Can't cope with the dog anymore

[Strugglingwdog]

It’s my partners dog but now my problem as we live together. The dog is generally a nice little dog but high maintenance and does not get enough attention in my opinion. I feel immensely sad for him as if I am not working from home he might spend 10 hours in the house by himself which feels cruel and I would have never considered getting a dog in that situation. He didn’t have much of a routine but I’ve got him into a much better one now which seems to have helped.
My main issue is that he keeps shitting in the house (not generally the times that he is left alone for hours on end and usually overnight). I can’t work out if I’m being unreasonable about this but when it happens it feels like the end of the world (dramatic I know). Every surface and the air feels contaminated. I feel anxious waking up in the morning to see if he’s done it. I feel anxious when I’m out the house for him. I’ve woken up in the middle of the night to check on him. I’m pregnant as well and I’m so worried that it’ll be causing the baby harm and I’m terrified for nothing changing and me being in the same situation with a newborn. I hate the idea of having a newborn in a dirty house.
I’ve no idea what to do but the longer it’s going on the less I’m coping. If anyone has any suggestions or tips on what to do I would be so grateful. Part of me thinks that when I am on maternity leave then at least there will be someone always in the house for him but I’m mostly just terrified of how much more difficult it will be to cope.

Have you told your OH how you feel?

Congratulations on your pregnancy op.
I understand your concerns about hygiene, especially with a baby on the way, But an equally concerning issue is the quality of the dog’s life which isn’t going to improve when you and your oh have more demands on your time.

The obvious question, which you have left out of your op, is what does your oh plan to do about this?

Thank you for replying. I think he's a bit overwhelmed by what to do. I think he realises how upset I am by it as he's seen me get upset. He's said that we will find a solution but nothing seems to change and im not sure what solutions he has in mind. Any solution he comes up with has obvious massive flaws. He got the dog with his ex and I get the feeling she pushed for it but wouldn't want to take him now as it would be inconvenient for her. I think if I were to say to him that he either gets rid of the dog or I leave he would get rid of him but I don't want to put him in that position. I've suggested a dog walker to take him out during the day as well

The dog is being left for 10 hours?
Thats really cruel

@Hoppinggreen yes I know

Please rehome so the dog can have a life it deserves no wondering its shitting if it can't have access to outside. What breed is it?

It sounds like the dog is just not going out often enough if it's toileting in the house.
10 hours is too long, but resolved easily enough by getting a dog walker to come and break the monotony and get some exercise.
Ditto overnight - what time does it get walked?
If this is your only issue with the dog it's one that can easily be sorted but your DH really should be stepping up.

I don't think this is a the dog or me situation if your partner is a decent person. Sadly it sounds like this isn't the right home for the dog but your partner may not immediately agree. But you need to work together to find a solution and the solution is probably that a rescue centre will be able to find the dog a home better suited to its needs. However you probably need to chat it over a lot and let your partner move gently to accepting that reality. If my life circumstances changed in a way it meant my dogs would probably be better somewhere else I would get there eventually, but I would need to try everything else I could first and my partner holding my hand to get to the inevitable point would help me be able to live with myself. Making lots of assumptions about your partner and how he feels about the dog here though.

Can you partner take him for a walk before bed? Sometimes the garden isn’t enough and they need to sniff and pee/poo where other dogs have been, our dog doesn’t go in the garden so we take her walks twice a day, can this routine be bought into your home, you will have a happier dog if so! The dog might also need training but try taking him/her out for a walk last thing as a start

You could sort a dog walker if you were that bothered by the poor thing.
You're living together and due a baby its as much your dog now as his practically speaking so you're as bad as him for neglecting it's needs in the house.

That’s a tough situation and sounds like you are trying.

A few suggestions from me- does he wake up throughout the night to take the dog out for a toilet break?

is the problem the dog can’t control it’s bladder etc or that it hasn’t been taken out for a long time so needs to relieve itself?

If the former, Can you put down puppy pads and try to train the dog to use those only in certain areas. I know this is still not solving the problem but atleast it is contained to those areas and with a baby on the way you can shut those areas off to the baby when on the move.

if the latter, and especially since the dog is being left more than a couple of hours a dog walker atleast every 4/5 hours to break up the day for it & to take him out to relieve itself.

when you have the baby your focus (rightfully) will be on it and yourself, but I found I went on daily, sometimes twice a day walks with my baby. Getting out for exercise and fresh air did me & the baby so much good. Is there a possibility you can take the dog with you?

lastly, I have found having a cat and a dog (my in-laws dog which my daughter sees three times a week) has done her so much good. She absolutely loves them and I know they are supposed to help avoid any potential allergies and she will grow up having respect for animals, I appreciate this may not be on your radar or priority list but just a positive to help out!

lastly, it sounds like a stressful situation and we’ll done to you for not demanding your partner get rid of the dog but try to take a step back and focus on yourself and the baby and leave the above to your partner to deal with. Explain this to him and why you are doing it. I hope things work out

The situation as it is now isn't acceptable but there are plenty of solutions.

