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The doghouse

If you're worried about your pet's health, please speak to a vet or qualified professional.

AIBU to rehome my dog

60 replies

MrsLuther19 · 11/01/2019 16:19

I am prepared to get totally flamed and maybe that's why I chose The Doghouse over AIBU as it would attract dog owners instead of general mumnetters. I'm considering rehoming my dog, or getting in touch with a shelter to rehome as they can do the proper vetting and follow up visits. I've found a good one that looks trustworthy but I'm still having the dilemma of whether I can or should do this.

I have a DS 1y/o and expecting a second. I've had a dog for 7 years but it has been increasingly difficult to manage her with DS1. When he was a baby, it was much easier as he was mainly in my arms. As he's started to go on the floor, it's been hard keeping the dog off his blanket (which goes down to prevent DS going on a rug that has the dog walk all over it and vomit on etc). I've hod to lock the dog in the kitchen diner if I've had to take DS up for a nap as the dog can't leave DS's toys alone and they end up destroyed (it's impossible to put everything away everytime I have to leave the room). I feel like the dog is getting the short end of the stick with being locked up in a different room when i have to go upstairs. Plus the dog is really hyper so when we have guests, the dog has to be locked away again as a hyper dog and a young child doesn't mix well, especially when guests bring young children round.

Essentially I feel like I'm neglecting the dog in order to take care of my DS. I'm worried about how I can continue to manage this when I have a toddler and a baby without the dog being increasingly put out. I would never leave DS with the dog alone, no matter how the dog has never threatened DS or anything, I think (for me) it would be irresponsible to do so (no judgement on those with dogs who do leave them with their children!). It taken me three attempts to get DS down for his nap and I had to lock the dog up in the kitchen as all DS's toys were strewn across the living room, the dogs been jumping at the door and I've felt myself increasingly frustrated cos it's so loud while i'm trying to get DS down,

in addition to this, I got the dog before I had children and at a time I had significantly more disposable income. I use a dog walker as me and DH are out of the house for 10 hours/day. The total outgoings for the dog walker, food, insurance is roughly half our mortgage costs. I think of what this could buy for our DS (and future child), or even going towards future nursery fees.

I just don't know what to do for the best. DH says it was my dog before we were married but is concerned about what kind of home the dog may end up in, which is obviously a concern for me too, But i'm worried that managing the dog around 2 very young children is going to get increasingly difficult and if we can;t give her the attention required, we ought to give the chance of the dog having a loving home (but we can't obviously be sure of that happening...)

If you've made it this far, thank you! WWYD? I'm prepared for people to be completely honest and take on board opinions. I appreciate some people may say I shouldn't have got a dog in the first place if i was going to rehome her, I would agree with that but this is where I am now.

OP posts:
ScreamingValenta · 11/01/2019 16:25

Before resorting to rehoming your dog, have you looked into behavioural training to deal with the destructiveness and being hyper? It's sensible not to leave a dog alone with children (any dog, no matter how well behaved) but if you could manage to calm your dog, it might be easier to balance his needs with your children's.

Perfectly1mperfect · 11/01/2019 16:26

Honestly.....I think the dog is part of the family and that for a short period whilst your children are young it will be hard but that you shouldn't just give up on the dog because of this.

Sorry if that sounds harsh as you sound very responsible and are clearly trying to do right by everyone. Just that for me, you don't just rehome pets when things get tough.

Lavender00 · 11/01/2019 16:27

I was in a similar position with my dog and I rehomed her when my DS was almost 3. I was very lucky that a friend of mine took her on so I have still been able to see her. It was a really hard decision one i did not take lightly and I did it for her own good as much as my own sanity!

adaline · 11/01/2019 16:30

Can you teach your dog some calming behaviours and do some training with the dog? Seven isn't especially old.

You say she's hyper - how much exercise is she getting? Ideally an adult dog should be getting at least an hour a day but most could probably do with more. If you're not exercising him/her properly you're bound to have behavioural issues - as they say, a tired dog is a good dog!

YogaWannabe · 11/01/2019 16:31

I think the fact he/she is being left alone for 10hrs a day bar a walk with dog walker, I think you should rehome.

cowfacemonkey · 11/01/2019 16:35

Leaving the dog 10 hours a day even with a dog walker is pretty shit so yes I would say rehome to someone that might actually look after it properly.

Babygrey7 · 11/01/2019 16:40

Yes, she is hyper because bored...

Can you or H walk her in the morning before work, so she gets 2 walks?

What breed is she? am asking as some breeds would sleep a lot if they've had 2 proper walks.

Costacoffeeplease · 11/01/2019 16:41

Yet again a dog is fine until a baby, or two, come along. Did you not think this through?

