Getting puppy in 1.5 weeks but having anxiety about it

[Bluecirclesquare]

We are getting a long awaited puppy. Researched the breed, the breeder, read the books etc, got training pencilled in for when puppy is old enough etc, i.e. all prep done. Thought about it and discussed it endlessly for years, it's not a snap decision.

All of a sudden I feel very anxious. I feel I can now only seeing the worst things about having a puppy. Up to a few days ago I was excited and looking forward to it as normal, and now it's like this mist of anxiety has descended and I am struggling to think about any of the nice bits. All I see is a lot of work, money, time and effort to go on this puppy (rightly so) but I am now feeling guilty that even though my DCs are getting older (tweens), most of my spare time (not to mention money, which we can well afford, but still) will be spent on the puppy/dog that I could be spending on them. Or even myself. I am well used to animals/dogs and love them but I am feeling something like dread right now the time is approaching that we get ours. Is this normal? Does it pass? It's like puppy blues but before the puppy has even arrived.

I look at so many other people who seem to happily manage DCs and work and puppies/dogs and although I'm a capable type of person I admit I am feeling panicky and a little bit trapped at the thought of this puppy. I've even (briefly) considered not going ahead but DH is very invested and really wants a dog, as I thought I did, but reality (and anxiety) is setting in. Is it just last minute jitters? Did anyone else feel like this before they'd got their puppy and did it settle or get worse?

Is it the high-needs puppy phase that you feel most jittery about - or the tasks which will remain throughout the dog's life?
If the former, it makes sense to consider gritting your teeth and getting on with it, waiting for the time when it all starts to pay off. It will feel at the time that this is taking forever,but then you will look back on it and it will seem like housetraining, etc etc were all achieved in a flash.
But if it is the latter, then I would take your doubts more seriously. In the best-case scenario the dog will become a joy to live with once his puppy idiocy passes. But there are plenty of less ideal scenarios in which there is one or more problem(s) that makes dog ownership a continuing chore.
On the other hand, forewarned is forearmed, and the fact that you have thought everything out so thoroughly that you are having pre-puppy jitters may mean that the reality is a breeze.

I've had a puppy and on balance he was easy, housetrained in a fortnight, didn't chew didn't wake in the night but I look back and don't feel any joy about those times. I felt on edge a lot of the time, on the look out for the next disaster.
Our youngest was eleven so better able to keep things out of the way yet still he'd find the tiniest thing to either eat or bargain with. I think I missed the freedom of not having to consider a dog at a time when the dc were becoming more independent. It was like getting an eternal toddler all over again.
We have a rescue now and it was so much simpler, she was an adult didn't have any bad habits, never touches anything lying about, happy to just sit and chill with me. I feel I have all the best bits about having a dog nice walks, something so happy to see me and not at all needy. I have the freedom now as exh will take her if I want to go out as I will have his when needed as well.
Will we have another when we lose our current dog? I don't know, as much as I love her she is still a drain on time and resources, I'd have to consider it carefully. Would I have another puppy? Not in a million years.

Do the negatives outweigh the positive?

Riverpup is now nine months old, and definitely the positives number a lot more than the negatives. He’s still a wilful pup, but is entertaining and adorable. Most of the times I feel I’m winning now.

However, this wasn’t always the case. puppies are adorable but relentless. You’re tied to their schedule, especially at the beginning, a bit like having a newborn baby/toddler again. You have to watch and consider everything.

The scenario your dh envisaged is what we envisaged but we’re not quite there yet, and I feel our life has been on hold. However, things are improving and we’re looking forward to a lovely summer, if it ever stops raining!!!

Thanks Random and Hired.

I just wish I had a crystal ball so I could see how it would turn out. I worry about not being able to go to the shops for longer than 2 hours, ever, without paying someone to come and see to the dog. With 2 tween DCs, life revolves around the home now but would I want to feel tied to a dog when the DCs are more independent? It could be great though, as DH and I could enjoy pottering out and about with our dog instead. Also I don't think I'd want to do a dog later in life, so it's now or never (whilst we are still active and capable). But what if we got ill and having a dog became difficult to manage?

Cats for example are far more independent, so in theory a cat-sitter could take care of a cat at home for extended breaks at a moments notice, as they only need feeding, litter tray change and checking/cuddling for a short while, but dogs require booking in to dog boarding, which they might hate, or the one they do love is fully booked. I am worried that my DH thinks that dog sitting will be as easy as cat sitting to manage and book etc. It's not like we go away frequently, we don't, but it's the knowing if we needed to be away (hospital stays for example) it might create a major problem with the dog, which can't be left for long and needs a lot more than a feed and a pat on the head.

Thanks Riverlee.

I feel that my DH has more rose-tinted glasses about it than I do, and the worst scenario would be if he belatedly finds it far more demanding than he imagined and then we're stuck with a dog that we love.. but.. I had doubts and misgivings about all the work involved, he had less so but then realises ultimately I was right. We wouldn't want to rehome, so would stick with it regardless but it would be sad if it felt like a duty of care rather than a joy. DH feels if we train the puppy properly all will be well (and it should be) but I am anxious that even a well-trained dog is very tying and has to take priority.

