Feel like we failed as owners

[Lisa78Lemon]

When deciding which family dog to get a few years ago we thought long & hard about it. We opted for a Cavapoo due to our young DC and found a reputable breeder.
We tried hard to socialise (puppy parties) and train Teddy (Dogs Trust classes), exercised him often, played games, gave him food puzzles, interactive toys, lots of love etc etc
He was also crate trained from day one & we worked hard to keep a good routine.
From the start he was always quite 'loopy'. He would have 'zoomy' attacks that lasted hours, nipped us hard and often, chewed the furniture non stop etc.
He was always on edge and was very nervous around people, even though we kept trying to socialise him and ensure the interactions were positive.
We even got a behaviourist who gave some advice but no major changes to what we were already doing.
At 5 months he snapped at my DH when he put his hand near his food bowl. He then became possessive over objects and chews. This came on quite suddenly.
With DC, this was not acceptable so we got the behaviourist in again, consulted the vet and he was put on anxiety medication (fluoxetine) and a new training programme.We don't punish and use positive, reward based training.
He improved a little but recently (he is now 2) the behaviour has really escalated.
He is just so nervous and never settles down.
He can be loving one minute and then bites your hand the next.
At this stage, for the sake of the DC, we think he needs to be rehomed to someone with no children and experience of anxious dogs.
Its heartbreaking as he is part of our family and we expected to have him so much longer.
We are finding it hard to deal with.

Is there such a thing as a 'bad' dog?
Have we done something wrong along the way without realising?
Has anyone else been in this position?

I keep wondering what we could have done differently and feel bad for Teddy and the DC.

You bought a ‘caverpoo’, that’s your problem. The ‘breed’ as a whole is a neurotic mess.

You're your dogs WHOLE life. Literally the only thing he knows. I wouldnt rehome if possible but I would get another behaviourist in maybe to try something new? Also is he neutered?

Is there such a thing as a 'bad' dog?
Have we done something wrong along the way without realising?
Has anyone else been in this position?

Life long dog owner here, and yes, very sadly my husband and I went through this many years ago. Our dog's name was Teddy, too incidentally.

We adopted him from a shelter at 12 weeks old and everything was fine until he hit 6 months. Sudden aggression, erratic behaviour. Needless to say, we tried everything. Medication, tests, dietary changes, seemingly endless behavioural experts, training, etc. Teddy was never abused in any way. Shortly after he was 2 years old he went ballistic with absolutely no provocation and tried to attack my husband. It was horrible.

After talking to our vet, he strongly recommended having him put to sleep. His opinion was that Teddy was imbalanced, just like humans can be, and it would be irresponsible to give him to any other family/person. Our vet knew everything we had gone through with him, so was fully aware how dire the situation was.

We did have him put to sleep, and at first I felt so utterly horrible, but after some time I realised it was for the best. Teddy was not a happy dog and something was clearly very wrong with him. He was a dangerous, unpredictable dog, and that just can't be ignored.

I'm very sorry you're going through this. It's so sad and heartbreaking.

Sadly I don’t think there is such a thing as a reputable breeder of cavapoos, as such any behavioural issues could be made worse by parent dogs/genetic stuff, poor socialisation as a young puppy. It’s hard to tell.

IME some dogs are much harder work (current lurcher is trying to break me, and possibly would have if she was my first dog!), so an element of bad luck will be there too.

Rehoming sounds like the sensible thing to do.

@Scweltish Ugh, we had met several owners prior to getting him who had lovely Cavapoos though! We initially wanted a full cavie but were put off by the heart issues.

@Foxieloxie999 We absolutely feel the same, which is why he is still with us despite 2 years of bad behaviour and struggles. He snapped at our 10mo last week for no reason so sadly I think it's time. We really have tried and this is breaking all of our hearts. He was neutered at 7 months.

If he’s potentially at risk of biting the children you can’t keep him.. sorry OP. But hopefully more experienced will be able to post something more useful

Some dogs are disadvantaged from the start but if your dog is a resource guarder then it can be hard and often owners can make it worse sadly, for example the worst thing you can do is tell your dog off for growling but it feels instinctual to do so, but this is them telling you they are unhappy with the situation and you as the owner need to assess and change what is happening, but it's a very hard thing to do, but sadly most 'designer dogs' aren't bred from the best stock.

