Would you rehome under these circumstances?

[TeenageCockapoo]

I am so, so disappointed to even be writing this thread but it feels like we are now at a point of asking whether our situation with our dog is sustainable.
To cut a long story short- our 15 month old Cockapoo has severe separation anxiety, as well as having fear aggressive tendencies. This combination is making living any kind of 'normal' life really difficult.

We did a lot of research prior to getting a dog, and how it would fit into our life. My partner works in the office 3/4 days a week, whilst I have had almost no office working since Covid apart from the odd day so I planned to mostly look after the dog, with some doggy day care needed. We didn't enter into the decision lightly.
We quickly realised we had a 'velcro' dog- rather than staying sleeping/settled where she is, she will follow me everywhere. She will howl if left in a room, and howl inconsolably if we leave the front door. So we have never left her. We are currently spending a huuuuge amount of time doing the Julie Naismith separation anxiety training, and I now can leave the house for about 18 seconds before she starts crying.
She started showing signs of aggression from about 8 months old- snapping at the odd dog and not wanting strangers to say hello to her. It has developed into she cannot be touched by any stranger (has to be muzzled at the groomers) and cannot meet dogs on lead (fine off lead as she can run away if needed!).

We have spent a fortune on online training programs, trainers and behaviourists. The advice we've received has been very much along the lines of working on engagement/giving treats when she has focused on me- all positive reinforcement. And that works to some extent, but it has only papered over the cracks in that she is still really really fearful, she now just gets a treat for not reacting. I really would rather understand why she is scared in the first place, and how we can make her actually enjoy being out and about. Currently, my partner and I can't leave her but also can't even really go to a dog friendly coffee shop as I am absolutely terrified that she will react to another dog/a stranger will reach out and touch her and she will snap.

For that reason, doggy day care has been a livesaver. She has been to the same day care 2 days per week since she was a tiny puppy. The owner of the day care is a behaviourist, and has always worked with us to understand how our dog is behaving. Recently she has started exhibiting these behaviours at day care, and today they said if there is one more incident of snapping for no reason she will be banned.

I've not got a bloody clue where we go from here. We love her, we really do. She is cuddly and funny and seeing her run around care free is the best thing ever. We would be lost without her. But I'm in my mid 20s, and I have no idea how we ended up with such a difficult dog. What do you do if you have a dog you can't leave at home, can't go to doggy day care, and is reactive when outside?

Apologies for this enormous essay, I'm happy to answer any more questions but I would just really appreciate some wise words on what you do if you end up in this situation.

What sort of home do you think would be better for her? And what type of home do you think would take her?

Exactly what the pp said , who do you think would want her . It’s one thing needing an adult only home that would take a reactive dog but then on top of that it needs to be with people who never want to go out together . She may well end up being passed from home to home , frankly it would be kinder to have her pts .

I've got to agree with PP. I'm not sure there is an ideal home for such a dog. Being around children would be a no if she is anxious and snaps. Being a companion for an older couple? Maybe, but again she sounds highly strung. Clearly a young professional couple isn't working for her. And how would you go about removing her? How would you introduce new owners if she snaps at strangers? That would put most potential owners off.

All that said it doesn't really sound like you want to part with her. You are just losing hope for a normal life.
Stick with the training for seperation anxiety. 18 seconds may seem like nothing but it's a massive achievement. And you're going the right way about it.
It's a bit "gimicy" and OTT with energy but I highly recommend AbsoluteDogs. It has helped with my very anxious mini poodle. They use games to help build confidence that can then be applied to new situations. So preparing for the situation vs training in it.

I agree with the above. Its not as simple as you wanting to rehome the dog. Who would want her? She will get rehomed quick enough because she is cute but I can forsee her being passed from pillar to post once people realise how difficult she is.

I had a dog with all the same signs as yours. I worked so very hard with an actual licensed approved behaviourist and he's not perfect but he doesn't suffer separation anxirty any more and he's well behaved off lead. Will still bark at dogs on a lead. I'm an actual vet nurse, I have a dog who never had issues. But I think you need to really sit and think have you consistently kept up with the training and advice. It's so easy to say yeah you've done it all when honestly you probably haven't. On the rehoning front. I actually considered euthanasia. A dog permanently stressed ending up being moved from home to home is never a happy dog. The chances of suddenly landing a great home for a reactive dog who shows aggressive signs who can resolve the issues is slim. It's just moving the problem on and causing the dog more stress. I know it wouldn't be a popular opinion

I often believe that if everything has been tried, euthanasia can be a kinder option.
Have you spoken to a vet and tried medicating for the anxiety alongside the training.

