Tell me about the time your dog was a knob

[14down]

I need cheering up I've just had my second molar pregnancy and now I need chemo so

I'll go first...

Dog 1.. ate 37p, a Lego action man and a child's hulk sock on a walk with a new dog Walker after I said he wore a muzzle because he eats shit constantly, she thought she knew better and took it off him and let him
Off the lead, told me his recall was recall was perfect and he played really nicely with her other dog charges..: yes I know he's good with other dogs and his recall is perfect.. he wore a muzzle because he's not to be trusted around litter!! He needed an operation to remove the items (that the dog Walker paid for) and then he refused to walk up 1 flight of stairs on our holiday we rearranged and paid £120+ extra to make sure he could come so my lovely DH carried him up stairs and then he jumped on the bed happy as Larry!

Then when we went to get his stitches out he chewed off the vets shoe lace whilst he was talking to DH about Star Wars (the vet not the dog)

Another time he ate a whole bowl of bread dough that was proofing nicely, he then puked it up on the only bit of carpet we had at the time. 8 hour later I get a call the dog is acting 'odd' so we went to the vet after I finished work. He was walking funny and banging into things. The vet said he was drunk on the yeast from the Bread dough and he made the wall of shame at the vet for the second time🤦‍♀️

Dog 2 ate a whole bottle of loxicom whilst dog 1 was at the vet... 4 days at the vet on iv fluids plus induced vomiting and £300 later she was pronounced fine 🤦‍♀️

Photo attached is my dog on 'my dog is a twat''s Facebook page

Tonight, the shit eating knob brought a huge piece of her shit into the sitting room after her evening constitutional and placed it next to DHs glass on the floor-guess who put his hand in it😱😱😱

😱

Forgot mine loves horse shit. Loves it, gobbles it and tried to run away and get it if she smells it.

I was on the way out the back door with a bag of turkey bones that I had boiled down to make a stock. The front doorbell rang. I hung the bag on the back door handle and promptly forgot about it. Silly mutt ate the whole bagful. I had to feed her boiled mince and rice for a week.

My Weimaraner (who has since died of old age miraculously) has eaten a myriad of things that should have killed him long before he was old. He ate a whole (massive) chocolate birthday cake once. He ate a box of chocolates - took off the cellophane wrapper and ate every chocolate. He’s eaten whole blocks of butter. He’s drank boxes of wine. He topped it all by once eating a spark plug. I was forever at the vet with him. Stomach of steel the bloody idiot.

I now have a poodle. She’s not as much of a dickhead but did piss on dd’s bed tonight out of the blue.

My dog once broke the oven, washing machine and dryer in a week.....

Twat (very loved) dog-
Ate a sock then shat it out like a sausage full of poo
Ate a hole in the kitchen wall
Got head stuck in the baby gate
Had horrific diarrhea to the extent we had to cut the carpet up
Was also best dog ever... lost her mid last year sadly, absolute chaos-hound

my stupid dog (He was a collie and not clever at all) Ran ahead on our walk, O could see him rolling , something he never really did and if he did, he was that dim he missed what he was meant to roll in...
This time though, he rolled in human crap (Truckers had parked up the night before!)
He was covered, I couldnt put him back in car but thankfully a dog groomer across road agreed to wash him immediately.
I was so greatful.
we never walked that path again🙄🙄

Our dog set fire to our house.
The same horror likes to roll in and eat any kinds of shit, including human shit.
He's the biggest hearted cheesy-smelling kindest honest, knob-licking, crotch sniffing, roo-rooing, ear flapping, step-shoe'd greedy fat bastard
We love the bones of him!

This thread is making me realise my dog perhaps isn't as big of a knob as I thought

Done of his antics....

Literally hulked his way out of the crate by pushing his head against the door until the latch bent and popped open. When he was 14 weeks old! Grabbed anything that wasn't nailed down and shredded it all over the kitchen, including a beanbag.

On a separate occasion he ate the plastic tray in the bottom of the crate.

He is a velcro dog anyway but when I'm on my period I think that he thinks he can climb inside my skin and share it with me.

Our dog set fire to our house.

I need to know this story @HarryPottersBawbag !!

I’m currently awaiting surgery to repair a large tear in my knee cartilage caused by dickhead dog running full pelt into me and knocking me flying. He attempts to hump every child he sees. He waits at the top of the stairs and sticks his tongue in whatever drink I’m carrying up. When I do my make up I have to tickle his paws with my powder brush, he cries until I do this. He demands to go to bed at 10pm sharp and will shout at us so loudly we can’t hear the tv (he’s a husky) until we give up and go to bed. He regularly steals food from sleeping FIL. He is a total dickhead but god I love him!

Moved in to a new house with two garages both with remote control door opener thingies, oh the luxury. Two days later our lovely goofy black lab chewed and destroyed the remote units, both of them. Over twenty years later and we are still shoving up those bloody garage doors by hand .

