I just need to talk to people who understand

[ImperioMarch]

DS is 4 and non-verbal/autistic.

He loves my dog and DF dog (who both live with DF for various reasons) who are both big labs who love to rough and tumble (obviously they are watched like a hawk but they are more likely to lick him to death).

DM has a small Romanian Rescue mongrel, DS has never met this dog before today as DM lives several hours away.

This dog is extremely dog reactive, which is another reason she's normally left with a sitter as my village is dog-central.

DM took the dog on in a moment of madness but I highly suspect the dog was pretty much shipped to her the minute it arrived in the UK rather than any proper assessment being made and I also think they've lied about several things - including her age.

DM has never been able to walk her in the five years she's had her, despite trying a behaviourist, medication, CBD oil etc. She's just too traumatised from her time in Romania.

Anyway she had to bring her when she visited today as no sitter available. As she was a strange dog we were monitoring DS, keeping him calm around the dog and not letting him jump about the way he does with the labs.

He was stood next to DM showing her something, and the dog was at her feel (and up until this point DS was ignoring her) and in a split second he bent down and put a hand on her back and another on her shoulders.

The dog lashed out and snapped at DS face. There's a couple of small punctures near his eye but thankfully no major damage and he was playing happily again half an hour later (the dog was immediately put out in the car).

DM has said she is getting rid and has contacted the rescue (who unsurprisingly are trying to put her off) but I know with her reactivity she'd already be difficult to rehome. But now with a bite history I feel like it's inevitable she'll be PTS.

And I feel conflicted in all honesty. Because she reacted to what she probably perceived as being attacked.

But at the same time this is DS, and he's my priority.

But she could do it again and tbh with her being so scared of the world I do wonder if it would be kinder all round.

Mostly I'm angry at the "rescue". They failed that little dog and ultimately she's the one that will suffer in the end.

Sorry, I just needed to vent where people might get where I'm coming from a bit better than elsewhere on the site.

She bit a child in the face. That along with her other issues - unless you're mum can guarantee she will never have the chance to do that again, i think passing her along to another home will be awful for the dog and she should be pts.

Oh I know. It's definitely a battle between head and heart.

I feel sorry this has all happened and sorry a dog is likely to lose her life but ultimately I think she's too unpredictable now - and also just not a happy little dog.

I agree with your assessment of the 'rescue'.

I also agree that PTS is probably the only viable option. Sympathies to everyone involved.

"Rescues" response to DM message (contract specifies she has to go back to them) was to the effect of "well we'll need to find a foster for her if you think giving her up is the only option". I mean to me that sounds like they are going to try and persuade her to keep her!

(Also believe you me if this was a proper bite that had caused damage rather than a warning snap I would have sling her in my own damn car and taken her straight to the nearest vet)

Very sad but the next child/person/dog sitter might not be as lucky as your ds.

Sorry you are all going through this. But the dog has had such a tough life it has little trust, and likewise cannot be trusted.
You absolutely must put your child first, and it really sounds like the dog has little quality of life if it is too traumatised to walk etc.

When DH retired from his veterinary practice, he still did locum work. A friend had a much loved dog who became reactive with the owners, she came round one day in tears, the dog had become very aggressive and boxed her into a corner , DH pointed out that if the dog had bitten a child, she could be sued, never mind the guilt that she would feel. The dog was pts by DH later that day. There is no way that the rescue society should be passing this onto someone else.

It would be a shame if your dm can’t put the time in to turn this situation around. Whatever wrongs you feel the rescue have done the dog is now your dms responsibility. With lots of love she may be able to change this dogs life.
I wouldn’t let the dog anywhere near your child for both their sakes but that doesn’t mean pts. Is your dm working or does she have the time to put into a project like this?

She's been trying to turn this dogs life around for five years - and has spent an absolute fortune doing so.

I adore dogs but I also know that sometimes you come to the end of the road.

Totally agree

Well pts then, but what the F*ck happened to this dog that 5 years in a loving house hasn’t had my effect?

When I was about seven I approached a dog from behind and put my hands on it’s back. It wasn’t expecting it and it snapped at me. It was my fault. I was always a bit wary of that dog from that point on though.

Another time I was literally doing nothing but sitting at a relative’s house, hadn’t even looked at their dog and it sprang across the room and bit me. That dog was rightly PTS a while later.