I appreciate the points about 'who would want her'- on the face of it, you're absolutely right- I've painted a very negative picture and talked about her worst day. But she has so many brilliant points- she is perfectly toilet trained, and her recall is absolutely fantastic which makes long offlead walks an absolute joy. She settles in the car quickly, and bizarre- she will happily nap all through a train journey no matter what is going on or who walks past. Once a human is 'known' to her and introduced in the right manner, she is your best friend. She is so clever and quick to learn. An average day with her involves her snoozing most of the day, playing with puzzle toys, a long offlead walk and cuddles on the sofa- and so on a day to day basis it works for us. I hope that makes a bit more sense!

Bless her. She's still young. Just perservre with her training I was so upset when I thought about making decisions about my dog. Felt like a failure but then we began to see improvement and now he can be left home and not eat all the skirting or poor holes in walls like he has done before. Have you tried walking her before attempting to train to leave her. Take some of the excess energy off her first

@amicompleteinsane I really appreciate your post- it's interesting that you mention an actual licensed behaviourist because I think this is part of the reason it all feels so soul destroying, navigating who is actually a trustworthy professional vs. who has done a short course. Balanced training vs. positive reinforcement. It's endless!
Also a good point re. have you ACTUALLY done the training because honestly we have lacked some consistency because of the huge amount of different methods out there. Sometimes I feel like I need to take two weeks of work and do nothing but focus on her.

I agree with previous comments- stick with the training. Don't rehome as no-one will want the dog in the long term.
Have you tried a supplement? Something like yucalm?

I do feel that you're considering rehoming because of your needs, not hers. She doesn't suit your lifestyle so you hope you can find someone who will take her on. But even if you do start the search for a good rescue or (hopefully not) a private rehome, you will still need to give her a good quality of life. It could take months.
When do you walk her? Is there a time or place you can choose for your morning and evening walks where you are unlikely to meet other dogs and strangers? So she gets plenty of time outside without being triggered?
You can get her a yellow lead or coat, to ask people to give her space. Not infallible, but something.
If you're worried about her biting, get her muzzle trained and buy a nice light cage muzzle that she can wear during exercise. Absolutely nothing wrong with a dog being out and about wearing a muzzle.

I think you have to be realistic that if you give her up to a rescue there is a v good chance that she will be put to sleep.

If you don’t want her then have her pts.

@TeenageCockapoo

I appreciate the points about 'who would want her'- on the face of it, you're absolutely right- I've painted a very negative picture and talked about her worst day. But she has so many brilliant points- she is perfectly toilet trained, and her recall is absolutely fantastic which makes long offlead walks an absolute joy. She settles in the car quickly, and bizarre- she will happily nap all through a train journey no matter what is going on or who walks past. Once a human is 'known' to her and introduced in the right manner, she is your best friend. She is so clever and quick to learn. An average day with her involves her snoozing most of the day, playing with puzzle toys, a long offlead walk and cuddles on the sofa- and so on a day to day basis it works for us. I hope that makes a bit more sense!

Yes but if you do want to rehome her you need to be completely honest about her on her worst day and I would be very surprised at anyone who really really understands what they are taking on would actually want to. Of course she has good points as well but she is going to be such hard work and a real project and finding someone who will go into that with their eyes wide open AND have the skills and/or resources to be able to help her will be tricky My concern is as other people have said her new home will find her too difficult and she will end up passed around for a while before eventually being pts

I suppose you are absolutely right in saying we are considering rehoming because of our needs, not hers. I think it's not as simple as saying she doesn't fit our lifestyle because we have changed our lifestyle to fit having a complex dog- but we have had to change our lifestyle beyond recognition.
This has given me lots of food for thought, so thank you all.
I'm surprised at the readiness of people to suggest pts, as I've always seen behaviour euthanasia as a huge taboo and more associated with dogs that bite. She has never gotten close to biting, the worst sign of aggression she shows is 'snapping' and by that I mean a short sharp bark in the other dogs face.