It’s extremely tiresome, and very sad, to read so many of these posts. When you take on an animal it’s for life, not until it becomes inconvenient and the poor dog gets ignored or shoved out of the way. No wonder she’s hyper if she’s alone 10 hours a day, except for a dog walker

Rehome her responsibly if you’re not going to take care of her properly - and never get another dog

MrsLuther19 · 11/01/2019 16:41

@Perfectly1mperfect that doesn't sound harsh and exactly the reason I posted here as I needed opinions of dog walkers

@YogaWannabe fair point. Does that mean anyone who works full time also shouldn't have one? Or do those people do something I don't, like go home in the day? (Not an option with my job)

@adaline she's get at least an hour off lead daily. She doesn't get tired out unless she has hours of off lead walks and we just can't do that regularly (or it would be to the detriment of family life)

@ScreamingValenta I haven't as I've been told a lot of this is due to her breed - she's a Staffordshire bull terrier but maybe I shouldn't have made that assumption

OP posts:
Costacoffeeplease · 11/01/2019 16:43

And you haven’t even attempted any calming or behaviour techniques? Jeez

MrsLuther19 · 11/01/2019 16:44

@Costacoffeeplease I'd never planned to have children so didn't think it would be a consideration. I totally appreciate your blunt tone and feel it's deserved for what I'm considering. I've told DH if we do this that I will never allow another dog in our home as this is an awful thing to even think about let alone actually do

OP posts:
bengalcat · 11/01/2019 16:46

I don’t see the problem as if I understand you correctly you and your DH are out of the house for 10 hours - who is looking after your child ? That said it sounds as though you’re unable to provide for the dog and wish not reasonably to rehome it so on that basis alone you should .

MrsLuther19 · 11/01/2019 16:50

@Costacoffeeplease we've tried stuff like visitors not giving her attention until she calms down and treats when she does finally calm down but there's no actual overall improvement in her hype to calm time. I'd discussed this with her vet who said it was just her personality. I don't want to seem irresponsible but I was taking the opinion of the professional as sufficient. But I take your point, maybe I should seek some other guidance too

OP posts:
RatherBeRiding · 11/01/2019 16:54

Might have known the poor thing would be a staffie. The rescues are absolutely full of them. They are NOT a suitable breed for anyone who hasn't got the time to give them - they are very much a people dog and don't like being left alone for hours.

Honestly it would probably be kinder to PTS than put her in a rescue where she will probably spend years trying to find a suitable home.

MrsLuther19 · 11/01/2019 16:56

@RatherBeRiding DH has the same concerns about rescue centres being full of them. What's PTS?

OP posts:
Costacoffeeplease · 11/01/2019 16:57

Put to sleep

adaline · 11/01/2019 16:59

Hang on - I didn't see you left the dog for ten hours! Even with a dog walker that's appalling - sorry, but it is. No wonder the dog is playing up - it's on it's own for most of its life and gets locked away when you are around!

You may not have planned to have children but the baby didn't just arrive - you had 9 months of pregnancy to get used to the idea and to get arrangements in place for your dog. You're now pregnant for a second time even though the dog is already distressed and not getting the attention it needs!

Can you look into doggy daycare? It's often not much more than a walk and it means your dog is looked after and exercised all day - mine goes and he normally comes home absolutely shattered. It would help with his behaviour and it's much better for him than being on his own all that time.

Do you take him to any kind of training - obedience classes or anything like that? How are his commands? What kind of one-on-one time does he have with either of you? I'm not talking walks, but do either of you sit and train him and spend decent time with him?

MrsLuther19 · 11/01/2019 16:59

@cowfacemonkey @bengalcat I don't understand how those with full time jobs have dogs though? Surely they're put for at least 8 hours (if work is on their doorstep)

Also @bengalcat I have childcare

OP posts:
adaline · 11/01/2019 17:01

And @MrsLuther19 people use daycare! I work all day and my dog goes to daycare which we factored in as part of the costs of having a dog!

Didn't you do any research at all before getting him?

Mrskeats · 11/01/2019 17:01

You leave the dog for 10 hours?
Shocking

Perfectly1mperfect · 11/01/2019 17:01

MrsLuther19

I do feel for you as it sounds like you're struggling. However I really do think you can cope and it will get easier as the children get older. I don't have a dog but I do remember feeling a little stressed when we had 2 cats when our children were little. Constantly checking where the cats were, not leaving them in the room with the baby, the cats being sick on the baby blankets/toys, having a litter tray with toddlers that touched everything and one of our cats used to wee on new things as she was very anxious so that wasn't fun with all the baby's new things.

I know it will probably be even harder with a dog as you can't just open the door and let them out but maybe with some of the suggestions on here you can make it easier. One of you get up 30 minutes earlier to take dog for early morning walk, some training etc.

I hope you find a solution but please try everything you can before rehoming.

Costacoffeeplease · 11/01/2019 17:02

The answer is that people with full time jobs shouldn’t have dogs, unless they go to day care. I know people do, but they shouldn’t - not if they have the dog’s best interests at heart

BiteyShark · 11/01/2019 17:02

Honestly I just can't imagine rehoming my dog. I would be heartbroken to send him away for good knowing he would be wondering what he had done wrong.

Dogs do cost money. I work but mine goes to daycare and I would sacrifice a lot of other things before I would gave that up.

There are a lot of things you could do, training, daycare etc but this takes effort on your part. If your dog is part of the family you would do that before considering rehoming.

MrsLuther19 · 11/01/2019 17:02

Surely people don't have their dogs put down without a medical reason?!!

OP posts:
Costacoffeeplease · 11/01/2019 17:04

Why the shock? Is a life in a rescue kennel a better option? Or being passed around from one family to another?

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