Dog is now 15 months old and I feel like a complete failure

[rosesinmygarden]

She doesn't listen. She is so naughty!!!!!!! She doesn't seem to give a toss about pleasing anyone except herself....

I am losing patience with her to be honest and I feel like a complete failure. I know if I had more patience or was a better owner she may well be better behaved but I am losing the will to live.

She is our second dog and soooo much harder work than the others.

What breed is she? Someone might have some breed specific ideas.

Depending on the breed she may be thick in the teenage period where all the training you did seems to be forgotten and they push boundaries all the time.

You just have to keep reinforcing everything (and drinking lots of ) and you will get to the other side. Maybe think of a few sessions with a 1-1 trainer to keep you on track.

She is a border collie x golden retriever.

Our other dog was a border collie x labrador so very similar breed wise, but oh my goodness I am like one of those parents who says if they had had the second child first, they'd have been an only child! I think I am just feeling very overwhelmed at the moment.

Totally agree with the poster about the teenage phase. My dog went through this, it was so hard but I just kept with my consistency and positively reinforcing good behaviour. It was like she rebelled and all training went out of the window. She did settle again but I just remember thinking throughout that stage that I was going wrong somewhere!

I have one a similar age, and she has become a bit of a monster, having been really good. It's the second adolescent phase. All you can do is bring in a good trainer to help, and then encourage the good behaviour, and grit your teeth. If you are doing all the right things, this will pass. Or so I keep telling myself with current young dog. I do remember going through this with all my other dogs.

Some dogs just take more time to mature. We have a lab bitch who is now 4 and 75% of the time totally reliable but still has mad moments. She is very ball motivated, something I didn’t realise until she was 18mnths old. Unlike most labs food is not her thing but if I have a tennis ball in my pocket she will do anything for me.

I think it doesn't help that I've not been able to take her to classes due to lock down. But yes, we were attending classes up until March and I felt we were making progress. It's all gone out of the window since lockdown which coincided with her becoming a teenager.
My husband is very close to rehoming her.

I don't feel like we ever completely tackled her behaviour before lock down. She's always been quite a nervous dog and reactive and I think that's magnified right now.
I just hope that one day, in the not too distant future, she does calm down and we get the nice behaviour more of the time.

She is not naughty you have just not put in the work . You don’t need training classes to train a dog , all the info is online or in books if you don’t know what you are doing .

Ah, the teenage phase!

It is really, really hard. I found the teenage period MUCH harder than the puppy phase. Mine forgot all his recall, became vocal (he barked when he didn't want to do something, almost like he was answering us back), mouthy, started jumping up again - all with the strength of an adult job. It was so so difficult and he had me in tears numerous times, and that was without all the difficulties of lockdown.

Can you get in touch with a 1-1 behaviourist? Many are working again and will do sessions outside or in your garden, and many will offer further support via Zoom too.

Good luck - and please don't worry too much. All dogs go through the teenage years and it is really difficult. There's a reason lots of dogs end up in rescues around 18 months old!

Fear IS magnified at points during the teenage months so reactivity will tend to get worse here.

Also, you are in the darkest of days, from a training pov. These are the months when, just like with humans, hormones are driving your dog to test boundaries, see how she can change the world around her, prioritise things other than you etc.

Repeat: it will get better, it will get better, it will get better.

If you are struggling to make headway with training then it is absolutely ok simply to manage the dog's environment so that she doesn't have a chance to misbehave. Training can begin again in earnest when she's a bit older.

If she's reactive then it's fine (even preferable) to walk her in locations she doesn't have to get close enough to other dogs to react. Even to not see other dogs at all, just while she matures.

If she doesn't recall then it's fine to keep her on a lead or long line (attached to a harness) so that you can take back control when needed, without given her chance to practice ignoring a recall.

If she jumps up at guests or you when you come home, it's fine to use a baby gate or house lead to keep her under control.

If she runs off with your shoes, it's fine to chuck a bit of sausage to distract her while you get it back.

None of that means you are a failure. The dog you have now is not the dog she will be in another year. Maybe even another 6 months. It is fine to simply keep her safe, you sane and protect the relationship between you all until she is a bit older, wiser and you can start training with her again.

@Floralnomad

She is not naughty you have just not put in the work . You don’t need training classes to train a dog , all the info is online or in books if you don’t know what you are doing .

