Regret - does it improve

[Jasiseva]

First time poster.

we got our puppy 10 days ago after my cousins pup had babies. We have DD 10 and DS 7 and a cat and felt it was a good time to add to the mix.

fast forward and my husband has had an accident and broken his leg. He is now completely incapacitated and in a lot of pain.

I am so overwhelmed right now. Puppy will sleep in his crate from 10 to 4 and then whines and I have to try and keep him quiet so the children can sleep and husband can rest. I’m also working full time (but from home thankfully) but obviously have to help husband, work, take children to clubs, cook, clean and also look after pup.

hes wonderful and very sweet but obviously an absolute mischief and I worry I’m not addressing things fast enough so will end up with a naughty badly trained dog. Like I say, he sleeps for a long time in the crate but as he’s my first pup I don’t know if I’m doing things right.

this all feels like a massive mistake right now, just after reassurance that it will get better really!!

Puppies are hard work!! I still have PTSD from when mine was a pup.

We planned meticulously to get one after my youngest went to school so I would have all day every day to concentrate on him. Then lockdown happened and not only were the kids around, I had to homeschool them whilst trying to house train a dog!

Yes, it's hard. Not for everyone, but it was for me. In the grand scheme of things it passes relatively quickly. For me, 6 months was about the time it became better. 9 months and all was good. Mine is 3 now and I can't imagine him not being in my life. He brings joy to the whole family every day.

I still can't look at another puppy and not shudder though!

Single mum here, with a two year old beagle. I absolutely feel your pain but it really does get easier. I had done all the reading, grew up with dogs and my Uncle is a champion dog trainer who has in my lifetime has never been at a family event for more than four hours. The people saying how this post makes them sad, ignore them. It's hard and no one shares the tough bits on instagram.

My daughters were 8 and 9 when we got the dog. I collected him at 12 weeks so that the children were back to school, (he therefore came potty trained and pretty much slept through the night from night 3). I did everything right then turned over on my ankle and couldn't walk for three weeks. It was a nightmare. I drove my automatic to the park before and after school and sat on a bench so my daughters could run around with him.

It is really hard work and a huge adjustment and if anything, more than a baby because at least you can put a nappy on them and get out the door. I'd take having my two children as toddlers over another puppy right now!

This is what I did, I don't know if it's right but it worked for us.

I worked from the kitchen for about 6 months and only when he was a bit older did I let him into the living room. He was 18 months old before I gave him more access to the house. This meant that he had company and I only had one space that we kept completely clear (children always leave a trail of destruction) and that reduced the problem chewing. I was also sat right next to the back door which helped with reinforcing the potty training.

I did play a lot of tug games and do training for five minutes at a time but crated him regularly for naps (I began to notice when he was behaving like an overwrought toddler and needed to sleep). In a few weeks, he would go to bed when my children did (7:30ish) and wake up at 6:30-7 the following morning. He still will take himself off to the crate at 8pm and wakes up around the same time.

I got a dogwalker for one day a week. We all got the flu when he was three months old and none of us were well enough to leave the house for three days so I realised that I needed a deeper bench. Around here, they are so popular that unless you see them regularly, they won't book you in for a walk. When he was young, just that hour when I wasn't responsible for anything or anyone in the house was bliss! Plus when things come up, I always have someone who will help.

Find a dog park and make dog friends. These people understand your pain and are happy to help wear out your dog and give advice and moral support. I find that that if you ask questions seek advice, people are really happy to help.

I think that even without the dog you would be overwhelmed right now but it will be ok, it is flipping hard and definitely worth it. I don't properly remember my first year with him but he is currently napping on the sofa as I type and I won't be without him!

Hello! We have a 2yr old Brittany who has been quite challenging in various ways and I have felt overwhelmed at times without anything like your scenario so this is definitely normal!

Puppies can be full on and as with children a lot depends on their personality! I definitely wouldn’t stress about training per se (sit/down, walking on lead etc) dogs can pick those skills up at any time (we are still working hard at walking nicely on lead and I thought I had started training her on it straight away!). What is super important when they’re young is being exposed to lots of different people and environments so that is what I would focus on where you can!

