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The doghouse

If you're worried about your pet's health, please speak to a vet or qualified professional.

AIBU to rehome my dog

60 replies

MrsLuther19 · 11/01/2019 16:19

I am prepared to get totally flamed and maybe that's why I chose The Doghouse over AIBU as it would attract dog owners instead of general mumnetters. I'm considering rehoming my dog, or getting in touch with a shelter to rehome as they can do the proper vetting and follow up visits. I've found a good one that looks trustworthy but I'm still having the dilemma of whether I can or should do this.

I have a DS 1y/o and expecting a second. I've had a dog for 7 years but it has been increasingly difficult to manage her with DS1. When he was a baby, it was much easier as he was mainly in my arms. As he's started to go on the floor, it's been hard keeping the dog off his blanket (which goes down to prevent DS going on a rug that has the dog walk all over it and vomit on etc). I've hod to lock the dog in the kitchen diner if I've had to take DS up for a nap as the dog can't leave DS's toys alone and they end up destroyed (it's impossible to put everything away everytime I have to leave the room). I feel like the dog is getting the short end of the stick with being locked up in a different room when i have to go upstairs. Plus the dog is really hyper so when we have guests, the dog has to be locked away again as a hyper dog and a young child doesn't mix well, especially when guests bring young children round.

Essentially I feel like I'm neglecting the dog in order to take care of my DS. I'm worried about how I can continue to manage this when I have a toddler and a baby without the dog being increasingly put out. I would never leave DS with the dog alone, no matter how the dog has never threatened DS or anything, I think (for me) it would be irresponsible to do so (no judgement on those with dogs who do leave them with their children!). It taken me three attempts to get DS down for his nap and I had to lock the dog up in the kitchen as all DS's toys were strewn across the living room, the dogs been jumping at the door and I've felt myself increasingly frustrated cos it's so loud while i'm trying to get DS down,

in addition to this, I got the dog before I had children and at a time I had significantly more disposable income. I use a dog walker as me and DH are out of the house for 10 hours/day. The total outgoings for the dog walker, food, insurance is roughly half our mortgage costs. I think of what this could buy for our DS (and future child), or even going towards future nursery fees.

I just don't know what to do for the best. DH says it was my dog before we were married but is concerned about what kind of home the dog may end up in, which is obviously a concern for me too, But i'm worried that managing the dog around 2 very young children is going to get increasingly difficult and if we can;t give her the attention required, we ought to give the chance of the dog having a loving home (but we can't obviously be sure of that happening...)

If you've made it this far, thank you! WWYD? I'm prepared for people to be completely honest and take on board opinions. I appreciate some people may say I shouldn't have got a dog in the first place if i was going to rehome her, I would agree with that but this is where I am now.

OP posts:
MrsLuther19 · 11/01/2019 17:08

@adaline @costacoffeeplease thanks for your comments. My living circumstances were different before I got married so there were people at home with her throughout the day. I think day care sounds like a sensible first approach and may also address some of the other issues we have with her, thanks

OP posts:
MrsLuther19 · 11/01/2019 17:10

@Costacoffeeplease I didn't think a vet would do it without a medical indication. You're right about it being a better option than getting neglected in a rescue centre

OP posts:
RatherBeRiding · 11/01/2019 17:11

Another option might be to look at Borrow My Doggy - its a website/community for people who have time to spend with dogs, take them for walks etc, but for various reasons either don't want a dog of their own, or can't because of their circumstances.

You might be lucky and find someone near you who would love to walk for hours with your dog or even take her to their home for a bit.

And, yes, PTS could be a kinder option than sentencing her to a life in a rescue kennel. They are not always the easiest dogs to rehome.

Or you could just do the responsible thing, accept that you took this animal on, and FIND the money for day-care or 3 good long walks a day with a dog walker.

ImNotKitten · 11/01/2019 17:13

I’m not flaming you but you took the commitment of the dog on and you should see it out. I find the comparison of the cost of the dog to your mortgage costs crass, it’s not the dogs fault your circumstances have changed.

ScreamingValenta · 11/01/2019 17:14

Surely people don't have their dogs put down without a medical reason?!!

A quick Google will give you the depressing number of healthy dogs that are euthanised each year because they can't be homed. Sad

MrsLuther19 · 11/01/2019 17:15

@RatherBeRiding thank you, I've started googling day care already

OP posts:
stayathomer · 11/01/2019 17:17

Having the dog put down might not be the better option, there are shelters out there that will look for the right person for your dog and there are people who will look after your dog. Please please don't have the dog put down.

WhirlieGigg · 11/01/2019 17:20

Handling a dog and a child is hard work. It sounds like you don’t value the dog enough to look into other solutions, your first thought is to rehome. I doubt you’ll make the effort to integrate your dog and child successfully. On that basis it would be best to rehome before your lack of effort leads to a nasty biting incident.

MrsLuther19 · 11/01/2019 17:23

@stayathomer I wouldn't!

