I think we're losing our beloved dog this week

[bumblebee1987]

We've known since Christmas really that he's struggling too much now, but we decided to get Christmas out of the way and then make a decision. So we did, yet two weeks later we still haven't done it, we just can't face it. DH and I had an honest conversation on Friday and we decided to do it this week, so we called the vet on Saturday to make an appointment for this week, but they said to call back on Monday and we can make an appointment for them to come to our house this week 😞

I can't cope. My heart hurts so much. He has been with us for 14.5 years. DH and I had only been together for 5 months when we got him (risky I know, but it worked out fortunately!) We don't even know each other without our boy, we have always been a three. He has been the most incredible dog, lovingly accepted us bringing home two babies, various house moves, cats joining the family, he is just the most kind, calm and gentle dog. How do I cope with never seeing him again?

In addition to this, I am struggling with my children. We have been honest and told them that sadly he has to go soon, and my four year old is so sad about it I wish we hadn't told her. So many questions and confusion about where he is going and why, and upset that it is unfair she only got him for four years when everyone else got him for longer. On the flip side, my eleven year old just doesn't care, at all, and it breaks my heart because our dog loves him so much (for info, he is suspected ASD.), so I'm struggling with his lack of compassion even though I know it's not his fault.

I'm struggling with worrying that we are doing it too soon? We know he is struggling, but he does have periods where he's happy, and he is still eating (but is half Labrador, so maybe he will always eat?!), but we're just so determined to not let his suffering get any worse. We know he very likely has prostate/bladder cancer (we decided not to investigate and to treat palliatively), and his arthritis is so hard for him, he can't lay down or stand up without help. He occasionally goes for a walk, but he never wants to, he goes because we want him to, and he is a really good boy who wants to please us. He has no life, he lays on his bed all day, sleeping, and only really gets up for the toilet or to sleep. He has been incontinent (poo) for a while, and gets upset when he poos in the house and rolls in it because he can't stand up and get away from it without help.

But he still wags his tail? How can I look him in the eye and let someone take his life away when he's still wagging his tail?

Why is it so hard? All I have done for two weeks is cry.

I can't ever have another dog. This is so hard. I know that in the scheme of things I just need to pull myself together, people go through so much worse than this, and he has lived a long time, but I just feel so sad.

It’s the last kind thing that you can do for him. It sounds like he’s had enough now, and of course he wags his tail, he loves you, the good boy. But it sounds like it’s definitely time and he needs you to step up for him. Sorry for the great loss it will be for you, I’ve been through it many times now. And although it hurts, I wouldn’t have changed it for the world.
❤️

((((big Hug))))

it's not too soon, it's definitely time.

you love him, you're releasing him from pain & humiliation. He may wag his tail still, but he has no quality of life now.

For all your sakes, especially his, take the earliest appointment they offer.

it's the worst thing for you, but he will just go to sleep not knowing & be free of pain.

thinking of you xx

He wags his tail because he loves you and he feels loved by you. From everything you've said, it sounds as though it's the right time. It's not too early, but if you leave it too late that won't do him any good. You've given him a wonderful life and now it's the right time. When he goes, he won't be afraid because you will be with him - you will make him feel safe and comfortable.
Don't worry too much about the children's reactions, neither of them. Children feel these things so differently to adults.
This grief feels like the worst thing in the world but you are doing the right thing for him.

I know, I am being selfish. I know it is the last act of love, it's just so hard. I'm sleeping downstairs with him tonight (DH and I have taken it in turns for the last year because he can't get upstairs and he doesn't like being alone anymore.) but I never really sleep much, it's all just too sad. I'm sitting on the floor with him with his head in my lap, and I'm so devastated that in a couple of days I won't be able to do this anymore. Also, I work with dogs, exclusively dogs, my job is going to be so hard knowing I have no dog to come home to. Every day I get to talk about him because people assume because of my job that I have a dog and ask me about him. Yesterday someone asked me at the gym, and I felt like a fraud saying yes, knowing that in a few days, I won't any longer. 😞

Huge hugs OP. It's the hardest but kindest thing you'll ever do for him. And you'll know that the time is right. They wag their tails because they love us and know kind people. They can sense it. My boy wagged his tail at the vet who came to the house at the end. He knew he was a kind man. It's hard, really hard, but you'll do what's right for your boy, and he'll always be your boy x

I'm so sorry x Be kind to yourself 💐

I’m so sorry OP! When you’ve had them that long it’s an impossibly hard decision.

You just need to remember that you’re doing the right thing.

You’ll look back in a few years and be glad (for lack of a better word) that you did it when you did and spared him any pain.

He is lucky to have a family who love him so much

Oh, I'm so sorry. From what you've said it sounds like it's time. What a lucky boy to have had 14.5 years with you.

I know how hard it is. We lost our perfect boy just before Christmas. There is no timeline for grief, but the first couple of weeks were incredibly hard. It has recently started to feel a tiny bit easier - we're finally able to accept that we did the 'right' thing, however wrong it may have felt at the time.

If you need any support, please feel free to drop by on this thread if you think it would help you. Lots of very supportive people who've also lost their beloved animals recently.

