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The doghouse

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Original poster

Are we in the wrong?

57 replies

User65412 · 13/04/2023 18:24

This is identifiable to anyone that knows me but I don't care!
We've just been on holiday with my husband's family. His brother, partner, their two kids and his parents. We have a 2yo and a newborn. We booked a dog friendly place so the brother could bring their family dog.
There is a history here - whenever we are at the in-laws house with them there they refuse to put the dog on a lead or put it in another room for a bit while we eat (toddler is hugely distracted and just tries to feed the dog who is able to lick her face from the floor, and does so). The other day dsil had the dog on the lead in the house so I left the room for a wee leaving my baby in his car seat. I said 'I'm just leaving baby here for a min while I pop for a wee'. I came back to find the dog off the lead, licking my baby's face. She was feeding her baby at the table, back turned. I didn't make a fuss and was leaving anyway.
Anyway, while away dbil and dsis made no effort to help us manage social times with the dog there. My toddler has been taught to ignore dogs but the dog would be in her face while she was playing on the floor, licking her, sniffing her right in her face and accidentally hitting her with it's tail. My toddler was saying 'go away' and 'I don't like it.' They wouldn't say 'dog, come over here out of the way!' or anything like that. The dog is allowed free roam at all times so it was hard for us to relax but we just went with it, moving our kids when necessary or sitting between her and the dog. One morning dbil let the dog outside while my child was outside playing. I was out there, sat near the house breastfeeding my newborn. She ran straight over and jumped up to my child's back, knocking her over. Dbil called the dog in but no apology, no help getting her up (she was really upset), pretty much no acknowledgement of it. Later, child was much different around the dog, crying when she came up to her on the carpet etc. So my dh asked them if she could be put out for an hour before bedtime so our toddler could do her new puzzle on the floor. Dbil lost it with us both, we ended up leaving and now they're not speaking.
I feel it's so ridiculous that I've lost sense of whether we are being difficult. We have 2 dogs and if we have little people over (or even when it's just us) I'll just put them in a different room for a bit so I don't have to be watching them constantly.
We did not expect the dog to be out the entire time at all, just that sometimes either they could be there to stop her bothering the child (especially when I'm bf and have no hands free) or pop her out for a bit if neither of them would be in the room.
Were we wrong? I'm too scared for AIBU but this has caused a huge family rift.

OP posts:
Flowerly · 13/04/2023 19:19

I don't think you were in the wrong at all - they sound pretty selfish.

rumpsteak · 13/04/2023 19:24

They have poor control of their dog. I wouldn't entertain beiong around them.

Mrsjayy · 13/04/2023 20:01

No of course you are not wrong they need to control their dog, I wouldn't be in their company if the dog Is just going to do what it likes.

GoodChat · 13/04/2023 20:03

I don't know why you'd go on holiday knowing they don't control their dog, so you're in the wrong for putting your children in that position, and for expecting them to keep a dog locked in a different room for the whole holiday.

heldinadream · 13/04/2023 20:07

They behaved and are behaving appalingly. I'd be in no hurry to ever see them again. Your poor toddler. 😕

Mrsjayy · 13/04/2023 20:10

GoodChat · 13/04/2023 20:03

I don't know why you'd go on holiday knowing they don't control their dog, so you're in the wrong for putting your children in that position, and for expecting them to keep a dog locked in a different room for the whole holiday.

I just think they wanted them to control their dog and not lick the baby ! Although maybe they shouldn't go to on holiday with them.

Original poster
User65412 · 13/04/2023 20:15

@GoodChat I didn't expect them to put it in another room for the whole holiday at all! I just thought most dog owners would make an effort to control their dog or if they had their hands full, put it out of the way for a bit? It's not an aggressive dog or anything so I hadn't really thought I was putting my children at risk as I thought they'd just keep it out of the way (even if in it's bed in the same room which would be fine).

OP posts:
Orangebadger · 13/04/2023 20:15

No you're not in the wrong, they should be able to have more control of their dog and at the least compromise on space and times with your children's needs and ensure that your kids are ok when they get knocked over.

The part I don't get is why you agreed to go on a holiday with them and their dog. You say they have history with this behaviour so it should not have been a surprise to you that they weren't going to change.

Original poster
User65412 · 13/04/2023 20:16

The holiday was a gift for MIL from the 2 brothers. We certainly won't be going again.

OP posts:
stayathomer · 13/04/2023 20:16

Yaddddddnbu😉 Do they have children? Because they’ll get a huge shock when it comes to kids coming over to visit their kids- you have been really easygoing with them.

Orangebadger · 13/04/2023 20:17

User65412 · 13/04/2023 20:16

The holiday was a gift for MIL from the 2 brothers. We certainly won't be going again.

Yeah I had a nightmare family holiday with my in laws last summer... never never again. I empathise!

Windingdown · 13/04/2023 20:18

They allowed their dog to be a nuisance and spoil it for everyone.

Original poster
User65412 · 13/04/2023 20:22

@Orangebadger the holiday was booked a year ago at which point the dog was still a pup. We booked it as dog friendly at the time just incase but they said they wouldn't be bringing the dog recently. A couple of weeks ago they changed their mind and asked us if we'd mind the dog coming. We said of course not, as long as we all just keep an eye with lots of kids about. They said yes of course. I should have known better, you are right.

OP posts:
SmirnoffIceIsNice · 13/04/2023 20:25

YANBU OP. I'm a dog owner and although she's the softest thing going, I'd never let her near children unless I was carefully watching. Allowing their dog to be in your DDs face and licking her is out of order. Same with not helping or apologising when the dog knocked your DD over.

Good to hear you won't holiday with them again. I'd probably limit my visits to MIL when they'll be there with the dog too.

Mrsjayy · 13/04/2023 22:16

User65412 · 13/04/2023 20:16

The holiday was a gift for MIL from the 2 brothers. We certainly won't be going again.

Sounds a nightmare sorry they fell out but you really didn't do anything wrong they shouldn't let their dog dominate their lives.

Cleoforever · 14/04/2023 07:43

There is a history here

so I can’t fathom why you’d holiday with them, along with your toddler and newborn. Totally baffling in fact

Cleoforever · 14/04/2023 07:45

My toddler was saying 'go away' and 'I don't like it.' They wouldn't say 'dog, come over here out of the way!' or anything like that.

sod what the owners would do

I would be over there like a shot. Getting that puppy the hell away from my toddler. And talking to my brother to say - ENOUGH

and if no improvement, we would leave

You have to start advocating for your toddler Op

DustyLee123 · 14/04/2023 07:47

So now you know not to go away with them, or to go anywhere that their dog will be.

Cleoforever · 14/04/2023 09:12

DustyLee123 · 14/04/2023 07:47

So now you know not to go away with them, or to go anywhere that their dog will be.

Well they knew all this before

but the prospect of a freebie holiday was too appealing

Smartiepants79 · 14/04/2023 09:18

Cleoforever · 14/04/2023 09:12

Well they knew all this before

but the prospect of a freebie holiday was too appealing

Show quote history

But should they and their children miss out on family time with their mother and grandmother simply because other members of the family can’t be arsed to look after their own pet properly.
Why is the answer to this ‘we’ll just don’t go’ instead of the brother altering his behaviour just a tiny bit?????
This kind of thing is why I find it so hard to appreciate all the good bits about dogs.

ZeroWorshipHere · 14/04/2023 09:18

It was pretty daft of you to leave your newborn within the dogs reach - your SIL was busy with her own child(ren). Maybe she didn’t hear you say you were leaving the baby or didn’t think you’d leave the newborn unattended somewhere the dog could reach them.

Cleoforever · 14/04/2023 09:21

Smartiepants79 · 14/04/2023 09:18

But should they and their children miss out on family time with their mother and grandmother simply because other members of the family can’t be arsed to look after their own pet properly.
Why is the answer to this ‘we’ll just don’t go’ instead of the brother altering his behaviour just a tiny bit?????
This kind of thing is why I find it so hard to appreciate all the good bits about dogs.

Show quote history

The ideal is that the brother changes his behaviour. Of course it is 🙄

but given the OP did sweet FA when her toddler was imploring the dog to leave her alone, nothing will change.

So the OP needs to remove her children from the scenario

VWHoliday · 14/04/2023 09:21

Cleoforever · 14/04/2023 09:12

Well they knew all this before

but the prospect of a freebie holiday was too appealing

Show quote history

I don't think they should have missed out on a holiday because of a dog.

I love dogs & I own dogs but they should be made to behave around people especially small children.

expecting them to keep a dog locked in a different room for the whole holiday

The owners should train their dog then.

Mrsjayy · 14/04/2023 09:22

Was it daft though ? The op said to the Sil she was nipping out my assumption she heard . This is on the dog owners who refuse to control their dog.

Cleoforever · 14/04/2023 09:22

YES

of course the dog should be trained and the owners considerate

these people are NOT. The OP knew that.