My darling girl is gone

[Rosebud1302]

She went lame on her back right leg a week ago. Today she had X-rays. What I assumed were going to tell me her bad knees had deteriorated and she may need surgery or stronger pain meds. I didn't say goodbye. They found aggressive and untreatable bone cancer. They didn't wake her up. I am broken. My baby girl. My first dog. She should have had years left. I will be forever full of regrets. I had no idea this was coming. She was so scared of the vets. How can this be happening. I can't stop thinking about her. I don't know how I'm going to process this or move on. My heart feels broken.

❤️❤️❤️ this is horrible! My heart goes out to you! We had to say goodbye to our little toy Leo in January almost 18. I also had a similar scenario to you, very sudden, unexpected.Merl was 12, collapsed on a walk,took her straight to the vet, she had a splenic tumour which unfortunately don't cause symptoms....till they get so big and rupture. Vet said just standing up is enough to do that.so I went walking with 3 dogs, home with 2. I had a bawl yesterday, went to see my best friend,and we were talking about him. We still have another dog,and after much thought (hopelessly trying rescues) got a puppy 3 weeks ago.

I'm so sorry op. I lost my first dog a few weeks ago. Similar situation, he was only 6, 1 month ago he was running round without a care in the world, then he stopped eating, stopped wanting to get up, and two weeks ago was pts. Aggressive cancer with nothing they could do. It sounds awful but I've never known loss like it, I've lost grandparents and my Mum but this has been so much more painful. I think it's because it was so unexpected, I had a lot of time to get used to the fact my mother was dying, but with him, one minute he was there, the next gone.

I can't imagine how much of a shock yours was, at least we got a weekend to say goodbye - virtual hugs

I'm currently going through something similar. My dog is very very unwell, only young and they suspect cancer. I've spend thousands already and had all the insurance money. I can't deal with the thought of losing her I love her so much. They aren't hopeful of a good outcome and it's the worst thing I've ever been through.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Do you have anyone there to support you, OP? It was so sudden for you.
You must be in shock. It would be good to have someone with you, who understands how devastating the loss of a beloved pet is.
I wish I had some words of comfort. Cry as much as you need to. Be gentle with yourself. Big hugs 💝

I'm reading each and every comment. I am so sorry to anyone who is currently going through or has gone through losing a pet. It is the most painful thing I've ever experienced and I can't imagine it stopping. She will be with me forever. The house is so empty without her. It's crushingly quiet.

I'm crying for you, I'm so sorry for your loss. She will have known so much love from you, please focus on all the wonderful times and the mutual love. My girl is 5 and I'm not sure how I'll cope when she goes - I feel your loss deeply. Sending big hugs to you.

Your dog is absolutely beautiful OP, I know how awful you are feeling right now, this thread might make you feel less alone, a similar situation happened to this poster. The pain will get easier over time, it never truly goes away but it does become easier to carry

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/the_doghouse/4143184-Dog-PTS-tonight-I-am-devastated?page=4

I lost one of my GSDs just over a month ago, he was only 5yrs old so like you i thought we had years left.

We didn't expect him to die when he did, they scanned him at 1am and he had died by 4am without being euthanised. I would have liked him to die at home, but there just wasn't time. I'm happy that he received pain relief that allowed him to pass in peace and that it was such a quick passing for him.

Take it easy over the coming days and weeks, grieve in a way that's healthy for you and be gentle with yourself. X

I am so sorry. A similar thing happened with my first dog. He was out of sorts so took him to the vets, waved him bye expecting to pick him him up later. Like your dog, the vet didn't wake them as cancer was found in the liver. He was only 8.

What a beautiful dog, OP. I can imagine how quiet the house is without her - when my beloved little guy was sick at the vet's I found the house horribly empty.

I don't know if you know Mary Oliver, but she wrote some beautiful dog poems including about her dog that passed on. I'm sure you can find them if you Google them. Sometimes it helps to hear that others go through the same feelings.

