*TW pet loss* Lost my 5 year old girl today. I'm in bits.

letsjog · 2021-02-17T17:47:01+00:00

I'm sorry I'm not sure what to do with myself at the moment so hoping letting it out in here might help. She was such a good girl. Me and the DCs were giving her a belly rub this morning on our bed and now she's gone. I'm currently looking at cremation options and I keep breaking down.

IrmaFayLear · 17/02/2021 18:06

. I lost my dog when he was only 6. Nearly a year later I still have a little cry every so often and I miss him every minute. It’s so unfair.

Original poster

letsjog · 17/02/2021 19:22

Isn't it just @IrmaFayLear

She was so lively and loving. She was so excited to go for a walk this afternoon, if only I'd known she would never come back from it

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NOTANUM · 17/02/2021 23:52

I'm so sorry to read this.
It sounds so sudden which will make it worse..What an awful shock.

Girlintheframe · 18/02/2021 06:54

I'm sorry op .
Loosing a beloved dog is so hard.
We got our dog cremated then scattered his ashes in a place he loved. That brought us a lot of comfort.

Original poster

letsjog · 18/02/2021 10:06

Thankyou.
It was sudden and a freak accident which does make it worse.

She was the most loving, lively, affectionate little soul. I keep thinking she's about to come out from under the bed where she slept if the DCs got a bit too much for her or I'll hear the little clink of her collar when she walked down the stairs.
I woke up last night after crying for ages to notice me and DP subconsciously left a little gap in between is where she would always sneak it at night when she thought we were already asleep and the tears came again.

This feels awful. The only way I can describe it is that her absence is everywhere.

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Snowymcsnowsony · 18/02/2021 10:09

Sorry for your loss. The anniversary of our ddog's death is next week. First one.
We had her cremated. We took some ashes to different places she loved and buried some in the sand dunes where we live. . I intend to get a ring made with some ashes also.
Glad you have support irl. My dh was in bits but was there for me too.

pumpkinpie01 · 18/02/2021 10:13

Aw how awful and sad, it's terrible when it happens suddenly. Big hugs

ErrolTheDragon · 18/02/2021 10:17

This feels awful. The only way I can describe it is that her absence is everywhere.

That's exactly it. Our are a very physical presence in our lives, and that together with their dependency makes them such a visceral loss.

I'm so sorry.

IrmaFayLear · 18/02/2021 10:28

A year later and I still hear dog .

Dsis used to still trip over her dog in the kitchen long after he’d gone...

Original poster

letsjog · 18/02/2021 11:02

Thankyou.

DP was and still is in bits too. He never had a dog beforehand and it's hit him just how much he bonded with her too. I have never seen him cry before.

Getting there and realising she's gone is still replaying in my mind.

We have decided on a little heart shaped urn with paw prints on it, it seems really fitting for her. I'm just waiting for a call from the vet to confirm all the details.
We didn't want to bury her in the garden as we will be moving and I wouldn't want to leave her, we decided against scattering as well as her favourite place was with us and that's where she'll be.

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Original poster

letsjog · 18/02/2021 19:47

Sorry I keep posting on here. I'm really struggling. I keep feeling guilty every time I feel ok or laugh.

DPs friend has sent us some beautiful flowers, Lilies, her name was Lilly. It's going to take up to 10 days to get her back from cremation and I just want her home with us. I feel guilty for leaving her there, I didn't know it would take so long.

I keep looking at a picture of her we have up in the kitchen and then the last time I ever saw her pops into my head, it hurts. I just want my girl back.

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ErrolTheDragon · 18/02/2021 21:16

Post as much as you need, letsjog. We understand.
It will get less raw, in time. And you know your lovely Lily wouldn't want you to be unhappy, so don't feel guilty.

JustCallMeBrittany · 18/02/2021 22:07

Rest in peace Lily. OP, I am so sorry for your loss. Post as much as you need to. We would love to hear about her.

StellaOlivetti · 18/02/2021 22:08

I’m so sorry @letsjog. I lost the doggy love of my life two years ago, very suddenly. She was 5. The pain is awful, there’s no two ways about it, but it does ease in time. Take it very easy and be kind to yourself. Lilly, what a beautiful name for a dog xx

Original poster

letsjog · 19/02/2021 09:24

Sorry about your loss @StellaOlivetti

She was a sock thief. Always managed to find one somewhere and take it into the garden and I'd be forever collecting the strays. She would always stash them under my bed where she liked to sleep, she once managed to pull my vest top under there! She would flip her bowl over with her paw when she got dry food and then just ate the bits she liked off the floor it drove me bonkers. She would come for cuddles any chance she got and give you those big brown eyes and put her head on your lap to let her on the sofa.

It's like life will never be the same again. We took the DCs for a walk yesterday to get them out of the house, all I could think of was her, when I was putting my walking boots on I realised I have never worn these and left the house without her before. When the DCs were running around the paths I could visualise exactly where she would have been at each part of the walk. It stung.

It's the silliest thing ever but when we got back and we were around the corner from home we stopped to look at some sheep that were really close to us on a large field and like clockwork within 30seconds a huge clear as day rainbow appeared all across the field. DP, the tough completely non woo straight thinker said to me that its her.
I know it's a huge stretch and rainbows just happen when sunlight hits rain droplets the right way but I wanted to believe it so badly.

