Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
The doghouse

If you're worried about your pet's health, please speak to a vet or qualified professional.

Original poster

3 days in with puppy - feels like a huge mistake

90 replies

StepAwayFromGoogling · 07/01/2024 07:21

We have a new toy poodle. I grew up with dogs, including numerous puppies in that time (all labs) so not unfamiliar with dogs.

I appreciate we're only 3 days in so early days but I'm exhausted and panicking - it's like having a newborn. We've set up an area for him in the lounge with a baby pen, all cozy, mat, toys, water, astroturf/pee pad, beds and cage. He whines the minute anyone is out of the pen and starts flinging himself at the door. We have a 5 year old and an 8 year old so I can't be with him constantly.

The first night he wouldn't be left or go into his crate so I slept next to him in his bed. He spent most of it trying to get out of his bed and settle on my head or curled round my neck. Second night he mostly stayed in his bed but I had to keep settling him. Last night we were able to settle him in his bed in the crate and then I kept resettling him in the night. But in the days if we have to leave the pen for even a second he whines and whines and whines.

I'm really starting to panic. None of our family dogs were like this. I go back to work tomorrow. Only two days a week in the office and the rest from home. DP works from home full time. But we need to take the GCs to school. Eldest has autism and is really struggling. Only in two hours a day at the moment and very traumatic drop off with meltdowns. One of the reasons for getting a dog was to help with her anxiety. But now I don't see how we can manage kids, school, work, house with a dog that can't be left for a second without whining.

Can anyone reassure me that this will get better? Any ideas what else we can try? All the advice is to leave them for a minute while they aren't distressed and then return. But he's distressed immediately. Would we be better giving him full run of the lounge? Although then he keeps trying to jump on the sofas, which we're desperately trying to avoid. Take a few weeks holiday from work? Local dog behaviourist to help? I feel like I did when I had post natal depression, I'm so anxious, but at least I was on mat leave then!

OP posts:
wetotter · 07/01/2024 08:19

My post crossed with your last, StepAway

Good update - you'll be fine

Poodles are IME/IMO not as biddable as labs, but they're clever dogs and will learn quickly. With time and once confident that your home is truly home, it'll all come together.

margotrose · 07/01/2024 08:20

Toy poodles are companion dogs that don't generally like being left alone unless it's on their terms. They're very different to Labradors in that respect.

It also sounds like this is the first dog you've had sole responsibility for? It's very different to owning a dog as a child when your parents do all the hard work and you just get the enjoyment!

Personally I would be getting rid of the Astro turf and puppy pads (they just prolong toilet training) and just make sure you take him outside every 20-30 minutes while he's awake, as well as after sleep, food, drink, play and training.

We chose to have our puppy in the bedroom so we could at least be comfortable in between night time toilet trips. He never had any accidents as we were right there to take him as soon as he woke up. Obviously that's personal choice and depends a lot on how comfortable your sofa is Grin

I would also want to make plans for the school run so poppy isn't left for long periods of time. Can puppy come with you in a sling or the car, or can one parent stay home while the other does the school run?

It will get easier but the first few weeks are really intense and I'd just want to do whatever it takes to make things as easy as possible for everyone. Good luck!

LunaandLily · 07/01/2024 08:23

I have been you OP. I was absolutely savaged on this website when I posted that I regretted getting a dog and asked for advice on getting through the early days (people like you don’t deserve animals, this is why there should be a license etc). I was suffering from horrendous all day morning sickness and my cats were miserable. I had dogs growing up and had raised a springer spaniel from puppyhood in my early twenties so I was not naive to how stressful it could be. This time around, I could not continue. A colleague said to me, “I was like you but I kept the dog and deep down I have always regretted it”. You might be able to work through the misery you’re feeling right now and it’ll all come good in the end, but please, do not ruin your life out of fear other people will judge you.

Merrimentandsparkle · 07/01/2024 08:23

The book “easy peasy puppy squeezy” is fantastic for advice. Poodles are very intelligent so he should be quick to train. Definitely ditch the puppy pads, take out every half an hour for a wee. I know someone scoffed above but you could get a behaviourist round to give you hints and tips to help settle puppy into your home. I know the puppy class we attended this was an option. Did you do much research before you got the puppy? They are a lot of work compared to an adult dog. I think the biggest thing with young puppies is socialisation. You have a very small window (up to 12 weeks old) where puppy needs to experience a lot of different scenarios. I’ll try to find a YouTube video that explains…

NewMeNewUs · 07/01/2024 08:24

this stage will settle down, but I don’t think it gets any easier if I’m honest. The challenges just change.
we have a 9 month old Labrador at the moment and although we all love her to bits, I do regret getting her.

