Rehomed dog separation anxiety

[LoveUsed]

We rehomed a dog last week from well known rescue centre, he’s 3 year old terrier cross. Was told he was being rehomed due to barking when left alone and the neighbours complained. To try and combat this the owners put him in a muzzle. He’s obviously been neglected, he’s underweight and hasn’t been groomed in what looks like forever. Owners apparently told rescue centre that they weren’t exercising him enough.

When I enquired about him the rescue centre said he had separation anxiety and that any time left alone would have to be a slow process. The girl said ‘5 minutes left alone, then 10 minutes and so on’ She also said that he had been fine in kennels and had barely barked.

I researched separation anxiety and thought it was something I could manage and work up to leaving him so reserved him and went to meet him a couple of times before bringing him home.

However putting it into practice has been quite different to what I have read. I have tried leaving a kong with treats in, boredom breakers etc but he eats a couple of the ones he can see and then comes to the baby gate we put up (practicing for when we leave him in kitchen ) and starts grumbling and barks. So far I have only been able to leave him for 3 mins in total while I potter in his eye sight and returning before he barks.

I have tried to start de sensitise him by putting my coat on, getting up but going nowhere etc.

I have had a behaviourist out to discuss it with me and he seems to think that with time (as it’s such early days) and practice the dog can manage it. Also because he’s just moved house essentially he’s going to be more anxious in the first place at the moment which hopefully will die down. At the moment dog follows me everywhere from room to room.

DH is away next week with work so I will have to do nursery drop off and picks up by myself and will have to leave the dog for 30 mins. Behaviourist gave me some tips to manage this and also said that it won’t traumatise the dog, just might take longer in the long run to get the desired outcome.

Anyway I’m sorry for the long post. I love this dog already but feel completely overwhelmed and just wanted some tips or any positive stories u can give me!

@LoveUsed never owned a dog, always had cats (can you tell?) Yes I am so lucky to have that support from my parents. 15 years of childcare and now I need doggy care! Good luck next week, its hard on your own, as I said my DH travels a lot so I get how difficult it can be. I'll be here for support/sympathy if you need it

Haha. She’s not little. Over 50kg but just needs her mum.

Haha I’m the same, our cat was hit by a car in July and it’s pretty much traumatised me. I’m still grieving but this little dog is helping to mend my broken heart.

Just realised that sounded weird! I mean, ‘haha yes I’ve always had cats too’
And then ‘our cat was hit by a car’
Before it reads like I think it’s funny! I really really don’t!

Ah I'm so sorry to hear about your cat. Your new dog will never replace the cat, but I'm pleased you have a new little buddy

Thank you

Oh no. It didn’t sound like that. We lost a cat when he was hit by a car. It’s horrid. Hoping pup relaxes and helps you find a way forward.

Thank you @Wolfie x

NotAIBU Thank you! One thing I would say to all those battling with SA - hang in there, because when you're out the other side and they learn to unclench a little, you'll feel more loved than you ever have in your life, even if it is slightly unhinged love. You're Daenerys to their Jorah, Paul Sheldon to their Annie Wilkes.

Thank you @JesusInTheCabbageVan I hope that LoveDog does unclench in time.
We just did some ‘recall training’ if you can call it that. He literally gives no fucks about his name no matter what treats you have. Anyway after we finished I did the sign ‘finished’ (hoping he’ll get that in time!) because he wants more and barks at me. I try to ignore it. I’ve now come to have a quick sit in the living room before I carry on cleaning the kitchen but I feel bad now because he’s settled and I know when I get up he will get up 😭

Also another problem I didn’t anticipate. DS behaviour seems to be really bad this week, DH thinks it’s to do with the dog. We had decided not to have another baby for a couple of years because DS is already demanding (and doesn’t sleep) but it’s like having put another baby into the mix.
And it’s worse because I can’t leave the dog while I do something 1;1 with DS ☹️

This will take a lot of time and patience but it will be worth it.
We adopted a retired greyhound with separation anxiety and a terrible chewing habit. Then a year later we threw DD into the mix which freaked him (and me) out further. It was such hard work and believe me we tried EVERYTHING and it drove us utterly crazy! But with a lot of patience, regular obedience training and help from a behaviourist (whose advice was different to the standard advice you see online, as every dog is different) we got there. DH and I laugh sometimes about how we almost have a "normal dog" 😁 His relationship with DD now is simply lovely - it melts my heart and I simply love him to pieces.
Best of luck.

Love out of interest, did you keep his old name? If so, you might want to think about changing it. He has no idea it's his name, as far as he's concerned, it's just 'Noise they make before they do something to me.' If he comes from a background of abuse and neglect, then that name may be terrifying for him.

Sorry if I'm stating the obvious!

Was reading about heartbeat dog toys for pups the other day. Obviously have batteries in them, but might give him some sort of company.

Yes @JesusInTheCabbageVan we changed it. His old name didn’t suit him and the behaviourist said the same as you, if he hadn’t learnt his name in 3 years it’s best to change it! However, it is a rhyming name. For example, his old name would have been ‘Barley’ and we’ve called him ‘Marnie’
*real names changed to protect his identity
So I don’t know if that’s ok and will confuse him?

We have had an achievement this evening I think. Took him for a walk and when we came home gave him a pigs ear. He sat in his bed with it and we all went into living room and he stayed quite happily! He then came in and we all went back into kitchen (that sounds like we are trying to get away from him but it’s not that! It’s just because we were all chatting, getting stuff, DS wants to show us different stuff etc) and he stayed in living room. I even had to step over him! I returned a couple of times though reinforcing the theory that I’ll always come back!

Had a bad morning but I feel positive again. Swear this feeling is worse than when I had DS 😂

Not sure if this will help but I have a particularly needy dog (my fault he was literally never left alone as a pup). However I gradually trained him using a cherry “won’t be long” as almost a trigger word that I’m going out. Started very small trips (like literally putting the bins out). Now when I say it - he just looks a bit sad and takes himself off to bed.

You all sound like such lovely dog owners.

FalconDog has been with us for ten years and reading your posts makes me remember the first six months when I wondered if we had made a huge error. We'd had an easy, elderly dog and it felt as if we had 'replaced' (I know they are never a replacement) him with a nightmare of a dog who impacted on everything we did.

Hang on in there because my lovely boy is a delight now. He's still needier than any other dog I've ever owned but over time he has become calmer and well settled.

Thank you @MyKingdomForACaramel and @Tarquin it’s nice to hear some positive stories.

Despite wanting to remain ‘anonymous’ I think I have to post a picture of LoveDog. We said initially if he wanted to sit on the sofa he had to be on a blanket. Fallen at the first hurdle!

@LoveUsed my ddog did follow me form room to room. One of the things I remember as well as the getting up and sitting back down was me folding laundry, I folded and took it one piece at a time from the main room and put it on the stairs - I think I literally bored him into not getting up! Once I had a stack on the stairs, I put it at the top of the stairs a piece at a time too- my Laundry took a bloody long time that day but it was worth it! He still loves me but I can go hours without seeing him - do all these then bugs after a long walk so he is tired, it does help that he's happy to sleep all afternoon after a walk

Thank you @user1494670108 I’ll try that!

I forgot to say that I never locked him away as he would just scrabble the door and damage it.
Once I felt I had a strategy it got easier and I also kept a diary of it which meant that I could read what I'd done and what worked - lastly, I had a dog sitter/ walker so I could actually go out occasionally

Finally, how cute he is!! Here's mine

Omg so cute 🤗 I love his colouring!

We don’t think ours has ever been groomed so he’s very, very scruffy atm. I am starting to brush him and offer him treats slowly so he gets used to that kind of touch. And eventually he’ll be properly groomed. Poor love

@LoveUsed ah yes, the blanket on the sofa rule, as you can see it has worked really well with us
I'm having a bit of a low day today, just feeling a bit overwhelmed and unsure, its hard to see a light at the end of the tunnel. I also feel a bit trapped as I can't go anywhere unless I have someone to be with him. Mum and dad have reassured me they don't mind but I do feel guilty asking for so much help. I have postponed training classes as I think its too much too soon, and I need to start work on desensitising him to being left.
Anyway I'm just rambling, I just need to get on with it a day at a time.

@ThisIsNotAIBUPeople so sorry you’re feeling low today. I had a day like that yesterday but by the evening I felt a bit better and today I feel positive again.

Can I ask, what would your normal routine be on a Monday? My DS is at nursery till 1pm so I would normally be popping out and about but I’m sat here not wanting to get up because doggy follows me!

@LoveUsed thank you for your reply. Until this September I was working almost full time as a TA. Then we all had our hours cut and I now only work 2 days a week. So I haven't really got myself into a routine as such, kids are at school and I have time on my hands. Get a dog, I thought, that will give you something to do! Little did I know!!
I've just been out in the garden trying to make it a bit safer for Sam, its secure but we have quite an area behind sheds and compost heap etc where he likes to explore, so I've been clearing out brambles etc. He came out with me of course, but did wander off several times so that was good (although then I'm thinking where have you gone?!)
Feel a little better for the fresh air and later I will walk Sam to collect youngest DS. I guess its normal to have highs and lows. We will get there (repeat to self!)
Hope you're doing OK today in your doggy world!