Well thanks for the supportive comment! I have already acknowledged that I feel like a failure but I suppose it can't hurt to have it pointed out again...

I had to work all hours over lockdown to keep my family fed and a roof over my head. I am exhausted and have recently been told I may have cancer yet I am still trying every single day to get her behaviour under control. I dearly love ddog but my goodness she drives me round the bend and she is very hard work. No matter how much I reinforce good behaviour, it all seems to go out of the window the following day. She does a lot of things for a reaction. No amount of playing brain games, training, walks etc seems to change that.

I am quite literally sitting here in tears at your post. Some support would be fantastic but it's clear I won't get that from you.

join Dog Training Advice and Support group on Facebook. It's amazing and run by proper trainers

@PalTheGent

Fear IS magnified at points during the teenage months so reactivity will tend to get worse here.

Also, you are in the darkest of days, from a training pov. These are the months when, just like with humans, hormones are driving your dog to test boundaries, see how she can change the world around her, prioritise things other than you etc.

Repeat: it will get better, it will get better, it will get better.

If you are struggling to make headway with training then it is absolutely ok simply to manage the dog's environment so that she doesn't have a chance to misbehave. Training can begin again in earnest when she's a bit older.

If she's reactive then it's fine (even preferable) to walk her in locations she doesn't have to get close enough to other dogs to react. Even to not see other dogs at all, just while she matures.

If she doesn't recall then it's fine to keep her on a lead or long line (attached to a harness) so that you can take back control when needed, without given her chance to practice ignoring a recall.

If she jumps up at guests or you when you come home, it's fine to use a baby gate or house lead to keep her under control.

If she runs off with your shoes, it's fine to chuck a bit of sausage to distract her while you get it back.

None of that means you are a failure. The dog you have now is not the dog she will be in another year. Maybe even another 6 months. It is fine to simply keep her safe, you sane and protect the relationship between you all until she is a bit older, wiser and you can start training with her again.

Thank you so much. This is what I needed to hear and it has really helped and made me feel a little less crappy about everything.

We go to fun dog classes once a week which she adores but she does find socialising with dogs in other situations hard so we manage it so that she doesn't become too stressed or overwhelmed. I work from home so we are together all day every day but recently I have had to enforce naps in her crate as I think she just finds life overwhelming at times.

We have also had a one to one session with our dog trainer and on a good day all of what she suggests works brilliantly. But I do feel like we are back to ground zero every single morning.

She is not going to rescue. I am not giving up. But I do feel totally overwhelmed by her at the moment and it is causing arguments at home as my husband has had an awful year with 10 weeks out of work with COVID and now just about getting back to normal but I suspect it won't last.

It would be a great help, i think, if you stopped listening to the psycho-babble being spouted at the moment. Find yourself a good, established trainer - may not be easy - who believes that dogs, horses and children need to be shown basic good manners from the start. If we don't teach them properly they cannot learn. I have never seen so many dogs on silly long leads, not walking to heel and pulling their owners along as in the past few years. I am expected to be shot down by the many numpties on here who don't believe in the tried and tested methods should be used. Therefore shall not reply. PM me if you wish OP. You are more than welcome.

What exactly are her issues?
Can you hire a safe space or walk her away from what winds her up?
Training is ongoing so every day offers chances to train.
Plan for success. Mine pulls at the start of a lead so she wears a dogmatic then. She digs in the garden so doesn’t go out alone. She chases the cat so I have to keep them separate.
She’s nearly a year. We will keep working!!

@percheron67 psycho babble?
Dogs do need manners but pack theory and dominance and forcing your dog using aversive training techniques are not the solution.

@percheron67

It would be a great help, i think, if you stopped listening to the psycho-babble being spouted at the moment. Find yourself a good, established trainer - may not be easy - who believes that dogs, horses and children need to be shown basic good manners from the start. If we don't teach them properly they cannot learn. I have never seen so many dogs on silly long leads, not walking to heel and pulling their owners along as in the past few years. I am expected to be shot down by the many numpties on here who don't believe in the tried and tested methods should be used. Therefore shall not reply. PM me if you wish OP. You are more than welcome.

Yes, I feel she needs a firm hand. She gets it from me but as I say it is like starting from scratch every day.

She can walk to heel/on a loose lead once she has settled into a walk but I have to insist every single time. I just wonder when it will get easier.