@WhirlieGigg thanks for your comment

OP posts:
Ethel80 · 11/01/2019 17:24

I'm really pleased you're look at day care. Definitely find a behaviourist too. Some vet surgeries have one in they can recommend or even a specialist vet. I'm really surprised that your vet didn't recommend this. It's a shame this wasn't dealt with when the dog was younger but it doesn't mean she can't be helped/trained.

10 hours is a very long time to leave a dog and longer than most dogs are left even if their owners work full time.

Please don't give up on your dog. The last thing your dog needs is to be added to the huge number of staffs in rescues. It'll be really hard to rehome a 7 year old dog with behavioural issues.

Ethel80 · 11/01/2019 17:24
  • going to look at day care!
Perfectly1mperfect · 11/01/2019 17:28

WhirlieGigg

I think that's a little harsh. OP sounds stressed and is taking on board what people are saying and trying to find a solution that involves keeping the dog.

I've read these type of threads before where the OP doesn't sound like she's cares about the dog, this isn't the case here. OP just sounds like a busy, stressed mum trying to do her best. I think she should keep the dog, so help her to find a solution not be horrible.

tabulahrasa · 11/01/2019 17:34

Any reason you can’t take the dog upstairs with you? That’d solve a large part of your issue tbh...

AlpacaLypse · 11/01/2019 17:35

I'm delighted that you're looking at daycare rather than just the walking. As a pro walker, we do have a limited number of spaces for daycare as well and I would definitely suggest you took one of these going ahead. We bill £25 a day for daycare, which will include at least 2 one hour walks and rest of the time blobbed out in front of a fire on one of the dog sofas possibly on my lap , as opposed to £10 for walk, but we're quiet high end of the market, and I'm aware that perfectly decent daycare is available in our local boarding kennels at £15.

Crimebustersofthesea · 11/01/2019 17:36

It's great that you're looking into daycare op, it might help with a lot of your problems. Our dog walkers only charge £5 more for daycare than a walk and on the occasions that we need to use it ddog loves it and is shattered when he gets home!

AlpacaLypse · 11/01/2019 17:36

*quite not quiet!

BiteyShark · 11/01/2019 17:39

I pay £20 for daycare which seems to be the going rate around here.

stayathomer · 11/01/2019 17:39

MrsLuther phew!

WhirlieGigg · 11/01/2019 17:42

I just think that a dog who’s already acting up will need help and training to acclimatise him to kids. Keeping the dog without putting in that effort is a recipe for disaster. You have to really adore your dog to be willing to put in the work needed to make him safe around kids. It doesn’t sound like OP adores the dog enough to do that - her first thought was to rehome. There’s no shame in admitting that rehoming is the best solution for your family. Worst case scenario is that OP is talked into keeping the dog but doesn’t put in the training and a child gets bitten.

MitziK · 11/01/2019 17:54

Presumably you're going to be on maternity leave in the future?

Things will probably calm down a lot when you're at home more.

Give the dog her own toys, use a stairgate to keep her nearby but able to still see you, try to ensure that you have time to give her a proper walk yourself daily (baby/babies in buggy if necessary, but time alone with her in the fresh air will be good for both of you) and, daft though you may think it, try to remain calm, as Staffies do pick up on the atmosphere/people's moods very easily and can get even more hyper, especially if they aren't exercised enough.

Mine was hundreds of times calmer when he was used to just being part of my day - had I locked him in the kitchen, he would have been a nightmare, but pootling around, involved with everything but with his own toys meant he was busy mentally and physically and often just snored in the corner for the majority of the day.

TheHodgeoftheHedge · 11/01/2019 18:08

I’m another who tends to get very depressed by the regular posts about wanting to get rid of a dog after children come along. What I find even more depressing is in so many of these and similar cases, is that they haven’t even bothered with googling behaviourists or day care options. hopefully you can do both of those now OP. I hope you can find a happy solution for you all.

ninesixteen · 11/01/2019 20:08

We live in a pretty affluent area, and dog day care from 8am-1pm is between £8-£10.
I wouldn’t say that’s extortionate.
At least the dog gets company for half the day.

fivedogstofeed · 11/01/2019 20:09

And people will wonder why rescues don't want to rehome dogs to families with young children...

OP your dog sounds under exercised and bored, as well as being left on his own for too long every day. These are the issues you need to try and address before making a decision on his future.

In the meantime, stairgates on a couple of rooms could take away a lot of the stress.

It's very easy to say rehoming is the best option, but realistically the options for a seven year old dog in rescue are very limited.

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 11/01/2019 20:20

Daycare is amazing! My dog loves it and it does wear him out. I pay £18 for 8-6. There are some much more expensive places round here which I would pay if I liked them more but my favourite was the cheapest so that was good!

It’s been great for his socialisation too.

newyearnotsonewme · 11/01/2019 22:14

We have a very bouncy puppy (well 18 months!) and I'm shortly due our first baby. I've had the same worries as you. We have started preparing by having a behavioural therapist come in who gave us games to play with ddog to prepare her for baby! She also goes to doggy daycare 3 days a week (dh is home the other days) so constantly comes home tired! It's a much nicer atmosphere in the house when she is tired. I know that sounds awful but it is true a tired dog is a happy dog!!