@aquamarine1029 It must be the name Teddy, mystery solved

Thank you for sharing this & I do feel that he isn't often a happy dog which is so sad.

I suppose when you think about it, there must be an array of mental health issues that dogs suffer with just like humans.

Poor Teddy.

I agree though, with a crawling baby I don't think you have any choice. BUT Teddy needs to go to an experienced person, so you need to do it via a rescue. Do not rehome him yourself. Plus one of them will be able to take him immediately which will be for the best, with your baby.

I'm sorry it's fine to this.

Fine - come

Very very few dogs can't become better behaved with an experienced owner

Neutering him at that age definitely won’t have helped especially as he already had issues however it’s does no good beating yourself up about things you can’t change . Rehoming him through a reputable rescue is probably the best outcome for him .

Thank you for all the comments.
We called Dog's Trust several days ago and went through a questionnaire on the phone, though they couldn't guarantee a place for him. Waiting to hear back now.

'Crawling baby' is right. It's hard enough trying to keep DS safe now he is hurdling about at brake neck speed. I always knew a young baby and a dog would be hard work but it's at a level where it just isn't safe (even with a dog crate, baby gates etc).

I bought a dog breed that is supposed to be an assistance-type dog. Supposed to be a bulletproof temperament. The gene pool is too small though and mine is like yours. Can’t be trusted around kids, can’t be locked in without destroying things, can’t be near other animals (she’d kill them for sure.). She’s fine with us, but is an absolute nightmare with walks, other dogs, etc. (My kids are teens, so no danger there.) Obviously can’t have friends with little kids over.
My husband minimises her issues though and this is the danger. (She’s 55kgs, so the danger is immense.) I have worked with behaviourists, drugged her, etc... There’s not much we can do. (I’ve taken him also and he’s “re-remembered” what he was told - he has form for this.)
She’s 5.5, so I am over-feeding her to slow her down.
Sigh...

Like us humans, some dogs are just not keen on children/ family / modern life. They find it very stressful! It is up to you to determine if that is the case. Then re home.

I would also look a bit closer into his behaviour, does he scratch the back of his head, shaking, aggression when you try and touch him? Only asking because cavalier king charles spaniels have issues with small skull and spinal cord. Just because he is a cross, does not mean that he hasn't inherited the problems. In that case I'd PTS.

This is such a sad situation, sometimes you can do everything right and it still doesn't work out. There are problem dogs of all breeds, so not necessarily anything to do with breed. You must do what's best for your family, it's not easy but I think you're doing the right thing.

A two year old dog with a 10 month old child? The planning could have been better. What is the age range of all the people/dog?

We waited until DD was old enough that she could be part of the training. We were fortunate to get the most people-pleasing, if anxious, rescue in the world. That's the thing, our dog was mistreated (he has the scars to prove it), his mother and sibling dies (street dog) and he couldn't bite us. He is incapable of violence. And I suppose for every dog like him, there must be dogs that bite 'naturally'.

My grandfather had Cavaliers though and they were insane. Spaniels generally, according to him, were prone to mental health issues.

Our dog has severe anxiety - went through all the same set of solutions as you have. We are incredibly lucky it doesn’t manifest as snapping, but our vet still had a conversation with us about her quality of life. Dogs can and do have mental health issues, and we have had to accept that our dog will be on strong medication her whole life and likely will still have behavioural issues.

If you know you have done everything possible, exhausted every avenue, to keep every member of your family (which of course includes Teddy) safe and happy - you have been a good dog parent. Sometimes, sadly, the risk is just too great. Responsible rehoming is so important, so definitely ensure the dog is going to someone who can handle his conditions. I’m so sorry it’s not gone well for you

Here in America we have encountered something in rescue that we call "spaniel rage".
A seemingly calm, normal dog - cocker or cavalier - will suddenly "snap" and attack a family member. Not just a nip but bites requiring stitches. Then they "flip back" and are fine again. They may be fine for months, until something triggers the rage again. This might be something you could ask your vet about?

