Feel like new puppy has triggered by PND :(

[clockingoffcloud]

Single parent, 1 DD aged 5. Have a lovely new puppy, he really is good and easy apart from the night waking but can't complain as he only wants the toilet. But as soon as we got home with him and I let him out in the garden I felt a sense of doom and closing in. It felt dreadful the first few days as he was up every 2 hours in the night, but realised it wasn't tiredness, this felt exactly the same as my PND which I had very, very badly. I am sinking.. I've never managed to come off meds since PND as although all was good in life if I tried to come off things nosedived and I was quickly suicidal.

I am scared how I currently feel. Exasperated by DD not being bothered about the dog and yes my fault but she adores everyone elses dog and was so desperate for one that I felt at this age she was old enough.

I am able to take the puppy back to the breeder and I really want to. The bit that is the worse is the shame in telling people, DD will probably be upset for a week then forget, and no doubt a slating I will get on here.

Can't talk to anyone about this IRL. No family support as all overseas. I don't want to up my meds.

I think you need to do whats right for you and if thats returning the puppy then so be it, ignore what other people say or think.
Ive got a 5 month old puppy and hes been hard work and at times i have regretted it, apparently puppy blues is an actual thing, i couldnt imagine trying to juggle him with a 5 years old aswell.
Be bold and make the right choice for you.

Please take the puppy back to the breeder ASAP so it can be rehomed.
I was more than 10 years past my pnd when we got our puppy but he threw me right back there!
I got through it but my dc were older and DH was very supportive, I couldn’t have done it on my own
It’s not your fault and you had no way of knowing this would happen but now you need to make the tough decision.
Puppies are hard work and most people feel a bit overwhelmed when they get one but it sounds like you aren’t in the right place mentally to do it.

Take it back.

The idea of having a puppy on your own and looking after a 5 year old is a nightmare scenario. You dont have to be superwoman to have a good life.

Take the puppy back do not beat yourself up and enjoy the time with your daughter.

There is no shame in making the right decision for the puppy and your own health and wellbeing.

Take it back while it's still young. It's the best thing to do all round in the circumstances.

How could I tell DD's school, and my work colleagues without telling them about my mental health? I know there should be no shame in mental health issues but until this it was under control and it is something I wish to remain private from DD's school and from my direct colleagues.

It is heartbreaking. I love this little puppy so much and am so angry with myself for feeling this way. He is such a sweetheart

Puppy blues is a thing but this sounds like it’s so much more than that.
If returning the puppy to the breeder is what you feel is best then don’t feel ashamed.

You need to do what’s best for you.

Your work colleagues/DDs school etc really won’t care much. Yes just say that unfortunately it didn’t work out and leave it at that. You cannot risk your mental health spiralling because you are concerned what a few people on the periphery of your life might think.

*You

@clockingoffcloud

How could I tell DD's school, and my work colleagues without telling them about my mental health? I know there should be no shame in mental health issues but until this it was under control and it is something I wish to remain private from DD's school and from my direct colleagues.

It is heartbreaking. I love this little puppy so much and am so angry with myself for feeling this way. He is such a sweetheart

You say, to your enormous surprise, despite never experiencing it before, you seem to be allergic to the pup. Heartbroken but there it is. Can’t risk waiting it out. Taken him back straight away so he can be rehomed while he’s still the perfect age for him.

I really feel for you ❤️

If you really don’t want people to know your reasons maybe tell them you were just fostering while making your mind up?

I think your PND feelings are clouding your judgement, you don’t need to give anyone explanations about your mental health.

Just say something like: oh it didn’t work out for us, I got the dog for DD, but she wasn’t as interested as I thought. Or I realised I’m going to be out of the house too much/not have enough time etc to look after him properly.

No-one will question the above, it sounds completely reasonable.

You’ve made the right decision and I hope your mental health improves once you give him back.

I had this! Terrible time with sleep and depression with babies which then transferred into wanting to do everything perfectly with puppy! I was obsessed with preventing separation anxiety, training perfect recall, crate training. But I actually really enjoyed it and it all went well. I've got, for me, a perfect dog who makes me very happy and all the getting out for a good walk before and after work every day keeps me from feeling gloomy. But my children are much older and I can leave them at 6 am etc.
Breeders take puppies back for all kinds of reasons, yours is a good one made in good time. You can tell the breeder why but could you think of something else to say and keep your health issues private?

Taking the puppy back is definitely the right decision. It is hard having a dog and a small child as a working single parent, even without your PND. You don't need to feel any shame at all - you are doing what's right for your family and for your own health.

As others have said, all you need to say to friends/work is "I realised having a dog isn't right for us at the moment". They'll understand.

I bet you'll feel like a huge weight has lifted once you've made the decision and the puppy is back at the breeders.

@scochran

I had this! Terrible time with sleep and depression with babies which then transferred into wanting to do everything perfectly with puppy! I was obsessed with preventing separation anxiety, training perfect recall, crate training. But I actually really enjoyed it and it all went well. I've got, for me, a perfect dog who makes me very happy and all the getting out for a good walk before and after work every day keeps me from feeling gloomy. But my children are much older and I can leave them at 6 am etc. Breeders take puppies back for all kinds of reasons, yours is a good one made in good time. You can tell the breeder why but could you think of something else to say and keep your health issues private?

