Getting puppy in 1.5 weeks but having anxiety about it

[Bluecirclesquare]

We are getting a long awaited puppy. Researched the breed, the breeder, read the books etc, got training pencilled in for when puppy is old enough etc, i.e. all prep done. Thought about it and discussed it endlessly for years, it's not a snap decision.

All of a sudden I feel very anxious. I feel I can now only seeing the worst things about having a puppy. Up to a few days ago I was excited and looking forward to it as normal, and now it's like this mist of anxiety has descended and I am struggling to think about any of the nice bits. All I see is a lot of work, money, time and effort to go on this puppy (rightly so) but I am now feeling guilty that even though my DCs are getting older (tweens), most of my spare time (not to mention money, which we can well afford, but still) will be spent on the puppy/dog that I could be spending on them. Or even myself. I am well used to animals/dogs and love them but I am feeling something like dread right now the time is approaching that we get ours. Is this normal? Does it pass? It's like puppy blues but before the puppy has even arrived.

I look at so many other people who seem to happily manage DCs and work and puppies/dogs and although I'm a capable type of person I admit I am feeling panicky and a little bit trapped at the thought of this puppy. I've even (briefly) considered not going ahead but DH is very invested and really wants a dog, as I thought I did, but reality (and anxiety) is setting in. Is it just last minute jitters? Did anyone else feel like this before they'd got their puppy and did it settle or get worse?

How are you feeling today OP, lots of good advice on here.

This was our experience of owning our dog. He was quite a good puppy, toilet training was a little tough, chewing up happened too, but nothing to serious.

We had our lovely dog from a pup til PTS at 13, he was 7 when we had our first child. By the time the kids were regularly sleeping through the night, the dog was getting us up in the night for the toilet. We loved him so much, we were heartbroken when he was PTS. I said to my DH that day, if I ever say let’s get another dog, because I know I am daft enough, please remind me of today.

Many times we have thought over the years perhaps we should get another dog, but we never have. We loved our dog to bits, but would never get another one.

My friend has two dogs that we adore. One is a pup, she always says why don’t you get a pup, but I honestly don’t think I could cope now.

It’s different for a first time dog owner, but we have been there, done that. We also had 3 cats, the last of which was PTS at 18 years.

Our DS’ are now 21 & 20, we just don’t want that kind of responsibility for another 12+ years. Perhaps we would feel different if I didn’t have a disability, who knows.

I wish you all the best with whatever decision you make OP. Good luck.

OP I feel you!!

You have many great replies here so not going to write a big essay but to give a balanced response... to start with the positives at 1 year old I have the bestest dog. I have a relative amount of freedom back and life is how I imagined it with a dog, I even am researching the best age to get another puppy. This dog has enriched our lives so much and we are all much better people for it. Wasn't always that way.
It's just me and my 2 kids - 10&9 at time of getting puppy. So I had to do everything myself. We have a golden retriever and she was easy to train and slept beautifully. I still wailed my heart out everyday at the start. Nothing in particular just the relentless of it I guess. I missed my carefree life before and when the puppy was small and couldn't go out I even missed things like standing in the rain watching the kids football. Work was incredibly stressful as I still had to fit it all in and the house was a midden.
But it does pass, within s couple of weeks it was just sobbing and then the tears stopped. I was completely overwhelmed and tired.
For context I'm really quite competent! I've run big teams, had massive failing projects at work and deal with big life disasters.
I, and it sounds like you too, just want everyone to be happy. It's stressful.
Read through all the puppy threads, there are a lot on getting in a routine etc.
And I say this in all seriousness- have plenty of wine in the house so if you have a minor upset with potty training you can have a few glasses at night, with a sleepy puppy on your knee snd repeatedly say, " this too shall pass ".

We are all here on the puppy thread if you need us x

Just checking in to hear how it's going OP?

Puppies sleep a lot, you should be able to get a reasonable amount of downtime. I would definitely recommend crate training, it will solve a lot of the problems they you're envisioning when you leave them unsupervised. Our 12 month old lab took to the crate very well, and he really properly chills out in it, he pretty much always has. If he's sleeping out of the crate, he never seems to fully relax, if there's a sudden noise he's up investigating/checking in with us, but if he's in his crate he'd just ignore it and carry on snoozing. I don't think he'd get enough rest without it tbh.

This was me 9 months ago. We got the puppy. We love the dog she has become. She’s a joy to have and we all adore her.

Loving these updates! We're getting ours in about 6 weeks so it's great to hear!

I've had dogs all my life & every single time I get puppy blues even though I know it's going to happen. But I also know it doesn't last and they are very much loved members of our family and are worth all the initial anxieties. (For context I've only ever had chihuahuas & a token standard dachshund in the middle)

We decided against it in the end. There were some other reasons (work related) which would have made things even harder. I feel a bit wistful when I see other puppies and dogs around, but I realised after much hard thought that it was just too much for us to handle, in terms of the effort that I would want to put in, that a puppy would deserve. I don't regret my decision (most of the time) as I can't forget how panicky and trapped I felt as the time drew closer. It felt too much like going back to the baby/toddler days and although I enjoyed those at the time I wouldn't want to do them again, not even when the puppy had grown up - a dog would still require a lot of sorting out and arrangement-making which would probably cause us stress where there is none at the moment, as such.

I think DH underestimated how much work it would be, as he only saw the nice bits of dog owning, which of course you do, but I don't think he'd have been as enthusiastic about any longer term downsides. The few things you think "we'll cross that bridge when we come to it" - I made us cross them in theory and it still felt unresolved. He now agrees, after we really looked in detail together as to how it would all work out in reality (as opposed to fantasy.) I know the puppy has since gone to a lovely owner so there were no issues there. Thanks to all who commented, it was very helpful x

I think that's a practical decision OP, I applaud you for taking such a responsible position on dog ownership.
I understand the wistful feelings, not sure they ever go away.
The subject of getting a dog has arisen many times while I was raising my kids.
My daughter longed for a dog, promised to do all the walks and feeding, but I held firm, and indeed a few years later saw her embracing an out of school activity that took 18 hours a week for much of her teenage years.
My OH wanted a dog too, but again he couldn't commit- he worked long and unpredicatble hours, a lot of overnight and trips away, often for a week at a time.
I knew I would end up carrying the can if I did relent.

My kids are adults now, and OH and I are looking at retirement ( him not me!) so having a dog in those circumstances may happen, we live right next to wild woods and a river and OH may have time to walk.

So there may be a time when a dog does fit into your life OP, it isn't now or never.

You did the right thing OP.

gosh @Bluecirclesquare I really admire your level headedness. I went through the same and should have listened to my gut, and didn’t, and it ended very badly for us after a whole year of stress. So many people say it’s the puppy blues and it will pass - sometimes it really isn’t, it’s the regret you feel when you know you have made the wrong decision. Maybe you could borrow/walk someone else’s dog occasionally (and then give it back )