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The doghouse

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Original poster

Can't cope with the dog anymore

79 replies

Strugglingwdog · 22/09/2022 08:59

It’s my partners dog but now my problem as we live together. The dog is generally a nice little dog but high maintenance and does not get enough attention in my opinion. I feel immensely sad for him as if I am not working from home he might spend 10 hours in the house by himself which feels cruel and I would have never considered getting a dog in that situation. He didn’t have much of a routine but I’ve got him into a much better one now which seems to have helped.
My main issue is that he keeps shitting in the house (not generally the times that he is left alone for hours on end and usually overnight). I can’t work out if I’m being unreasonable about this but when it happens it feels like the end of the world (dramatic I know). Every surface and the air feels contaminated. I feel anxious waking up in the morning to see if he’s done it. I feel anxious when I’m out the house for him. I’ve woken up in the middle of the night to check on him. I’m pregnant as well and I’m so worried that it’ll be causing the baby harm and I’m terrified for nothing changing and me being in the same situation with a newborn. I hate the idea of having a newborn in a dirty house.
I’ve no idea what to do but the longer it’s going on the less I’m coping. If anyone has any suggestions or tips on what to do I would be so grateful. Part of me thinks that when I am on maternity leave then at least there will be someone always in the house for him but I’m mostly just terrified of how much more difficult it will be to cope.

OP posts:
Original poster
Strugglingwdog · 22/09/2022 11:04

@picklemewalnuts yeah I'll be having a serious talk with him tonight and set some expectations. I'm thinking he will be different with a baby from the conversations we've had and his values around being a father. I really really hope I'm not proven wrong 🤞🏻

OP posts:
picklemewalnuts · 22/09/2022 11:22

He can start practicing responsibility for a defenceless dependent now!

Good luck, OP.

caringcarer · 22/09/2022 11:23

Every dog needs a late walk to relieve itself before bed. Surely that is common sense. What would you do if you had no access to a toilet for 10 hours?

pilates · 22/09/2022 11:30

Rehome is the best outcome for all. I wouldn’t want to deal with all that with a new born. Good luck

B00mShakeShakeShakeTheR00m · 22/09/2022 11:37

Of course a dog shitting in your home means the house is contaminated. It blows my mind that people have zero hygiene standards. Gross. I don't understand having pets let alone when you'll have a baby soon to be crawling around where the dog scrapes his anus on the same floor. Must stink, too.

Palmfrond · 22/09/2022 12:47

B00mShakeShakeShakeTheR00m · 22/09/2022 11:37

Of course a dog shitting in your home means the house is contaminated. It blows my mind that people have zero hygiene standards. Gross. I don't understand having pets let alone when you'll have a baby soon to be crawling around where the dog scrapes his anus on the same floor. Must stink, too.

I think this says more about you than you realise, none of it particularly flattering.

bootseason · 22/09/2022 12:58

Agree @Palmfrond - having a dog is one of the best things you can do for your health and immune system as much research has shown.

bootseason · 22/09/2022 13:01

Good luck - your partner sounds lazy and uncaring to not have taken the dog out for an early and late walk daily at the least, amazing.

MRSAHILL · 22/09/2022 13:03

I feel so sorry for you and the poor dog. None of this is your fault and I think you are trying to do your best. The dog needs a proper routine and shouldn't be left alone for all that time. Is there anyone you know who would give him a home? (apologies if this has already been asked as I haven't read the full thread). My niece is in a very similar position. Her partner already had a dog, bought when he was with his ex. Now he's with my niece, who is terrified of dogs and would never have chosen to have one. She's trying her best but I can see that if she gets pregnant eventually as she wants to, she'll be in the same position as you. I've just lost my dog and I'm not getting another as I can see I'll end up taking their dog in the near future. A dog needs routine, regular walks, regular meals, stimulation and company. I think your partner has to step up and find a solution, you shouldn't have all this to deal with alone.

Calandor · 22/09/2022 14:04

Tbh that sounds like a lot of anxiety over some dog toilet troubles. It's very annoying yes but not contaminating or the end of the world... is maybe seek some counselling as it sounds like you could be developing a contamination/germ phobia.

FolornLawn · 22/09/2022 14:34

So, does your DP do ANYTHING for the dog, OP? People have asked but you haven't answered. Why is this on you?

Aquamarine1029 · 22/09/2022 15:16

Calandor · 22/09/2022 14:04

Tbh that sounds like a lot of anxiety over some dog toilet troubles. It's very annoying yes but not contaminating or the end of the world... is maybe seek some counselling as it sounds like you could be developing a contamination/germ phobia.

I think her anxiety is from realising what a shit person her partner is, and how this is 100% a reflection of what kind of father he will be. It's quite easy to see who will be doing absolutely everything for the baby when they arrive. If he can't even manage to properly care for a dog, there is no way he will deal with a baby.

