At my wits end with this puppy!!

[RoSa1719]

Hiya! I wonder if you have any puppy advice…. cos we really are at our wits end 😢
Belle wakes up ready for the day between 4 and 5am!
We have tried everything. Dark cosy room, later dinner, walk in the evening, keeping her up and playing before bed, later bed time, ignoring her when she wakes so early, not giving her breakfast as soon as she wakes…. Nothing is working.
She barks and crys, I let her out in the garden for her to wee and poo. I don’t talk to her just let her out then straight back in her room so she knows it’s still night time. But she doesn’t go back to sleep, or if she does it’s not for long.
Today for example she woke up at 3am so I let her in the garden. She did a wee and poo, back in her room and I went back up to bed.
4.15am she was barking and crying. I ignored her. She would not stop. It got to 5.15am and she woke the kids up. I gave in and went down to her. She didn’t need a wee. She just said hello to me and then she fell back to sleep on the sofa!
I cannot carry on like this, it’s killing me and waking the children up. Any advice welcome xx

I’m afraid pups are a bit like young children. Once they are awake in the morning, they want company/food/attention and they don’t want to go back to sleep cos they’ve had a nights sleep.
Some you get lucky with and they will sleep a bit later but others won’t. I’m afraid this is part of having a puppy.

That does sound hard. My labrador when he was a puppy was also a "baby" but he didn't do this at all. After the first couple of days at home, he stopped crying when left alone and never barked to wake us up.

I think part of the problem is people have stories like this and you can assume you're doing something wrong. I've got two labs, one who slept through from almost day one apart from some toilet trips in the first week and one who woke up multiple times a night crying until 6 months when we gave up and let her in our bedroom, having tried sleeping downstairs with her to transition slowly, puppy music, covered crate, uncovered crate, no crate etc.

All my dogs have always slept upstairs with us and I’ve never had a problem sleep training them. Dogs are social animals they need company and it is unfair, IMO, to expect a puppy to sleep alone downstairs.

I know you said you don't want her in your room but honestly getting a good nights sleep is more important, especially when having to deal with the relentless puppy daytimes.

I had my pup in her own bed next to my bed and blocked the area off so she couldn't wander round the room during the night. She'd wake between 5-6am for a cuddle so I'd let her on my bed and she'd sleep until the alarm went off.

She's just turned one and sleeps by my bed all night without making a peep and doesn't get on my bed at all.

That does sound hard. My labrador when he was a puppy was also a "baby" but he didn't do this at all. After the first couple of days at home, he stopped crying when left alone and never barked to wake us up.

This is called luck

Some puppies are very resilient and don't seem to be too bothered by sleeping alone but it's not the case for most people as you can see by the responses on here.

Early morning wake ups, unsettled nights and weeks of crying and training is very common with new puppies.

When our first dog was a puppy he was similar so I kept a spare duvet downstairs and would nap with him on the sofa. It was lovely and bonding but avoided the habit of bringing him into the bedrooms. Only needed to do this until he grew up a bit and got used to routines etc. We lost that 'puppy' two years ago and I still remember fondly our snuggly sleeps together when he was a tiny pup.

We had similar when our dog was young. We took it in turns to sleep with her, then gradually retreated - sleeping in the next room so she could see us and we could reassure her when she woke. Once that had worked for a few days, we moved further away so she could hear us but not see us. It didn't take too long, but just resettled her. We still sleep downstairs with her if she is unwell or anything. Yes, it's a pain, but sometimes they need the reassurance.

All right calm down ladies 🤣 she knows a puppy is a baby ffs, she is just asking for advice - don't act like you all haven't been frustrated with a puppy before lol

OP I kept our dogs crate beside the bed and just put my hand through like some people have suggested, it didn't really work and I ended up taking her into our bed 😅 it worked but she's still in our bed to this day 🤣

Crate next to your bed. She won’t like the crate if you put her alone in another part of house alone at this age. Don’t think I transitioned either of my dogs downstairs to around 7 months (because my sleep was too important and I took path of least resistance!).

We took in turns of sleeping downstairs for a couple of weeks. Puppy was in a crate but we were in the room. When he woke early we would take him out and then straight back to bed.
Now he’s no longer in the crate and no longer wakes at 5 but still does the tired waddle back to his bed after breakfast.

It does get easier! I feel for you.

I appreciate what you are saying is true. But I also think that @RoSa1719 was getting a lot of flack from people saying that what did she expect from a puppy? And she should understand that they are only a "baby".

I wanted to balance the implied criticism of OPs expectations by sharing my experience to show that they were not being completely unrealistic in hoping that their puppy would be more settled by now. Everyone was sharing their own experiences of bringing the puppy into the bedroom etc before they would settle. I was sharing my completely differerent but just as valid experience.

Not everyone is happy with the idea of dogs being allowed into bedrooms and I'm guessing that OP is one of those people since their dog currently sleeps in the utility room. I don't feel that they should feel they are doing anything "wrong" either. They are just unlucky in my opinion.

Have her sleep in with you one way or another. My 11 month old pup woke up in the middle of the night last night because something spooked her and after a quick fuss she went back to bed.

You’re not going to solve this any other way. You can move her out when she’s more confident (which can be when she’s a fair bit older).