It’s just one thick after another. She’s going through the adolescence at the moment which I think is just as hard as those early days.

we've just forked our another £250 on dog training sessions. It’s a MASSIVE commitment forever, not just for the puppy stage

LoudSnoringDog · 07/01/2024 08:27

I’m looking at my dear 12 year old cocker spaniel here at my feet. Deaf as a post and getting slower. Her first few months were a challenge ( she chewed everything in sight), on reflection it probably felt much worse than it actually was.
your pup will soon get the hang of it all. It’s only been 3 days.

Original poster
StepAwayFromGoogling · 07/01/2024 08:28

I honestly think it would finish the girls off of we got rid of him. Eldest in particular, who is really who the dog is for.

OP posts:
Jollyoldfruit · 07/01/2024 08:28

@StepAwayFromGoogling is his crate too large?
Dogs need a crate just big enough to stretch properly. If it’s too large he’ll feel less secure..

NewMeNewUs · 07/01/2024 08:30

Also to add…. Ours was unsettled at night for months! We took it in turns to sleep on the living room floor with her for 2 months. It’s perfectly normal, like a newborn- they miss their mummy (and their pack) and want to be near someone. This will get better but even our 9 month old lab still doesn’t like being on her own a lot. If we are all upstairs she cries at the bottom of the stairs. She just loves people and company 😂

Original poster
StepAwayFromGoogling · 07/01/2024 08:31

Jollyoldfruit · 07/01/2024 08:28

@StepAwayFromGoogling is his crate too large?
Dogs need a crate just big enough to stretch properly. If it’s too large he’ll feel less secure..

It might be actually. It's a medium and he's a small dog but has a bed in there too that's smaller.

OP posts:
SummerSazz · 07/01/2024 08:31

ALL FOR PAWS Snuggle Sheep Pet Behavioral Aid Toy Plush Toy (ONE HEARTBEAT ONE WARM PACK, White)… amzn.eu/d/bvjomh3

We got one of these for our puppy and she just snuggled up to it in her crate and went to sleep. We also covered the crate with a blanket so a nice safe enclosed feeling space

Good luck!

margotrose · 07/01/2024 08:32

@Merrimentandsparkle the socialisation window ends at 16 weeks, not 12 Smile

Original poster
StepAwayFromGoogling · 07/01/2024 08:33

On Amazon looking for the heartbeat toy!

OP posts:
faustus5 · 07/01/2024 08:33

StepAwayFromGoogling · 07/01/2024 07:40

Sorry, to clarify - we have a blanket from the breeder with mum and siblings scent. Water bottle is a great idea. He potters with us from the lounge to the kitchen, not keen on the playroom yet. He's still weeing and pooing all over the place so we were keen not to have him in our bed. Is that what you meant, or just in the bedroom?

Sorry if this is a daft comment but as someone who had a very major burn recently from a hot water bottle, is there any possibility a puppy might nibble or chew one? I had a bottle with a tiny hole that has happened from deterioration, so I have visions of a burnt puppy. Maybe me...but just thought I'd mention it.

Original poster
StepAwayFromGoogling · 07/01/2024 08:34

Think I'll get the heartbeat/warm toy instead of the hot water bottle!

OP posts:
dastidlydaschel · 07/01/2024 08:34

The first few months with a puppy are very hard! It is like having a newborn, but one that can move and has needle sharp teeth! I remember sobbing in the garden when mine was about 12 weeks old as he constantly kept biting my ankles (obviously he was mouthing in a very normal puppy behaviour but it bloody hurt!!)

He's 4 now and is the most perfect dog in the world in my eyes!

But, that first week. We tried a pen, it didn't work for us as he just kept getting distressed that he could get to us.
We did crate train which has become a godsend. Do this by making the crate somewhere he wants to be. Never use it as punishment but it is ok to use it as time out when he's over tired or you're overwhelmed. Just make sure there are always treats in there for him to discover (making it a place he likes to go to)
At night for the first week I slept on the sofa near the crate. When he cried I lay on the floor next to the crate but didn't interact. He knew I was there but also knew it wasn't play time. It took a week but since then he has been fine on his own at night.

Toilet training, at night for first couple of weeks , out for wee at 11pm, set alarm for 2.30am took puppy outside (no hello or interaction- it's not okay time) wee - praise while outside, back inside interaction stops as it's bed time, one of us up at 6am for next wee.

As for toilet training it took a few weeks for us to master, we didn't use puppy pads as encourages them to toilet inside. Outside every half hour or so. The puppy trainer explained to us that we needed to get more excited when he toileted outside, we were giving praise but the trainer explained that when he did his toilet outside we needed to get really animated and high pitched so that puppy knew this behaviour was really good, never react when accidents happen inside. Once we started doing this, again he mastered it within a week.

Puppies are huge hard work op. Ours is a chewer and in the first few months destroyed the legs to most of our furniture! But I'm happy to report he is now the most well behaved loving dog and I would walk into a burning building to save that dog!! If you'd have told me that 6 months in I'd have thought you were mad!
In real life the first year/18 months are hard, but that first month is the worse.

You'll be ok op, keep your eye on the ball. These first few weeks will be worth it in the end.

