Feel like new puppy has triggered by PND :(

[clockingoffcloud]

Single parent, 1 DD aged 5. Have a lovely new puppy, he really is good and easy apart from the night waking but can't complain as he only wants the toilet. But as soon as we got home with him and I let him out in the garden I felt a sense of doom and closing in. It felt dreadful the first few days as he was up every 2 hours in the night, but realised it wasn't tiredness, this felt exactly the same as my PND which I had very, very badly. I am sinking.. I've never managed to come off meds since PND as although all was good in life if I tried to come off things nosedived and I was quickly suicidal.

I am scared how I currently feel. Exasperated by DD not being bothered about the dog and yes my fault but she adores everyone elses dog and was so desperate for one that I felt at this age she was old enough.

I am able to take the puppy back to the breeder and I really want to. The bit that is the worse is the shame in telling people, DD will probably be upset for a week then forget, and no doubt a slating I will get on here.

Can't talk to anyone about this IRL. No family support as all overseas. I don't want to up my meds.

I literally started a thread saying exactly the same thing a few weeks ago. Getting my puppy in august triggered me to feel exactly the same as when I had PND.

It did pass, but I sympathise 100%, you're not going mad!

Having a tiny puppy made me feel all the same horrible anxieties about being trapped, out of control, my sleep was at the mercy of an unpredictable third party, not knowing if we were unknowingly forming bad habits etc etc.

@opalescent

I literally started a thread saying exactly the same thing a few weeks ago. Getting my puppy in august triggered me to feel exactly the same as when I had PND.

It did pass, but I sympathise 100%, you're not going mad!

Having a tiny puppy made me feel all the same horrible anxieties about being trapped, out of control, my sleep was at the mercy of an unpredictable third party, not knowing if we were unknowingly forming bad habits etc etc.

Did you find anything helped? I'm literally on the verge of returning him.... but so scared to

And I said all the same things. It wasn't my puppy- she's a dear little dog, and a text book puppy. I just felt like my life (that was just beginning to get easier) had turned upside down and inside out. I couldn't fathom what the hell I was thinking in bringing an animal into the house, especially when I had not grown up with dogs, and am very anxious about the house being nice and tidy.

I promise it passed quite quickly.

That said- there is NO shame in sending pup back to breeder, particularly as a single parent. It's hard bloody work!

Quite quickly puppy was sleeping through the night, and that helped tremendously. We had her in a crate in our bedroom, and she only woke for toilet trips a couple of times a night.

She woke early initially- 5am ish, which felt brutal and worsened my frame of mind, but again, that quickly stretched to 7.30am.

Over a few weeks we gradually moved the crate downstairs, and at the moment (touchwood) she sleeps well in her crate downstairs.

Happy to PM if you want to chat more. You're not alone. Do what feels right for you and sod what others think. They aren't the ones who will be raising the pup every day!! Allergic would be a great excuse if you do decide not to keep the puppy 😉

Totally agree with opalescent when sandwichpup started sleeping through the night it felt much better. Then when sandwichpup had all his vaccinations it got better again as I could take him out. His relentless biting hasn't been easy and I was sobbing while walking him last week. Not sure if you have a crate for your puppy but I would totally recommend one if you haven't. Also happy for you to PM me

I fortunately didn't suffer with PND but I do have a puppy and a 5 year old DD so just wanted to send solidarity, it's bloody tough going

I'm lucky that I'm not in it alone and DP is supportive with both, but there are times in the week where it's just me, DD and the puppy and I want to scream. I find first thing in the morning most difficult, when I'm half asleep and trying to attend to everyone's needs and DD and the puppy excite each other no end...

I think anything you can come up with to make it easier, go for it... for me in the morning puppy has some alone time in the conservatory with toys and DD has a bit of time playing upstairs in bedroom. Combined, this gives me some windows of time to breath through it. I find personally the moments of deep puppy regret are fleeting and I try to remember that when I'm wondering what the fuck I've done!

Our puppy is now 14 weeks old but has slept downstairs from the off, with a stair gate to keep him there as we have open plan. First few nights he was fine, then we had a night or two where he whined at the gate but we waited it out and it lasted only a couple of minutes. He's now very much used to this. He comes to the gate and barks a little when he wakes in the morning (around 6am) and I get up and take him straight to the garden. 9 out of 10 nights no accidents as a result. Give it a try with the kitchen tonight and see how it feels then, perhaps?

