We've known since Christmas really that he's struggling too much now, but we decided to get Christmas out of the way and then make a decision. So we did, yet two weeks later we still haven't done it, we just can't face it. DH and I had an honest conversation on Friday and we decided to do it this week, so we called the vet on Saturday to make an appointment for this week, but they said to call back on Monday and we can make an appointment for them to come to our house this week 😞
I can't cope. My heart hurts so much. He has been with us for 14.5 years. DH and I had only been together for 5 months when we got him (risky I know, but it worked out fortunately!) We don't even know each other without our boy, we have always been a three. He has been the most incredible dog, lovingly accepted us bringing home two babies, various house moves, cats joining the family, he is just the most kind, calm and gentle dog. How do I cope with never seeing him again?
In addition to this, I am struggling with my children. We have been honest and told them that sadly he has to go soon, and my four year old is so sad about it I wish we hadn't told her. So many questions and confusion about where he is going and why, and upset that it is unfair she only got him for four years when everyone else got him for longer. On the flip side, my eleven year old just doesn't care, at all, and it breaks my heart because our dog loves him so much (for info, he is suspected ASD.), so I'm struggling with his lack of compassion even though I know it's not his fault.
I'm struggling with worrying that we are doing it too soon? We know he is struggling, but he does have periods where he's happy, and he is still eating (but is half Labrador, so maybe he will always eat?!), but we're just so determined to not let his suffering get any worse. We know he very likely has prostate/bladder cancer (we decided not to investigate and to treat palliatively), and his arthritis is so hard for him, he can't lay down or stand up without help. He occasionally goes for a walk, but he never wants to, he goes because we want him to, and he is a really good boy who wants to please us. He has no life, he lays on his bed all day, sleeping, and only really gets up for the toilet or to sleep. He has been incontinent (poo) for a while, and gets upset when he poos in the house and rolls in it because he can't stand up and get away from it without help.
But he still wags his tail? How can I look him in the eye and let someone take his life away when he's still wagging his tail?
Why is it so hard? All I have done for two weeks is cry.
I can't ever have another dog. This is so hard. I know that in the scheme of things I just need to pull myself together, people go through so much worse than this, and he has lived a long time, but I just feel so sad.