Does anybody else regret getting a dog?

[MsVestibule]

We thought long and hard before we got a puppy. What would be the best breed for us, how will we look after it during the day etc.

It really hasn't worked out as I'd hoped.

What we didn't realise was that we would get a puppy who chews EVERYTHING, even now, at 10 months old. He is mainly confined to the breakfast room/kitchen and one of us has to watch him ALL the time.

The chewing means he has to be in his crate from 8.30-3.30 4 days a week, although I come home at lunchtime and walk him for half an hour, but it's still not ideal for him.

A retired, local family member enthusiastically volunteered to walk him every day (we wouldn't have actually got a dog if they hadn't volunteered) but that fell through extremely quickly 🙄. TBH, this has been our biggest issue - I resent that so much of my (previously spare) time goes on working later than I should so I can take a lunch hour to dash home and walk him.

What we (very, very foolishly) didn't consider was what we would do if we wanted to go somewhere for more than 3.5 hours. Our lives are not quite as dog friendly as we thought they were and we just have to accept that if we want to go somewhere, we pay for doggy daycare. Expensive, but manageable.

I suppose I'm just fed up that our entire lives seem to revolve around him. Honestly, I know this is all our fault. I had my reservations anyway but our DCs were so keen and I have to admit, I was too.

I'm not quite sure what I hope to achieve from this thread. Has anybody else felt the way we do at this stage and then gone on to fall madly in love with their dog? Or do I just accept that this is the way I will feel for the next 12 years?

He is a really beautiful boy and does get a lot of attention and affection so he's not neglected (apart from the crate thing), I promise!

Definitely don't muzzle the dog all day, that's just cruel and bound to make the dog even more anxious and scared.

No, no plans to muzzle him while we're out, or at any time!

Shortandsweet96 arsehole chihuahua is absolutely adorable! You can see by the look of complete contentment on his face how well looked after he is.

OP, please don't give up on your wonderful doggy. I remember the days before my boy reached a year old... they were manic! It does get better. My boy is 4 now and as lazy as he is adorable! I'd say the turning point was around a year to a year and a half old. I had never had children before we welcomed our Pup and honestly my whole world was turned on it's head. Like you I did all the research I thought possible but nothing can prepare you for such a life changing event. At times I thought I couldn't cope with the 24/7 demands! However, I am now reaping the rewards of a loving, gentle, amazing boy!
The fact that you have posted about your situation shows that you love your pup and that you just want to do what's best for him which, as a dog lover, I really appreciate. Do you feel 'dog mum guilt?' I DO! But please don't feel disheartened. I am sure your pup adores you and his life with you, after all he knows no different and you are his Mummy. You care enough to ask for advice/support and that speaks volumes of your commitment to your dog. HTH and Good luck OP! x

Can you not use doggy day care on the 4 days you work? Some kennels do it, but we use someone who looks after them in their own home. Ddog always comes home exhausted when he has been to stay with her

Ps. My boy was crated for the first year or so. We still have the crate although it is always left 'open'. He loves his 'bedroom' and chooses to sleep there nightly even with full run of the house! It is his safe place and has worked wonders for us and him x

The crate is a red herring really, it’s not ok to leave a dog alone for that length of time, the crate makes it slightly worse, but really the issue is the length of time.

You haven’t explained why you chose to get a puppy but didn’t plan for daycare? Why didn’t you get a mature settled dog if you had plans to be out of the house 4 days a week? And in the situation you’re in now, surely you just need daycare - problem solved!! I’m feeling so sorry for your puppy.

I think the crate makes it worse. Its difficult if he chews but can you imagine being left that long in such a confined space. Even a big crate leaves a dog unable to walk around. They can lie down or stand up, turn around and that's it. Not acceptable for such a long time. Our dog is left in the kitchen if we are out, not the whole run of the house but she can be in her bed or stretch and walk around. Easy access to food and drink. We know she uses the space because her toys, in one place when we leave have been moved about while we are out.

Please come up with another option op your dog will be physically stiff and mentally understimulated.. You need doggie day care, a walker or perhaps rehoming. There is nothing wrong in admitting you made a mistake and for whatever reason now can't meet the dog's needs. You won't be the first and you won't be the last. Hope you can find a solution which is right for you and your dog.

What does he chew? I expect the answer is "everything" but wonder if there is any way to confine him to part of the house - eg utility room - for some of the time when you are out? If you could limit what he can damage and give him Kong toys or other things which are safe to chew do you think that would help? There is a fb page called Canine Enrichment which has lots of ideas for puzzles to keep dogs entertained.

However, I'm not sure whether stopping his chewing would entirely solve your problems. You seem to have sadly realised that a dog does take over your life, and maybe this is not something your family can accommodate at this time. Rehoming him would not be the worst thing to do. I would suggest that if you decide to do this (if he is pure bred), you start by contacting the person who bred your dog who might have a waiting list of people wanting one of their dogs. Then look for a rescue/rehoming organisation which specializes in that breed because prospective owners will be more likely to be knowledgeable about the breed's characteristics and quirks.

It takes courage to admit that you have made a mistake, particularly on MN, particularly about a dog!

Jesus

Please give up your beautiful dog to someone who will look after and care for him properly! I cannot believe half the stuff I’m reading!!! Your poor, poor dog

Please don’t get any other pets in future..

More than half the comments all would rather her give her dog up than offer her any advice, literally ANY advice. She knows what she’s doing is not ideal, so she’s here open eared ready to listen to some advice and helpful words and the ones going ‘fgs omg give him up you’re so cruel’ might as well not be posting, what a waste of your time. OP I would delete your post because it won’t stop, for every bit of advice you’ll get you’ll get 3 people who think you should even leave a dog for 6 hours let alone in a crate except they just say ‘oh my god rehome you’re so horrible’.