I don’t believe in passing on a problem dog unless the person knows exactly what they are taking on, and how to manage it.
So, if you can’t find that, you either keep the dog or PTS.

What are you doing about holidays ?

So basically she is fear reactive rather than aggressive?
I think the reason people would say pts is that dogs in her state are ten a penny at the moment. You've worked hard with her, and there's no reason to think someone else would have more success, and she will simply become more scared, reactive and one day dangerous.
So to save her from a miserable life, and to prevent any harm, pts might be the most realistic thing. It will be very hard to find a better home for her than you, the people she knows.
Is she spayed?
I would say 1) try a supplement like yucalm 2) muzzle train her and put a muzzle on her in public - people will avoid her 3) continue with the SA training 4) walk her in very quiet places at v quiet times to build her confidence 5) find a dog sitter who can watch her at your home.
And think again in spring when it's more likely you will be out and about in public, see if she's made any progress.

I can’t understand why a dog behaviourist/day care would threaten to ban her if she’s just barking at other dogs.

Have you spoken to your vet? See if they can suggest another behaviourist? What is she fed on? Do you walk her with other dogs? My friend has a clingy cocker with a few issues. I swear it’s partly because he’s so cute that they’ve babied him a bit and caused some of the behaviour.

Op we found ourselves in a similar position in that our over-anxious dog changed our whole lives. We haven't been able to use the hoover or lawn mower, brush or mop in the dogs presence, the children can't just have friends dropping in and out as he barks constantly- worse if he's not allowed access, bothers other dogs if not closely monitored..etc.. He would never cope in kennels if we went on holiday. But we've done it, somehow. I guess because we love him, he was our first commitment I suppose. Weigh up for yourself how much the dog means to you and be prepared to compromise. So many people take on a dog thinking they will fit into their lifestyle. You wouldn't assume the same with having a baby and it's the same thing. Even when a dog is fully grown, I reckon ours

Sorry posted too soon! I meant to say when our kids were 14 months they were on a par with the dog- except the dog never grows out of it.

I think that a dog living an unhappy life is worse than being PTS.
I’m not talking about your dog, I’m just saying that sometimes there are worse things than being PTS for the animal.

Re. medication- yes this is a route we're currently going down. Vet is happy to prescribe something like Clomicalm or Fluoxitine. These meds do show great results when it comes to Separation Anxiety so we are quite hopeful about that.
And yes correct- fear reactive rather than aggressive. E.g.- a human walking past is no bother, a human approaching and passing closely might make her a bit tense, a human reaching out and offering her a treat means she will wag her tail and take the treat- but if that humans goes to touch her face or somewhere sensitive, she would have a good bark. You would be shocked how many people we have to say 'please don't touch her!' to because she looks like Waffle the wonder doggy from CBBC.
Walking her around people and dogs is no bother, we don't let her greet dogs on lead and she loves playing with dogs off lead.
The reason the day care might ban her isn't necessarily because what she does is that bad but they are incredibly hot on all dogs showing good dog manners/socialisation. The specific situation that caused the conversation with the dog day care staff today is that when she was in the crate in the van, they put another dog in the van who came to greet her whilst she was confined and she snapped because she really doesn't want to meet a dog in a situation where they can do the proper 'let's sniff eachother and circle round' greeting.

Your post reminded me of our dog we got from the dogs trust just before lockdown. He couldn’t be off a lead, snapped at other dogs, wouldn’t go near anyone but us. In fact he actually nipped me twice. Had massive separation anxiety and major food guarding issues. We gave him time and love and he’s changed. 2 years on you wouldn’t believe it’s the same dog. You need to work out why she’s acting like that and try and reassure her. Dogs don’t snap for nothing.

Agree with others PTS if you can't cope. Sounds like you have tried very hard and FWIW I honestly think cockapoos are the worst idea ever. Taking poodles which are often snappy and have separation anxiety and crossing them with the scattiest of the spaniel types is beyond bonkers.
I really feel for you but on a separate note I just wish people would stop breeding and buying the bloody things!