I now have my own Romanian rescue. She came through a fantastic rescue that fosters first so you know a lot about the dog, rather than it being handed to you off a van. That said, I would never put her in a situation with a child because I don’t know what she has experienced.

Your mum was mad to bring the dog, knowing what it was like, but your son did take it by surprise. After five years, is your mum just tired? How old is the dog, given your mum’s been trying for five years already?

You’d be completely right to say the dog never comes to your house again and you won’t take your son there unless the dog is away. Ultimately the other decision is for your mum.

'Small punctures'
Was the skin broken? Your DS needs antibiotics if so. Dog bites can go bad very quickly. DS was bitten on the hand once- got oral antibiotics from A&E within an hour- and he still got cellulitis 2 days later. 4 days of IV antibiotics followed. It was only a small bite.

Please get the bite checked if the skin was broken.

And cellulitis can lead to sepsis. Both can be fatal.

I have dogs. If either of them bit a child on the face they'd have to go. And they are part of my family. But I couldn't risk it.

How old is the dog, given your mum’s been trying for five years already?

That's the million dollar question. She was told that she was born in kennels but also told that she was "two or three years old" when DM took her on. If she was really born in kennels I'd expect them to know.

We have no idea what's happened in Romania and prior to this she has shown no signs towards any human, let alone kids. She's around my sisters kids all the time - not sure if there's a difference but they are both NT.

• Small punctures' Was the skin broken? Your DS needs antibiotics if so.*

They didn't bleed and we called NHS 24 straight away. They said he should be fine if it's kept clean as it wasn't deep enough to bleed but if it does get infected to go straight in.

A vet can usually tell you roughly how old a dog is though? Our vet got mine spot on before she looked at her passport when she first met her.

Actually that’s another point - the passport has the DOB on it?

I guess I’m asking if the dog realistically has another couple of years left, or longer.

If the dog came with rescue back up the rescue should take it back no matter how long it’s been with them. It should go back in to foster or a behaviourist. I know this is what my dog’s rescue would do, but equally I know not all rescues are that good.

He did take her by suprise, I wouldn’t let the dog near children again but that doesn’t mean pts.

So this dog is reactive around other dogs and also people. Your DM has spent 5 years trying to socialise the dog but it is unable to adapt to domestic life. It is only a matter of time before someone is hurt.

I think the kindest, and most sensible thing, is for the dog to be pts.

I fully agree with this.

Your mum has done her best but the dog has bite your sons face. It’s gone too far and now needs to be pts.

@ImperioMarch well what do you want to hear? If you mother gives her back to the rescue she will be pts. You clearly want her to be pts so maybe just cut out the rescue and pay for it to happen at your mums vets with her there. You know the woman this dog has lived with for 5 years?

Maybe it could be a Christmas present? ND child should have been supervised more, and surprised a dog with issues and she bit him, you could pay for her to be put to sleep even though your own dog no longer lives with you so clearly there is an issue there.

This dog is living with constant severe anxiety, probably regularly edging into terror, which is much worse imo than physical discomfort. It is much more likely due to her genetics than any specific incident or series of events in her past, although none of that will have helped.

Love is absolutely not enough to fix animals like this one, and in this case neither is medication, the input of a behaviourist or five years of effort.

This is not "rescue", it's torture. That organization should be ashamed of themselves, placing dogs like this with well-meaning people.

She should have been euthanased peacefully long ago, for her own sake.
I hope your child makes a good recovery.

You make assumptions.

I really just wanted to talk as I'm heart heavy.

I actually don't want WANT her PTS but I know dogs with a bite history are near impossible to rehome, even where they don't have problems with reactivity.

@ImperioMarch no you DO want her to be pts because there is no option in your mind. Your mother won't be able to come over to your house again (understandable) and even though she is fine with her other grandchildren it is now an issue where this poor dog who has been put in this position by your mother and your child surprising her will now have to die.

That's the crux of it. This dog will die now because of this

Imo tell the rescue the poor ddog was hit by a car. Imo they want the glory of rehoming a ddog Ron abroad with no thought to that ddogs mh. Would you or your dm sleep well knowing another dc may not be as lucky as your ds. The ddog won't actually know what pts is. It wil ll