Getting puppy in 1.5 weeks but having anxiety about it

[Bluecirclesquare]

We are getting a long awaited puppy. Researched the breed, the breeder, read the books etc, got training pencilled in for when puppy is old enough etc, i.e. all prep done. Thought about it and discussed it endlessly for years, it's not a snap decision.

All of a sudden I feel very anxious. I feel I can now only seeing the worst things about having a puppy. Up to a few days ago I was excited and looking forward to it as normal, and now it's like this mist of anxiety has descended and I am struggling to think about any of the nice bits. All I see is a lot of work, money, time and effort to go on this puppy (rightly so) but I am now feeling guilty that even though my DCs are getting older (tweens), most of my spare time (not to mention money, which we can well afford, but still) will be spent on the puppy/dog that I could be spending on them. Or even myself. I am well used to animals/dogs and love them but I am feeling something like dread right now the time is approaching that we get ours. Is this normal? Does it pass? It's like puppy blues but before the puppy has even arrived.

I look at so many other people who seem to happily manage DCs and work and puppies/dogs and although I'm a capable type of person I admit I am feeling panicky and a little bit trapped at the thought of this puppy. I've even (briefly) considered not going ahead but DH is very invested and really wants a dog, as I thought I did, but reality (and anxiety) is setting in. Is it just last minute jitters? Did anyone else feel like this before they'd got their puppy and did it settle or get worse?

It sounds like you've put a lot of thought into it and this is exactly why you have the puppy blues ahead of time.

It will pass because you are ready for it and as much as it's going to be hard work for the next few months it will be worth your time and money.

What are you getting?

I had this before getting a puppy. I was terrified, I didn't sleep the night before. I think it's really normal.

You say your husband really wants a dog, but is he willing to bear half of the responsibility or is it all going to fall to you to deal with? Has his previous behaviour/attitude regarding housework showed you that he will pull his weight? If everything always falls to you, you are very right to be anxious.

Oo what breed op?

I started à thread on this à few weeks ago, the night before we got our girl: https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/the_doghouse/4771238-meant-to-be-getting-a-new-pup-in-the-morning-and-im-not-feeling-it
We still love her to bits now, a month later, and absolutely made the right decision to get her. I mean, yes, she is a complete pain in the bum at times, but she's worth it.
See what you feel like when you go to pick her up. If you're really not feeling it, don't take her, but I think it's normal to be anxious. It's a big change. Less of a change than having kids, obviously, but a similar, albeit smaller-scale, responsibility.

I felt like this too, in the last few days before the puppy arrived. I won't lie- I went on to find the first few months very hard going. But now I adore her and it's the best thing I have ever done for my health- both physical and mental ❤️

Thanks all. I don't want to say which breed but it's one that fits in with our house size and lifestyle etc.

Aqua my DH is very hands-on and responsible but I probably do feel (maybe self-appointed, I don't know) that ultimately it will somehow rest on me a touch more. I don't know if that's an actuality or just the jitters talking though. I feel like I am going to be reminded of the DC's toddler days, which were fine but I didn't always enjoy the constantly "available-on-demand" feeling and the endless playing even when I didn't always feel like it. You do just do it of course, and no doubt I'd be the same with the puppy, but I have visions of being desperate for time out and creeping around so as not to disturb the baby (ie puppy) when they are napping because it's the only break you get.

Yep, normal.
I'd be worried if you didn't have anxiety.

Just keep in mind that whatever you're going to go through in the next few months, it'll get better.

And it DOES get better. It really does. Mine is 7mo, he's snoozing on the sofa right now, I had a great day without him whilst he was at day care (first time ever) and before that we had a nice long relaxed walk off leash in the park. Don't get me wrong, he's still a dickhead, but an adorable one and I wouldn't be without him.

Don't try to be perfect. There's the books, the youtube videos, and there's real life, but I'm sure you know that, since you have kids.

Now, there's a very important thing you need to do: photo please.

@Bluecirclesquare I think your expectations sounds very realistic to be fair, which I'm sure will be helpful. In total honesty- having a puppy triggered long buried PND type feelings for me, for exactly the reasons you have outlined. But the beauty of puppies (as opposed to kids), is that it passes much more quickly. And honestly, dogs are a joy.

Totally normal feeling. It’s exciting to get a puppy, but the reality is setting in. They’re hard work, and puppy blues are a real thing. I have shed more tears then I care to admit.

come and join us on the Puppy survival thread. The only requirement is that you post a picture of BluePup.

I felt like this too. We've had our pup a few months now and I do still feel a bit "was this the right thing to do?" at times because she does take time away from my kids (similar ages) and it's just another thing to manage and fit into the day. But she makes my kids happy and we all love her. In many ways it has been easier than I was expecting, though I haven't found it as joyful as I hoped - I think because I do most of the work and it's just tiring. Once she is fully trained I think it'll be much more enjoyable.

i absolutely hated the puppy phase and I’ve had two in two years. The truth is that some puppies are just easier than others by nature and that does dictate your experience. I’ve had one that was very difficult from the word go and another that’s extremely easy going. But - as others have said - even the very difficult ones pass through phases and it gets easier. It’s just a LOT for about a year and I do think people either underestimate how much work it is, or we’re blessed with puppies at the easier end of things.

We have definitely been lucky with some aspects of our puppy - sleep for example. But in other ways we have challenges - the biting is taking forever to go away, and I can't imagine being able to walk her off lead as her recall is shit unless she's already focused on me and undistracted. You just don't know which selection of challenges your particular pup will come with.

I love dogs and have had four over my life - I adored every one

No way would I have another.
The negatives far outweigh the positives.

Thanks all. I just am sad that all the happy feelings seem to have dissolved and anxious ones have taken their place.

On the other hand I know that because we have talked about it for so long and have agreed it would be nice to have a family dog, as DH and I both grew up with one and wanted the same for our own family, that if we didn't do it we'd probably always regret it. "we should have got a dog, I don't know why we didn't" vs "we shouldn't have got a dog, I don't know why we did"... After all, millions of dog owners are happy about it so I don't know why we would be so different. But there's the worry it will turn out to feel like more chore than joy.

I can completely understand where you are coming from , I've had lots of puppies in the past and yet the same anxieties return each time . Recall , jumping up , extended mouthing . I worry myself silly about these things and the reality is, provided I put the work in these things don't occur.
With regards to the work I think it's like having an eight month old baby that has just learned to crawl .
Just make sure you know you are prepared to put the work in because the consequences are dire if you don't/can't .

Pookie thanks. In a way it's because rather than shying away from graft, I know I usually do things really thoroughly that I am anticipating a mountain of work on myself. Which I can and will do, but at what expense to myself/the DCs? (in terms of time, mental effort etc).

I'm not as anxious about the actual training side. It's more the "on demand" element. Not just being able to pop upstairs with a pile of ironing without either shutting the puppy away and feeling guilty for being out of sight if I then then decide to pop to the loo for five minutes, or taking it with me and then worrying about every small doll shoe, hair clip, bead or bit of Lego that I might have missed on the floor. The constant watchfulness and being watched.

I feel exactly the same. Had dogs all my life, and my last died 4 years ago. We will never get another dog. I love them, but they are far, far too much work than I'm willing to deal with anymore, and there is no way I could handle the puppy phase again.

It would be worse if you weren't a bit anxious—imagine the shock if you thought it was going to be a breeze 😅

I look back on the first few weeks with bitter-sweetness. The broken sleep and grind of toilet training was just urgh. But having an adorable little puppy was so special. We're at 19 weeks and life feels very easy in comparison. For me the toughest stage really did fly by. Still lots of training to go, but having a big puppy pottering about is a joy and makes the hard work very much worth it.

Ours is now 6 months and I felt exactly the same as you did in the run up to getting her. We also have another dog of the same breed who is 13.

Honestly I love her to bits. The best time of each day for me is the long walk out in the fresh air. Its hard work on times (especially with 2) but I wouldn't be without her and could never be without a dog in my life.