Re night waking, we set an alarm to go and get her up in the night to go to the loo because their bladders just can’t last that long and then after the first week put it back by 15mins every night and within 3 weeks she was sleeping through from 11ish til after 6am. (Now 10 til 7:30!)The good thing with that is that they don’t learn to cry to get you to come so you’re avoiding building that habit which I think helps for leaving them at other times.

For during the day, puppies do still need to sleep a lot so you could try a routine every 2hrs or so of out to the loo and then 10-15mins of playing or learning some behaviours like their name/recall/sit etc + cuddles and then back in their crate while you do 2hrs work. With that plus a walk appropriate to their age and vaccinations and playing with your kids in the evenings that should be plenty of stimulation for them and meet their emotional & physical needs!

Also have a look at Borrow my doggy. People always love coming to have puppy cuddles and that could relieve pressure on needing to entertain the pup + helps them meeting new people. They could even take pup out in a carrier for a coffee or something.

He is just a baby, away from his mum and siblings. What would you want for your kids in this situation? I have had dogs throughout my life, NEVER used a crate, they sleep in the kuchen, door open and child gate in place. When they cry, I get up, lie on the sette and cuddle them. Never had to do this for more than a few days. Please don’t leave your pup in a crate, on his own, in the dark and barely interact with him when he cries- it sounds so cruel

I’ll be honest op, it takes some time, but today I looked at my 2yo, who I’ve cried over regularly as a pup, and thought ‘you are so perfect for this family’.

ps we never crate trained, he sleeps in a dog bed in the kitchen (with a lamp on) and when he cried we’d take him out to go to the toilet, then bring him in and leave him to it. He stopped crying within days.

Read Easy Peasy Puppy Squeezy. Life changing book!!

Also- hugs op, you’ve got it rough at the mo x

You do now. Mine was four weeks old and in a big house house with a load of rescues. This little thing went and cried at the door to go out, he ran out, squatted and came back in. I chose him there and then
I'll never find a better behaved puppy there was no chewing at all.
God I miss him.

It will get easier but I do feel your pain. My husband slept downstairs with our puppy for the first three weeks because he would just howl and wake everyone up. One day my husband had just had enough and left our dog downstairs. He howled for the first night and then was fine. Probably because he was settled in and a little older by that time and could cope. Like someone else said, keep early morning wake ups boring and functional to avoid encouraging it. But ultimately your pup will grow out of it when they’ve had time to settle into their new home. Good luck.🤞🏻

I think most puppy owners, think what have I done tbh OP. It does get easier, but puppy days are really hard work. We had a pup until he was pts at 13, he was a wonderful dog, and much missed, but would we get another, no way.

do you need help op with your dh broken leg?
and you working?
can you pay for help to come in regularly and let puppy in garden? or can your dh let him in the garden?

oh i see you wfh, that's lucky
4 am blues from the puppy?
my dog has got into a routine of waking me at 5 every morning <<yawn>> she is 11

hope the 4 am wakes up will get later, can you let him out later at night? perhaps the birds are waking him or something?

Replies like yours make me sad! Judgemental and unhelpful, you should find something more valuable to do with your hands if you have nothing to contribute, the person is asking for advice because they want the best for the puppy and their family fgs!

Puppies are hard work! Our first slept in a crate in our room and would cry at 3 am, then used to come into bed for a cuddle until 7am. By 6 months I had enough and he slept downstairs. The second we rescued as an adult so no issues.

The third is like a hurricane on leg's, 7 months old, still has accidents when we're out, but knows to ask at the door and is dry when we're home. Wakes at 5.30 EVERY morning, weekend's and all. Has undone all the sofa cushions and pulled out the stuffing, eaten two holes in the bottom of the sofa.

The amount of time's I've said that's it, he has to go, I've lost count of, I've cried because I've been tired and had to clean up after him. But you know what it does get better, I have faith it will. They get older and mature, the worst time is 8 weeks to 1 year

Posts like yours make me sad…

you sound like you’d be really fun at parties.