I just want a sign to know she's ok, I want her to know how much she was loved and that we miss her so so much.

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oneglassandpuzzled · 19/02/2021 09:29

I lost an 11-month-old puppy once and it was one of the worst things that happened to our family, and I include parents dying, job losses, serious illnesses, etc. Part of it is the complete shock. I'm so sorry.

ErrolTheDragon · 19/02/2021 09:45

I'm completely non-woo, but some people find 'the rainbow bridge' a comforting idea.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rainbow Bridgee_(pets)

What you know for sure, is that she had a happy and loved life with you, which is all a dog wants.

Letsnotargue · 19/02/2021 10:06

I’m so sorry for your loss. It’s hard at the best of times but especially so when it’s unexpected.

I find it makes things easier to look at things from the dog’s perspective. She had a home where she was obviously well loved and went out on a walk, which it sounds like she enjoyed, and that was that. Dogs live in the moment and it sounds like all her moments were good ones.

It’s still awful being the family that’s left behind though. I burst into tears by the yogurts in the co op because my dog used to lick the yogurt pot lids clean. Things will get easier but in the meantime, let yourself grieve. It does hurt but it gets better x

Figgygal · 19/02/2021 10:09

The loss is pets it’s horrendous
Every time we go through it we say never again but the pain lessens and the gap is still there so we do it again to ourselves

I’m looking at our dog now and know one day will have to live through your pain

Sorry op and the shock must be terrible

IrmaFayLear · 19/02/2021 10:10

My dog was also a thief. I was clearing out some dead wood out of a border in the garden recently and I found his cache of stuff . The things he’d hidden! Gloves, socks, pants (!) ...

Honeyroar · 19/02/2021 10:33

I’m so sorry. It sounds like it was an awful shock. You’re bound to be devastated and reeling. I still miss my last two dogs, their leads still hang in the utility room next to our current dog’s leads. I have a little resin heart key ring with their fur inside that hangs on a rucksack that we use on days out - so they always with us on trips. And I have two Christmas trees planted over them just outside the garden (we have a smallholding) that I talk to regularly. Good dogs don’t totally leave you. They stay in your heart forever.

Missingjigsawpuzzle · 19/02/2021 10:43

@Letsnotargue

I’m so sorry for your loss. It’s hard at the best of times but especially so when it’s unexpected.

I find it makes things easier to look at things from the dog’s perspective. She had a home where she was obviously well loved and went out on a walk, which it sounds like she enjoyed, and that was that. Dogs live in the moment and it sounds like all her moments were good ones.

It’s still awful being the family that’s left behind though. I burst into tears by the yogurts in the co op because my dog used to lick the yogurt pot lids clean. Things will get easier but in the meantime, let yourself grieve. It does hurt but it gets better x

Thank you so much for this. We lost our dog suddenly in a car accident last year and feel absolutely bereft and traumatised. What you have written about from the dogs point of view (they live in the moment and were happy) has bought me some comfort. We adored our dog and I know he was happy with us and was really happy on the walk before it all went so wrong.

What a wouldn't do for a time machine

I can totally relate to things triggering upset.

Original poster

letsjog · 19/02/2021 10:49

That's a comforting idea @ErrolTheDragon I'm not much of a believer but I think things like this make you want to believe in something just out of sheer desperation that she's not just "gone".

Sorry for your loss @Letsnotargue I went into home bargains yesterday for some things we needed and they had a pet event, I felt so miserable and had to fight the tears. I would always pick her adventuros from there.

We know we will have another one day @Figgygal I've always been a dog person and can't imagine never having one again but I'm not ready for now, it would feel like a betrayal and like we're replacing her. But she's irreplaceable and another dog later down the line will not be her replacement, it will be another member of the family but there will always be such a special place for her in our hearts.

We should have had at least another 10 happy years with her. She's been with us through such hardship and has been such a huge comfort and deserved a happy, full, long life.

I can't bring myself to do anything with her bed and her favourite toy. At times it's still not registering that she's gone. I keep finding myself about to do something for her like let her out into the garden or pop a bit of leftover milk in her bowls but they're not there anymore.

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Missingjigsawpuzzle · 19/02/2021 10:54

Letsjog - I'm so sorry you're going through this as I am too and know how painful it is. We lost our lovely dog at the end of last year and it is so raw. I miss him so badly and totally understand what you mean about their absence and things like walking boots. Mine were bought solely for walking him as trainers gave such blisters. When I next had to put them on for a long walk I struggled. It took me over a month to be able to go in the garden again and pick up his toys as the garden has so many signs of his happy soul.

I can hold it together more than before, but it is still unbelievably painful and I'm regularly winded with reminders of him and thoughts. I've never known grief like this and I think it's partly because they're such a massive part of the family and partly because of the shock of losing him so suddenly and unnaturally. We left for a walk with our dog and we returned with empty hands and trauma.

Lokikitty · 19/02/2021 11:09

I'm so sorry for your loss 💐
I lost my cat last year. He was very special. I couldn't bear coming home from work to an empty flat after he passed away. I would just wonder aimlessly around town. I had keyrings made with his photo for me and my DD.
A saw I photo of I cat a few days ago that looked like him and had the same name. I found it really upsetting. He will always have a place in my heart. I still miss his cuddles and his playfulness.
Just allow yourself to grieve and do what you need to do to help you deal with the pain 💕