Yes. A d similar to urself. Got a springer. We did everything right like u.
He was always an anxious dog. But I kept on doing what I have always done with dogs.
He got worse and worse. I got a behaviourist in. We worked with the vet. He improved and I carried on.
Then one day he pinned two people against the wall while i was walking him.
He walked beautifully but this came out of nowhere.
I tried again. New tactics etc.
Then one day he jumped of the couch. Walked up to my child who was ten and was doing nothing at all and jumped up on its back legs and went to bite my sons neck.

At that point I knew he had to go.

I spent hour and hours. I had talks with the vet who wanted to put him down.
I spoke to rescue after rescue who wouldnt wouldn’t take him. I don’t blame them to be honest.

In the end I found a spaniel rescue ( can’t remember the name but a good reputation ) who I checked about throughly.
Who said they would take him. They had a foster person who worked with cases like this and they were a trained behaviourist.

We had updates for weeks. They worked with him for six months. And he finally got re homes to somewhere that suited him better.

I cried and cried and cried the day he left. I loved that dog more than I can say. I still miss him now.

I did everything I was supposed to. Everything that people said. He just needed someone who knew more than me. Who can see the little cues that I missed. Don’t beat yourself up.

Spaniels were working dogs initially I think, So in their kennel until taken out for training/ work retrieving game.
Modern life in a busy home is v different.
I think we want to humanise dogs and it doesn't always work.

We had a retriever that was just an unhappy dog. Lots of incidents but He bit a friend of mine and had to be pts. We’d done nothing different with him from any other dog we’d had. But he couldn’t be trusted and we couldn’t keep people safe round him.

We tried to rehome but it didn’t work out.

I just re read that. And it sounded like I let him go just because of these two things.
That isn’t the case. There were loads and loads of incidents and things that happened that got to that point.
But. When the vet said we need to think about putting him down I knew I needed to give him a chance with someone who knew more and could work with him properly before the decision was made to do anything more. He deserved someone better than me. Someone who had lived with him and could asses him on a professional level to decide if that was the only course of action.

I would never have re homed him to another family as that would never have been fair. And wouldn’t have given him the chance I felt he deserved.

I couldn’t have had him back as the trust had gone. God I miss that dog everyday.
I would love another one when my work changes. But I don’t know if I could bring myself to. I have spent much of time researching dog behaviour since.

Poor little dog. Please regime responsibly and maybe don't get a dog again.

*rehome

I completely empathise.

We got a working terrier at 8 weeks. She showed "bad temper" in the first week (snarling and snapping and thrashing around when handled) which we took in our stride as "testing boundaries" and worked on training. The first time she set eyes on another dog that wasn't her breed (at 12 weeks) she SCREECHED like she was being murdered and had a fear of other dogs from that day forward. At puppy classes she hid under the chair and screamed in fear, after 3 classes I didn't take her back because she wasn't getting better.

We had that dog for 12 years, and it was hell on earth. She was okay when working and if given top spot with other dogs on the estate - all six dogs stayed out of her way - but she retired at 7 due to a spinal condition and could not greet or pass other dogs out in public as she would attack them (as in, she would actually go for their throat).

She was fine with us (I only got bitten twice, DH never, no DC) but with a few exceptions other people could not look at her or touch her as she'd lose the plot and go for them. She saw 6 behaviourists. She was on pain management medication for her spine. She had to be muzzled for the vet or for visitors where she couldn't be locked away. We had locks and warning notices on our gate. She bit someone badly on the doorstep and we were lucky not to be sued. She attacked my DH's 3 year old nephew (she was muzzled).

So many times we considered giving up and having her euthanised - our vet, who was a saint, said as owners we'd gone above and beyond with her. She was definitely a special needs dog - essentially I believe she just had a terrible temperament and her parents should never have been bred from.

I adored the little shite (we had a bond, she was frightened of life really and relied on me) and I cried buckets when we let her go last year because we couldn't manage her spinal pain any more - but to be honest, it was also a relief.

We've since got a new terrier puppy (a pure bred KC registered Border Terrier, not a working mix from a hunt kennels as she was), and we have been terrified of making minor mistakes with him and ending up with another reactive, aggressive dog. But he is the sweetest, most even tempered, amenable, passive and silly dog you can imagine. He is totally different and he'll be a year old soon. We haven't done anything differently really, but between the two dogs, his breeding and experiences between birth and 10 weeks are worlds apart.

But sometimes, I believe it really is just temperament. Best wishes to you - do what you need to do for your family and DC.