I did know a lass who had her dog's picture and name in a little tattoo on her shoulder. She found this helped her - maybe there is something you can do to help yourself through this - we humans seem to need ceremony at times like this - do you have a favourite photo or photos of your loved dog that you can display, get flowers to put near them... just whatever might help you grieve? And cry it out as much as you need to.

The grief is very raw right now - honestly it will ease with time - but don't expect too much of yourself for a while yet. Permit yourself to grieve in whatever way you need to. More hugs from me and my (elderly) furry friend here to you oxoxo

I can't function and I don't want to. I just lay here and cry. I am cuddling her favourite toy with her collar round it's neck (it's a cuddly dog). I can't see this ever easing. The minutes are going so slowly. Every thing I see or do reminds me of her. I'm so broken. How do people get past this pain 💔. I'm sorry to ramble.

Have you got anyone with you? You sound very alone, I think you should speak to someone about your grief to help you through https://www.bluecross.org.uk/pet-bereavement-and-pet-loss
Right now you are absolutely in the thick of shock and grief, it will take time maybe weeks or months but it will ease, I do think you need to talk to someone, please don’t suffer alone, there are a lot of YouTube videos which I found really helpful as well if you can’t access a counsellor.

I have my partner. He is amazing despite hurting himself too. But I feel alone still even though I'm not. I just want my girl back. I don't want people outside who don't understand giving me looks and not knowing what to say. I did contact Blue Cross, thank you for the suggestion. It just hurts so much.

OP I'm so sorry. I lost my beautiful spaniel girl earlier in the year. Part of me is broken still, and I know will never fully heal.

I so sorry you didn't get to say goodbye, that must be so painful. She didn't know though.. she would've had fusses and loves from the nurses, and then wouldn't have known any more pain or fear, ever. She didn't know you weren't coming..

I try and hold on to the thought that it's me hurting, not her and I'd rather that be so.

I'm so sorry OP. They just don't live long enough so they x

Please believe me OP that this awful pain WILL ease, and in time you will remember Rose with a smile, not tears.

Be sure the vet and nurse would have consoled and comforted her before she was sedated, so she wouldn't have been distressed. She knew you love her.

It's a terrible shock, you had no warning and no idea what was to come. Rose didn't have prolonged suffering and pain, which is something to hold onto.

Hang in there, it will pass. She will always be in your heart.

Every day feels harder than the last. My partner is sort of working. My son is at school. I can't face work, not yet. I donated all of her food and chews to a rescue centre near us today. I hope they are used and enjoyed as much as Rose enjoyed them. I keep thinking I hear her feet on the laminate floor. My heart feels empty and I feel like I won't smile again.

I'm so so sorry for your loss OP, I can't imagine how devastating it is losing your girl so suddenly.

Tomorrow it'll be 2 years that my sweet boy is gone. One thing that gave me great comfort was to purchase a little urn pendant in which I put a bit of his ashes. I feel he's always with me now.

Thinking about you and your sweet Rose xx

I'm so sorry for your loss, there's no words that can really provide comfort as sadly I've lost my previous furbaby at the young age of 8 just over 3 weeks ago suddenly. He was a fit and healthy dog and it's knocked for six. The first few weeks are truly awful, please be kind on yourself as I too was wracked with guilt and it really made me ill. They're our best friends who provide unconditional love like no other, I feel your pain. I'm so sorry x

I'm so sorry for everyone who has also been through this pain. It is like nothing I have ever experienced. It is a week since I got the worst call of my life. I still feel like I'm in a hole. A void. Where life is going on around me but I still miss my girl so so much. I cry most of the day. I'm exhausted in every way possible. I just don't know how to get through losing her. I am meant to be back at work Monday. My anxiety is through the roof even thinking about going back and speaking to people.

How do you know when to see a GP and what is "normal" grief (I use that term loosely of course)?

