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The doghouse

If you're worried about your pet's health, please speak to a vet or qualified professional.

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Original poster

Close to despair re separation anxiety

88 replies

GiantCheeseMonster · 02/10/2022 13:02

Just that, really. Dog is 11 months old sprocker spaniel. We did everything by the book - not leaving him to cry as a puppy, micro-absences of a few seconds, room flitting etc. As he grew older it became increasingly obvious he couldn’t tolerate being alone at all. We have Julie Naismith’s book and use her sub-threshold training which got him to a minute alone but now he’s regressed again and I’m back to doing door is a bore and even that freaks him out. I can’t imagine ever being able to leave him for ten minutes, let alone pop to the supermarket. We haven’t been out as a family for months without paying for a dogsitter which is getting expensive and I want to be able to nip out spontaneously - just to go to the neighbour’s for a drink, FGS. We feel trapped in our home and it’s starting to affect our relationship with the dog as it’s so hard not to feel resentful. I’ve read so much online advice and we had a trainer (IMDT registered) who told us to use the sub-threshold method. I am happy to carry on but I just feel that after 5 months of it I should be seeing some progress and I’m not. DH would rehome the dog as he’s so fed up with not even being able to put the bins out without taking him with him on a lead. Any advice or stories of hope are most welcome but please be gentle, I feel at breaking point with it today.

We take him for long walks daily, play games with him (Absolute Dogs courses, that kind of thing) and do scent work and puzzle feeders, Kongs etc so he gets lots of enrichment, before anyone suggests that. We’re good dog owners I think, but this is something on a level I never anticipated.

OP posts:

KILM · 03/10/2022 08:40

I think you are right, he needs meds - wishing you the absolute best of luck with him, its obvious how much you adore him but you cant live like this!

SarahSissions · 03/10/2022 09:30

A vet isn’t like a GP, you don’t have to stick with one. If you aren’t getting the help you need or want then book an appointment with another.

bluetongue · 03/10/2022 11:26

Big hugs OP. I’ve dealt with SA with my whippet and it’s HARD. I am single and if it wasn’t for my parents I’m not sure I would have been able to keep him. I also threw loads of money at the issue. Mostly daycare but also trainers and vets.

I ended up going down the medication route and I don’t regret it. At 5 he’s still on a small dose but it’s not a big deal anymore. You’ll get people judging you for ‘doping up’ your dog but they have no idea. I went through a behaviourist and specialist vet who recommended it. It’s helped but he’ll never be ‘normal’. He’s now fine to leave at my house but if I leave him in other situations he still gets stressed. Leaving him with a friend at a cafe to go inside and order, leaving him at his dog sitter or worst of all leaving him at the vet for the day (he HATES) this.

The specialist vet explained that there is a huge genetic component and that I’d done nothing wrong. Whippets are one of the breeds that suffer more than most. He loves, loves people and is obsessed with me which might seem lovely but SA is the downside of this.

The good news is that calming down in general has helped and he is the sweetest boy. I wouldn’t swap him for the world.

Good luck!

bluetongue · 03/10/2022 11:37

Forgot to add that my whippet has had no side effects from the meds although he does need to have blood tests every now and again. It has had no negative impact on his personality in he is in no way ‘spaced out’.

BearAJ · 10/10/2025 13:27

Was this ever resolved please with your dog? What was the outcome? We are going through EXACTLY the same right now, under house arrest with the cockapoo. Its heartbreaking for him being so distressed when we leave. I can't collect my son from school or anything, he needs someone with him all the time, it doesn't have to be us though.

Girlintheframe · 10/10/2025 14:42

BearAJ · 10/10/2025 13:27

Edited

This can be resolved. Up until this year we’ve really struggled with leaving our dog. I’ve not been able to go anywhere/do anything without it. It’s was really tough! We got a referral from our vet to a behaviourist. She wasn’t cheap and our insurance didn’t cover it but it’s the best money I’ve spent! We are now up to 2hours of leaving him alone. Planning on working up to 4.
It has taken months to get to this stage and you have to be really patient but it’s definitely worth it!

BearAJ · 10/10/2025 15:32

Thank you for your positivity. Its nice to hear of a success story, we are close to despair. I work and was told by previous owners he is fine alone, he's very clearly not.

SpanielsGalore · 10/10/2025 16:10

BearAJ · 10/10/2025 15:32

Thank you for your positivity. Its nice to hear of a success story, we are close to despair. I work and was told by previous owners he is fine alone, he's very clearly not.

How long have you had him? It took my foster dog about three months to be able to be left.

BearAJ · 10/10/2025 18:20

Just a month. Maybe trying too early.

SpanielsGalore · 10/10/2025 18:36

It could be that he's stressed from being rehomed and needs time to settle in and feel more secure.
But unfortunately people lie and it could be the reason he was rehomed.

FastFood · 11/10/2025 06:30

It is doable! It's a slow process but progress comes in leaps and bounds. I spent 3-4 months to go from zero to 20 mins and then 2 months from 20 mins to 2h.

Now, he can be left, he might howl at some point but he has learned to calm himself down and go back to bed after a few minutes.
More importantly, he's relaxed when I leave now.
I left him for 1h earlier, called him when I came back home, and he was just chilling on the sofa, totally ignoring me.

He's still on Fluoxetine but we're weaning him off it now. I expect him to be off it 6 to 9 months, so far so good.

I have worked with a behaviourist who studied with Malena DeMartini.

The funny thing is that now that he can be left alone for a few hours, I generally don't really need to. Overtime, I made a network of friends who are happy to have him for a bit, he's also very adaptable (and small!!) so he follows me everywhere, my group of friends is extremely dog-friendly so dogs are always welcome etc...

BearAJ · 11/10/2025 17:02

That's brilliant to hear. There is hope. He is an amazing dog and I feel for him, we all go through anxiety at some point, it's awful. It must be hard for him as he got left by his previous owners and had to settle with new people and a new house. I'll give it time and try again, without family help I don't know what we'd do. I'd honestly never heard of SA until now.

forgotactually · 11/10/2025 20:32

Talk to your vet about Trazodone.
An absolute life changer for my dog (and therefore, for us)
And if your vet disagrees, then find another vet.

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