I can't cope with this

[WentworthPrison]

I can't cope with my puppy (nearly 11 weeks). I'm exhausted. Her behaviour is extremely challenging (normal puppy stuff and beyond that). I am so low. I'm not enjoying any of it. I'm crying constantly, I've lost half a stone and getting no more than 5-6 hours sleep a night (she sleeps well in her crate but still needs loo stops and I struggle to get back to sleep). She needs constant supervision and I'm by myself doing that. She can't be left alone for even a few seconds as she'll eat something, chew something, poo, wee etc. I can crate her but it seems unfair to constantly do this. However I do need to go to the loo, shower etc. I can't even do this when she's asleep as she wakes up if I try. I knew it would be hard but i also thought I'd feel a deep love which would get me through it. I don't feel a bond at all as she's constantly lunging at me, biting me, growling and barking at me. I've spends £100s on extra stimulation toys etc but the problems persist.

I can't give her up. I'd be ashamed to admit I can't cope to my family and friends but I honestly really want to.

Puppy blues are very real and lots of us have had tears and felt overwhelmed.

Take your puppy with you to the loo and when you have a shower. Put her in a playpen so she can't get up to anything whilst you are showering etc.

Puppies can be very bitey when over stimulated so watch out for that. Over tiring them isn't good and they are like toddlers and often need an enforced nap.

Bonds take time. I didn't like my puppy for several months. I bloody love everything about him now but it wasn't like that at the start.

Ahh just come on to stroke your hair and say I understand. Not enough research in the world prepares you for a puppy. I remember by day 3 crying my eyes out and wailing “why is he such a wanker?”
You’re right about the love part too it took a while to feel that but it does come and they don’t stay wankers forever I promise.
P.S not a chance in hell I’d ever get another puppy in this lifetime. I shall be getting dogs looking for homes to quietly live out their twilight years!

How long have you had your puppy for and what breed is he/she?

Please read up on crate training. It can be very effective. Keep in mind, the crate should never be used as punishment. The crate should be their safe/quiet space.

I was sure mine was trying to kill me with sleep deprivation. He was a total arsehole. What you are feeling is normal, totally agree with the enforcing rest times advice above.

Totally normal but something I’d not heard of until I hit the puppy boards here. They’re like babies but probably worse in that your baby won’t bite you. Make sure you’re not overstimulating your pup. Lots of brain games like kings filled with food. When they go to bite, shove something in their mouths that isn’t your hand. I carried around a toy just for this.

It will get easier.

Totally normal. Puppies are like a toddler and a newborn rolled into one bitey package. It passes.

If you are keeping the crate for sleeping, have you tried a playpen? What happens if you leave her?

OP are you on the puppy survival thread? If not join it as everyone will be very supportive there as they are going through similar at the same time.

Ah, sympathy. They are absolute pricks at that age. Mine is 10mo old now and is mostly a delight. They do grow out of it if you are consistent with training. It is hellish when you’re in the thick of it though

What’s she doing that’s tricky? Can we help?

Have you seen the ‘Dog Training Advice and Support’ group on Facebook? If you aren’t a member, I advise you join. They are positive dog trainers (no aversive methods, all positive reinforcement, “what gets rewarded, gets repeated”) and answer training and behaviour questions. They have a load of advice ‘units’ that they ask you to pre-read before you ask them, because the chances are, the answer is there but if you’ve tried the stuff in the relevant units and still have issues, they are really helpful.

FWIW, what you describe is all normal behaviour for that developmental stage, even if you feel like you have the DevilDog .

@Anotherlovelybitofsquirrel

You sound awful. She's not growling and lunging at you. She's playing. She's a baby! You clearly knew nothing about puppies so why get one. People like you make me so angry. Where did you get the poor soul?!

Thanks so much. I'm the awful one? Perhaps consider whether that's the case when you clearly can't give an ounce of sympathy to someone who clearly struggling.

I did shed loads of research and it is so much harder than I ever thought despite the hundreds of videos I watched and the books I read.

Her lunging and growling is not playing or playful. I know what normal puppy play looks like and this isn't it.

I definitely second the suggestions of a puppy playpen. We found it invaluable to know where pup was if we couldn’t have eyes on him! We really struggled when ours was a similar age to yours, he is five months now and mostly a delight. Good luck, it takes a lot of perseverance and hard work but it does get better. Have you been able to sign up for any puppy training classes?

@YoureAllABunchOfBastards

Totally normal. Puppies are like a toddler and a newborn rolled into one bitey package. It passes.

If you are keeping the crate for sleeping, have you tried a playpen? What happens if you leave her?

She cries painfully in the playpen and wees every time.

She does sound like she’s getting over stimulated with the lunging. Does she sleep much during the day?

Her lunging and growling is not playing or playful. I know what normal puppy play looks like and this isn't it.

This sounds like over tired. Mine turned into manic BiteyDog hanging off DHs trousers early evening. We could set our watch by it and had to pop him behind a baby gate or in his crate to calm him down and get him to nap.

If you are really struggling get a 1-1 trainer in to give you some RL tips and support. They are well worth the money.

Her lunging and growling is not playing or playful. I know what normal puppy play looks like and this isn't it

Nonsense. An aggressive 11 week old Puppy?

How old was she when you got her?

Are you in the room with her when she’s in the playpen/can she see you? Have you tried things like feeding her in there or giving her a stuffed kong (or similar puzzle toy).

Sorry if I’m stating the bloody obvious.

I only ever got adult dogs (because I know I couldn't cope with a puppy!) but this sounds like how I felt with my DS when he was a baby.

You say you don't feel a bond at all. As an experiment, how do you feel if you imagine her lost, abandoned and frightened, in the middle of nowhere at night? I know it sounds stupid, but this was how I used to kick start feelings of warmth/sympathy for D'S when he was being foul (which was always).

Can you stairgate off one room and make it puppy's room with lots of chew things and nothing important or valuable?

What breed is she OP?

@Anotherlovelybitofsquirrel

Her lunging and growling is not playing or playful. I know what normal puppy play looks like and this isn't it

Nonsense. An aggressive 11 week old Puppy?

How old was she when you got her?

She was 8 weeks when I got her. With all due respect, you haven't seen her behaviour so I don't understand how you know it's not aggressive behaviour.

It's okay, OP, some people just can't help themselves.

Our current youngster drew blood during her really bitey moments, which sometimes came out of nowhere. She does a good line in threatening growling, to see what effect it has (none, we've been here before and I know shes shamming). She has chewed up numerous things, trashed the cat's bed, wrecked the garden...if I was alone with her, she'd have been back in the car to the breeder.

But it does get better. It gets better as soon as you can take your puppy out and start socialising it, which gives you a bit more freedom and wears the puppy out.

*starts to get better, I should have said. They are pains in the arse still.

FWIW, I obsessively read EVERYTHING, had looked forward to getting my dog for years and been on the breeders waiting list for a year pre bringing him home and I still didn’t feel love for him until he was about 20 weeks. I felt like I was dog-sitting someone else’s pain in the arse hound until then.