Tell me about the time your dog was a knob

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I need cheering up I've just had my second molar pregnancy and now I need chemo so

I'll go first...

Dog 1.. ate 37p, a Lego action man and a child's hulk sock on a walk with a new dog Walker after I said he wore a muzzle because he eats shit constantly, she thought she knew better and took it off him and let him
Off the lead, told me his recall was recall was perfect and he played really nicely with her other dog charges..: yes I know he's good with other dogs and his recall is perfect.. he wore a muzzle because he's not to be trusted around litter!! He needed an operation to remove the items (that the dog Walker paid for) and then he refused to walk up 1 flight of stairs on our holiday we rearranged and paid £120+ extra to make sure he could come so my lovely DH carried him up stairs and then he jumped on the bed happy as Larry!

Then when we went to get his stitches out he chewed off the vets shoe lace whilst he was talking to DH about Star Wars (the vet not the dog)

Another time he ate a whole bowl of bread dough that was proofing nicely, he then puked it up on the only bit of carpet we had at the time. 8 hour later I get a call the dog is acting 'odd' so we went to the vet after I finished work. He was walking funny and banging into things. The vet said he was drunk on the yeast from the Bread dough and he made the wall of shame at the vet for the second time🤦‍♀️

Dog 2 ate a whole bottle of loxicom whilst dog 1 was at the vet... 4 days at the vet on iv fluids plus induced vomiting and £300 later she was pronounced fine 🤦‍♀️

Photo attached is my dog on 'my dog is a twat''s Facebook page

DDog has her moments:

1. Ate DS’s 7th birthday cake (which was in pride of place on the kitchen island, we still don’t know how she got it down),
2. 1 of my brand new Dubarry boots,
3. every slipper we’ve ever owned.

But we still love her.

Moving day a few years back. Had 2 greyhounds. Loads of people in and out of the house, had a 3yo, couldn't keep track of everything. One of the hounds escapes through front door without us realising, takes himself for a jaunt, comes home, ignores open front door and goes to the back because that's just what we do after a walk, Mam. By the time I realised he was already back, at the gate in the alley, wondering why we weren't letting him in. Doofus. Though the same doofus, when I got home after c-section, glued himself to my side gently, only moving to bar the way any time I went near an exit because I wasn't allowed to leave again. S'what I got for abandoning him for a week and coming back smelling anaemic and morphine-y and fragile. Lovely doof.

Ddog2’s most knobbish action was finding half a dead seal on the beach and rolling in it. It was a very dead seal - green, runny and stinking to high heaven. Dh had taken the dogs to the beach on the train, and had to bring them back the same way - luckily the train was very quiet, so they had the carriage to themselves. Even ddog1, who is a Labrador and therefore a connoisseur of terrible smells, didn’t want to sit near ddog2, and they had to drive back from the station with all the windows open.

Dh was planning to take ddog2 and wash her in our shower, in the en suite - this is where we normally wash them, because it is an enclosed cubicle, and is easy to get them in and out. However, there was no way I was letting him take her, still coated in runny, rotten seal, through our bedroom, so she had to be washed on the patio, with the hose.

We shampooed her twice, and at that point, she was almost clean - clean enough to go in our shower - but we had run out of dog shampoo, so we grabbed the next cheapest option - a bottle of Lynx Africa shower gel we had bought for our dses - so she smelled like a teenage boy, but that was better than eau de defunct seal.

He also ate my knickers. Bloody weirdo.

We were walking across a park, she's prancing ahead of me full of the joys of spring with a stick in her mouth. A lady is sitting on a bench nearby and comments Oh isn't she lovely, what's her name? Ddog goes running over to her, realising she has an admirer and presents her with her stick. The stick is duly admired, fuss and ear scratches are being had, Ddog happy as a pig in shit when suddenly she sees it. Propped against the bench. An even bigger stick!

I see her ears go up, spot what she's looking at. Don't you dare!

What does she do? Grabs it and fucks off across the field with it.
I call her back and try to take it off her but oh no, this is now a wonderful game! 20 minutes it took me to get that fucking walking stick off her. I could have cheerfully murdered her. Luckily this lady has a dog of her own and saw the funny side but I have never been so mortified.

She also has to be muzzled to have her claws cut at the vets. Not because she bites. Because she takes their clippers away from them and won't give them back. Just sits there serenely while we try to prise them out of her mouth.

@Treehops

He also ate my knickers. Bloody weirdo.

🤣

Aunt's toy breed dog was spayed.