Too many incidents with my golden retriever, mainly as a puppy.
Chewed up stairs and bedroom carpets within a 30 min trip to the shop.
Chased a jogger half way around a reservoir wanting to play.
Got a kinder egg toy stuck between his teeth, trip to the vets.
Got scared by new cat, jumped on me and wacked his big head into my face, gave me a nosebleed.
And I'm sure they'll be many more in the future.

Hovering out of sight and barking loudly when I am carrying a large tray of oven chips so hat I jump and drop
@eachtigertires 😆 I needed cheering up tonight!

@HarryPottersBawbag you know you can't just dangle that yours is an arsonist and not expand

@Prettybubblesintheair
When I do my make up I have to tickle his paws with my powder brush, he cries
This is adorable!

@FrangipaniBlue

Our dog set fire to our house.

I need to know this story @HarryPottersBawbag !!

Its not very exciting! fat git counter surfing while we were out. pushed down toaster with fat greedy paws. Toaster didnt click back up and caught fire. Bloody lucky our postman heard alarms! He now has his own petcam when we're out! Two in fact. And we unplug every appliance!

This thread is making me realise my dog perhaps isn't as big of a knob as I thought

Me too! But he has his moments of supreme twattishness. Mainly involving body fluids. I looked on in horror one day as he walked down the stairs, having a lavish piss at the same time.

Ran through the brambles cutting his ears, blood all over his white coat. Stuck him in the bath to wash it all off, and I let him go off downstairs. I realised I'd made a mistake when I could hear him running around the house shaking and rolling on the carpet, opening all the cuts up. Blood everywhere, all along the landing, down the stairs, in the living room. Like a scene from American Psycho. I had to chase him around the house and tackle him to the ground to prevent him from Jackson Pollacking the house further.

He had a big piss on a plate glass window of a restaurant while all the staff were having their dinner - I tried to smile apologetically as they shook their fists and shouted at us. Why it didn't occur to me to drag him away I don't know, I sort of had it in my head that I had to let him finish

He's called Hugo too OP - named by the rescue. I kept it because he kind of reminds me of a twattish ex boyfriend of the same name

One of my dogs met a new friend on a walk today and decide he's just go away with it and it's owners. Had to chase him and get lead on him and then drag him away while he cried 🤦‍♀️

My other arsehole of a dog decides to go and sit with a group of six men who were drinking and smoking weed and listening to far too loud music in the woods. Put me on edge when I spotted them and made ten times worse by my lazy dog deciding to join them and not move! Luckily they found it hilarious, I didn't and will remember to keep them on leads I. The future

My knob found a way of opening the fridge door right after I'd bought an M&S meal deal. Vietnamese Pork and a lovely lemon tart. Bastard!

Here he is! Looking like butter wouldn't melt. Talking of butter he ate two tubs of it at the same time!

My last dog...

Dog reactive and would redirect to me jumping up at me and getting bitey if he couldn’t get to a dog once he was over threshold... which once led to him pulling my trousers down in the middle of the street.

I tripped once, fell flat over, face first... he thought it was the best game ever and jumped on my back, pinning me to the ground while he licked the back of my neck.

I once threw a tennis ball in my back garden did him, he ran over to the other side of the garden, picked up what I thought was the ball, ran back and very obediently dropped a dead mouse in my hand.

Chased a bird up a tree in my garden, got stuck, had to be rescued by lifting him back out of it (he was a Rottie btw)

Broke my DP’s front tooth, they were playing fairly sedately in the living room, he looked up enthusiastically at the exact same time my DP bent down to pick up the toy.

Developed a thing for lavender, so spent about a year, slowly and stealthily killing off all 3 of my lavender (just my lavender) plants twig by twig.

On one lot of house rest for illnesses, I taught him how to empty the washing machine and tumble dryer, he decided what I’d actually taught him was where to find socks to steal.

Post neutering and operations he went through a cone of shame a day, not on purpose, just because if he got caught on anything, instead of adjusting his angle, he’d just power through till it gave way.

He was basically just constantly a nob I miss him

My now departed dog, stole a bacon sandwich out of an old ladies hand as we were walking past a cafe with outside seating. I hadn't taken my bag or anything with me so couldn't even buy her another one. Dickhead dog then threw it up the moment we got in the house.

My ex dog went missing once. After hours walking the streets shouting his name, 2 gypsies from a nearby camp stopped me and told me he was in the pub. I found him on the pool table being provided with a constant supply of beer in a saucer and packet after packet of crisps.

We have a downstairs toilet and ddog has found that if he opens the kitchen door wide enough it will snag on the handle of the toilet door imprisoning the occupant Said occupant can only open the door by a millimetre , enough to call for help while ddog wags his tail proudly and grins.
It's happened too often to be a coincidence. One New Year's Day he trapped an aunt in there for 20 mins before we realised where she was

@Bunnybigears and @Howmanysleepsnow your dogs are my heros!