I just need to talk to people who understand

[ImperioMarch]

DS is 4 and non-verbal/autistic.

He loves my dog and DF dog (who both live with DF for various reasons) who are both big labs who love to rough and tumble (obviously they are watched like a hawk but they are more likely to lick him to death).

DM has a small Romanian Rescue mongrel, DS has never met this dog before today as DM lives several hours away.

This dog is extremely dog reactive, which is another reason she's normally left with a sitter as my village is dog-central.

DM took the dog on in a moment of madness but I highly suspect the dog was pretty much shipped to her the minute it arrived in the UK rather than any proper assessment being made and I also think they've lied about several things - including her age.

DM has never been able to walk her in the five years she's had her, despite trying a behaviourist, medication, CBD oil etc. She's just too traumatised from her time in Romania.

Anyway she had to bring her when she visited today as no sitter available. As she was a strange dog we were monitoring DS, keeping him calm around the dog and not letting him jump about the way he does with the labs.

He was stood next to DM showing her something, and the dog was at her feel (and up until this point DS was ignoring her) and in a split second he bent down and put a hand on her back and another on her shoulders.

The dog lashed out and snapped at DS face. There's a couple of small punctures near his eye but thankfully no major damage and he was playing happily again half an hour later (the dog was immediately put out in the car).

DM has said she is getting rid and has contacted the rescue (who unsurprisingly are trying to put her off) but I know with her reactivity she'd already be difficult to rehome. But now with a bite history I feel like it's inevitable she'll be PTS.

And I feel conflicted in all honesty. Because she reacted to what she probably perceived as being attacked.

But at the same time this is DS, and he's my priority.

But she could do it again and tbh with her being so scared of the world I do wonder if it would be kinder all round.

Mostly I'm angry at the "rescue". They failed that little dog and ultimately she's the one that will suffer in the end.

Sorry, I just needed to vent where people might get where I'm coming from a bit better than elsewhere on the site.

Why does your father have your dog is it because of your childs behaviour?

Oh DFOD.

If you must know my dog lives with DF because he owns her litter mate brother and he stops eating if they are separated.

If DF doesn't have both, I do. And I have them frequently.

But he is retired and lives on a farm and HIS dDog doesn't do as well in less rural environments (and before you jump to conclusions, no he's not reactive but he's used to having wide open fields to run in and goes in the huff when he doesn't have access to the).

It will know being passed from pillar to post getting more stressed along the way..

no you DO want her to be pts because there is no option in your mind. did you actually read my post? Or do you know my mind?

No I don't want it. What I said is I think it's unlikely she'll be able to be rehomed, meaning it's likely the rescue will PTS. But also acknowledging that it may be a kindness as the poor thing lives in constant terror.

Honestly I think your mother was ultimately to blame here. She put this dog in a position where it was extremely likely to bite. I’m stunned you let her bring it.

Sorry but if as you say the poor thing is in constant terror why the hell is she being kept alive this long. I love animals wayyyy more than humans but that alone would have made me put her out her misery. Poor dog (and of course your poor son) but don't understand why dog wasn't left in the car anyway.

I think you are under reacting tbh.

Also believe you me if this was a proper bite that had caused damage rather than a warning snap I would have sling her in my own damn car and taken her straight to the nearest vet)

This nearly was a proper bite to a child's face. Teeth did make contact and could have been much worse. The dog is clearly living every second on edge and in a state of fear.

Because it's never shown the merest hint of human reactivity in 5 years. Believe me I would not have had her in the house if I thought there was a risk (well more than the usual risk there is with ANY dog).

If you posted here about an animal that was crippled with arthritis despite medication etc, you'd get a dozen replies along the lines of "better a month too soon than a day too late". But mental health is even more critical to welfare and the very best thing for that poor terrified creature would be a swift kind end, not being shuttled back to that organisation that should have been intelligent and merciful enough to recognise her issues five years ago. They're probably stupid enough to foster her out again so she can go through more stress and likely bite someone else. Own it.

The things that have happened to dogs in Romania are abhorrent. I've spent time there with a rescue- we had a dog who had fireworks put in the den she had her puppies in, a dog who was hung by its neck from a tree and swung around and hit with a stick until it was nearly dead, a dog who was raped, a dog whose face was burnt repeatedly, a dog who had wire hooked around its back legs and pulled so tight around her back they had to be amputated.

No one can have any idea what they've been through before coming to the U.K., no matter what you're told from the rescue. I can well believe that 5 years in a loving and dedicated home isn't enough to undo whatever they've gone through.

I love dogs more than people too. I also think there are far worse things for a dog than to be gently put to sleep, for a whole number of reasons.

If this dog can’t be walked after 5 years and is still unpredictable you have to ask is she happy? We took on a rescue dog who turned out to be unpredictable and we had a couple of occasions where he snapped at us. He was elderly when we adopted him and when his demons showed themselves we knew that we were lucky we could manage his needs until his natural time came, but if he were a younger dog it would have been much, much harder.

Euthanasia is a very emotive subject for people, but from a dog’s perspective it can make more sense.

A dog that's this traumatised, that's dog reactive and that now has a bite history towards children will not be re-homed by any reputable or responsible rescue - and for good reason.

You have two options here. Your mum keeps the dog and it's never around children ever again. She keeps it home with her or continues to hire a sitter when she visits family. If the sitter is unavailable, then unfortunately, she doesn't come.