Original poster
Strugglingwdog · 22/09/2022 15:34

Yes my partner does do stuff for the dog. I realise I've made it sound like I'm doing absolutely everything but that's not the case. He walks him/takes him into the garden in the evening. Or we will both go for a walk together after work or at weekends. I'll generally walk him in the morning and if I'm working from home. It's just that it massively lacks routine and consistency.
The anxiety definitely comes from the feeling of things being dirty rather than the relationship and I don't think he's a shit person or would be a shit father but will update in six months time if I'm wrong 😅

OP posts:
alloutoflunchideas · 22/09/2022 16:50

Time for your dh to show you what an amazing dad he’ll be by looking after the dog he apparently is so keen to have

if he won’t rehome then dog to someone who can give it the love and life it deserves

marmaladepop · 22/09/2022 20:56

Strugglingwdog · 22/09/2022 09:39

He definitely needs more walks but I'm finding it more difficult to take him out the more pregnant I get. It's usually a before walk and after work walk and sometimes evening. I completely agree that he's not in a suitable home but I think my partner is slightly in denial about it. I'd mentioned to a couple of friends about rehoming and was met with a lot of absolute disgust and how they could never get rid of a dog and didn't want to engage in the conversation with me about it. I feel really guilty that I can't meet his needs and then guilty at the idea of rehoming

I used to be a Rehoming coordinator for a large UK breed charity. Some of the bravest people are the ones who hold their hands up, admit they made a mistake and rehome their dog in a responsible manner-this could be to a breed charity who are always very helpful, or to Dogs Trust/Blue Cross or similar. In my experience most dogs moved on within 48hours / very quickly, once in foster/a new home. With a new baby on the way this is what I would consider as reading between the lines neither you nor DP wanted the responsibility to start with. Good luck.

marmaladepop · 22/09/2022 20:58

SheWentWest · 22/09/2022 10:03

10 hours is alot even with a dog walker.

I agree

marmaladepop · 22/09/2022 21:02

Apologies -
"most dogs MOVE on within 48hours / very quickly

Teenyliving · 22/09/2022 21:08

He’s happy to leave a dog alone for ten hours a day.

He is a shit person. There are no ifs or buts about that one.

of course he could always sure the dog is looked after properly. He’s choosing not to.

the way people treat animals tells you who they really are.

Teenyliving · 22/09/2022 21:11

And in this case I definitely think you should Rehome the dog through a breed charity. I suspect the dogs toileitng problems probably are from the intense stress it’s under.

i cannot IMAGINE leaving a dog in the morning knowing it would be alone for ten hours locked inside. Unbelievably cruel.

and to be honest you live there too - you might try to do more for it - but you are also complicit in leaving it alone. There are so many solutions to this - a walker, doggy daycare.

its really awful.

Teenyliving · 22/09/2022 21:13

I also agree a Walker coming in is not enough where it’s ten hours.

he’s not going to be a great dad. and to be honest given that you are also not taking steps to help the dog in any meaningful way I’d also be having a good old soul search about how you are going to approach being a mother.

people will say a dog is just a pet/animal - but you and your partner have shown what your attitude is to looking after a creature thst is emotionally and physically dependent on you…

tillyandmilly · 22/09/2022 21:17

Please rehome your poor dog !

Original poster
Strugglingwdog · 22/09/2022 22:30

@Teenyliving When I first read all those posts I thought it was from three different people and felt quite overwhelmed at suddenly how aggressive people seemed but I’ve just realised it’s all from you.
Hugely unkind to suggest that I’ll be an unfit mother again based on an overly anxious emotional post i made this morning. Also unfair to say he is a shit person and won’t be a great father or that he’s even happy to leave the dog that long.
I’m already feeling out of my depth and scared with the idea of being a parent. I’m clearly struggling and am asking for help honestly the last thing I need is someone telling me that we are both going to be shit parents. I am already not coping enough as it is without other people telling me I can’t do it

OP posts:
justusandmoo · 22/09/2022 22:42

Teenyliving · 22/09/2022 21:13

I also agree a Walker coming in is not enough where it’s ten hours.

he’s not going to be a great dad. and to be honest given that you are also not taking steps to help the dog in any meaningful way I’d also be having a good old soul search about how you are going to approach being a mother.

people will say a dog is just a pet/animal - but you and your partner have shown what your attitude is to looking after a creature thst is emotionally and physically dependent on you…

OP please completely ignore this idiot 🙄. What a leap to make ffs.

You do need to make changes and you know that. The worst thing would be you just not caring but you do. Get some provision in place for the daytime. My dog goes to doggy daycare when I have to be in the office. Have a quick look at what's local.

Congrats on the baby btw. You will be awesome parents! 💕💕

Namechange303333311 · 22/09/2022 22:52

Is he being fed late in evening? That could make him need the toilet during the night. He’s can’t be getting enough opportunities to go to toilet. Your partner needs to take him out in the evening and pay for a dog walker.

Original poster
Strugglingwdog · 22/09/2022 23:34

He's fed about 5 and is then out at least twice before bedtime. My partner does take him for a walk before bed but it's not every night so that can change. The ten hours alone is a worst case and that had happened if there was a work issue or traffic causing a delay home. The toileting also isn't an issue every and I realise I've probably made this sound a lot worse than it is but I was in such a state about it all. Dog and partner definitely need a better routine though. He's contacted some dog walkers, he'd had one before but the circumstances changed so didn't need them anymore but obviously situation has changed again now.
Just struggling with all of it.
Have got some good suggestions which I've made note of and shared with my partner.

OP posts: