I can't cope with this

[WentworthPrison]

I can't cope with my puppy (nearly 11 weeks). I'm exhausted. Her behaviour is extremely challenging (normal puppy stuff and beyond that). I am so low. I'm not enjoying any of it. I'm crying constantly, I've lost half a stone and getting no more than 5-6 hours sleep a night (she sleeps well in her crate but still needs loo stops and I struggle to get back to sleep). She needs constant supervision and I'm by myself doing that. She can't be left alone for even a few seconds as she'll eat something, chew something, poo, wee etc. I can crate her but it seems unfair to constantly do this. However I do need to go to the loo, shower etc. I can't even do this when she's asleep as she wakes up if I try. I knew it would be hard but i also thought I'd feel a deep love which would get me through it. I don't feel a bond at all as she's constantly lunging at me, biting me, growling and barking at me. I've spends £100s on extra stimulation toys etc but the problems persist.

I can't give her up. I'd be ashamed to admit I can't cope to my family and friends but I honestly really want to.

OP you aren't listening to all the other posters which say yes they are very bitey and will lunge at you with their needle like teeth.

Have a look on the puppy survival threads and you will see people struggle with this as well. It's hard but this part doesn't last forever and it will get better. There are things you can do to help as PP have described.

The first few times we put our puppy in the playpen she flung her head back and did full on AROOOs howling and crying. We were literally three feet away, eating dinner

She just wanted to be on us ALL the time. She grew out of it.

op you can do this

ours is 10 months now and a lot easier. which breed do you have?

Sorry I'm going to bow out for now. I'm too upset for this tonight.

When you come back join this thread. Lots of support.

Puppy survival thread! July/August! Roll up! www.mumsnet.com/Talk/the_doghouse/3980420-Puppy-survival-thread-July-August-Roll-up

This was my post on the puppy survival thread when mine was little...

DeathByPuppy Sat 14-Dec-19 15:56:52
I’m actually sick of him now. Being near him makes me want to cry (not in a good way). He’s a bitey little shit. It’ll be 2 weeks tomorrow since we got him.

We wanted him so much and researched everything. I visited loads of breeders, read everything I could get my hands on, spoke to everyone I could corner, I prepared for months. I just feel like I hate it and I’m crap at it. I’m doing training little and often, some of it sticks, some of it doesn’t. I know it’s early days and takes longer than a couple of weeks but I’m finding it really hard to keep my cool now when he gets silly.

DH has had him most of the day so I can get on with Christmas wrapping and just have some space. It has been nice and of course, the dog has been ‘a good boy’ for DH. Of course, I came down and he (dog) was so excited (despite me keeping it very low key) that he was snapping and bit me really hard on the upper arm . I am this close to sending the little fucker back to the breeder sad.

Bad day.

He was the same age yours is now. Honestly, @WentworthPrison, what you’re feeling and what she’s doing is totally normal.

First off, an 11 week old puppy isn't biting or lunging at you out of aggression, it absolutely is a play behaviour. We've had both of our rotties from puppies and they came from the breeder with little bite marks all over their noses, because that's how they learn to play and interact with their litter mates. The younger a puppy is removed from their litter, the more likely you are to see this type of behaviour, but gentle and firm redirection will eventually replace it with the kind of play behaviours you want to see. You have to remember that the puppy is just like a baby and doesn't understand how you want them to interact with you instinctively, you need to teach them that.

Regarding the sleeping, yes it's tough when they're young and you have to wake up to let them out in the night, but it's a relatively short phase in the scheme of things and once their bladders are a little bigger they can go for longer. To be honest most of the things you mention will calm down as your puppy learns the routine at your home and begins to understand what you expect of them. If you haven't already I'd suggest contacting a dog trainer who could work 1 on 1 with you to help with this.

If you feel like the above is too much effort or just generally feel disinclined to do it, please do your puppy the justice of contacting the breeder and handing her back. This would be the kindest thing for both of you and would give her the chance of finding a (more experienced) home where she's appreciated

@Anotherlovelybitofsquirrel

You sound awful. She's not growling and lunging at you. She's playing. She's a baby! You clearly knew nothing about puppies so why get one. People like you make me so angry. Where did you get the poor soul?!

Fuck off

What’s the point of replying like a self righteous know it all and putting down someone who is obviously having puppy blues.

Would you do the same on the parenting board?

I hope you are happy at chasing the op away, stressed and hoping to have some where to air her worries

Well done

@WentworthPrison

Sorry I'm going to bow out for now. I'm too upset for this tonight.

I hope you find the strength to come back.

It’s hard, really hard. I’m doing it all over again with my old boy and 2 9 weeks old pups, I’m a week in and I know the blues will come.

They are fucking exhausting- I’ll happily keep up with your post and vent along with you.

My old boy hasn’t been very well this week and the support I have had on here has pulled me through, stick with it and. Ignore the one that has to always be a twat.

Take care of yourself

Having a puppy is such hard work. Could you get a behaviourist in to help you deal with her

It will get better OP. I reason that puppies look so cute because they have to be endearing because their behaviour is enough to drive you to drink.
Our pup was a nightmare and when we had just got over the puppy stage we went straight into adolescence which was even worse but by eighteen months he was a lovely dog most of the time.

What are you feeding her? Seriously, a past pup of mine was a nightmare but as soon as I swopped her onto sensible food rather than sugar stuffed high protein commercial crud it was a game changer.

@whishtyournoise

What are you feeding her? Seriously, a past pup of mine was a nightmare but as soon as I swopped her onto sensible food rather than sugar stuffed high protein commercial crud it was a game changer.

any food recommendation? which brand?

Re food, we are using Wainwright's kibble which seems to get good reviews on the page that evaluates dog food

I'm on my second puppy and it's definitely easier this time as I know what to expect. The first time, I did loads of research and read books, made plans and was going to be the perfect puppy owner but it was way harder than I thought it would be.

Lack of sleep, chewed up furniture, bloody teething and toilet training, humping and biting. It honestly felt like an endurance test even though I adored her. I remember crying because I thought she was aggressive and didn't like me.

Puppy 2 is lunging and trying to bite me and my other dog regularly because she's teething and learning how to play. She isn't aggressive at all, just learning.
She has a spell of crazy energy at about the same time each evening and she generally flops and has a nap soon after.

I think it's a bit different when there's another dog in the house as they tend to get some of the shit that we would usually and the other dog actually helps with correcting them.

My last puppy was honestly a total arsehole when she was little, then again at about 18 months for a bit.

I would echo what others have suggested about looking for some 1-2-1 support with this.
Don't give up yet, it will get better. It's really hard work but is so worth it when you have your little friend for life who is well trained and knows how to behave!

You could also consider raw feeding as that sometimes makes a difference in behaviour.

@rottiemum88

First off, an 11 week old puppy isn't biting or lunging at you out of aggression, it absolutely is a play behaviour. We've had both of our rotties from puppies and they came from the breeder with little bite marks all over their noses, because that's how they learn to play and interact with their litter mates. The younger a puppy is removed from their litter, the more likely you are to see this type of behaviour, but gentle and firm redirection will eventually replace it with the kind of play behaviours you want to see. You have to remember that the puppy is just like a baby and doesn't understand how you want them to interact with you instinctively, you need to teach them that.

Regarding the sleeping, yes it's tough when they're young and you have to wake up to let them out in the night, but it's a relatively short phase in the scheme of things and once their bladders are a little bigger they can go for longer. To be honest most of the things you mention will calm down as your puppy learns the routine at your home and begins to understand what you expect of them. If you haven't already I'd suggest contacting a dog trainer who could work 1 on 1 with you to help with this.

If you feel like the above is too much effort or just generally feel disinclined to do it, please do your puppy the justice of contacting the breeder and handing her back. This would be the kindest thing for both of you and would give her the chance of finding a (more experienced) home where she's appreciated

Take note of this post OP

Pressed post too soon! Please listen to Rottie what you are experiencing is normal puppy behaviour, your puppy is not being aggressive at all. I am concerned you have had the puppy from 8 weeks though that seems very young to be taken away from it’s mother poor thing.

Awww OP you have terrible puppy blues - I totally sympathise! My beloved (and utterly vile, feral-from-a-puppy) older dog died and I swore I'd never have another, when DH talked me round and we ended up with a new puppy.

I hated him, I resented him because he wasn't her, he was such a prick and I seethed with every bite, scratch, chewed shoe and wee patch. I didn't bond with him and thought I never would - I found it easy to walk away from him when he cried, constantly wishing I could have my old dog back.

He is now nearly 8 months old, and he is an absolute delight. I adore him - differently to my old girl, she was very special, but now I love him because he's easy and straightforward, he's so daft and happy and uncomplicated that he's a joy. Yes he gets on my tits occasionally, but he's a young dog still.

You can get past this, join the survival thread and keep going. It'll pass, don't worry about the wanky things that people say on the internet. Have a bit of faith in yourself, you don't have to justify yourself to any of us.

regarding food.We have had our dog on Orijen since a puppy and its brilliant stuff.

Our 11 week puppy was a bitey, rough arsehole. By 20 weeks he didn't bite so much but did like a wrestle and play. By 6 months he had finished teething and learnt boundaries as to how to play, ie we could play tug but he has to play nicely, he can roll over for tummy tickles but needs to not knock everyone flat (he's a giant breed). By 6 months he would change how he played so he would play tug with my 6 yo and have lots of fun but would also play tug and be a lot more boisterous with dh. Training and consistency are key. Puppy blues are normal. It gets better. Remember when you have a baby you have a load of natural hormones to help you bond. When it's a puppy it needs almost the same love and care for without the same biological urges. It is natural.

@WentworthPrison

I think everyone who have had puppies went through this. I too thought I was prepared for a pup, armed with research, millions of techniques for training and bags of treats. I was exhausted and crying by the end of the first week!

This is what I did to survive:

• get a small camera so you can watch and talk to her from your phone app;
• get a playpen, put her crate in there (door always open) and place her there from time to time with some toys and frozen kong (stuff kong with yogurt/peanut butter and mix in kibble and leave in freezer 1 hour); this will create an association - you leave (shower/loo/pop out) and she gets a yummy treat, so it is ok/good that you leave. If she cries ignore her for few minutes. If you see (on camera) that she becomes ''panicky'' (really anxious behaviour), then go back to the room - ignore her, do something silly around the room (move magazines from coffee table to coach, etc.) and walk out. Then come back and repeat until she sits down and stays quiet, then praise and give a treat.
• simultaneously you need to start training her. Obvious commands - sit, stay, heel and ''go to bed'' - this requires you to hold a treat in front of her nose and walk with it while repeating the command (with this technique I can now send my boy to bed from anywhere in the house, even over the camera). Lye down, etc. Everyday 5-10 min in the morning and in the evening (subtract the treats from main meals);

-establish routine. Note the times when she wees and poops (write them down) and take her out 5 minutes before that time. Give her a command - ''get busy''/''go potty'' (or any other word). When done, praise and treat. Unfortunately, night pooping and peeing is unavoidable as she is still too small and so is her bladder. Set alarms sometime in the middle of the night to take her out. Make sure you do not feed her straight away when you wake up, otherwise she gets an association that you waking up equals food. So take her out the first thing, have you coffee, then place her in pen and give her a kong while you shower, etc. Feed her after this. -use enzyme cleaner for accident. You can't avoid accidents so clean them up straight away. If she does it in front of you, say ''no'' and take her out saying ''go potty''/''get busy'', then clean up. Do not punish or rub her nose in it, otherwise she will be pooping/peeing somewhere secretly. This requires a lot of patience and cleaning up, but quite soon she will get it. -biting. Make sure you always have some toy (rope/squeaky/bone toy or a ball) on you (yes carry it with you at all times). When she tries to bite you, say ''no'' and put the toy/ball in her mouth. It is distraction, soon she will learn that your hand is for petting only.

For now, to get the rest and break you so much need, why not find a doggy daycare? Look for someone who has dog(s). My pup learned from older dogs to go to wee/poop in the garden while he was in daycare (I had to work full time).

Good luck! You can do this! It will get better!

Almost everyone goes through this - it's totally normal and doesn't make you a bad person. However much research you do, it can't truly prepare you for the physical and emotional exhaustion of those first few weeks.

You will look back afterwards and know it was worth it - you have many happy years ahead of you with your dog. That's the real upside of getting a puppy - you have so many years to look forward to, once you are over the difficult first stage, so try to think ahead to when this horrible phase will have passed.

You sound awful. She's not growling and lunging at you. She's playing. She's a baby! You clearly knew nothing about puppies so why get one. People like you make me so angry. Where did you get the puppy

You sound awful. @Anotherlovelybitofsquirrel Just saying.

I didn't know anything about puppies before I got one. But I learnt. ( And we're very happy thanks. )
And OP will learn ( obviously not with any help from people like you. )

Seems like you are the only type of person who should get a puppy. Because you "know" all about them. But there is a first time for everything. And you are not doing OP's puppy any favours with your self righteous attitude.

8 weeks is a perfectly normal time to send a puppy to a new home