Just to add my pup is super confident in the day and not at all clingy. She chooses to be away from us most of the time. So it doesn’t make the dependent or clingy. Quite the opposite. If you can’t have her in the bedroom then sleep with her then move away gradually. Expect it to go back and forwards during various developmental points.

Take her in bed with you.

I do with mine when they are puppies. Sleep like a log, faster housetrained, and grew up independent and confident.

If you've got a pup that is reliably sleeping for a few hours then waking up between 4-5am (this morning being an exception) then I'd lean into that, tbh.

I'd set my alarm for 3.30am and go down and let her out before she wakes and starts crying. I'd then go and snooze and snuggle on the sofa with her for a few hours. That way, no one else gets woken up by her and she gets minimum practise at waking the house up.

After a few days of this working so that I was always getting to her before she woke. I'd push the alarm back 15mins. A couple days later, push it back again. Keep going like that, so long as I was always getting to her before she woke naturally.

A few weeks on and she will be older and you will have - hopefully - pushed the time back to a more reasonable wake up. And, like most of us, one day you'll look back wistfully and the puppy peskiness and kinda wish you were back there

If you don't fancy this, don't want her upstaors with you and don't want to set up a camp bed by her then you're other option is to keep her room as dark as possible, maybe with a bit of white noise - all to minimise the cues she has that morning is coming. And keep getting up to her when she cries, letting her out, letting her back in. Rinse and repeat. Eventually she will grow out of it. But I think this way is harder on you.

Yes, I do think with puppies often there is this short wake up period around 5/6ish (or earlier 😫) where they need a wee, think they are ready for the day and have a mad half hour but actually then can crash out again for a good chunk of time. I have had three from puppies now and have done a combination. Maybe some of this will help:

1. Pup 1. Crate trained from day one - got a 'lucky' pup who took to it fine.

1. Pup 2. in crate til 5ish, then up for a half hour wee and pratting about before he would fall asleep with me on the sofa under a duvet for another good hour or so. Quite bearable.

1. Pup 3. did not like crate At All so she slept in my bed snuggled down by my feet. A late last wee before bed and she would go through til at least 7am without a peep which is perfectly acceptable.

I'm not big fan of sharing my bed with a dog and after about 7 months I was getting a bit fed up of it, but it was around this time that she decided she was quite secure now thank you v much and took to sleeping downstairs in her crate (with the door open), which is where she still sleeps and is now a v late riser.

I would say of all the dogs I have had, the 'attachment parenting' (!) approach I took with pup 3 seems to have been the most effective. She is now a v chilled, relaxed dog, happy to be left, very biddable.

I think labs - generally- grow into resilient and independent dogs, so I don't think you will create a needy or forever-sleeping-in-your bed dog if you are a bit more hands on with him at night at this stage.

@commonground I don't think OP has mentioned her breed of dog - it was me who mentioned having a Labrador

But I also think that @RoSa1719 was getting a lot of flack from people saying that what did she expect from a puppy?

Actually, I think she's got lots of sensible advice from experienced owners who are, rightly, saying she needs to adjust her expectations.

Nobody has been harsh or horrible - just honest. Stories like "well, my puppy slept through from day two" aren't really very helpful when OP is 4-5 weeks in and struggling.

Ah fairs yes, no mention of breed!

Well if it is any encouragement, OP, my sleep-in-the bed pup no. 3 and now crate-loving, independent, happy to be left dog, is a whippet - notorious for separation anxiety and choosing to sit on laps.

So I am a big advocate of the attachment parenting model!

My cavapoo was crate trained initially would always wake early so I would end up on the sofa with him on top of me. In the end we gave in and he is upstairs, he is now lies in until 9am. Most dogs just want to be with you

My advice to her was to try moving the puppy out of the utility room and into the kitchen which if suitable, may be a bigger and more interesting room for the puppy to feel comfortable in.

I’m also an experienced dog owner and did feel that the tone some people were using towards OP came across as judgemental. So I wanted to show empathy towards their situation saying that in some ways they have just been unlucky because not all puppies behave like that.

a few people have suggested her sleeping upstairs with us but we don’t want that

It would solve the problem though 🤷‍♀️
And it wouldn't have to be forever.

Dog trainers often suggest starting them off in your room, then after a week or so putting their bed outside your door, then downstairs etc

I would say of all the dogs I have had, the 'attachment parenting' (!) approach I took with pup 3 seems to have been the most effective. She is now a v chilled, relaxed dog, happy to be left, very biddable.

Yes, my concern was ending up with a needy, anxious pup but we ended up with nothing of the sort. We've had no issues leaving her in the day time. Conversely I know of two people whose pups slept through in crates from just about day 1 and have ended up with dogs with severe separation anxiety and have only just been able to be left alone for an hour in the day at age 2.

What breed?

The only thing that worked for us was letting her sleep in the bedroom. But we tried many things for the first 6 months.

It doesn’t matter what breed. She’s a baby animal. She needs company. My terrier would only sleep on me or husband during the day for weeks. He WFH and used to sit with her on his lap. She gradually moved further way. We forced nothing. Now I have to go looking for her half the time and she’s still a puppy.

Forcing separation CAN cause SA.