Can you afford a dog walker to break the day up for him, or maybe some doggy daycare so he can have some company, socialisation and exercise? Ten hours is way way beyond the length of time a dog should be being left alone.

Your partner needs to step up in terms of exercise too - up early to walk the dog before work and another walk before bed if it's toileting in the house. It sucks but that's reality when you work long days and have a dog - their needs (toilet and exercise) need to come before your wants of a lie-in and an easy evening at home.

I suspect if the dog was adequately exercised and had a walker or something during the day, things would be much easier and happier for all of you.

First things first, your DP needs to do the following:

• Vet check to rule out physical causes of dog starting to toilet indoors
• Thoroughly clean floors with an enzymatic pet cleaner (dogs have an incredible sense of smell; if he can smell that he previously toileted there, he's more likely to repeat the behaviour)
• Regular (at least daily, several times a day depending on breed - I'd also suggest an extra walk round the block before bed so dog can empty his bowels, physical movement encourages bowel movement) walks
• Not leaving dog alone for extended periods, as inappropriate toileting could be stress related

If he isn't willing to do all of the above then it would be kinder to consider rehoming the dog via a rescue. Breed specific rescues are often a good place to try.

If your partner is leaving his dog alone for ten hours a day that is neglect. You either need dog walkers, daycare or a new home. There are no other solutions and this is your DP's fault, not yours.

What kind of dog is it and what's his routine like? What time is his last meal and his last outing before bed?

I don't know any dogs that could be left alone for 10 hours. Do you think it's possible that he's holding it in all day and then has too much of a buildup to hold in at night?

Lots of really helpful and some uncalled for since the op is accepting and wanting to resolve the situation comments on here,

op ignore the unhelpful comments and focus on trying to resolve the situation by taking advice from the sensible comments.

The pooing at night sounds like protest/anxiety poo.
Presuming the dog doesn’t get much of a walk during the week he’s really got to either get a dog walker (easiest & best option but expensive), find someone to take him during the day/take him to work, or try and rehome the dog. 10 hours is too long to leave a dog alone.
I wouldn’t factor being on maternity leave into any of it. It’s temporary and you won’t want to be fannying around with a dog (that’s not even really yours) at the same time as a newborn.

He definitely needs more walks but I'm finding it more difficult to take him out the more pregnant I get. It's usually a before walk and after work walk and sometimes evening. I completely agree that he's not in a suitable home but I think my partner is slightly in denial about it. I'd mentioned to a couple of friends about rehoming and was met with a lot of absolute disgust and how they could never get rid of a dog and didn't want to engage in the conversation with me about it. I feel really guilty that I can't meet his needs and then guilty at the idea of rehoming

Definitely agree with dog Walker - my teenage sons used to do this so maybe put a post on your local Facebook or a note in your local shop? Teenagers are generally cheaper!
a late night walk would be ideal so hopefully your partner can do that? If not, maybe rescue is the solution, and a good talk with your partner about what he was actually going to do, and when?

So does your DP clear up the mess or just leave it (I'm guessing you do it?), what did he do before the home help (you) arrived? Who does the general care eg feeding?

He needs to sort this. He clearly hadn't trained the dog and as they get older it takes longer. Sounds like he cant be bothered.

Surely the kindest thing would be to rehome, that or move out.

OP you've not answered (or I've missed it) about a dog Walker, or doggy day care? Is that a possibility? I know things can be tight when a baby comes but it may be cheaper than replacing whatever ends up stinking of dog poo and pee.

Also can you use a stair gate to confine the dog to a hard floor area at night?

I think there are probably solutions between living the way you are currently and rehoming, but your partner needs to get on board with making them happen.

If you answer some of the questions, people will be able to give concrete suggestions.

What kind of dog is it?
How old?
What time does he have his last meal and what time does he go out for the last time at night?
What time does he get taken out in the morning?
What kind of walks does he get when he's walked (running, off-lead, on-lead) and how long are they?

Rehome the poor thing

That is awful
I don’t blame you, it’s not your dog and you are pg
If your partner won’t do something about it (dog walker, daycare etc) then you really do need to rehome. It’s only going to get harder when the baby arrives