Broken 💔

[spiderlight]

We had to say goodbye to the best dog in the world on Friday and I am utterly broken. I just don't know what to do with myself. It feels as if someone has torn a hole in my chest and I just miss him so much. It was his birthday today as well, just to make it more painful. My 16-year-old is absolutely devastated and I don't know how to help him because I can barely breathe. I loved him so much. He was honestly perfect. I work from home because of ill-health, and he was my little sidekick, my only company all day, busy and nosy and involved in everything. He made me laugh a hundred times a day with his silly noises and games. There's not an inch of our house that doesn't remind me of him....I just don't know how to be here without him 😭

I think up you and I must be grief twins, OP. We also had to have our beautiful blue roan cocker boy pts last Friday. He too came to live with us later in his life, and was 14. The house is devastatingly empty and without its soul now. We’ve been through this with three dogs in the last six years and I’m completely wrung out. When I’ve lost other dogs, I found that making a photo memory book of their lives helped me, but somehow I can’t face it this time.

for you.

Here he is ❤️

I'm sorry for your loss OP, and to the others on this thread too. All of you have beautiful doggies and they are all perfect to us. It's a special sort of love that we have for our pets, only other pet parents understand it.
The grief is awful, but I promise it will pass. Just try to get through each day, one day at a time.
Cry your heart out whenever you feel like it, crying is the body's way of releasing hurt. Hug each other a lot too. Go for walks to your dog's favourite places. Talk about funny and happy things that he did.
Time passes, the shock reduces little by little, and eventually you are left with the memory of how much you loved each other. It will always be sad, it will just gradually hurt less and less.

I'm so sorry

Oh, @TheGodOfSmallThings - he's absolutely beautiful. So sorry you're going through it as well. It's just awful 😞 🌹

I'm so sorry for your loss. I felt the same. Like a physical pain in my chest. An ache.

I know it's a cliche but time does help. One day you will be able to remember with smiles instead of tears.

Hard day today - I was just psyching myself up to fill in the insurance forms when the crematorium rang to ask about our choice of keepsakes and casket. They're going to do me a pawprint and they asked which paw he used to give 💔

Managed to get DS into college - he's struggling but he's stayed all day, which I think will be good for him. I've been looking through old photos and videos, and I found one of Eddie's famous 'Awoo-woo-woo', which I didn't think we had, so that's a blessing. God I miss him though.

Oh @spiderlight . All these hurdles to cross are so hard aren't they? But they mean that we are still putting one foot in front of the other and moving forward just a little bit.

A paw print will be lovely. We have one from our dear girl. I've put it on the mantlepiece with some of my favourite photos and I light a candle by it every evening. These little things give me comfort and I do hope they will you too. I was out for a walk in the sun today and missing my dog. I thought of you. Things do get better I promise you. You're doing ok. 💐

I'm home alone for 11 hours today and I don't know how I'm going to get through it. It's so quiet. Normally we'd have been up and out at 7, and had a nice walk after dropping DS at the station for college, but DH just dropped him and went straight to work (he had to - he's a uni lecturer, he's taken three days off and it's the start of term), and that's it until DS gets home about 6ish. I dont really go out on my own because of my health problems, I had to give up driving and there's nowhere I could walk locally that isn't one of my old walks with Eddie, so I'm just here like a piece of furniture. I can't stand to have the TV or music on, and I can't even bear to pick up my book because I started it when he was still alive. I know that's utterly irrational but it's how I feel at the moment. I would normally be working by now, but I have nothing booked in (quiet time of year) and there's no way I'd be able to make a jood job of it anyway. Even sitting at the computer typing this is agony because I'm waiting for a little nudge and a 'give us a treat' face. I still have my treat pouch in my pocket and I just want to throw a treat down the room for him to sniff out with his tail going like the clappers. I'm sorry to keep whining but I am just completely blindsided by the immensity of this grief.

@TheGodOfSmallThings - how are you doing?

I feel like the worst person in the world today. I keep focusing on how happy he was when the vet nurse brought him into the room with us after he'd been for his tests and had some fluids. He must have thought he was going home, but five minutes later I was signing the consent forms to let him go because his test results were so bad and he'd have been in so much pain when they stopped his steroids. I can't get his happy little greeting out of my head today - I feel as if I betrayed him. I miss him so much 😭

Oh @spiderlight I’m so sorry for the loss of your beautiful boy. There’s something very special about a spaniel, they really are amazing dogs. You didn’t betray him, you gave him a peaceful and dignified end which is the ultimate gift we can give our beloved pets. 💐

I’m am so sorry for your loss, what a beautiful boy.