Are your work supportive? I got signed off work by my GP for two weeks following my furbaby's passing as I felt how you do now. You need time to grieve and go through the tough process. It'll be 4 weeks on Monday since I lost my Puppa and although I'm not crying 24/7 like I was, I do feel very down and sad and like a huge void is in my life. It's all their toys, beds, routines like walks that really hit home. I didn't want to go back to work but to be honest it has helped a little as it's taken my mind off the constant grief even for a few hours. Maybe speak to your GP as it is traumatic what you've been through so you need to look after youself

I’m crying with you, I’m so so sorry you have lost your beautiful Rose. I have no words to make you feel better, it is such a sad time and I just wanted to let you know I’m thinking of you and your girl.

so sorry for your loss, heartbreaking

I think you should try work on Monday, it would be good for you to have to occupy your mind on something else.

Don't think for a second that when you feel better and stop grieving so hard that you have forgotten her. You won't ever do that, she is part of your lives and in fact when you stop hurting is when your memories will be strongest and uplifting.

I am so sorry for your loss. I am sitting here crying just reading your posts.

At least she didn't have to suffer but it feels awful that the vet would not call ahead to explain what they were planning and ask for your consent.

I'm so so sorry to hear of your loss. I have a little male dog about to turn 10 and he is my whole world and I often dread / think about the loss of him and how it will absolutely rip my world apart.

I had no idea when I got him it would take over my whole life and he would be at the centre of it with his funny, demanding, bossy little ways. Clicking about on the laminate with his little paws, spilling water everywhere, pushing cushions off the sofa, bunching up the rugs, pulling his toys all over the house, barking at the window. I know what you mean about the quiet without them. I have had a few times he has been in the hospital for one or two nights and oh my god the silence is deafening. Obviously not the same at all as you are going through but even on those occassions I have to keep myself busy and remind myself he will be home soon as I miss him so much. We give them our whole hearts and in return they become our faithful, loving, utterly loyal friends. Accepting us at our worst, not caring if we are rubbish at things or looking ugly or fat. You are never alone when you have a furry friend.

I also understand what you mean about thinking of her waiting that day for you to collect her and hating being in a cage. I think just remember it was only one day in her ten years and she won't remember it now. From doggie heaven she will only remember the thousands and thousands of fun, loving, happy, snuggly days with you eating her favourite treats, playing with her toys, sleeping on your bed. I like to think when they go to doggie heaven they are reunited with their doggie mum and doggie brothers and sisters so they have a family there and are not lonely or sad. I also like to think they know you will be with her again one day.

My neighbours had a bichon frise who used to snuffle and bark at the fence and my dog would do it back on the other side. They were both 7 at that time. One day the bichon went to the vet with something 'ordinary' and ended up dying. When my neighbour told me I was so upset for about 2 weeks and it wasn't even my dog. My neighbour spent the next year doing lots of travelling. She said she couldn't bear to be in the house without her beloved little bichon. Even I felt quite sad that the wee dog next dog was not there for that year and it made me really, really appreciate my own wee dog. She did get another bichon after that year and is now happy again and head over heels in love with it. Not forgetting the first bichon of course and she has lots of his pictures in her house.

For me my little lad is having more and more problems with his health. He got diagnosed with a heart murmour this year and I spent 2 weeks taking him to his favourite parks, playing with his toys/balls lots, giving him all his favourite meals and buying him a huge sheepskin rug (he loves sheepskin but the huge ones are expensive so I never had bought any bigger than the small ones before). Thankfully his heart murmour is age related and mild at this stage. I was so relieved when I found this out as I lived the whole 2 weeks thinking each day might be the beginning of the end. He has had teeth removed this year (absess) and gets lots of lumps and bumps now which cost a fortune to get tested and removed if they are annoying him.

I try to prepare myself for the fact he may only have a few more years left though I hope to have him to at least 14, hopefully 16 (he is small and a crossbreed).

I have been through some terrible times missing him and once when he had had some surgery and the vet was updating me I was practically jumping up and down and wanted to say 'please just bring him out so I can cuddle him and see him' then you can talk all you want. I was literally desperate to see him, touch him, cuddle him and reassure him. It was actually painful.

Please try and focus if you can not on that last day which she won't remember now but on all the nice days she had and how happy she was. Also try and think of her now being looked after by her doggie mum and doggie brothers/sisters so not sad or lonely whilst looking down on your fondly.

Huge hugs and sympathy xxxx