Crate trained dogs are actually perfectly fine. Some dogs prefer it

The only way you can know this is if the crate is unlocked so the dog has a choice, otherwise how do you know what they ‘prefer’? Otherwise he’s simply caged. 7 hours of locked in a crate is unacceptable. Is he crated at night as well?

OP When you say he chews, do you mean usual puppy Chewing or are you talking about separation anxiety? Have you filmed him whilst you’re out to see how he behaves? If he has separation anxiety then you need professional help to adddress the cause of his anxiety - neither crating nor muzzling would help. You have to change his emotional stress around being alone. Have you done any separation training with him?

@MsVestibule
The following links may help
www.dogstrustdogschool.org.uk/behaviour/separation-anxiety/

www.bluecross.org.uk/pet-advice/home-alone-separation-anxiety-dogs

Yup. Every day. I resent the lack of freedom, I resent being tied down, I resent not being able to be sponateous, but they are a much loved part of the household, and are walked, loved and taken very good care of. I still wish I hadn't though.

I assume he's crates longer than 7 hours.

What about when the family are asleep. He's probably in there for 15 hours.

Have you looked into daycare?

We have a two year old dog and I love him (in a way that I didn’t think was possible). In his first year there were definitely times when I regretted it. I was a first time dog owner and had no idea what I was doing. We followed advice from friends and family to crate him. Although he would happily sleep in a locked crate at night, during the day he avoided the crate and when I left him in there he would howl (non stop) thankfully our neighbours told us (when he was 8 months old)!
I then had to train him to be left alone (I used the two guides @veterinari linked to). I videoed him to see if it was working. It wasn’t he still cried and howled and clawed at the bars
I decided to give him the run of the kitchen and started the training again. It took 6 weeks of him never being left except when I was training him (and that would be several times every day for a minute or two until he was happy to do half an hour).
Now I have a relaxed two year old dog who doesn’t chew everything and doesn’t howl (he still whines to show his displeasure). I can leave him for four hours and I’ll come back to him barely acknowledging me when I get back. I know that my dog would cope in your circumstances (without the crate).
Puppies are really hard work and dogs are expensive and a tie.
If you want to rehome the dog you should do it now while he’s still young.
If you want to keep him then you need to try to understand what’s driving his behaviour - is it teething? Is it boredom? Is it separation anxiety? and then find a solution that works for the dog (which could take a lot of time and be hugely inconvenient) - I’m so glad we persevered with our dog. I can’t even imagine regretting him now.

I don't think a dog fits with your family. You all sound very busy (and that's ok) and you sound like you resent coming back home during your lunchtime to let your dog into the garden. The chewing is boredom or separation anxiety..it can be worked on but takes time and effort and it sounds like your heart isn't in it. Dogs are hard work, they NEED you to put them first. I would suggest daycare, if you love your dog so much you couldn't bare to give it up or rehoming. Your overall stress and anxiety will be making your dog very unhappy and insecure. I'm sorry you're in such a pickle, dogs are ace but they take work.

I think everyone has moments of regret, mine are like this morning when I look out the window see the weather is awful and know I will be going out for a walk in it at some point and will need to shower Bella down and clean the bath before I can get a shower myself. But I get up each morning and she is delighted to see me, I nip to the loo and she is delighted to see me when I come out, I like the headspace walking her gives me and so the positives outweigh the negatives.
What you are describing isn't moments of regret it's misery for your dog and no enjoyment for yourself in owning a puppy. The situation can't go on, the poor puppy is never going to learn not to chew when it's crated for so long and has no company and it is cruel to do this continuing. Be a responsible owner, you got it wrong and so now look for a rescue and fund the dog's place there until they can find a family for him that he needs.

I feel we made a mistake getting our puppy. We spent over a year weighing- up the pros and cons of it all and thought we were prepared.... We weren't!
I'm hoping it changes when he gets to adult and settles down. I didn't expect to feel so mentally exhausted and feel tied to the house.

OP the chewing can go on till 18 months or more, they really are still young till then, some are still pretty daft till 2/3 years old.
I’m sorry you’ve found yourself in this situation, I’ve seen it all to often, friends who see me and my dog who want the same, but who both work.
Dogs are like children, then need love affection, attention and consistency, they need to be considered all the time, they are a commitment, a bind, they are not a cat.
Having a dog if you work is difficult, I’d only advise it if you have £££ to pay for someone to properly provide for your dog when you are not there.
If you intend to keep your dog you need to put more in place for it, Dogwalker or doggy daycare would be a good start.

BlueMerchant It will! When my dog turned roughly 2 years old, it was like a light switch just flicked inside of him! I will never get a puppy again. I love my dog so much more now he is an adult and I can enjoy him!
Still a massive tie though and sometimes I wish I could be spontaneous or go out after work without having to go back for the dog.

The most common time to give up on a puppy is between six and ten months old, so you're not alone.

Had you asked on here if it was OK to get a puppy and leave it ( even with a relative popping in ) while you are at work, the answer would have been a resounding No. As it's a bit late for ' I told you so', your pup's life would be transformed it you were to find him a nice daycare or dogsitter for the four days he is being left. Crating all day is just not an option and is understandably causing him a huge amount of stress.

Two options:-

Rehome responsibly.

Or change your behaviour around the dog.

Pay for daycare. At that age the dog would love running about with other dogs and would come home tired and chilled. I pay for mine and it's worth every penny.

Pay for a trainer to do 1-1 training with you at home for the chewing and also obedience.

Finally find one thing that's 'fun' to do with your dog. Beginners agility (train the techniques but not the jumping as he's still young), flyball, scentwork, secure field where you can go and run about with tug toys and balls etc. Anything to start enjoying your dog and bonding with him.