She can now cope with runners, pushchairs and cyclists which she just couldn't 6 months ago so we are making progress.

I appreciate it's none of my business but you saying 'a firm hand' worries me. If you have a fearful dog then surely using 'a firm hand' - if this means aversive techniques - will make them more scared? It's amazing what can be done with positive reinforcement and I've seen many stories of people with less confident dogs who have made the situation much worse by using 'firm' techniques

@percheron67

It would be a great help, i think, if you stopped listening to the psycho-babble being spouted at the moment. Find yourself a good, established trainer - may not be easy - who believes that dogs, horses and children need to be shown basic good manners from the start. If we don't teach them properly they cannot learn. I have never seen so many dogs on silly long leads, not walking to heel and pulling their owners along as in the past few years. I am expected to be shot down by the many numpties on here who don't believe in the tried and tested methods should be used. Therefore shall not reply. PM me if you wish OP. You are more than welcome.

Apparently you think dog need good manners but you do not?

@Wolfiefan

What exactly are her issues? Can you hire a safe space or walk her away from what winds her up? Training is ongoing so every day offers chances to train. Plan for success. Mine pulls at the start of a lead so she wears a dogmatic then. She digs in the garden so doesn’t go out alone. She chases the cat so I have to keep them separate. She’s nearly a year. We will keep working!!

I would say the biggest issues right now are as follows:

Pulling on the lead at the beginning of the walk and kangaroo jumping when excited - she is not allowed out of the door until she sits nicely and then I refuse to walk until she calms down. it's the same every single day. She doesn't seem to learn that to get her walk she must be calm.

Stealing things. We have taught her 'leave it' and 'drop it' and she can do both but she picks and chooses when to do it.

Digging in the garden. She is not allowed out on the grass unsupervised.

Going in and out 187 times a day and wanting attention 24/7 unless she's in her crate. She is particularly bad for this around DH as he gets really angry with her - a reaction, which is what she wants.

She just doesn't seem to have an off switch and know how to simply sit and relax.

I wasn’t being unsupportive I was just pointing out that you don’t need classes and training doesn’t take hours a day it’s just positive reinforcement . Seeing your dog as naughty is an issue because you infer that it is her problem or her fault when it’s not , she simply doesn’t know any better because she has not either been shown or has been shown but that is not then followed up . Dogs don’t just miraculously become well trained because they age . I’m sorry you have health issues and about your husband and sincerely hope that th8ngs improve for your family .

@ThinkingIsAllowed

I appreciate it's none of my business but you saying 'a firm hand' worries me. If you have a fearful dog then surely using 'a firm hand' - if this means aversive techniques - will make them more scared? It's amazing what can be done with positive reinforcement and I've seen many stories of people with less confident dogs who have made the situation much worse by using 'firm' techniques

Oh no, I just mean I am very strict and consistent because that is what I feel she needs. She is calmest and happiest (I think) when she knows what to expect and what the 'rules' are. You can see her brain ticking and she is predicting what will happen next.

If she is fear reactive you need to cast yourself in the role of protector and all around boss. So for example she sees another dog and goes bananas and rather than trying to discipline or drag her away and getting into a tug of war where you have to physically overpower her you need to spot the situation coming before it develops and position yourself between her and the other dog. Body block her and keep walking confidently. Keep her lead short but not tight and do not acknowledge the dog or her reaction to it just March right on past pushing her with you.

You want her to feel like whatever she is fearful of is no danger because no way will it get past you. You are boss of her and everything else in her mind.

@Floralnomad

I wasn’t being unsupportive I was just pointing out that you don’t need classes and training doesn’t take hours a day it’s just positive reinforcement . Seeing your dog as naughty is an issue because you infer that it is her problem or her fault when it’s not , she simply doesn’t know any better because she has not either been shown or has been shown but that is not then followed up . Dogs don’t just miraculously become well trained because they age . I’m sorry you have health issues and about your husband and sincerely hope that th8ngs improve for your family .

Have you read my posts?

She does do such naughty things! She's not inherently naughty or nasty, but even with consistent positive reinforcement she persists in doing some really naughty things ... honestly . I can't quite figure out what she is getting out of it. I know it's because she is in her teenage phase and she's testing the boundaries. I also know that I have worked really hard at training her and encouraging the good behaviour with positive reinforcement - unfortunately that isn't a magic wand either.