Can't cope with the dog anymore

[Strugglingwdog]

It’s my partners dog but now my problem as we live together. The dog is generally a nice little dog but high maintenance and does not get enough attention in my opinion. I feel immensely sad for him as if I am not working from home he might spend 10 hours in the house by himself which feels cruel and I would have never considered getting a dog in that situation. He didn’t have much of a routine but I’ve got him into a much better one now which seems to have helped.
My main issue is that he keeps shitting in the house (not generally the times that he is left alone for hours on end and usually overnight). I can’t work out if I’m being unreasonable about this but when it happens it feels like the end of the world (dramatic I know). Every surface and the air feels contaminated. I feel anxious waking up in the morning to see if he’s done it. I feel anxious when I’m out the house for him. I’ve woken up in the middle of the night to check on him. I’m pregnant as well and I’m so worried that it’ll be causing the baby harm and I’m terrified for nothing changing and me being in the same situation with a newborn. I hate the idea of having a newborn in a dirty house.
I’ve no idea what to do but the longer it’s going on the less I’m coping. If anyone has any suggestions or tips on what to do I would be so grateful. Part of me thinks that when I am on maternity leave then at least there will be someone always in the house for him but I’m mostly just terrified of how much more difficult it will be to cope.

There are a few things here.

Does your partner not walk him? Why is this on you? How old is dog and what breed?

I ask gently but do you suffer with OCD? The whole house and air won't be contaminated by dog poo. It's a very extreme reaction. If you clean up the poo straight away then the house is clean.

Baby's puke and vomit and yes that's different but it still isn't pleasant and wouldn't contaminate everywhere.

What kind of dog is it?

Is there a garden for the dog to poo in, or does he need to be taken for a walk to go to the toilet? My dog is let out between 9.30 and 11 pm (depending on when I'm going to bed) and then at 7 am when I get up. She's never pooed in the house since she was a puppy, and most dogs should be able to last overnight. Is the issue that the dog is walked after work, then fed, and doesn't have a chance to go out again after dinner?

Is the dog old, or is the indoor pooing a recent development? It could be a sign of illness. If it's been happening for the whole time your partner has had the dog then it could be a training issue - maybe the dog was never properly housetrained.

Thank you all so much for the helpful responses. To answer some of the questions he's a terrier X (partner rehomed him as a 3 year old and he is now 8. He gets breakfast at 7am and then dinner at 5pm and if he doesn't eat it within a certain amount of time it's taken away. He was a graze eater before but I've stopped that which has made a massive difference. Usually if I'm working I'll take him out for a walk and run off the lead before I leave so just before 8 and then he'll go out again after we get back. He then sometimes gets an evening walk around the block. He doesn't have a set routine with the walking so like today I'm at home and I'll take him out for a longer walk in an hour or so. The house has wooden flooring but it's always a patch on the rug. I'm looking at spot carpet cleaners just now.

@SquishyGloopyBum I don't have ocd but I do appreciate that it's probably an extreme reaction. I think that's why I'm so worried I'm going to get more irrational when the baby is here

Ok, for starters I would say he needs an evening walk around the block every night, and as late as possible before you go to bed. Is your partner home and available at that time? If so, and he wants to keep the dog, I think he needs to commit to that.

Is it rug or carpet? If it's rug, I might roll it up until this is more under control.

If it is always in the same place, then he can smell it and thinks of it as a toilet place.

Either pack away the rug altogether, or get it professionally cleaning and then dowse in enzymatic cleaner.

Where does the dog sleep? Can you confine him to the kitchen/somewhere without rugs at night?

I have suggested getting rid of the rug but my partner didn't want to 😅 but I'll explain the rational to him and he'll probably understand that a bit better.

10 hours is alot even with a dog walker.

@Figgygal haha thanks 👍🏻

Your partner must get up first, go down and deal with anything so you don't need to think about it. That's non negotiable, step one.

He needs to book and organise a dog walker for the days no one is home.

You need a puppy pad in the corner overnight, so the dog has a 'place' if he still needs it. Take up the rug, put the pad where the rug was, then gradually move it to a corner. Eventually when the dog is reliable, you can return the rug (after a good enzymatic clean).

