Using doggy daycare for a "weekend off"

[copernicium]

I don't want this to sound judgemental, I'm actually posting because I don't want to fall out with my friend - I'm struggling to give her the enthusiasm she seems to want when describing what a wonderful time dog is having at daycare.

So she works school hours and is out at activities in an evening. Dog gets walked, love and attention outside of these hours, don't get me wrong. But then at weekends, she's started taking him to doggy daycare for the weekend, including overnight - so they can have the weekend as a family. They then go on nice countryside walks, visit NT etc.

I just don't understand why you would have a dog and send her away so you can go and do dog friendly activities. She says dog loves it, gets two walks a day and has made loads of friends.

Is this a thing? Is it normal to use daycare because the dog enjoys it, not just because you need it? Am I doing something wrong in keeping my dog with me all the time?

I don't know, I just don't know what to say to her when she raves about it every week...

@BalladOfBarryAndFreda not trying to guilt anyone! But people on here have described a much more caring / useful / infrequent approach to using daycare...

@Dontdripme

Dogs are not all equal though. I couldn't take my dogs out for long walk or places were there are going to be lots of other dogs. They are massively loved and part of our family.

I also think many posters are putting human emotions on their dogs.

Dogs don't understand the concept of "missing out". They live very much in the moment and have absolutely no idea that daycare = not going on a walk with the family. They also have no concept of weekends and don't realise that they're at daycare because their humans are at a NT property as opposed to work.

As long as they're fed, watered, exercised and given attention, they're generally fine. They're dogs - not human children. Yes, they miss us when we're not here but they have no concept of missing out, work, weekends or family time lol.

I think it's pretty obvious they regret getting the dog - they're at least trying a lot harder to be responsible about it than a lot of people are in the same situation, lots of owners would just go out leaving the dog at home whereas they've thrown a lot of money at trying to find a better solution. I would guess she feels guilty and so that's why she wants you to reassure her that this is a great idea; since you don't think it is I'd just continue nodding along in a noncommittal way if I were you.

Incidentally I always think what a nice illustration of what a divided society we are that MN is always full of threads from women who can't afford to work because they can't afford childcare and meanwhile it's also full of threads of people spending that amount of money on care for a dog.

Warmfluffytowels

That reminds me of my MIL who genuinely believed her dogs could tell the difference between weekdays and weekends

At one point she had 3 dogs who she left home alone all day whilst she was out at work. She was too cheap to pay for any daycare or dog Walker but feckless BIL still lived at home then and was NEET so he would at least let them out in the garden.

I asked her very politely if she would leave the dogs (3 of them, poorly trained, prone to jump up and one had bitten my toddler DS) at home when visiting our new baby and she refused because 'they will be lonely and feel left out and whine' I pointed out that it was no different to every day when she was out at work and she insisted the dogs could tell if it was a weekday or a weekend!

An agreement was made that they could come if they stayed in the kitchen behind a stair gate. Ten minutes in and the bastards are on my sofa (they were lonely and whining in the kitchen and it was 'cruel' not to allow it)

Projection and guilt

That reminds me of my MIL who genuinely believed her dogs could tell the difference between weekdays and weekends

Lockdown dog, by any chance?

Completely understand wanting some dog free time. Our old girl’s gone now but we were condemned to the worst accommodation because she needed to go everywhere with us (anxiety issues).
To not take a dog on countryside walks though seems completely counter-intuitive: isn’t that one of the things people acquire dogs for? Ours only ever enhanced our walks. Weird.

I'm not a particularly dog focused person but our dog is capable of telling the weekend from the week on some level.

He makes a fuss to go out with us at weekends but never does this during the week.

I don't actually think he has the capacity to count days of week. I assume that he can tell a difference in our behavior at the weekends. We travel to a holiday cottage, I assume he wants to travel to the cottage.

That said I don't think he is sitting around thinking about how sad he is on the weekends we don't go to the cottage.

But his expectations and behavior on weekends are very different to weekdays.

My Ddog LOVES daycare. He really adores it. He goes twice a week and is so excited. Even if I didn’t walk I’d send him! I get photo updates throughout the day and he is always waggy tailed. He has his good chime!

Chums not chime!!

And work not walk

I'm not a particularly dog focused person but our dog is capable of telling the weekend from the week on some level

But as you say - that's because your behaviour is different and he's reacting to that. He has zero concept of work, what he may or may not be missing out on because it's a certain day of the week etc.

He's learnt that when you do x in the mornings, y happens, but when you do a, b happens - that's all

I have just been for a nice countryside walk with my dog but that is very different from a day out at a NT place. It's too much for him and I can totally understand someone not wanting to subject dog to long drive, too longer walk, having to wait around while one person grabbed drinks, not being able to all go inside etc.

Lots of people leave their dogs with family when they want a day out and no one would judge them but there is a lot of judgement when you pay someone it seems.

@warmfluffytowels you are quite right but I can see how it would be very easy to say that your dog knows when it is the weekend.

Even if the reality is that your dog can anticipate weekend days ahead because of their humans different behavior.

I don't think dogs have any concept of missing out in the longer term and mine really likes daycare, can't wait to get in when we arrive.

It’s ok for special events. For routine weekend - nah not on. Poor dog.

It’s not cruel if the dog enjoys it, it’s not like the dog knows what they do when it’s away...

But it’s definitely odd. Family weekend time is also the best dog time, weekdays are usually slotting the dog in round other stuff. Why have a dog and miss the best parts?

Even if the reality is that your dog can anticipate weekend days ahead because of their humans different behavior.

I agree they may know when it's the weekend and when it's not (because of our behaviour) but they don't realise that when they go to daycare at weekends, it's because they're missing out.

I can see no problem with doing this occasionally - it’s the same as taking the kids to their grandparents because you want to go out for a dinner without them, or see an 18 film and I bet we’ve all done that.

Every weekend is bizarre though.. what’s the point in having a dog?