We lost our amazing Izzy, Oct 11th last year, my heart broke. It’s such a devastating time.

We can now talk and laugh about all the funny things she used to do and I can look at pictures, but it still hurts like hell.

Be kind to yourself, do whatever it takes to get through the next few weeks/months, it will get easier ❤️

Sorry OP. I do understand. I felt the same when we had to put my boy down, twelve or so years ago now!

I loved him so, so much. I know how you feel about it being so raw and intense that you feel you can’t breathe. You just don’t know what to do with yourself. It’s like being in physical pain, in a way.

All these years on, I miss him and love him and think about him daily. But it definitely doesn’t feel as bad now. Your life grows around it, and you can smile and laugh and be happy still.

Thank you for asking ❤️

It’s so hard. We got the ashes back yesterday which for me is always the worst, most final part of the whole ordeal. The house feels so empty. This is the first time in twenty years that there hasn’t been a mad, loving spaniel in it. And I can’t go out much as I’m recovering from major surgery, so am stuck in the house with this sense of absence.

While, like you, I also have the odd moment of feeling guilty, I do know that we were lucky to be able to spare our boy the kind of prolonged suffering that some of our human family have gone through and also that this grief is we price we pay for having known such love.

Aww OP he was beautiful. I used to work as a vets receptionist & often people would apologise for getting upset when their pet had been put to sleep but it’s absolutely understandable as our furry friends are such a big part of our lives & give us so much joy. I lost my beautiful rough collie over 30 years ago but still shed a tear when I see a similar dog. We have bunnies now & DH absolutely broke his heart when one of our does passed away earlier this year. Sending hugs for the loss of your friend & companion ❤️

This is my thread now 😥

My darling dog fell ill suddenly on Thursday evening and declined rapidly. She was put to sleep this morning. She was 13 so I knew this day was coming soon, I’ve thought about it so often, but that doesn’t make it any easier.

She was such a huge part of my life, of my day. She’d jump on the bed in the morning for a snooze before I got up. She’d lie next to me on the sofa. Greet me with joy when I came home from work or even just from a 5-minute walk to the shops. I loved her so, so much. How am I going to navigate all the enormous hole in my life?

So sorry for you all going through this.

We lost our lab in July. Still not used to him not being here, it doesnt feel like 10 years since we brought him home as a pup. I WFH all day alone and I still talk to him every day. At night when dh goes to bed early I miss having someone to snuggle up to.

They are so woven into ever aspect of the fabric of our lives, from when we wake in the morning until we go to bed, it is such a wrench when they are suddenly gone.

Sorry for your loss. ❤️

Oh @JJuneFromBethesda - I'm so sorry. It's awful when it's so sudden. Thinking of you.

I WFH as well and the days are so quiet and empty now. I hate not having a dog, but I can't imagine a dog here that's not Eddie. He was perfect. Absolutely perfect 💗

Thanks @spiderlight I usually WFH 2 days a week, thinking of going into the office a bit more next week as I’m dreading the emptiness in the house

@Blanketpolicy mine was a Lab as well ❤️

Oh, she's beautiful ❤️

Thank you 😢

So sorry for your loss, been there so many times over the years! Some one put on FB,"what is the worst thing about having a dog .... saying goodbye". We had to have Leo our toy PTS in January just shy of his 18th birthday. We have had 3 dogs live to this age,we always have 2 dogs....he was actually a 3rd, makes it a bit less awful. You still have the doggy walks. We have an 8 year old border collie,and 6 weeks ago, another one!!

I hope nobody minds me bumping this thread. I’m so sad. This morning was agony, the house felt awful without her. I cried all the way to work, sitting on the train with my sunglasses on and tears streaming down my face 😥

Oh @JuneFromBethesda - it's just utterly bloody awful, isn't it? I'm not coping at all. Big un-Mumsnetty hugs to you.

Just had a phone call to say Eddie's ashes are ready to collect. I've been dreading it so much. 😭