It does improve !
We had an older dog already but when we got a puppy 20 months ago, I was not fully prepared for how much like having a newborn it would be, as he was my first. I genuinely loved it but admit it was tough !
I have my own business so was fortunate I could take a few weeks off. But I know this is not the norm for most people, and they manage don’t they ? You will make this work for you, you are just going to have to have a great routine to do so.
A few tips that helped me - a blanket over the crate to extend ‘night time’ - you may get him back to sleep again post 4am wee, just stay calm and quiet, and make it quick and he will soon learn the routine.
Find the right chew toy for your dog. This can take a few attempts. My pup found he liked his little milk flavoured bone from Pets at Home the best. He’s nearly 2 now, and still enjoys a gnaw on it, and thankfully has rarely gone for the furniture (keep shoes out of reach though!).
Our house is a funny layout, we are often on upper floors and not near a door. Neither my dog nor my pup ask / bark to go out to the toilet so it’s fully down to me to open the door for the older dog regularly, and take the pup out to the garden frequently - literally every hour or so. Puppy pads by the door helped but nothing beats the smell of where other animals have ‘been’, to activate their need to go !
A bit of playtime each our or so, to wear then
out - even if it’s just chucking their ball repeatedly for 5 mins !
Building trust is equally as important to training so just nurture that loving relationship. Can you have the pup doze on your lap or by your side when working from home ?
Don’t worry about trying to create the perfect pooch. I’m no expert but lots of love and fostering the right behaviors (use treats if / when necessary ) will help achieve this. I think mine is pretty perfect, but he still pees indoors occasionally (it’s a chihuahua thing I’ve been told!) !
Hopefully your DH’s recovery will be speedy and he can help more soon. Wishing you lots of luck and puppy love, it is worth it I promise !

Totally normal to have regret. It will get better.
As others have said though, more time put in now will reap rewards as dog gets older. We followed Zak George for training. Husband can do some of this even incapacitated. Lots of sit, lay down, wait commands etc. Even kids can get involved.
Dog walker pop in support could help relieve your burden too.
Order some cool food meals - lifesaver. Lower your standards on some other aspects while you’re the main caregiver.
Best of luck!

I currently have 3 dachshunds. They were our 3rd, 4th and 5th puppies together. I have regretted every puppy I've had within the first week! The puppy blues are real. They're exhausting and their needs are never ending. And noone comes to watch them so you can shower and get housework done! When you tell people the puppy had you up all night there is no sympathy! But all of a sudden, in the same way as babies, you fall into a lovely routine and everything becomes manageable and you quickly forget the hard days, or they become funny stories that you tell. My husband has had 3 foot surgeries in the last year, while we were moving house and I was building my business. We brought our last puppy home in the December, and by the January my husband was out of action. It was hell. I also feel like this pup hasn't had the training or attention he needed, and I feel so guilty. But then I remind myself that he was always fed, always loved and if I couldn't get him out there was a brain game to do with his siblings. Sometimes we have to be content when we get into bed that everyone was fed and everyone survived that day. It's a blip in the overall lifespan of your pup. It will all get better, I promise. You're doing great. Spaniels are hyper! 🤣🤣

Don't worry it does get better. Puppies are exhausting, annoying and exasperating. Nature made them cute for a reason, most owners would show them the door after a week if they weren't.
My little ray of sunshine is currently fast asleep on her Dad's knee but she drove me nuts for weeks. She was very quick to toilet train (it's my life skill) but wouldn't sleep. I spent weeks with her on my lap in the early hours while we both dozed. After a few months she would sleep for longer and now has to be woken at whatever time we get up.
Stick with it and you will be rewarded with a happy, healthy addition to your family.

I used to set my alarm for about 2.30am and get up to take my puppy outside for a wee. She would then go back to sleep until about 7am, which is a more reasonable time to get up.

It will all get easier if you are getting more sleep @Jasiseva .