Ours soon learnt to sleep until we got up - this morning she wandered down over an hour after we got up for work.

If you want a dog, not a puppy then deep breath and you will get there. It won't be easy. Breaks heal.

I grew around dogs, big and small as my mum was a foster "parent" to a few dozen dogs who needed a new home. When my 12 yo pestered me enough to get a dog, I flat out refused to get him a young puppy knowing very well what it involves (toilet training to start with, then chewing stage, endless walks to let the puppy run off steam, endless trips to the vets for vaccinations, endless worry about illnesses when they are so young). In the end I caved in and we got a 5 month Cockapoo as previous owners could no longer cope (the husband got a new job, daughter started secondary school). He wasn't even toilet trained at that point. Thankfully with my experience it only took 3 weeks to get it sorted. He absolutely chewed everything like any puppy does at this stage (and it lasts for the best part of the first year). He was bouncing off the walls unless he had 1 hour walk in the morning and lots of short ones during the day. My son lost interest after 2 weeks, endless arguments over the last 18 months. Our Cockapoo is a lovely family dog, much calmer now as he is coming to 2 years. Still costing me a small fortune with flee treatments, deworming tablets, pet insurance, vaccinations, dog food, occasional dog sitter, some dog toys, dog shampoo, new dog lead to replace the broken one, new dog basket, money for grooming etc. Plus I am the one who does most of the walking, rain or shine or snow. I am the one who makes sure he gets minimal 3 toilet breaks a day. I am clearly our dog's favourite, he follows me like a shadow which is flattering. I also get lots of comments on his good looks (Photo attached. I do his grooming). Would I get him again if I could go back in time? ABSOLUTELY NOT (based on the above). I should have stood firm with my son's pleading. A dog is like a 2 year old child that never grows up. And they live up to the age 15-17 with good care. My advice to you would be to rehome, even if you lose a lot of money. You will easily recoup the money in the next year or two.

Puppies are shit! Yes they're cute, but SO annoying and haven't developed their personality yet.
We're on our second dog and with both it took about a year for things to settle down. Our current dog is now 9 and my absolute best buddy.
I know people get them when they have small kids, but I personally think it's bonkers.

Puppies are a bit of a nightmare, loads of work and all they mostly want to do is wee everywhere, destroy stuff and bite you!

However, unlike children, each stage passes really quickly, a couple of weeks at most and if you put the time and effort in now then you'll end up with a really lovely dog. Short term pain, for massive long term gain, stick with it if you can OP, it's definitely worth it!

This post is misleading. Toilet training could take 2 weeks with a lot of effort and consistency. The chewing stage will take months to resolve. Unless the owner keeps the dog in a crate for most of the day (which is cruel in my opinion). So it's months of putting up with destroyed footware and furniture.

Interesting to have a different perspective, that wasn't our experience, hopefully your puppy is at the easier end of the scale OP!

Conversely we had zero chewing other than on her toys as we put everything else away from her and she was in a dog proof room at all times (with us).

Puppies are 99.99999% management whilst waiting for them to grow up!

I would say you have been lucky with your dog (or simply forgotten). My mum fostered dozens of dogs, often 2 or 3 at time, of various breeds and ages. Chewing stage takes months, as this how long it takes for teeth to come out. The itch it terrible which is the reason they chew. Every dog is somewhat different in their preferences. Our Cockapoo had a predilection for electric cables. We had to spend £250 to replace our perfectly adequate electric fuse box to the one which stops electrocution in case of accidental contact with a live wire😅.

I genuinely don't know a single puppy who was fully toilet trained in two weeks - they may have stopped having accidents but only because someone was there 24-7 rather than because they knew to ask every single time.

OP it does get better! I had major puppy blues for the first maybe 2/3 months, but ours is almost 3 now and I'd not be without him. We've now got a (young) toddler too, and I remind myself regularly that the feelings of overwhelm passed with the dog, and therefore will pass with the toddler too!

The stages pass quicker than they do with kids, focus on that. I worried a lot about the dog's biting as a puppy, I worried he'd never let me sleep a whole night again, and how on earth we'd leave him for more than 5 minutes as he just cried. But slowly slowly, he got better. We did work hard on training him, but it's also an element of normal developmental phases (e.g., chewing) needing to just pass naturally.

If you want to return the puppy, there is no shame at all- you didn't know you're DH would break his leg! That isn't your fault! Your children seem reasonable ages to be around a puppy and I think you planned as much as we can in this unpredictable life. However, if you can stick with it, it generally ends up worth the tiredness and stress.

I think breed makes a huge difference. We’re on our 5th puppy (we lost our 3, 15 year old dogs in quick succession last year) and now have two labs - 18 months and 5 months. They have been a breeze. They are chilled, half trained from birth, chewing has been minimal and now done (I’ve lost one pair of shoes and my DD lost a toy). They were toilet trained in no time. They were only crated at nap time and at night (now never).

Conversely, our previous dogs (Westies) were terrors for chewing and toilet training and I would never have them again (miss my boys very much though).

I genuinely don't know a single puppy who was fully toilet trained in two weeks - they may have stopped having accidents but only because someone was there 24-7 rather than because they knew to ask every single time.

One of my labs never had an accident in the house, the other had one accident at 8.5 weeks and never had another. We obviously took them out regularly in the early days and praised when they went but they both went and sat by the back door automatically if they needed to go. They also weren't crated and never chewed anything to destruction other than their own toys/chews.

Some of it is luck (e.g., the posters above saying labs never really chewed, that is either luck OR really careful management—I've known lab pups that have destroyed loads of things through chewing, it's perfectly normal for puppies to chew). Some of it is your own attitude. A few chewed chair legs didn't bother us, some people would be distraught. A lot of plants got chewed in the garden, again, we weren't fussed (they've mostly come back this year), some people would be very upset. How well can you deal with sleep deprivation—I often think those who can't cope with it are badly effected. Toilet training can be quick, but some breeds take longer on average (small dogs with small bladders seem to be the hardest).

What's good is that the intense early days don't last long at all. I personally found the being launched at and bitten the worst part of it, but it did pass. Things sound really tough for you atm, but once your husband is in a bit less pain, his being at home might work out in your favour in terms of raising a puppy. Someone to give the puppy company while you work, he can teach the puppy tricks, let it into the garden, offer it a game of tug if the puppy is eyeing something up to chew, etc.

Best of luck!

Even without extra stuff going on it’s totally normal to get overwhelmed and panic about a new puppy.

housetraining and chewing vary massively by breed and individual puppy, I’ve known puppies to be reliably housetrained in days and others still iffy at 6 months even when their owners were doing everything they should.

The overnight issue, I’d just manage it different, ie can you move the crate and or you till he’s older? Or is it worth you getting up at 4, letting him out for the toilet and then going on to the couch to sleep till everyone else is up…. Or something else like that.

Mine was by 10 weeks. By the end of week one (so 9 weeks) he knew to ask to go outside. He had one accident between weeks 9-10 otherwise I’d consider him housetrained in a week!

Slept through the night from 9-5 by 10 weeks as well!

Some dogs are just very easy to housetrain. It also helped the breeder I used was incredibly clean with them. And had started house training by 6 weeks.

I'm genuinely pleased for you but I don't think your experience is the norm.

I work with dogs everyday and I don't know a single one who was genuinely toilet trained in such a short space of time.

My own beagle only had a handful of accidents but only because I was there to watch him like a hawk for about three months solid 😂

Again @Devilshands I'm sure it happens but I don't think it should be presented as the norm, that's all.

I just see so many owners who are defeated because their 12 week old is still having accidents when in reality that's totally normal for the majority.