It sounds like time. I have just sent a quality of life scoring questionnaire to a friend in a similar position with her elderly dog, so you might like to look at those online for a more objective assessment.

Thank you, everyone. It helps to talk about it I think. We have made a appointment for the vet to come to our house on Wednesday afternoon. Today, he is with me at work, getting all the love and fuss I can manage, and meeting other dogs which he is enjoying. I am so heartbroken, but I think I just need to be strong for him 😢 I don't quite know how I'm going to get through the next few days.

It sounds horrendous OP, but it also sounds like it's time, sending lots of love.

Your dog is a lovely old boy, and he has been well looked-after. Please do the last kind thing for him now - have him PTS. Read this again and ask yourself if this is fair to the boy you love so much -

"He has no life, he lays on his bed all day, sleeping, and only really gets up for the toilet or to sleep. He has been incontinent (poo) for a while, and gets upset when he poos in the house and rolls in it because he can't stand up and get away from it without help"

I hope you make the right decision very soon. I wish you well.

I've just seen your last post. You're doing the right - and only - thing for your boy x

Think about it from his point of view.

He's had a wonderful life. Loved and cared for and warm and fed. When he sleeps or snoozes he has wonderful dreams of his life with you.

When he closes his eyes for the last time he will do so surrounded by your love. What better way to go?

The Last Battle
If it should be that I grow frail and weak
And pain should keep me from my sleep,
Then will you do what must be done,
For this — the last battle — can't be won.
You will be sad I understand,
But don't let grief then stay your hand,
For on this day, more than the rest,
Your love and friendship must stand the test.
We have had so many happy years,
You wouldn't want me to suffer so.
When the time comes, please, let me go.
Take me to where to my needs they'll tend,
Only, stay with me till the end
And hold me firm and speak to me
Until my eyes no longer see.
I know in time you will agree
It is a kindness you do to me.
Although my tail its last has waved,
From pain and suffering I have been saved.
Don't grieve that it must be you
Who has to decide this thing to do;
We've been so close — we two — these years,
Don't let your heart hold any tears.

Sorry, I don't know why some parts appeared crossed out ^

Just to say that you're doing the right, most kind thing for your beloved companion. I know it's hard - I've been there 4 times (as well as not being present when we lost the childhood dog we got when I was 3, so had never known life without him) - but they say 'better a day too early than two days too late', because dogs are SO very courageous and stoical and really don't show their suffering anywhere near as much as we do.

Take care. xxxx

Today is the day. I don't know what to do with myself. I keep cleaning things because if I sit with my boy then I can't stop crying. My heart actually hurts and I feel physically sick that I am letting a stranger come to my house to do this. I know everyone says it's the last kind thing you can do for them, but honestly it doesn't feel that way right now, it feels like I am giving up on him. He has gone downhill in the last 48 hours which is helping me a bit (not nice for him but his pain is being managed and I think he's okay). We have found a lovely private pet crematorium to take him to this afternoon, and they do everything the same day so he won't have to be taken away by the vet and put in a freezer or anything. It's going to be hard, but we feel happier knowing that we are taking him there and know where he is going and meeting the people who will be taking care of him for the final time.

I am so devastated, I knew he couldn't live forever, but the anticipatory grief is so real, I am dreading how it's going to be afterwards.

I really feel for you OP, but you know that the time has come. Imagine if you still had him tomorrow, in more pain and deteriorating more. It's heartbreaking, but kind. My DD found a memorial service at home with photos and family and friends talking about her dog very helpful.

I am so very sorry. He sounds such a lovely boy and it is obvious how loved he is.

Today will be so hard but just keep reminding yourself this is the absolute best and kindest thing you can do for him. You wouldn’t want him to suffer and he trusts you to do the right thing by him, which is this.

Cuddle him and give him all the love, you’ll never forget him.

💐

Oh @bumblebee1987 I really feel for you. Trust me, it is the absolute kindest thing you can do for him, even if it doesn’t feel like it right now. I was in your position just before Christmas, and it does slowly become more bearable in time.

Tomorrow, you will be suffering, but your boy won’t be 💐

One thing I would say is, if you can bear it, try to spend time with him today. Don’t fill your time with cleaning and keeping busy. I fear you may regret not spending those final precious hours with him. Allow yourself to hurt, but also to celebrate his wonderful life and all the love you’ve shared.

Thinking of you today and sending love and virtual hugs 💚

Sending love - my heart is so sad for you. This is the horrendous part of loving an animal but you're doing the right thing.

Thinking of you and your darling boy. 💐

I’ve nothing to add but I’m sending my best wishes for this afternoon , believe me @bumblebee1987 if your dog could talk he would thank you 💐

Thank you everyone. It is helpful to know that everyone thinks we are doing the right thing, but also comforting to know I'm not alone and others understand the sheer heartache. My boy is so so special and so loved by everyone, he has been the most loyal, kind, loving companion I could ever have wished for. I will never stop loving him.

Op All I can say to you as a dog owner who has had to make this decision more than once, is that you know when it is time, and making that decision is the best and kindest thing you can do for your beloved pet.
Best wishes