Honestly though, in your situation, if you return the puppy there is no shame in that. You need to make the decision that is right for you and DC. You obviously went into this and have continued with good intentions, you're doing your best.

You need to do what is right for you and for the dog. You could potentially have it for 15 years.
Puppies are cute, but hard work- it's like having another baby. Our pup is 11 months old- he actually belongs to our daughter but we all had to agree to getting him,and we only got him because our daughter is 18 and can have the responsibility and because hubby doesn't work ( I do) and can pick up the slack when she's not here.
Don't worry about what others think- unless they've had one,they don't know what hard work it us, and you'll be the one left to care for it.

Thanks for messages of support and sharing experiences. It does make me feel less isolated. He was good last night through the night in kitchen and I do feel better mentally for a proper nights sleep but i'm still unsure on decision. I know i need to make it now, well, this week.

I went through this with our puppy. I returned him as I was literally on the verge of a nervous breakdown. He went back to the breeder, who rehomed him the next day, no problem there at all. I told everyone I was allergic to him! I just couldn't face having to explain the truth! No one was particularly interested after the initial 'sorry to hear that'. They're all too busy with their own lives.

Feel like I’m in a similar position to OP, got a pug puppy yday after husband wanting one forever and now our boy is 16 months old I’ve caved but I feel like I’m regretting it already. Toddler hates the puppy, cries every time he goes near him. The puppy is actually quite good but I also just don’t feel bonded to him at all? I would feel awful for returning him but I just feel just as my life has started to get a bit easier after having my first baby in the midst of a global pandemic I’ve gone and made it 100x harder 😩

How are you OP and @happymum94?
I also feel the same.
The first week was horrendous… I felt completely on edge, couldn’t eat or sleep. I would easily have handed the puppy back but my older 2 children would have been devastated. The physical feelings/stress/crying passed.
We’re now 5 weeks in and she’s a very sweet natured, good puppy. Easy to train. Still not great at night (up usually twice).
I do still have massive regrets. I know why I got the puppy (probably the wrong reasons), but didn’t imagine it would be this much work, especially with a 3 year old who can’t be left with her (training, supervising, cleaning muddy footprints, bathing her etc) and didn’t predict the worry that came with it.
I do like the puppy but she’s taken over my life!!

Stressed @confusedbycovid, in a nutshell. I've started my own post to get some advice and the general consensus is return the puppy 😢 I really want to try and see it out but I do feel very anxious about it, returning home would just feel cruel but maybe better sooner rather than later I don't know???

@Florence282 how did you feel after returning? And thanks for sharing your experience.

DD is so not bothered by him most of the time but then has arms around him saying 'oh you're the most adorable thing in the world'... worried how she would cope if he went

@happymum94 did you get pup yesterday? I'm now over a week in and it is better than the first few days.... if its any consolation

@ConfusedbyCovid I had him sleeping next to my bed and was up in the night... it was really fecking majorly with my mental health. I moved him to kitchen in a fenced off area with his bed, snugglies, water and lots of newspaper down. There are a few wimpers but last night I slept 10pm to 7am and he was asleep when i woke up. I just clean up the wee and poo and get on with my day. This has helped

Just massively relieved, the anxiety lifted instantly and i felt so calm to get my home back again, my heartrate went back to normal for the first time since we got him. I cant believe the reaction the pup triggered in me, im not even sure what it was all about but it was terrible! DS was 8 at the time. When I told him pup was going back he cried and felt absolutely awful about it but it was honestly all forgotten within a couple of days, certainly no lasting damage.

4 years later we tried again and we now have a lovely dog. We got an older dog as it was definitely having a puppy that I struggled with rather than a dog (I'd had rescues before).

I have just rehomed my puppy as I couldn't cope with him and my dd. He was a great puppy but I know he's happier in the home he's at now and I feel like I can breathe again !! My MH was going down the pan as it was just too much .. no one has judged me everyone has completely understood as he is happier where he's at and I can cope again and be present instead of so tightly wound. Do what's right for you

@happymum94 We have an 8-month-old pug puppy and I promise you it gets sooo much easier! He is honestly the best dog in the world. So easy to train, loves nothing more than to cuddle up to you and snooze all day. He is amazing and extremely kid-friendly. Honestly pugs are the best dogs if you can stick it out

You definitely have to do what's best for you and your mental health. I suffered bad anxiety/depression for a couple of years after having my son. I found when we got our pup some of this has returned. I think it's about feeling out of control/comfort zone. I considered returning pup as tbh we all struggle with him but dh was not keen.(although he does not do majority of care) he's 9month and I am feeling bit better about him so hoping light at end of tunnel. I find yoga and meditation help me.

