My dog died in my arms unexpectedly and I’m not doing too good

[Nikki037297]

Over the weekend we went out for a walk. When we got home my dog was very tired, she was 11, she settled on the rug in the living room but tried to get up and her back legs wouldn’t work, I assumed she was very tired and just needed a rest, I put her on the sofa and had a blanket down for her to lay on, she settled and seamed ok, I looked over a few minuets later and her breathing seamed very fast but faint, I went immediately over to her and spoke to her but she couldn’t look at me, her eyes were open but not focusing, I tried to move her to see if that got her attention maybe she was falling asleep, her head flopped right back and she didn’t response, I panicked and picked her up, her head was flopping all over, I held her like a baby and I could feel her chest with one hand and her heart was beating, I shouted of my partner to cal the vet, she started to take gasps of breath every 30 seconds or so and no breathing inbetween, her heart just stopped beating and the gasps stopped before my partner had even managed to get through to the vet they have a long message you have to listen to about the covid, but I don’t suppose it would have made any difference if he had of spoken to a vet, after this her pupils just went huge to the size of her eyes and there was nothing she was just gone. I’m not sleeping very well, I feel very down. Wondering why I didn’t spot the signs earlier if there was any, which now I look back there was things that day that were off like her not barking at the postman or greeting the other dogs on our walk. I don’t know how to get
Myself out of this mood or when it wills pass. Iv had my dog since she was a tiny puppy and have spent every day of 11 years with her except when we have went abroad and left her with family. She was such a huge part of our family and she’s just gone so quickly. Iv never lost a pet before I did when I was a young child but I don’t really remember much about it as I was young and I do remember my mum being heart broken saying she would never have another dog. Is what I’m feeling normal?

@Nikki037297

I was so terribly worried they would send me the wrong ashes and I’d never know, I worry about stupid things all of the time and always have. We already have buried her in our back garden and made it nice so we know we can always be near to her

That's lovely

Absolutely awful for you but agree it was a good end for your ddog. She was old and you were with her (him?) At the end. Natural to grieve. Give it time.

Thank you everyone who has commented I went through each and every comment yesterday morning when I woke up and this morning when I woke up and it’s truly helped me in these very dark days. It still doesn’t feel real and I think how can It be and what could it have been but I am glad it was quick for her and I’m glad she didn’t suffer, I keep watching the videos from our last walk over and over and I don’t even know why I recorded 2 videos of her, but I keep watching them and I can see in the videos how happy she was on that walk and I’m pleased that will be her last memory and mine until she got home and I picked her up and put her onto the sofa with a pink fleece blanket which she settled into and fell asleep forever. She is truly and deeply missed by me and my partner and children, but thank you to everyone who has commented and helped me through these awful days.

If I could choose how my boy goes - a happy walk and then being snuggled by me onto the sofa is what I would choose. xxxxx

I am glad you have wonderful memories and the videos. Do take care of yourself and remember some days will be tougher than others but you were lucky to love her and she you.

We bundled our boy into the back of our car at 2am to try to take him to the emergency vets (he was 9, dx with lymphoma a week before but picking up and due to start chemo the next day).
I held him in my arms as he passed (likely clot causing massive brain infarct) within 5 min of getting in the car - as I was in the back seat.
Part of me to this day wishes we'd stayed at home so it could've been more peaceful, but you can only do what you can do with the knowledge you have. I'm glad he was in my arms when he went and now this is mostly replaced by happy memories, and continuing bonds - when the leaves flutter a certain way while on walks I feel his presence in some way

@moveblues

We bundled our boy into the back of our car at 2am to try to take him to the emergency vets (he was 9, dx with lymphoma a week before but picking up and due to start chemo the next day). I held him in my arms as he passed (likely clot causing massive brain infarct) within 5 min of getting in the car - as I was in the back seat. Part of me to this day wishes we'd stayed at home so it could've been more peaceful, but you can only do what you can do with the knowledge you have. I'm glad he was in my arms when he went and now this is mostly replaced by happy memories, and continuing bonds - when the leaves flutter a certain way while on walks I feel his presence in some way

My experience too - but I was driving so could not cuddle her at the end. Like you I wished I had stayed at home for 5 minutes more, that COVID meant I could not spend any time with her. These memories fade and I still think of her often and realise hindsight is not helpful.

Moveblues and bunny bugs. I’m sorry I don’t know how to reply to comments but I’m so sorry yous both went through such an awful
Similar experience. It’s such heartbreaking to loose a beloved pet and I never knew how bad it would feel until it happened. How do very sad moveblues that you were going to start treatment the next day and he didn’t get a chance that’s truly heart wrenching. Bunny bugs how so very sad you couldn’t not spend time with her that must have been awful very awful I’m so sorry for that. It was a week exactly last night at 6:30pm, we went out for a walk the way we did last week, we stayed out until gone 9, I didn’t want to be in the house at 6:30 as I know I would have just relived every second of it. Tonight would have been her favourite night while all the Halloweeners come to the door she loved all of that people knocking she would be straight there and they would all fuss her and she loved the attention. I hope in time things will be easier for us all. I’ll be honest and say I had a very bad week and didn’t look after myself too much, 3 days in a row were the worst the first 3 after it happened but on day 4 I picked up a bit. It’s day 8 today and I feel a lot better than I did but I think of her all of the time, her food and water bowls are still on the kitchen floor, she has 4 beds dotted around the house and they are all still in in place, her collar and lead are still hanging up, my daughter has asked to keep the one in her room for as long as she can Iv told her there is absolutely no rush at all to remove it, nt daughter has a high sleeper bed so Lola never got to sleep in that bed so slept in a bed underneath if she wanted to sleep in that room. It’s still all so strange but I think I’m over the shock part now and coming to terms with it all. Everyone commenting and helping me on here is what has got me through.

Thinking of you, OP. I welled up when I read you had some videos of Lola happily frolicking on her last walk. How absolutely precious! And how wonderful that she spent that day in her favourite way with her family.

Poor DD. You are right to leave Lola's things there for as long as you want to. x