Re the crate training, 4 years in I still always reward with a treat when he goes in. We rarely close the door on it now and he often just takes himself off to his crate for a lay down as it's his space. But when guests come or tradesmen, being able to just say 'bed' and him happily take himself off to his crate for and hour or so where I know is really useful. Also means he's used to a crate for travelling which has also been useful.

SuperheroBirds · 07/01/2024 08:37

It sounds to me like “puppy blues”, a well known phenomenon. As any responsible dog owner, you are suddenly faced with the enormity of caring for the dog. We have two dogs and went through a few days of this panic each time (even though the dogs were very much planned for before hand). It passes. Puppies are massively hard work, and can be totally frustrating, but soon you won’t be able to imagine your life without them.

Sodndashitall · 07/01/2024 08:38

My understanding is that this is par for the course with puppies. They are like newborns but slightly furrier haha.
From what I've seen with neighbours and friends, this is just a phase and you have to work through it as best you can. Maybe take some time off if it's really bad ?

Original poster
StepAwayFromGoogling · 07/01/2024 08:38

dastidlydaschel · 07/01/2024 08:34

The first few months with a puppy are very hard! It is like having a newborn, but one that can move and has needle sharp teeth! I remember sobbing in the garden when mine was about 12 weeks old as he constantly kept biting my ankles (obviously he was mouthing in a very normal puppy behaviour but it bloody hurt!!)

He's 4 now and is the most perfect dog in the world in my eyes!

But, that first week. We tried a pen, it didn't work for us as he just kept getting distressed that he could get to us.
We did crate train which has become a godsend. Do this by making the crate somewhere he wants to be. Never use it as punishment but it is ok to use it as time out when he's over tired or you're overwhelmed. Just make sure there are always treats in there for him to discover (making it a place he likes to go to)
At night for the first week I slept on the sofa near the crate. When he cried I lay on the floor next to the crate but didn't interact. He knew I was there but also knew it wasn't play time. It took a week but since then he has been fine on his own at night.

Toilet training, at night for first couple of weeks , out for wee at 11pm, set alarm for 2.30am took puppy outside (no hello or interaction- it's not okay time) wee - praise while outside, back inside interaction stops as it's bed time, one of us up at 6am for next wee.

As for toilet training it took a few weeks for us to master, we didn't use puppy pads as encourages them to toilet inside. Outside every half hour or so. The puppy trainer explained to us that we needed to get more excited when he toileted outside, we were giving praise but the trainer explained that when he did his toilet outside we needed to get really animated and high pitched so that puppy knew this behaviour was really good, never react when accidents happen inside. Once we started doing this, again he mastered it within a week.

Puppies are huge hard work op. Ours is a chewer and in the first few months destroyed the legs to most of our furniture! But I'm happy to report he is now the most well behaved loving dog and I would walk into a burning building to save that dog!! If you'd have told me that 6 months in I'd have thought you were mad!
In real life the first year/18 months are hard, but that first month is the worse.

You'll be ok op, keep your eye on the ball. These first few weeks will be worth it in the end.

Re the crate training, 4 years in I still always reward with a treat when he goes in. We rarely close the door on it now and he often just takes himself off to his crate for a lay down as it's his space. But when guests come or tradesmen, being able to just say 'bed' and him happily take himself off to his crate for and hour or so where I know is really useful. Also means he's used to a crate for travelling which has also been useful.

For the first week, did you close the door to the crate?

OP posts:
ACynicalDad · 07/01/2024 08:38

We got a toy dog with a fake heart for our poodle cross to snuggle up with, he loved it for the first couple of months, then couldn’t stop humping it at which point it went in the bin. Have a few weeks when he gets away with lots then start crating him during the day so he learns to be on his own, ours is a bit too much of a shadow. As soon as it’s fully vaccinated take him out to see the world, they are sponges for 3/4 months. I also wish I’d found the Woofz app earlier it seems whatever he learns the obedience has been good for him, also recommend puppy training. Remember poodles are companion dogs bred as companions. I think you said you had labs growing up, they were bread as working dogs, some of it is in the genes.

bluejelly · 07/01/2024 08:39

I would definitely join the Facebook group Dog Training advice and Support. They have brilliant guides, a book and online support from vets and behaviorists.
Your puppy sounds totally normal - keep sleeping next to him until he feels comfortable without you. Go at his pace and it will pay off in the long run. Good luck!

FiveShelties · 07/01/2024 08:41

The first few weeks are awful, especially at 3.00am. Every single time I think that is it no more dogs, but then the memory seems to fade and another dog steals your heart.

Good Luck OP, honestly it does get better.

Merrimentandsparkle · 07/01/2024 08:42

I think change your mindset, you’re currently panicking because they’re a lot of hard work. Just see this as a new project, you need to jump in with both feet and go for it. It’s going to be a lot of work for the next few weeks, it will get easier over time but then the
teenage stage will hit. Then you will have a wonderful adult dog, it will be worth it!