I'd take the rug up for now until you break the habit. It's very difficult to remove the smell to the level that the dog won't smell it. The dog is associating this spot as being the correct place to toilet.
Indoor toileting can also be result of stress.
Dog needs a walk as late as possible in the evening and it does need to be more than a wee in the garden if it's pooing overnight in the house. My dog would not toilet in the garden and always needed a good 5-10 minutes to summon up a poo!
Ditto in the morning, a minimum 10 minutes as early as possible.
If you have to leave it for a few hours, you can break the boredom with chew toys or something like a kong stuffed and frozen. Whilst these activities do take a little time to think about and prepare, it saves time later from cleaning up and you will all benefit from a happier less stressed home.
If you're pressed for time, several short walks are fine and if you can add in some other stimulation with toys or food on something like a snuffle mat the dog will be mentally exercised.
Exposure to certain allergens and bugs in the home can actually boost a babies immune system.

The dog needs a new home - it shouldn't be at this point, even with a dog walker a dog needs more than one walk a day.

10 hours is a long time to leave a dog unattended at home .. I wouldn't say you are being neglectful as the dog was there before you .. but your oh does need to think about the dog and their needs too.. being kind would be rehoming him where he would have the full attention and needs met .. I understand about dog mess I wouldn't like that either being honest but your oh must clean that up and not you.. hope you find a solution that works for you all

Your partner is horrible. I'm struggling to understand how you could have a baby with someone who is so neglectful of their own dog. If that isn't a mark of someone's character, I don't know what is. A dog regularly being alone for 10 hours a day is simply awful, and it's interesting how this has now become your problem to solve.

1. get rid of rug, dog can smell where he’s been, even after cleaning and will continue going there, as it’s a habit now.
2. get a dog walker lunchtime.
3. make sure dog gets walked BEFORE and AFTER work, every single day.
4. go back to basics with toilet training, high value treat and high praise when he goes outside.

Thank you everyone. I've made a list of things that needs to change. We have a few months before baby is due so will say to him that these things need to change by then and if not then he'll have to be rehomed.
It's two days a week that I am not working from home so will see about getting a dog walker for those days, remove the rug for now and get a cleaner for it, more consistency with the walks especially in the evening and more things for him to do during the day. I'll also check with my partner when his last vet check was.
I realise this paints my partner in a really bad light. He definitely does have strengths!

As a dog owner myself there's just no excuse. This dog was already rehomed once. Being left 10 hours is unacceptable.. What training had been done with poor animal? Is he crate trained? I'd go with the advice already suggested and go from there.

Lots of stuff about what you'll do.... he has to do it. Don't have a child with a man who thinks he can rely on you to do all the heavy lifting.

Firstly, this is not on you, or the dog, or his ex. The responsibility to sort this out like an adult sits squarely with your DP.

There are plenty of ways to improve this situation, all fairly easily, for both you and the dog. ALL of them need him to get off his arse and do something rather than placating you with, it will sort itself out. It will if you leave it long enough, and it won't be pretty because you will lose your shit quite rightly when you've got this to deal with and a newborn. It's not fair of him to let his pregnant partner become stressed out about something and continue to ignore it.

He needs a massive kick up the arse, let him know that you have come up with a plan, and it's his responsibility to sort out the dog walker, (I think doggy daycare would be more suitable as ten hours is too long for a dog to be on it's own even with a walk), the rug, the routine etc, and you'll give it xx amount of time.

An 8 year old terrier is likely to spend a fair amount of time in kennels in rescue, they're inundated at the moment, so get him to step up and make that a last resort. This is fixable.

So you walk him either in the morning or during the day. And your partner doesn’t walk him
at all? And has made zero moves to sort out daycare/dog walker as an alternative?

This man can’t even look after a dog and you’re having a baby with him. I’d be terrified in your position OP.

Your partner isn't coming out well in this at all OP.
If he's this useless with a dog, I'd have little confidence he's going to be a good parent, which takes a lot more effort.

It was an unplanned pregnancy and unfortunately I don't have a time machine 😅. This doesn't display him in a good light at all and I agree he's not a good dog owner but he does have other areas of strengths and if he was completely like this I'd have left him
Will be having a serious talk tonight though.

I phrased that badly, of course you can't undo the situation!

You can make sure he knows now that you won't pick up his responsibilities. It's a partnership, not a 'oh,strugglingwillsort it-ership'.

Otherwise it will be you taking time off when Dc is ill, waking in the night, cancelling your night out when there's a calendar clash, picking up his undies...