My darling girl is gone

[Rosebud1302]

She went lame on her back right leg a week ago. Today she had X-rays. What I assumed were going to tell me her bad knees had deteriorated and she may need surgery or stronger pain meds. I didn't say goodbye. They found aggressive and untreatable bone cancer. They didn't wake her up. I am broken. My baby girl. My first dog. She should have had years left. I will be forever full of regrets. I had no idea this was coming. She was so scared of the vets. How can this be happening. I can't stop thinking about her. I don't know how I'm going to process this or move on. My heart feels broken.

@Sd352 sorry I probably didn't explain well at all. Head is not right. The vet did call me. They basically said she is now sedated. Here is what we've found. It's incredibly bad news and there is no chance for her to get past this and she will be in so much pain. They asked for consent to put her to sleep. They said I could go in while they do it but I just couldn't. Knowing she was already asleep I thought it best she went peacefully and I went to see her beautiful little body afterwards.

I'm sorry I have made people cry or if it has brought back any horrible memories for people. I am sending you all love xx

I am so torn about work. Full disclosure - I work with dogs. Young, full of life dogs and puppies. I just don't know if I can face it knowing how my girl was at the end. And have to chat about these dogs and work with them knowing I will never have my girl back. Probably sounds mad. I agree though it may help to distract me. My anxiety is so high. I honestly feel like a completely different person to this time last week :(

@Poochypaws your post made me sob. I can feel the love for your boy radiate out of your post. I bet you are a fantastic doggy mum. Hug him and tell him you love him all the time as I know you do. What I would give - any money or any part of my body - to cuddle my girl again 💔. Sending you love xx

I am so sorry, I really didn't mean to make you feel bad.
I cried because I can feel your love for your lovely Rose and it is so heartbreaking that you did not get a chance to say goodbye.

You don't have anything to apologise for!

That’s a lovely post @Poochypaws and also what @BMW6 has said is very true. It’s 21 weeks since I lost my darling girl, I still have my bad days but not as bad as the first couple of months, I honestly thought I was spiralling into some madness, the grief was so strong and overwhelming plus the guilt of things I should have done, beating myself up (still do this sometimes though I’m try to be kinder to myself now). To be honest I don’t think I will ever ‘get over’ the grief, but I think I am learning to live with it now and it’s not so raw, the love I have for her will never die, our connection and love was so strong nothing will break that not even death. I still talk to her and kiss her picture, I like to think she can hear me, it brings me comfort.

I am so sorry for your loss you are in shock just now be kind to yourself. Do you have somebody to sit with you?

@hiredandsqueak yes I have a partner who has been amazing. Everyone else - I find my anxiety is so bad. I can message but not talk much in real life. Even to my family. Feels like a crippling anxiety. Hence work seeming so scary :(