We have had our choc lab puppy since the end of Feb (when she was 8 weeks old). I honestly feel like I've been through the mill. It's my first dog (would've preferred a cat but the kids and DH wanted a dog). Never in a million years realised what a bitey dog she would be. The kids (10 and 13) were terrified especially the youngest. DH was at work and for the last few weeks has been suffering from a terrible bout of sciatica so all doggy duties fall on me. It's been really hard. I keep thinking thank goodness it's Spring and not the start of winter.

She is a lovely dog but the biting has been very hard to manage. I'm sure our lack of experience has not helped. I engaged a dog trainer very shortly afterwards and this has helped (have had 5 lessons with her) but even she said our pup is particularly bitey and hand-focussed.

I feel like my life has been turned upside down but the good news is I am getting used to her! And she is totally lovely (when she is not biting!!). Although now the jumping stage has started so that's the next challenge.

Luckily I work very PT so I am with her a lot and have a lot of flexibility re walks, vet's, dog classes etc. But I do mourn my dog-free days.....and my previously tidy house. We have cream tiles throughout. And now a choc lab. Can you imagine??????????? Plus I now wear my oldest clothes to avoid nice ones being ripped (puppy teeth are very sharp and pointy!) and quite often feel like I've turned into a mad-haired dog-lady as I tromp round the muddy forest.

We have a crate (for nights) and a play pen. This minimises the constant watching and means I can hoover/go to the loo/hang out laundry in peace. She has also appropriated one of the bean bags which is good as we are not allowing her on the sofas, and she just loves it. She heads straight for it when she comes in. We also get her out into the garden as much as possible (as I said, thank goodness it's spring.....although my poor flowers have been decimated!)

We seriously underestimated the reality of having a puppy. Everyone kept saying 'oh a lab, such lovely family dogs!'. I know she will become a lovely family dog but I'm not sure I will ever have a puppy again. An older dog maybe, but not a puppy!!!

I think as others have said, it is good that you are having these thoughts. Much better than thinking how wonderful it will be, and then getting the shock of your life!

I think it's comparable to the toddler years without having the new born stage to bond.
Essentially you are handed a toddler and have to get on with it.
It's tough in the way that you haven't developed a loving bond before the trash your house and your life.
Time is the most important thing to get to where you want to be.
We're on top of pups behaviours and already working hard on training because we have an idea of how we want him to be as an adult.
For example, he's a big dog breed so won't let him on our laps because in a few months that just won't be possible or desirable.
So we see these tough months are building toward the behaviour we want.
Though obviously not as simple as it sounds.
Lower your DHs expectations and you'll be amazing

Had my last dog from 7 weeks, and lost him age 9.5 years. I reme bet finding the puppy stage very hard, but it wasn't long before he was my absolute best friend in the world. Walks sometimes a chore yes but not that often, he was a breed that could cope with a couple of days off for heavy rain or snow. Vets bills and any inconveniences really didn't feel so bad because he was worth no end of inconvenience for the love and joy we got from him in return. We now have an 8 week old puppy and so far it's not as bad as last time - might be breed, but I also have a toddler now so I'm already living a pretty puppy friendly lifestyle! I know for sure this next couple of months will be challenging but it will absolutely be worth it.

Thanks all.

EmGee you sound like you are doing an amazing job with your pup, especially with your DH not being well and 2DCs to manage. I worry that I will mourn my past dog-free life too. My concern is that I am anticipating the down sides of puppy owning and then... I will be proved right and annoyed with myself that we went ahead. But you can't know until you try! By then though, it's too late. Argh!

Drivinmecrazy I think you also sound really sensible with your approach. I had a chat with DH and he is more aware of the pressures and realities of a puppy but I still think he just sees the nice bits of dog owning and thinks the rest will follow naturally. Perhaps I am over-thinking it, but I wish I didn't have such a feeling of gloom.

Beanybops I guess it can't be that bad if you did it all once and now you are doing it all again, knowing what it involves, and with a toddler too! All the books and info seems to suggest that you need to give puppy all of your attention all of the time, but surely real life is that you must need to do other things around the house or leave the house occasionally even when you have a puppy!

We definitely had last minute nerves, and a few moments of what have we done but actually the puppy stage ended up being much easier than expected. We got our pup at this time of year and a spring/summer pup is definitely easier than a winter pup. We never had a single accident inside so house training was a doddle, not terribly chewy or destructive.

The thing I found most difficulty was anxiety over her health (she was never actually ill but we had the occasional vomit and she often wasn't particularly interested in eating). Nothing wrong with her and once she got a bit bigger and more robust that worry went away.

Natural to feel apprehensive, owning a dog is a big responsibility, but also very rewarding once the puppy days are over, and you have a loyal dog. Good luck, try not to over think it, take each day at it comes. There will be ups and down, that all very normal, but you will get there. Make sure everyone in the family pulls their weight, you don’t have to do it all.