You will be fine I'm sure 😀.

Do the negatives outweigh the positives, on balance? Or vice versa? I know all puppies/dogs are different so experiences will vary wildly, but I’m trying to imagine 6-12 months down the line to see if that, even if we love her… will we actually enjoy having a dog? Is it all it’s cracked up to be, or is it mostly annoying/tiring/slog with a few nice bits? Or vice versa?!

My DH sees the nice hearty walks, the social element (meeting up with friends who have dogs, going on dog-friendly family days out), sitting with a dog in the evening, taking dog to the local pub garden and lots of fun with the dog & the DCs in the garden and in the park.

I see all that but also: arranging dog sitters, walkers, holiday care, vets, keeping them out of trouble all the time, constantly being in puppy/dog alert mode and constant supervision. Dh will clear up & do his fair share of training but maybe I’m the one who’ll be too tired/overwhelmed. I’ll do it, and properly because that’s what I do, but enjoying it is a different matter isn’t it. I am struggling to feel the fun side like I did before I got the jitters.

Watching with interest as I'm about to be in the same position. Worried that our life is really great right now and what if instead of enhancing it, we ruin it and regret it?

I don't disagree with any of the positives, and the negatives will be different depending on your circumstances and how you live.
A large house near some woodland or a beach, stone floor kitchen tons of time and money other family members genuinely wanting to help even when the novelty of walking a dog in freezing rain or clean up mud/hairs/pee/poo wears off.
Dogs can be an enhancement to some people, others may have regrets.

I'm not a great oudoorsy person- most walk ( but not all) are a chore. Especially if I am already too busy, or late for work.
Dogs need time and don't do well on their own for hours a day.

Dogs will cover every surface with mud, grit, hair,sand - in your home, your clothes and your car- which will start to smell of dog- although it will only be others that notice it- you won't notice the smell yourself because you will get used to it.
You can choose a breed, but you can't choose the nature of the dog. I have had super chill dogs but one with anxiety, who would bark at anything- the postman, his own tail, people walking past the window. We tried everything, and despite having two dogs at the time we couldn't go out because the neighbours complained about the barking ( rightly so).
Even if well toilet trained dogs do get upset stomachs sometimes, especially those that like to eat random crap when out on a walk.
Dogs will vomit inside sometimes, and they will have diarrhea if they are unwell. Vets bills are high.
Puppies are usually all destructive , but older dogs are sometimes too- especially if bored or not walked enough. Some dogs are ot chewers, but you won't know that until the dog arrives. One of my dogs loved to chew everything ( despite being exercised a lot and rarely left alone) he loved chewing shoes, socks, bags, cables, skirting boards, the stair carpet, books, anthiig he ould find
They make holidays difficult, even days out- and it cuts down spontaneous visits to shops or cafes while you are out. You can't just pop into a shop while you have a dog, I would never tie up a dog outside a shop, it may be stolen, kicked, slip the lead or fed by a random stranger.

To me a dog is like having a toddler- for 15 years.

I love dogs, but I don't want another.

Can completely relate.
I remember the day before we picked him up I was doing the weekly shop in a catatonic state. My internal voice was constantly screaming 'what the F* are you doing!'
Even driving up to collect him the next morning I kept saying to DD that it's not too late to change your mind, we can turn around anytime, and phoning DH hoping he would say that he'd changed his mind.
We're almost four weeks in.
Not gonna lie, I'm dead on my feet, every few days declaring I'm more of a cat person 😂
BUT we're just about settled into a routine now so the days have more structure.
As long as he gets his naps at the right time he's manageable.
But if he misses a nap (usually cos DH decides he doesn't look tired 😡) the whole day turns into a Herculean task.
We too just long for the day when we can enjoy adventures together outside the house and garden.
Just had second jab so looking forward to slowly starting getting him out and about

SwanPools this is a hard one to voice, but.... if you could go back well in time, knowing what you know now a few months down the line, would you not get one? Do you long for your dog-free life before, much as clearly you love her and wouldn't be without her?