Or, she goes to the vet tomorrow morning and has the dog humanely and peacefully put to sleep.

I'm not really debating what needs to happen here. I know what needs to be done. Doesn't mean I want it (looking at you EspressoPatronumm) or don't feel sad about it.

I just needed to get it off my chest and also ran about the so-called rescue.

I know there are many, many reputable ones but I unfortunately don't think she came from one.

@ImperioMarch ignore the PPs making you feel bad. I’ve been in a similar situation for different reasons. It’s really, really rubbish. I also made the mistake of posting on here and was torn to shreds. Of course it’s an emotive issue and it’s never the dog’s fault. But you’re now in a horrible position and there’s no easy way out. I agree with PPs that it has to be DM’s decision but it’s genuinely grim all round. Solidarity.

Romanian rescues can have such traumatic starts to life. Whilst it is admirable to want to help an animal in need, these can be complex animals who we will never truest understand.

there were a number of failings by the rescue centre here. Yes, they should’ve done a full assessment first off, but they should also have provided ongoing support and assistance, and even now should be trying to find a common ground and provide support-rather than just pressuring to keep the dog.

i have no advice here I’m afraid. I feel desperately sorry for a dog who is a liability, and has been so let down- with a shitty start to life, a crappy rescue and a life full of uncertainty and confusion.

my only possible suggestion would be if the rescue is that shit, report them to the charity commission if you feel that they have let your mother down and put your child at risk

People are so understanding when dogs are PTS for physically suffering but for some reason it’s taboo to put a mentally suffering dog out of its misery.

A reactive dog that can’t leave the house is miserable and suffering.

DM has now decided she's NOT surrendering the dog.

And now I am pissed off.

She's blaming herself for overwhelming the dog and saying she's getting one second chance and that's it.

But I worry that another attack will be worse or that next time she'll get another second chance.

@ImperioMarch I guess all you can do is ensure that there are no second chances around your child. I just hope it works out for everyone involved.

Your mother is a kind hearted fool tbh but she's making her choice. All you can do is stay away from the dog.

She needs to come to that decision on her own. Do not push her, do not talk about the dog. Whenever she complains about her, kindly say you understand better the struggles DM went through, trainers, medications, … the dog is neurotic to no fault of its own but this means walks are a nightmare and children a big NO.
it is a tough place to be. Sadly the dog cannot be trusted to be near DS.

At the end of the day it's not your decision to make.

She's correct in that the dog probably was overwhelmed and that's why it reacted - that of course doesn't mean the bite is acceptable, but going forward it can be managed - she just has to keep the dog away from children.

@EspressoPatronumm Jesus, wind in the nasty.
@ImperioMarch doesn't WANT the dog PTS FFS.

Imperio's son (who is ND) accidentally surprised the dog (he doesn't know any different). It was an accident.

I don't quite understand why Imperio's Mum always got a dog sitter to visit Imperio before now, but allows her other GC to be around the dog (maybe they're quieter & more gentle and are able to better understand the dogs needs), but I still wouldn't allow it, because they could have also surprised the dog by accident.

Imperio's mum should NOT have brought the dog with her & having done so she should have made her comfortable in a room in Imperio's house where DS wouldn't have been able to accidentally scare it, msking it lash out.

Shoulda Woulda Coulda. No use now!

@ImperioMarch why did your mum always get a sitter until now? Did you say you asked her to? (Sorry, can't scroll back or it deletes my post!). If not, why did she choose to do that?

Going forward (as we can't rewind!!) your Mum would need to be hyper vigilant around people, so be incredibly sure the dog won't get startled by anyone!

if the dog & her are happy at home & not going out for walks, I don't see the need to PTS.

However, only your Mum can make that decision and she CANNOT blame DS!

sad as it is, the dog will not understand or know it's being PTS. Your Mum needs to take it to the vets though, so it can feel safe & loved as it goes, much better than sending it back to the rescue. MUCH MUCH better.

@TooMuchToDoTooLittleInclination because she is known dog reactive and there's a lot of dogs in our area. I also often hand my dig and dads dog (as explained up thread they have to be kept together).

It was just the case her sitter was ill at last minute.

• often have my dog

@ImperioMarch

yeah, sorry, I can't scroll back or it deletes my post and I didn't see your updates before I posted! I remembered when I read your last post that you'd said about your village.

how is the dog when they're home alone (your mum & dog)? Prior to this, what did your mum say about the dog? (Lovely at home, all good, or did she complain about it?)

Have you told your SIS/SIL about what happened? I'd definitely do that to protect Nieces/Nephews. Tough if your Mum gets in a huff!!

Beyond that, I'd stress she must NOT allow the dog to go back to the 'rescue' as that would be most unkind thing to do. Either she keeps the dog away from people (at the VERY least children, yes her GC too, or SHE takes the dog to the vet/has the vet come to her.

I hope DS is ok, if it's split the skin at all, I'd definitely take him to be seen. Yes it 'might' mean your mum gets a visit, but it's highly unlikely!! But tough anyway, your DS might need anti biotics to hopefully prevent sepsis.

has he complained it's hurting? (Can he?). I was bitten (it was more 'caught by teeth) by a Labrador a month ago and it still bloody hurts!

I love the lab (he's not mine), and we were playing, but he's still a pup & had no idea his teeth have got so big. He's got so big, so quickly! I don't blame him at all, but it doesn't stop it hurting!