Good question, and one I've asked myself! I don't think I would - I have loved dogs forever and wanted one for years, so I think if we hadn't got her I would have always felt there was something missing/I was missing out on a life experience I always wanted to have. But I already think I probably wouldn't want to get a puppy again (in fact I would rather have had an adult dog this time, but rescuing seemed impossible due to having kids). I think once we are past the stage of near constant alertness I will enjoy it more.

I feel the thing I am most bothered about is potentially never being able to choose my own downtimes again. For example I am enjoying just sitting on the sofa with DH after a busy day. DCs are in bed after the usual busy evening, after-school type of evening. Chores all done. It's calm. Going to bed soon, DH is knackered, I am pretty tired too. Do puppy parents have to just get used to not having this type of calm? (unless pup is asleep).

Do puppy parents have to just get used to not having this type of calm?

Yes.

I felt this way too - having waited 50-odd years for a dog I was thrilled to finally be getting one, until the panic set in before we went to pick him up.

It’s been a very mixed bag - on one hand it’s been really hard in terms of training and adjusting to a change in routine. The early days were not easy and as we got him in November much of our first few months were spent in the dark and rubbish weather with him. Otoh, it’s been brilliant - I adore him with all my heart, and watching the training I’ve done with him take hold is fab. His happy wee face and flapping ears as he comes running to my come command makes me feel so proud! I love being out on a walk with him, just enjoying the peace and the natural surroundings. I’ve got to know so many other dog walkers and have made some lovely friends through a couple of dog walking groups I go to - my mental health has improved so much.

Somehow we make it work. We use daycare for the days we have to go into the office and holidays will be in the UK until we can find a boarder we’re happy with. It’s all worth it though - I wouldn’t be without him for the world. My view from the sofa tonight!

An honest answer! When I chatted with DH, he admitted he hadn't factored in a constant interruption element. He can see lots of walks, training and wiping up ahead, but those are all things you choose to do at a particular time (within reason, obviously it is on a pup's timetable but you still get to choose the moment). He hadn't considered a continual interruption element. Presumably it's something you adapt to though.

Thanks Swanpool and all who have replied. It is really helping to sift through all the feelings.

^ that was to Aqua

I think your worries are completely normal and show how much thought you’ve put into this decision, and rightly so.

We’re just coming out of the puppy phase, our girl is now 15 months old. She’s been absolutely amazing and I’m so glad that we got her. It has been lots of work at times, but like anything, you get back what you put in.

I’m sitting here now with her asleep on my lap and it’s just the best feeling ever.

As an unexpected bonus, I’ve lost a stone with all the walking and I’m sleeping better than ever.

We did our research just like you (yes and years) finally but the bullet and got one last year. It's Very he's at the beginning. I love her and she's golden but I wish we hadn't got her. I resent being beholden to a dog and having to think about someone else when with kids etc that's all you're doing all the time. Just something extra to complicate it. Can't even take the kids to the zoo for the day without having to find a dog sitter. She's lovely, but it pisses me off. Think long and hard before you see puppy

Oh op. Meant with kindness, get a grip. It's a dog. They eat crap and they are mostly fine. A vet friend of mine has a story about xraying a puppy who ate a packet of pins, all scattered in their stomach on x-ray, but passed them all in poo fine with no issues.

The puppy won't be watching you, it probably will chew shit up but it will also probably sleep while you are ironing or whatever. And the bonus of puppies is they grow up fast, so the tricky bit is over in a flash. Unlike children.

You asked another poster above if she knew then, what's she knows now would she get a dog?
Don't know about that poster but even though our pup is 9 months old and golden, really well trained / recall etc (honestly can't fault her) my answer would be no I wouldn't.

I think you sound
like a responsible owner and just have an advanced case of puppy blues op 😊 enjoy your newest addition.

…

Unless it’s a French bulldog, then definitely don’t get one. Wouldn’t usually add that but it now tends to be a breed that people are trying to be embarrassed about buying (thankfully).

Thanks all again.

Kitanai I do have an advanced case of puppy blues, I don't know why it's hit so hard and we haven't even got the puppy yet. Before I could see work + fun, now I can only see work. I don't know why.

I am suddenly feeling like if I have time to spend training a puppy, I have time to spend doing extra homeworks/crafts/reading/chatting/hanging out with my DCs. There's always more that can be done. Also the extra layer of complication that ShoeMadLady mentions is the exactly the sort of thing that is concerning me. Never feeling fully free again, after years of being really tied down with small DCs and now starting to really enjoy their company as they get older.

No no no. You get to see your children playing with the dog. You know they are going to have unconditional love, even when they are teenage shitbags.

You get time to walk the dog and connect with nature, with a happy waggy tail to keep you company.

Honestly this is so normal! The first month is a mixture of elation at how cute they are and frustration at the biting and toilet accidents and broken sleep, but by 4 months or so it really settles down. I loved my Dog so much more once she slept through the night and was toilet trained, and now i love my walks with her and she happily lays on the sofa with me for lazy days which is lovely.

Try Not to let the puppy blues ruin the happiness of the initial days, it really is such a lovely time. Puppies are hard, dogs are amazing - its just a bit of work to get them there - like having a baby really but it doesnt last as long!