Taken into garden after for a wee and walking very tenderly. She spotted a cat, which she hated and managed to bolt across two walls and was scrambling at the bottom of a tree by time aunt caught up.

My DF owns mother and brother of my dog.

Mother waded into the North Sea and decided to take an underwater crap next to a family who were paddling and son one peed on a child on a pushchair.

We used to keep chickens and they would free range round the garden. One day I was sitting in the lounge and I was hit by the most unbearable stench I have ever smelt. Made me feel nauseous and I tried to work out where it was coming from. I found the cause in our kitchen... our dog was happily eating an egg which must’ve been laid and then not found by us. The egg was teaming with maggots and was completely green so had obviously been there for a while! I eventually persuaded him to give up the remaining egg so I could get rid of it. The whole thing made me feel so sick to the stomach that I struggled to look at our dog’s sweet face for about a week afterwards without feeling like I was going to throw up 🤢

Yesterday we has a new sofa delivered, they left it on the drive.
Our boy terrier ran over sniffed it, pissed on it and then went onto the lawn where he ate all the bread left for the birds. He gives no f**ks and I love him for that.

Its not very exciting! fat git counter surfing while we were out. pushed down toaster with fat greedy paws. Toaster didnt click back up and caught fire.
Bloody lucky our postman heard alarms!
He now has his own petcam when we're out! Two in fact. And we unplug every appliance!

Maybe he was trying to make himself toast and it was a snaxident?

I have a new one.

Spewed all over the kitchen while I was on a teams call yesterday

In our house, the dogs have the occasional knobbish incident, but the cat is a full time, union member, card carrying knob.

He weighs in at 10lb, soaking wet, but picks on the dog - on both dogs, before we lost ddog2 last year. We once found him standing in the open cake box that we kept the dog’s food in (when we just had one), knee deep, and eating round himself, whilst the poor dog looked on in horror.

He will stand in the doorway, when she needs to go out for a wee, and she daren’t walk past him - or he waits until she’s outside, and then stops her getting back in, from the rain.

He bites us if we don’t stroke him enough or stroke him too much or the wrong way, and just a couple of weeks ago, he got up next to me on the sofa, and threw up deliberately into my lap.

He has earned his nickname - CatBastard.

Our foster dog when left alone whilst I was showering, managed to chew through our internet and phone cables literally through a hole in the wall. Leaving us with a 70£ bill to get the cable repaired.

Mine ate a a sock it came out the other end like a perfect black shit filled sausage with a Nike tick
He also at a stuff big bird cats toy and had a £1000 operation to remove it
The get gave me big bird in a bag - he stunk

@LR33

Our foster dog when left alone whilst I was showering, managed to chew through our internet and phone cables literally through a hole in the wall. Leaving us with a 70£ bill to get the cable repaired.

Had a puppy who used to do this, back in the days of dial up Internet!

Ate my brand new mobile phone too.

Eventually he gave himself colitis and stopped trying to eat the entire world and everything in it.

Although he still enjoyed the odd pair of knickers, joint of beef and the occasional piece of sheep's poo.

The day the dog crapped in the bedroom of my son (who had just gone to university) in the path of the oncoming roomba.
The roomba spread dogshit all over his room.
Apart from having to clean the carpets I had to take the roomba to pieces to clean it of about half a pound of dogshit

@Treehops

He also ate my knickers. Bloody weirdo.

My lab is obsessed with my used period undies. I have to lock the dirty ones away in the laundry when I change them. He stands outside the laundry door and howls. He is a weirdo.

On less disgusting things, he chewed up my glasses and totally destroyed my iPad, all in a week. It was an expensive week.

@MangoSeason Seriously, what is it with dogs and period detritus?! They're all gorgeous, loving and wonderful and then they go and do something revolting and weird like break into the bathroom to get at the bathroom bin....!!

Mine loves to drink out of the loo after someone has had a poo. He'll wait outside, once the loo has been flushed and the door opens he darts straight in to drink out of the toilet bowl.

@Dugee - I nominate yours for Weirdo of the Week

@TaraR2020

I'll let him know (once I've dragged him away from the loo 😆).

My boss came to my house to meet my new baby and bring gifts from the department and my dog spunked on her new coat. Like actually squirted dog cum on her coat.

There are lots of times he’s been an arsehole, but I was pretty pissy with him that day!

@Delphigirl off topic I’m so sorry! But- roomba- are they good if you have pets who shed mounds of hair?

Our cat rules our big dog. Ddog trembles into a little ball as possible on sofa while cat stretches out comfortably. But dcat washes ddog now and then which is cute but dog lies there terrified for his life.