How did you get past it?

The puppy squeaks every time I am out of sight and DD was like this too as a baby and she would not go to ANYONE!!

The difficulty you have in your circumstances is it’s all on you. We got a puppy (she’s 5 months). She is wonderful but it’s a puppy…they are bloody hard work to start with, toilet training, chewing everything, broken sleep. After about 3 days I think DH got the “puppy blues” from lack of sleep. DD is 8, she desperately wanted a dog but the novelty wore off after about 2 weeks.

Our dog is now well settled 3 months in and we don’t regret having her..but that’s because we could share the burden of sleep training, toilet training, looking after her in the day (DH works from home but it’s a lot!). However I’ve broken my leg so currently it’s mostly on DH to get up with her, he has to do all the walks..it’s a lot. That’s with two adults and a daughter who can help (like she’ll clean up after the dog). As a single parent I can only imagine how challenging it must be. You need to decide if you can push through to let the dog stay..it does get easier! Or if actually it’s not for you. You can decide what to tell people…”there were problems and it didn’t work out@ (then “I don’t feel comfortable talking about it”, fake allergies…it’s up to you. But I agree with pp, if you are going to return to the breeder, the sooner the better, so he can settle in elsewhere instead.

What’s more important @clockingoffcloud , your perceived embarrassment at telling people you’ve given the pup back or your mental well being ?

Sandwichpup triggered my PND, I was in a really dark place last week. I've never been able to come off my meds and my youngest is nearly 18!! DH is supportive but didn't really understand the feeling of everything closing in..
Owning a puppy is hard work and with young DC even more so.
At the moment I feel like I'm passed the puppy blues, but that isn't to say they wont come back. What helped me was posting on the puppy survival thread and having someone else take care of sandwichpup for a bit to give me a break. Do you know any teenagers that want to earn cash and could dog sit or walk?

Interesting that other people have had it and made the link... thought I was going mad(der)......!

He is the most amazing pup I know he will have no problems being adored in another family, but I don't feel brave enough to make the decision... I do love him too and will no doubt go into grief even though it may be the best thing. I guess grief should be reasonably short lived...... this feeling I have now may not be if something doesn't change.

I'm thinking of moving him to the kitchen tonight rather than in my bedroom, which was always meant to be a temporary measure to settle him. I am wondering if that might help my m/h just that little bit of space and getting my bedroom back as has always been my sanctuary and now filled with dog crate and a bit of a doggy whiff!! He is pooing a lot today (all outside such a good pup!) but am concerned he'll be up every couple of hours in the night and I'll be even worse tomorrow. I will put newspaper down and all his beds and cuddly bits in the kitchen plus his puppy heart beat thingy.... not sure what he will think of that though!

We’ve had Bandit pup in the kitchen from about week 2, we now have a cheap baby monitor so we can hear if she wakes in the night (very occasionally wakes for the loo) and when she wakes in the morning. She sleeps in a crate but has a bit of space to roam (kitchen sectioned off by a stair gate). That was a turning point for DH who had been sleeping with her upstairs and then him on the sofa and her close by. The baby monitor meant she knew someone would come eventually and she’s slept better since.

I really understand how you feel clockingoffcloud I was sobbing to DH last week that I didn't want sandwichpup anymore. As well as the isolation and closing in feeling that I had with PND, sandwichpup has been biting me 90% of the time. I've covered in bruises on my arms and legs. Even today sandwichpup bit me and I have a new bruise on my shin to add to the collection
I don't feel in the dark place now, DH took sandwichpup out for the day after I had a good sob and that gave me a break

How long have you had him?

I felt exactly the same for the first fortnight or so of our new kitten.

Absolutely regret and misery which felt exactly like PND with our firstborn.

And he wasn't a bad kitten.

It was scarily the same. I would lay awake at night and daydream about sending him back. DH and DC loved him and were over the moon at the new addition and even though it was my decision to adopt him I fully wished I hadn't.

I daydreamed about him getting lost/hurt.

But it did pass. And pretty quickly.

He's a wonderful little cat and a wonderful part of our family.

So you're not alone but if you can practically see that your puppy is a good fit and a good dog, then in my experience you just need to wait for the love to grow.

Also just to follow up.

Puppies are MUCH harder work than kittens I know. So don't keep you pup just based on my kitten experience - but do know if you do stick it out he will make you happy in the long run.

But you 100% must do what's best for you and your DD. I wouldn't judge you if you were honest with my why. Much better to do the right thing.

Puppy blues are a thing, I also felt the PND kick in but I just read the puppy books and knuckles down with getting him trained. It’s so hard at first but they grow so quickly, this phase will pass much quicker than it does with babies.

Its not actually him though... or anything he is doing... he's not difficult, he is easy compared to what I read of some puppies. Early days but no chewing, toilets outside, gentle mouthing but not actual biting (though i'm sure thats yet to come!), its not him, its me! Inside my head. Its the feeling trapped, responsible, alone, reliant on others to get out etc. I do know its stupid

I have got kitchen set up for tonight but after crapping all day he is looking a bit sorry for himself.... so I think he might not be feeling too well and seems mean to put him in kitchen tonight. But then if I have dreadful night as keeps needing out for a poo tomorrow will be hell. Perhaps he just knows what I'm typing on here.....!