I have had this feeling with two dogs, one wasn’t even a puppy, and it’s actually how I realised I was at risk of PND once I did get pregnant. What I can tell you is that this feeling is very common and completely normal! And it will be okay! I still have both my pups and they are still annoying as anything but I love them so much and don’t feel the despair any more. Puppies are teenagers by the time they’re 8 months, and adult dogs at 1.5 years old and then all of that desperately needy behaviour is long gone. Every time they hit a milestone it gets easier - first proper poo outside, first proper lead walk, first good recall - each thing chips away at that feeling of total responsibility for something’s life and happiness. Honestly in the early days of my puppy I had dark thoughts about hoping he’d chew a wire ir have a seizure or something just to make it end but it wasn’t real and it went away. What really helped me was asking my partner to do a couple of days a week with the dog, and then finding a really good doggy daycare which helped him socialise, gave me time off, and tired him right out so he slept through the night!

Op this was me ! I didn't even want to go home after work I was a depressed mess and totally regretted getting my pup . I had bad pnd and it came back ! My pup is now 6 months old and I woundnt be with out him . You can do this ❤️

How are those struggling feeling?
I'm having a bad day with it today. He bit DD's nose this morning, just over excited but she is cross with pup a lot of the time as he is so mouthy, even though explained many times he's trying ot play. Exhausted :(

Op I really really feel for you . My feelings of pnd were so bad I was driving home from work and literally didn't want to go in the house because of the dog . I wanted to drive far away and stay in a hotel . All that over a puppy lol . When I was home I was on edge all the time , felt severely lost , honestly thought my life was over . I upped my antidepressants and beta blockers . I would cry all the time . I never thought I would get over it but I have and with out even releasing it . Don't get me wrong I still miss my peaceful life ha ha but I absolutely adore him now and never in a million years could I rehome him . Easier it gets op I promise . He has calmed down a lot . How are you feeling today ? Xxx

OP, return the puppy. You’re not doing it because you don’t love the pup, you’re doing it to stop yourself spiralling into a mental health crises.

You need to put yourself first for once, your daughter will be fine, spin a tale about allergies if you need to. You answer to no one else but yourself, and in this scenario you need to be kind to yourself.

Also I know it's easy for people to say to give the pup back and in a way it will make it easier for you too if you did but I realised the more negatively I thought about my pup and thinking I don't want to wake up to another day of hell the more anxious I made my self . What helped me was knowing that you are not alone at all . So many people out there feeling like us and guess what . My dog actually helps with my anxiety now . I wrote a post on here about my dog a month or so ago and got bullied like hell . My post was removed . All I had was give the pup up now ect ect . It's entirely up to you what you do op but I just wanted you to know that there will come a time where everything just clicks and you will feel like your pup has always been there x

@gotalovemesomeseahshells

Also I know it's easy for people to say to give the pup back and in a way it will make it easier for you too if you did but I realised the more negatively I thought about my pup and thinking I don't want to wake up to another day of hell the more anxious I made my self . What helped me was knowing that you are not alone at all . So many people out there feeling like us and guess what . My dog actually helps with my anxiety now . I wrote a post on here about my dog a month or so ago and got bullied like hell . My post was removed . All I had was give the pup up now ect ect . It's entirely up to you what you do op but I just wanted you to know that there will come a time where everything just clicks and you will feel like your pup has always been there x

You're absolutely right, knowing there are others that feel/have felt this way makes it feel less painful. Last night I dreamt I lost him and I was beside myself in the dream and was thinking how scared he must be looking for me, somewhere in the dream madness I said to myself, that is what it will be like. I woke up in the night and was desperate to go down and cuddle him but resisted as I knew he would be wanting it other nights too!

I'm really sorry to hear you got bullied on here. Totally unacceptable. I can't tell people (bar two people) in real life how I feel right now so it has been an absolute solace being able to discuss on here.

My problem is not his behaviours, he is as good as good (ha I'll wait for those teenage months!), its the being trapped and unable to leave the house I struggle with. Yesterday evening I went for a half hour run as I just had to get out. He was fine. I crept back up to kitchen on return and he was quiet.

Today, I just want to be able to continue building up to leaving him alone so I can get out and about on my own. I think when he has second jabs next week that will help too. He does also help wiht my m/h as he makes me laugh so much!